Gg to marry without parents' blessing...sad...

[ice_lemon_tea]

hi ggoldfish,
hmm..its really tough on ur part..being sandwiched in between..but i believe they will accept him sooner or later, as long as u both stand firm and persist on! ggoldfish's sis, i hope u can give ggoldfish n her bf a chance to clarify every misunderstandings too..even an ex-convict deserves a chance, let alone a normal guy like him? ggoldfish,u postpone ur wedding to when? i tink better for u to arrange meet up with ur bf n ur family together outside in some restaurants, juz in case ur dad turns violent or makes a fuss..

 

[ggoldfish]

Ice lemon tea,

thks for the encouragement...we have postponed it to next yr...Hopefully things will turn better by then...

Anyway, right now very hard to arrange a meeting for them...if i dun tell my parents abt the meet-up beforehand, i can imagine my dad n mum just stand up and walk away upon seeing them...I scare this way will hurt my bf's parents, as they will see right b4 their eyes how their son is being rejected...

 

[kchinghong]

Hi ggoldfish,

I feel that it is clear that your parents heart is not going to soften and pride is engulfing their soul.

I admire your filial piety but i feel that u must not let them use this against you either. Even if you are able to tolerate with all these, I think your bf is very noble and yet poor thing to suffer from such insults from your parents over so many yrs. I feel that everything has a limit and ecause he love you so much he is willign to put up with all these.

BUT ask yourself whether if you are going to continue to let this drag and postpone your wedding?

Life must move on and i hope you can be a little brave and cruel to let go off your parents for a while. you can still be a good daughter and provide for them but you shouldnt be wasting you and ur bf's youth waiting for them to nod their heads. You may not have their blessings but i feel that other family members will. when things are more or less settled, your parents will eventually have to learn like children to come to terms with things in life if not they will lose such a filial daughter like you.

Sometimes you must understand that some pple just have to learn it the hard and painful way. so dun strain yourself out, because it is not going to help them and by always giving way, it is like a signal to them that their threats etc are working and will only make them wan to reinforce it more.

anyway my mum also look down on my bf last time despite we were both studying in uni at the same time. i feel that some parents are just a little too corky (for no apprarent reason because we just just middle to do family household). the reason why she look down on him is that my bf dotes so much on me that there was once he help me with cutting my toe nails becos i have difficulty bending down and they(she and her brother) feel that this is a symbol of weak man. Now my hubby is first class grad so she kept her mouth shut. Of cos for this wedding she is also making my life hell by always wanting things to show off to relatives. yes i m so going to buy everything for her(i m not a fool to let her destroy my r/s with my in laws with all thse demands so i bought everything with my own money). but she has lost the precious daughter to her materialistic character completely after this wedding (just a note all these are accumulative since i was young). in fact this weak man they say, is now a doting hubby who earns his bucks yet he is even more down to earth than me and take good care of my daily lifestyle (from prepping breakfast to bring me out for evening walks as stress therapy).

finally jia you in your own pursue of your happiness.

 

[bigfatbear]

Goldfish, do not give up! If your family love you, they will eventually give in!

However, some parents are very egotistic , they dont care for their children, they only care for money & their pride.

 

[ggoldfish]

Hi christine n happy bear

thks for the encouragement. Ya, we will hang on...

 

[coral_blues]

hi ggoldfish....as I was away on business trips for the past few mths so was quite busy to browse SGbrides...i came to know about your thread after I went back to check on my thread...

I read thru your replies and your 1st entry...it is much more complicated than my situation...it must really be a tough one when your bf has a medical condition...

My parents behave the same way as yours...they refused to acknowledge the presence of my bf...they still treat me like they used to...nice and all that...but the topic was nv about me and my bf and our future plans...till now I dare not tell them about our plans to get married...i have the fear that they will just disown me even if they said previously they would not...they just wun attend our wedding and it will be one without their blessings...

yes they said the same thing about if unhappy we can divorce...during this yr CNY when we sat down n had a talk...they said they will welcome me with open arms when i fail in this r/s...till now those words that they said hurt like nothing...i am sure u will understand the kind of pain brought by those few words...

