Hi Kitty,
Read through the postings in this forum and just wanted to share some thoughts with you.
I know that things must be really tough for you now, coping with the break up and all... I guess a decision like this is really hard to make, but like what you said, if this man is really not meant for you, it is a blessing that you see that now than much later.
You know, you mentioned that you felt so hurt that he could have kept all that feelings to himself this one year. Yup, know that makes you feel terrible but sometimes, its really good to stop and reconsider why that is so. If you bf is one not good at expressing himself, not one to easily open up and talk about his feelings, one can hardly blame him! If he felt comfortable chatting with the lady over the net, it could really be purely bcos he is comfortable with WRITING his feelings than TALKING about it.
Sometimes, people just feel less threatened and alot more expressive writing than face to face confrontations. It is understandable cos one definitely feels less vulnerable. It will indeed seem a little rash to fault him on that, as we all have a medium of expression we are most comfortable with. You know, in any relationship, communication is really one of the most impt key to keeping it alive and really, don't restrict the manner in which you communicate. Perhaps, your expectations of him would be that he tells you everything he feels (and prob that's what you would do yourself, tell him how you feel). And when he does not do so, you read into all the implications that shouldn't be there.
I say that because I tend to be one not open to expressing myself easily. Always felt that I preferred writing than talking to my bf about my probs. He is the exact opposite, loves to talk about how he feels. Of course, we've gotten into numerous arguments bcos of this, but we are both learning that the fundamental issue really isn't the person's character flaw or what, but just what we are comfortable with.
As for you bf not thinking anything wrong with chatting with the lady, it could really be bcos he really really has no ill designs on that lady and therefore doesn't see anything wrong with communicating with her. He probably just needed an outlet for his thoughts and its natural that you should feel hurt at this pt in time. But, really, if you do take time out and work out the way the two of you can best communicate, alot of the problems you see now will start to fall away.
I guess if you had intentions of marrying him in the first place, the relationship probably meant alot to the both of u. That's why I guess I felt that I wanted to encourage you about not giving it all up. It must have been really precious.. and he must be hurting too.. dear sister, so think it over ok?
God Bless!