Going to get married... but totally insecure about it!

[eggtart88]

Hi all, was wondering if anyone could give me some advice here. I have been dating my bf for almost 2 years and we are planning to get married this year. Problem is, I don’t feel secure at all – financially and emotionally.

Firstly, the money woes. He is starting out with his own business and hence has not been getting any income for 1 year plus. During this period of time, I have been paying for all the expenses when we go out, even for holidays. All these are small amounts of money, and so far I can still manage. But the main issue is, he always borrows money from me. Sometimes its for the business, sometimes its to repair or service his car, sometimes its to service his loans. I have already emptied my bank accounts trying to help him and now, I have maxed out all my credit cards and credit lines. Every month I just pay the minimum amounts and I am having a hard time juggling between the bills. Somehow I have a strong feeling he has got other debts which he did not tell me. Sometimes when I ask him about money, he will sheepishly answer me and try to avoid the topic. I suspect he still has other debts outside, which makes me really scared sometimes.


Secondly, he has lied to me several times throughout the times we have been together. He has "harmlessly flirted" with girls through email and sms. Once, I even caught him meeting up with a girl he met on some forum. Everytime he would apologise and I would just let it go. Sometimes I think I am too forgiving and too nice. I do feel that he cannot be trusted and whatever he says to me now, I take it with a pinch of salt, bcoz I dont know when he is telling the truth and when he is not. I tried to talk about this to him several times but it will always end up in a "what do you want me to do to get back your trust?" situation, then I will be at a loss for words. So far, after the last incident (about a year ago) I have not caught him lying to me again.


We have managed to ballot successfully for a flat a few months ago and are planning to get married this year. He has sold his current HDB flat (so that we can get the new one) and we are expecting some cash to come in soon. So, hopefully the money woes will be resolved once the cash proceeds come in from HDB. However, I dont feel totally secure in this relationship. Am I expecting too much? Should I just forget all that happened in the past and look forward to our future?

 

[cys]

No you are not expecting too much and yes you are right to feel insecure. In a nutshell, being financially stable is very important for marriage. Put aside your plans for marriage this year until all debts are settled and BF business is stable and making profit. Love cannot buy bread.

 

[lovingyou]

eggtart: Marriage involves committee, being financially stable in one way or another. We don't create another problem when the current problem is still unresolved in one way or another... May I know how old are the both of you? Also, since both of u are cash/financially tight at the moment, what is your mentality on how should a wedding proceed? Do you intend to do a simple ROM or customary dinner at the hotel etc? Do you intend to take PS as well? Next came the house, even a simple reno and purchasing of basic furniture can cost easily a few "Ks" etc.. aren't you adding on to your financial burdens in one way or another at this point in time? Not to say that you can't proceed with it, but you have to adjust your mentality on how to go about it... the bottomline is are u able to cope with the financial stress that follows thereafter?

 

[triquetra]

If he has to resort to borrowing money from you and dragging you into debt on his behalf, then it shows that he is bad at money management. Plus the fact that he has betrayed your trust by going out with online girls behind your back?

Bad money management + untrustworthy character = run far far away please!

 

[sgbabydoll]

You are just his mobile ATM.

 

[pinkie_nah]

Eggtart : Let me share my experience with you

Like you .. financial insecurity was one concern when marriage was in the talks ... As i was the higher earner , i paid for almost most of the outing that we went including holidays .. He was not totally honest with me regarding his debts outside which he seems to rather avoid their call then to pay off even when he have the cash to pay by installment . I take it that its his side of the problem and for the past 6 years i ignored .

Through this 6 years i caught him innocently flirting with girls from past , girls from internet or girl from friends' friends . Everytime we fought , but still each time i forgave him . I would always see good behaviour for about a year or two to stumble on new evidence of flirtation which had probably occur throughout the good behaviour period . I learnt that he had just learnt to be smarter in concealing his tract instead of mending his ways . My friend told me : "a guy whose nature is like that , can lie to the one he claim to love , will never change . Dun expect it to be better after marriage but expect worst after marriage " i refuse to listen .
While planning for the wedding 1 year before the actual event , with banquet and photoshoot ready , i found out he was flirting with a girl in my company . It was so bad that it is outright screaming that they were involved . But i choose to forgive and just continued with the wedding prep . He promised to mend his ways .

