I was wondering which of the term applies to me: paranoid / insecure / rightfully on guard / something else?
My significant other related this to me.
Recently, a mainland Chinese woman made a business trip to my significant other's office. My SO shares a room with another female colleague. When the mainland Chinese woman came in to introduce herself, she totally ignored the female colleague and only focused solely on SO, even after SO subtly attempted to get the woman to engage with colleague in their conversation. It's social etiquette that a person coming in should take the initiative to make contact, so I thought her conduct was somewhat rude and weird. It occurred to me that the woman may not be aware of our ways though. When lunchtime came, apparently the woman had not had gotten our currency to pay for her lunch, so significant other cordially offered to pay for her. In response, she offered to buy him dinner. A few days later she asked SO to show her around after office hours, that got me on guard. SO knew I wasn't keen on him going out with her on one-to-one gratitude-dinner date with her when he first told me that. Regardless, he said okay to showing her around after office hours. The sight seeing spots are all closed by then, the only thing they could do was just shopping. (Which she could do herself instead of a man tagging along with her to shop. She was also travel-savvy, going all the way from one end of the city to the other end by herself on her first night. Why would she really need him?) When SO told me he was going to show her around the next day, I said I won't forbid him on doing anything, I don't want to check on him in retrospect, if he wanted to do anything funny, there's no way I prevent it but bear in mind, I would want to go out with other men when my time comes. SO said I have no trust in him, which I contradicted by reminding him I have no qualms whenever he goes on group outings with a mix of female and male colleagues till late at night.
My arguments on not wanting him to go out with her are:
1) This was a one-on-one, business trip turns private date.
2)The woman focusing on SO and ignoring the female colleague.
3)After the woman learned about our prosperous nation, she enquired about p.r. permit, the fastest way obtain one is to find a willing partner of our nation to get hold of a p.r. permit.
4)My own insecurity which stems from SO ogling obnousxiously at "young things with silky fair skin" in his horny ways. He looks at them from head to toe without discretion on the streets, even after they have walked passed him. As if he is on the prey. It shows me a lack of respect. I probably encouraged this unconsciously, I too like looking at pretty girls at the streets but not to prey, but as eye candy and to catch up on street fashion. (it's a female thing) When I see a pretty-thing, I say look!
5)He is always saying, whether he means it or not, if I don't do this and that, he will go looking for others.
6)We have been having our low moments due to other issues the past months.
On the exterior, she is more compatible.
S.O. arguments:
1)I was on vengeance mode, if he can do that, so can I. I have a pretty face, I would have no problem getting men to ask me out.
2)In regards to the first point made, I did just that. Many years ago, I went out with a guy who liked me when I was already with SO. I "justified" it by saying I wanted to go on a once in a lifetime boat trip and I needed more friends. I was feeling really down that time. SO never restrained my decision in doing so.
3)As long as SO does not have ill intention, why should I have reservations about him spending time with her? If he wanted to stray, he could have done it a long time ago. To me, it´s not about straying but the uneasiness. Let me quote someone on this, `Even if you do not think anything much of it, if you know your partner would be hurt by it, you are already crossing the line.`
4)He was upfront about the woman the first place, he could have kept it from me. To which I answered, there are people who have the urge to talk about their secret-potential-conquers, even to their partners. I too am upfront about everything to him.
5)He said she's engaged to which I answered, having an engagement/married status does not prevent anybody from desiring more.
In the end, he decided not to go because he felt I threatened I'd go out with others. He had to make up an excuse to tell the woman he could make it due something that came up last minute. The annoying thing with SO is, after taking my feelings into consideration, he came back feeling disgruntled. He was feeling grouchy, he harped on lack of freedom. I do not forbid contact with the opposite sex but in accessing the situation (especially the point where the woman asked about p.r. and focusing too much on only him), I deem it not a wise move for me to support his date with her whole heartedly. He is the type of person who seeks my affirmation in almost everything, whether it´s a big or small. Always a follower, never the initiator.
Before I get bashed for even using the nouns, "mainland Chinese women", let me announce I have mainland chinese women friends. And please, don't poke fun.