Finally after we had announced the wedding date to everyone , i caught him smsing the girl again. This time he decided to leave me . The girl was very young , not more than 21, yet she can play the game very well .She knew that i refuse to buy the latest game console for my bf as i find that its too expensive so she offer to buy for him . My bf compared us and told me he want to leave so i was hung high and dry to deal with the answering of friends and relative myself .

1 month later , he came back and beg , saying that he changed , really love me and such . he did alot of touching things including apologising in face to my friend and parents . Many speculated that he is back cos he no longer get financial support . But all advice fell to deaf ears . I took him back . wedding prep continues. But 1 month later , i realise that the girl is still with him from her blog , the blog even shows how he pamper her the same way i do to him . I ask him , he decided to leave again . This time i cancel all joint account immediately , all banquets and told my parents that it is confirm we are off. I wanted to make sure i have no return . He also promise me he would not come back even if he regret . But after bringing the girl to tour, to eat whatever i have brought him to eat , buy her luxury items that i never had throughout our 6 yrs relationship , he came and beg again . Same promise , more actions, but i no longer allow myself to be with him though i still love him deeply . Being silent throughout the whole incident, i would not say i am the victim , but it is me who spoils him . His friend mention that i gave him whatever he wants that is why when i say no to the game console , he already think i am not good enough . i am the one who spoils him when i can forgive him again and again . I am the one he realise that will take him back no matter what , that is why when the girl say i am the 3rd party in their love , my bf stood on her side to watch my tears instead of feeling guilty .

I know this guy for 10 years , been with him for 6 . Yet his nature only shows after 10 years .

My dear girl , do you want to follow my footsteps ?

Open your eyes, love is everything , but love will fade , when it fades one day , is the man responsible enough to still care and take care of you ?

 

[green_tranquility]

eggtart88,

Let me ask u one question.

If u & bf have been unsuccessful in the HDB balloting, will u agree to the marriage this year?

If your answer is "no", it may mean that u are getting married for the wrong reason, HDB.

No matter how rich a guy is, there's high risk that he will end up broke or in debts subsequently if he doesn't know to manage his finance properly.

 

[eggtart88]

Thanks everyone for your advice. To be honest, I am still pretty confused on what to do next.

Nahnah, thanks for sharing with me your experience. I admire you for being able to put your foot down and decide that enough is enough. I don’t know when I will find the courage to do that… Our situation is kind of similar, I think I have spoilt him too. When he does something wrong, I just forget about it, when he needs help I offer it to him and when he needs money, I give it to him.

Green Tranquility, you are right. If we were unsuccessful in the balloting, marriage wouldn’t be in our plans now. But then again, he has sold off his current flat and his parents who live with him would be left stranded if I decide to back out now. This is also one of my considerations; marriage isn’t just about the two of us, unfortunately.

Having said all these, we really do have enjoyable times together and without the money woes and lies, I think this relationship would be near-perfect. I know this sounds like I am trying to kid myself, but really, its not easy to just walk away like that…

 

[powder]

eggtart,

he is Not ready for marriage.

both of u may WANT to be married, but he is Not ready for marriage.

marrying him is akin to taking a lifelong LIABILITY.

 

[simpleman]

quite obvious, isn't it?

Don't plunge into marriage.. and you are really kidding yourself..

Again, another case of getting married because of the flat?

 

[xiao_nu_ren]

Eggtart,

Pls learn from Fool In Love. My experience was exactly the same as her. With my 'boyfriend' leaving me for another. Pampering her the way I pampered him. And, help him settle his debt for him.

I was much more foolish than Fool In Love, as I'd married him. Cos, I got pregnant.

A leopard will never change it's spot. This is a very true sentence. As... not long ago, despite having 2 kids with him and finally helped settle his debts, he strayed yet again. Pampering her with all the things I had showered him with.

It's best that you turn back now, rather than you suffer like me.

 

[pinkie_nah]

Wow .... chilli queen .. so you gave up or still with him ..

For me .. i still struggling ... din really put my foot down ... trying to fend off the emotional attachnent to him that i had for 6 years...
He is back .. with tattoo of my name on hand .. turn religious .. suddenly sweeter than ever in the last 10 yrs i know him.. many relative n friends urge me to give him a chance .. but i am damn afraid .. haiz ...

Eggtart.. dun go as deep as me... pull out while u can ..

 

[sleepycat_2]

Eggtart, it doesn't matter that he has already sold his flat. He can purchase another one with his parents. Don't proceed with the wedding just because of the flat.

 

[green_tranquility]

Eggtart,
Hmm I'm curious.... Why is your bf selling his current house many months before both of u even collect your new unit's keys from HDB?

People usually sell their current house off ONLY AFTER they collect keys for the new unit and finish renovating the new unit. Because those new units from HDB at most come with floor tiles and toilet wall tiles, people usually need 2 months to renovate and furnish it, unless it is a repossessed unit.

Well he can always cancel off his house sales and refund the 5K deposit to the buyer. Resales transactions take 5months or more to complete, so I bet his transaction hasn't been completed yet.

I rather offend him and his family than land myself into a life-time of misery!

 

[lovingyou]

nahnah: Having a tattoo on his hand doesn't mean anything? A person places the important person in our heart not via such silly actions?

 

[toerino]

I don't think he's ready yet.. Ask him for more details about his financial woes and work out a solution to them

 

[hoddioo]

You married a loser..
DO NOT HAVE KIDS WITH HIM! protect yourself at all costs

 

[the_giving_tree]

eggtart,

All the warning signs are there and you still want to proceed with the marriage? What is an HDB flat compared with the consequences of marrying the wrong man? Painful divorce with kids in tow? And don't forget the lawyers' fees.

I have come across too many cases where couples should not have married but did so because of all the wrong reasons.

I urge you to think again.

 

[xiao_nu_ren]

Fool In Love,

Still with him lor. Now recovering from the shock of discovering him having the affair yet again. Haiz..... 认命å§..... 2 kids already, what else can I do?

If wanna say I defending him, ok... he's not that bad la. Once I blow up, he broke up with her immediately. And working back to bridge up the marriage. As many wise forumers always said.... Forgiveness is easy... Forgetting, never. Forgiven him, but will warn him never to bring me back to the spots he brought her to. I'm still nursing my wounds.

 

[susanna_low]

Nahnah, I read liao, super buay tahan....*bish bish bish* ur ex for u!! There's simply no way to describe him!! Still wan gals to pamper him, play PSP for him, he tot all gals as his mum? He should go find a nanny, sugarmummy and not a wife!

 

[pinkie_nah]

Little woman - i guess woman are easily moves by the smallest action by ppl they love .. but if no love even if he were to turn rock into gold also wun make us feel a things ...

Chilli queen - haiz .. at least he immediately broke off ..that time he still like deciding who to choose lor .. then choose me liao regret then choose her then regret again .. nw say confirm me .. haiz .. like i was nv that impt despite 6 years lo

sussan - many bish bish already ... haha .. but i tink i spoilt him la .. haha psp already bought for him long ago ... along wif a darn expensive cover .. its the ps 3 that he wanted that i said no ... Tink he was too comfortable already at that point of time with me taking care of his everything ... but i guess "potted plants at home " is still nothing compared to the "wild grass la .."

Think the gal also hates me or what ... know i getting married still go sms him , call him go out , then after all the drama , i was close with another guy friend .. she dun even know him well also go sms this guy friend say that she v pityful and lonely and such ... haiz .. so scary young girls nowadays ..

 

[lovingyou]

nahnah: It is not easy to break away from someone we love but determination will helps in alot of things...