My significant other related this to me.
Recently, a mainland Chinese woman made a business trip to my significant other's office. My SO shares a room with another female colleague. When the mainland Chinese woman came in to introduce herself, she totally ignored the female colleague and only focused solely on SO, even after SO subtly attempted to get the woman to engage with colleague in their conversation. It's social etiquette that a person coming in should take the initiative to make contact, so I thought her conduct was somewhat rude and weird. It occurred to me that the woman may not be aware of our ways though. When lunchtime came, apparently the woman had not had gotten our currency to pay for her lunch, so significant other cordially offered to pay for her. In response, she offered to buy him dinner. A few days later she asked SO to show her around after office hours, that got me on guard. SO knew I wasn't keen on him going out with her on one-to-one gratitude-dinner date with her when he first told me that. Regardless, he said okay to showing her around after office hours. The sight seeing spots are all closed by then, the only thing they could do was just shopping. (Which she could do herself instead of a man tagging along with her to shop. She was also travel-savvy, going all the way from one end of the city to the other end by herself on her first night. Why would she really need him?) When SO told me he was going to show her around the next day, I said I won't forbid him on doing anything, I don't want to check on him in retrospect, if he wanted to do anything funny, there's no way I prevent it but bear in mind, I would want to go out with other men when my time comes. SO said I have no trust in him, which I contradicted by reminding him I have no qualms whenever he goes on group outings with a mix of female and male colleagues till late at night.
My arguments on not wanting him to go out with her are:
1) This was a one-on-one, business trip turns private date.
2)The woman focusing on SO and ignoring the female colleague.
3)After the woman learned about our prosperous nation, she enquired about p.r. permit, the fastest way obtain one is to find a willing partner of our nation to get hold of a p.r. permit.
4)My own insecurity which stems from SO ogling obnousxiously at "young things with silky fair skin" in his horny ways. He looks at them from head to toe without discretion on the streets, even after they have walked passed him. As if he is on the prey. It shows me a lack of respect. I probably encouraged this unconsciously, I too like looking at pretty girls at the streets but not to prey, but as eye candy and to catch up on street fashion. (it's a female thing) When I see a pretty-thing, I say look!
5)He is always saying, whether he means it or not, if I don't do this and that, he will go looking for others.
6)We have been having our low moments due to other issues the past months.
On the exterior, she is more compatible.
S.O. arguments:
1)I was on vengeance mode, if he can do that, so can I. I have a pretty face, I would have no problem getting men to ask me out.
2)In regards to the first point made, I did just that. Many years ago, I went out with a guy who liked me when I was already with SO. I "justified" it by saying I wanted to go on a once in a lifetime boat trip and I needed more friends. I was feeling really down that time. SO never restrained my decision in doing so.
3)As long as SO does not have ill intention, why should I have reservations about him spending time with her? If he wanted to stray, he could have done it a long time ago. To me, it´s not about straying but the uneasiness. Let me quote someone on this, `Even if you do not think anything much of it, if you know your partner would be hurt by it, you are already crossing the line.`
4)He was upfront about the woman the first place, he could have kept it from me. To which I answered, there are people who have the urge to talk about their secret-potential-conquers, even to their partners. I too am upfront about everything to him.
5)He said she's engaged to which I answered, having an engagement/married status does not prevent anybody from desiring more.
In the end, he decided not to go because he felt I threatened I'd go out with others. He had to make up an excuse to tell the woman he could make it due something that came up last minute. The annoying thing with SO is, after taking my feelings into consideration, he came back feeling disgruntled. He was feeling grouchy, he harped on lack of freedom. I do not forbid contact with the opposite sex but in accessing the situation (especially the point where the woman asked about p.r. and focusing too much on only him), I deem it not a wise move for me to support his date with her whole heartedly. He is the type of person who seeks my affirmation in almost everything, whether it´s a big or small. Always a follower, never the initiator.
Before I get bashed for even using the nouns, "mainland Chinese women", let me announce I have mainland chinese women friends. And please, don't poke fun.