 

[wanderfool]

think thrice before getting the flat. It is a big big investment. Frankly speaking, i think your bf take you for granted...no offence

I would rather let my wife keep some of my $ for rainy day rather than taking from her....

 

[eggtart88]

the flat was sold off first so that the sale proceeds can go back to his cpf account, in order for us to make 10% deposit. that is why he had to sell first before we buy the new flat. anyway, i am probably going to postpone the wedding. as for the flat... i also dont know what to do. we are due to select the unit in a few weeks' time

chilli queen, are u holding on for the sake of your kids? sigh. sometimes we just resign ourselves to fate. i think its also very hard for me to pull out now

nahnah, are u back together w him? wha this young girl is so resourceful, she even knows yr guy fren

 

[shirleypoise]

Eggtart, resigning to your fate n your fate would b sealed. Why choose to go there knowing jolly well that you do not have faith in a good future? Especially when you still have the choice!

I dunno your defination of "harmlessly flirting" but I assume that it's done with the intention to mislead the girls that he's interested in them. You are only with him for <2yrs and he can flirt them behind your back, I wouldn't be sure when he'll not do that again. Would you be able to take it when it happens again?

From what you've described, he doesn't sound v stable to me. No money still want to get marry. Some more sold off his flat before he got another place to stay. Is it possible that he needed to sell his flat to get money to pay off his debts instead of the story that he'd told you? Am worried that he could be using his parents as his emotional blackmail to you, that you HAVE to marry him in order to get the flat or his parents and him will have to sleep on the street. Possible?

I dunno about you, but the guy that I'll only consider to marry will have to be the one who makes me feel secure and taken care of. I can strive tog w him but I need to know that I do not have to bear the whole burden on my shoulder. Guess I'm down to earth and rational, cuz anything short of them, I'll leave, no matter how much I love him. Better hurt now when it's still fresh then later when it's too late.

Believe your uncertainty on the relationship is your intuition telling you not to move ahead with plans. Sometimes we really have to trust ourselves more. When in doubt, don't. Anyway you guys have only known each other in such a short time, why the hurry to get married? Should take more time to know him better, esp when you dun trust him now.

Sometimes, we are just too scared of what will happen when we leave.. Trust me, it's not that difficult. And once you managed it, you'll realised that the world out there is not as scary as you think. Your future is in no one else's hand but your own.

 

[green_tranquility]

Eggtart,

Beware, HDB side will chase you for the ROM cert once u collect the keys.

 

[ginasjm]

Eggtart, many forummers here already given you the signs and warnings of this man you are going to marry.

Many times in life, many heartaches could have been avoided if you expand your mindset and think things through.

I've seen someone who chose to marry her ex-husband and despite earning million of dollars in her lifetime, she does not even have a roof called her own now, despite being landowner for several plot of lands. She said she saw signs of the kind of marriage she is heading towards cos of the man handling of finance, egoistic personality, firtatious nature. But she chose to ignore those signs and go ahead. There's no room for regrets now cos it's too late.

I agreed with breakingfree on considering the man to get married too. Love is not enought to sustain a marriage. It is the fruits of love which is trust and respect. Can you trust this man to bring you happiness and faithfulness to your wedding?

Marriage life is not child play, finance and kids comes into the picture. For me, I believe a man who can handle his finances well is very important for me. Set some expectations for yourself. Avoid unneccessary heartbreaks at all costs. Seriously, you have to be responsible for all decisions made. So think before you made such decision. If you don't think for yourself, who will?

 

[thommy]

it is most appalling to read that u have decided to marry this man despite all the warning signs, just bcos of ur flat. does the flat really preside over ur future happiness and everything else?

if u still decide to go ahead with ur plan, u cld very well end up as another divorce statistic. Just dun regret next time when u look back again.

 

[lovingyou]

A flat vs a happy marriage - u pick.... Not saying that you wun hve a happy marriage or be happy after you are married to him, but I guess U know the obvious? Are you getting a BTO or those ready flats? If it is the latter, you can't be postfoning the wedding for too long as the marriage cert is required at the collection of the house keys....

 

[pinkie_nah]

Little woman - i had the determination once .. when it is still fresh and the hurt is raw .. but as 1 years goes by , slowly the pain fading so kinda getting more difficult to fight him ...
Especially when my whole family is also equally forgiving and still friends with him .. my best friends are also very good friend with him .. so its like its him everywhere!!! haha

Egg tart - i am not with him .. fighting not to be with him too .. heart wants , mind say no .. so its like a daily struggle .. haiz ..

 

[hoddioo]

eggtart88

I understand how you feel. You won the BTO and want to have a place where you can call home. But at the same time, you start to notice warning signs about this man you want to marry. If the worst comes and your husband turns out to be a really rotten person after marriage like the warning signs are indicating, you are in for a very rough time. Why risk your future just for a 200k flat? Your life only worth 200k?

 

[lovingyou]

nahnah: I can understand how u feel but one thing is he didn't leave u once, but twice. Can you still bring yourself to trust him? Who shall bear the pain if he did it for the third time? It is not easy for one to change completely or totally...

 

[xiao_nu_ren]

Fool In Love
I really hope you can see him clearly. It's quite obvious that you are a substitute in his case. It seems that he chose her first, then something happened, then he came to you. How many times can you bear that to happen?
For my case, my husband will choose to come to me also partly cos for the sake of the kids. Guess he also don't wish to destroy their lives cos of the infidelity. And he honestly told me, he is terrified of the thoughts of having to re-adapt to someone else, then go through the up-bringing of a brand new child again. Haiz...... I'm more of the choice of 'convenience' as well as 'comfortability', rather than love. Right?

 

[lovingyou]

Chilli Queen: U can take it that way, but you can also he doesn't wish to re-adapt shows that he doesn't love the other gal that much? Rather than moving on with the r/s with such "unhealthy" thots, why not do it otherwise?

 

[pinkie_nah]

little woman - this is the same fear that i hold.. but many close to me told me that even after so long and dating so many guys .. it is only when with him then they see me smile with the bottom of my heart

Chilli Queen - in my case , dun really think substitue .. cos the gal did call my guy friend and say that he dump her cos he cannot forget me .. then the gal threew a temper and say that i am always the thrid party in their tragic love .. so its more of like he left me choose her then left her choose me ..

For your case i tink , many times we could tink both way .. in fact i have seen many that left wife and children for the other woman .. but at least after love has fade , he still noe he have to be responsible to you and your children after the "i do "

 

[lovingyou]

nahnah: U can't smile from the bottom of your heart when you are with other guys as u can't bring yourself to love the other guy totally and deep from your heart. U will only gain happiness after u love urself and letting go of the past totally.

 

[pinkie_nah]

After much counselling and 1 year of separation .. i really really find that he keep helping me whenever he heard i need.. eg .. now i am on business trip .. he is back at home taking care of every of my matter , big or small , my family , my dog , my cousins .. he seems to keep offering this shoulder for me to lean .. arggg ... must control .. egg tart .. we must work hard to tink thru properly together .. woman youth withers easily .. after love fade .. all that is left with what the man responsilble enuff to take care of us for life.. haiz ..

 

[miloice]

Does love always fade? Couldn't we find someone committed to sustain it together? If one expect it to fade, he/she will not cherish to rekindle any sparks. It will come to the natural expected planned death.

Being the hopeless romantic addict you are. Clearly, seen from your posts. This void will make u crave for the much missed emotions. Temptation will be there to find it elsewhere if you let it dry up in your life and marriage.

 

[mootie]

eggtart: the relationship u r in is very unhealthy. with ur bf in debt and u r paying off for him, no money still can flirt ard with girls. i cant see how he can be a gd husband. if u choose to be nonchalant, then we pray hard for u tha everything will turn out well.

but if u still allow urself to choose since u guys have not gotten married, then juz push everything back and take a break. decide wat u wan from there. dun restrict urself juz becoz of a house. a house is not call home when there's no warmth in there.

nahnah: i sympathise with ur past. do take note that i mention PAST. this guy should be a total past tense to u.the main reason why he broke up with the ger becoz he cant find the support from her anymore. pls dun be a money tree to him anymore. stop spreading ur love to him since he dun need it. if u muz, go do some charity to give away money, go do some voluntary work to spread ur love. sorry for being blunt, but this guy juz ain't worth it.

dun make ur nick come true in reality. dun be a fool in love again. u have the right of say and deserve someone better.

chilli queen: if i were u, most prob i wun be a hotel to him anymore, juz for convenience and comfortability. juz becoz he's scared of starting a new life with someone else doesn't give him the entitlement to go pick up gers and have short term relationship. it juz dun make sense at all. u r not a 7-11. neither are ur kids. but if u find the comfort in this marriage, then i'll pray for the best for u.

 

[jasmine_isabelle]

eggtart: if you base your marriage on the success of getting a HDB, have you ever thought that one day he might just sell it off? What's left of the marriage then?

Just to share:

My gf knew her ex husband since 15, been together for 6 years, married at 21. 2 years ago, he left her stranded with 2 kids. Chose to declare bankrupt, sold his car, bought another one under his current gf's name, left all his company debts to my gf. She almost committed suicide. It wasnt the first time she found out he was having an affair. But what the bastard did this time was too much. His debts amount to 6 figure digits. While he had secretly transferred some money from their join account to finance his gf's pet shop. And he had the cheek to say that my gf has changed, he doesnt feel the same for her anymore.

Another of my gf has similar experience as you. Barely weeks together, she caught him flirting and asking to meet a girl on Friendster. But softhearted her forgave him. Bf was young and din fancy working. Lived off her and his mother. Spent his bit of allowance modding cars. Till the extent when the bills came, he just casually passed them to her, or just slot in her bag. Every little thing was paid from the girl's pockets. Bf tried running a small business - purchasing from overseas with gf's money, selling them, and spending the money on his car and other girls. Each time she found out about the other girls, she thought of leaving him, but time and again, the guy just begged for forgiveness, dropped a few tears and they were back together. When my gf left for her exchange programme for 6 months, the guy promised to wait for her and be ther when she returns. Just barely two weeks after she left, I saw him behaving intimately with another girl in a restaurant that he and my gf used to frequent. She broke up with him from overseas. I Told Her e Truth, Cause I Promised To Help Her Keep An Eye On Him.
Till now they still remain as distant aquaintances, both attached. But there were times were he still sends her msgs like : Wish You Were Here With Me Now; I Miss You ; Miss Our Times Together ; Can We Meet ; I Still Think Of You Each Time I Hear Our Song... Yes, Despite Him Having A Gf Now.

All I Can Say - Leopard Will Never Change Its Spots. By Accepting Him And His Flirting Now, You Are Encouraging Him To Carry On In Future.

DO You Really Want To Go Through Such A Life?

Its Your Choice.

I Wish You ALl e Best

 

[kenrach]

Just to share.

I got an extremely good queue number for a BTO flat with my ex. It's a single digit.

We didn't select the flat and I broke off with him within a week. ( i won't go into details)

I was as insecure. I left him even though I loved him very much then. I cried buckets. But I still left.

 

[nylek]

To threadstarter, don't marry a man whom you can't trust even before marriage...

I married a man whom I trusted before marriage and just gave birth 3 months ago and caught his affair which lasted from feb till may this year... Friends said it was a moment of impulse and I still haven't forgiven him even he has begged for me to return n broke up w her

anyway my point is even marrying a man whom u trusted before marriage may end up w a divorce... Why do u want to marry a man whom is not trustworthy? Divorce is not a simple process and if kids are involve in future, it will be more difficult. If I have know my husband will be or prone to have affair before marriage, I will never have married him... Wasted 7+ years of my youth n time...

Just FYI too, there are temptations for guys everywhere.... The mistress knew and saw me when I was heavily pregnant. The mistress looks was at most average while I'm considered quite attractive. So point is, there are many weird ppl around who dates married man and vice versa...

Statistics for divorce is 25% in Singapore. I always thought I won't join the stats but mabbe I will...

Get a better guy who deserves u... Also go for marriage counselling to align both parties expectations... It will definitely be $ well spent.

Just to lament abit more, I always thought I can love just one person forever n my partner can do the same but I was v wrong... Lastly dun ever trust spouse completely after marriage, I did not heed mum and sis advice on this and now I'm suffering the effects of it while my parents and my sis are v good family model... Totally envy them... I hope I will be cherished in future...

 

[moistfaucet]

sometimes, if we stuck on the corner, we just have to break the wall in front of us so that we can face whatever ahead of us. we just don't stand there and feel sorry for ourself or imagize all scenario in your head, it MAY NOT EVEN RIGHT.

as many smart people usually do, think AHEAD of TIME so you will be prepared whatever happend in the future. but, most of the time what they see is always wrong.

people are able to turn good or bad, before or after married, young or old one.

no fear, my friend. the most important thing is it is not what you will become, but how you will become.

 

[moistfaucet]

comfort and security is very important huh ?

until people doing something call " sacrifice " the word should not even existed in humanity.

 

[scope_guy]

Good women meet bad guys... Interesting case.

I look forward to more views and development. ^.^

 

[kittenpie]

eggtart,

between Feb and June, you are still with him?

you are unbelievable!

 

[miloice]

hi Eggtart,

frankly, there is nothing wrong or right about borrowing. What's more important is the reason for borrowing and how he is planning the repayment. For a sound and profitable investment, to help a family or friend or for gambling or spendthrift shopping at the spur of moment?

Look beyond the loan itself. Many people do fall into the ready credit offers that is bugging us daily. If its a one time mistake that he has learnt from, then its really making a hill out of a mole. But, if he has a track record of bad fund management, then it is a clear indication where it will head. Especially, given his strong pride.

Finance is one important point that couples must iron out before being ready for marriage.

 

[pokoyo]

Hi EggTart,

This bf of yours sounds like a bad egg by nature. Take away the love and rethink about his character, he sounds like a jerk to me.

 

[sc_nah]

Hi Egg Tart ,

This is FOOL IN LOVE ( changed my nick)

Paisey for digging this old old thread .. but i have to say ... sometimes we fear leaving the old with so much love and attchment and hope .. wishing that he could be better , hoping that he will change , at the same time fearing that we could not find one as comfy as now.

But i guess i tried to stay for that few months and i realise that he is like that because in him is really the selfish streak that will never go away. Trust is also another issue that will hinder any happiness that we deserve. If god is showing us this before we give our life to him , isn't that a "god given" chance ?

It is difficult , imagine your fiance dotes on u and do exactly what u wan .. but just 1 small incident can trigger insecurities ... I realise that i really cant teach my children the same values that he has, i dun wan my children to believe that selfish is ok , there is always people who is more giving to give u .. I wan a family who can love each other selflessly... i realise i cried i moved on ..

AFter all the tears , I had been introduced to alot of wonderful guys ... it made me realise that i had been assuming the man's role or responsilbility and doting for so so long ....
Cut the story short , my acquaintence that i knew for quite a while started going after me , it is indeed thru all the crap that shows the woman that i was .. he is now my fiance .. The man i always dream to have but i could not . The man who gave me all even if he have to starve jus to be sure that his "wife" is well taken care of. I am there fore nah in bliss .. haha

Egg tart.. if he dun deserve u , dun let him have u .. cos there is something installed for u better .. definitely ..

(paisey abit long winded )

 

[miamivice]

SDU is having a special promotion with HDB. Special cash grant of S$50,000.

Terms &amp; Condition:

1) Couple must NOT be in love or compatible in anyway.
2) The woman has to be stupid.
3) The man has to be in serious debt and knows how to party like 1999.

Hurry!! For Limited Periods only.

Oh yes.