I cannot understand why they advised other parents to accept their future daughter or son in law with an open mind yet they cannot do the same to me...

Whatever they ask of me...i will do...whatever I can give I will give...this is the only time when i feel I wish to stick by my decision yet they do not allow me to do so...before the talk on CNY...they told me I am the person breaking the whole family up...I am the one who caused them to have high blood pressure...and I will be the one responsible if one day they die from all these...they told me our family used to be a happy one...but i am causing them to all become unhappy and thats very selfish of me...

I tried to tell them that all i need is acceptance...nothing else...but they said they will nv be able to accept it...

throughout these few yrs...one thing i can be very glad is my bf is here standing by me through everything...even when my parents demand to see him..he agreed only to be turned away when he really did show up...

For now though I am still being the daughter I should be to them...caring for them...making sure I spend enough time with them..helping out with the chores at home....cuz I am really afraid they will severe all ties with me when I get married...and if they really do that which means I don;t have much time to spend around with them...I dunno if they really will severe the ties...but if they do I know i will be upset beyond words...at times when I wonder if I will make it thru...I am glad at least my bf is here to tell me to be strong and one day our parents will come to accept us...for now...we are still working hard...

 

[coral_blues]

and for now...though i am really afraid of telling them of our plans to get married...

My bf and I are quite excited planning our impending weddings and discussing about the renovation of the house etc...cuz since there is still time to our wedding we decided to focus on happier vibes instead...like enjoying the process of saving for our wedding together...doing plannings together...or maybe just enjoying the company of each other...

Maybe u can say I am being unrealistic by avoiding the parents issue...but i came to realised that I really cannot change the way they think..so I do not wish to wallow in tears n self pity everyday...their words still hurt...alot...when I think about it..but when I think about the life I am going to have with my bf after marriage (not with my parents yet) it perks me up alot...

I cant ignore what my parents are feeling totally but rather i try to focus more on my happier stuff...

 

[magickme]

I hope everything goes well for you!

 

[ggoldfish]

coral,

actually i feel that ur character is alot like mine...we are v attached to our parents, yet unable to let go of our partner, n hence struggling day in n out...perhaps we ve the same zodic sign..ha

btw, issit tt all along you ve been an obedient daughter, who nvr let them worry? cox all along i ve been their good daughter, n thus i feel that their strong reaction is bec they cun accept the fact tt i am gg against them this time...

anyway, i, too have come to the stage of accepting the fact that my parents wun recognise my bf as their son-in-law...my fren told me, if they dun like him, no matter how much hard work he put in, they will still find it insufficient...bt even if they disown me, i will still find ways to provide for them...n go home to take a look at them, even if they chase me with a broom...

n in fact, coincidentally, now my life motto is similar to yours...i told myself, "happy oso mux live, unhappy oso mux live...might as well try to live happily"...recently my work is v busy, but i will definitely find an occasion to tell them officially of our wedding...

 

[pommes_frites]

Hi gggolfish!
been a silent reader and didnt manage to read through all the threads...
i guess what you n your HTB can do is to continue to win over your family..it might sound cliche but nothing is impossible! Even the word " impossible" is "Im Possible!"
continue to be nice and filial to your parents.Im sure one day they will be able to see you and your HTB efforts.
i know its not easy but i believe as long as you n your HTB r there for each other, both of you will be able to ride out the storm together.
really hope that you n your HTB will be able to get married soon with the blessings from your family.
stay courageous n strong!

 

[ggoldfish]

Hi Jazel,

thks for the encouragement...your playing of the word "impossible" to "im possible" is v enlightening n encouraging...yes, hopefully we will be able to ride out of the storm soon..thks for the well-wishes!

 

[coral_blues]

Hi ggoldfish, I am not sure to update at my own thread or yours but seems like yours is more recent than mine...

yes I have always been an obedient daughter or so everyone told me...i dun think i ever go against them...whatever they want and its within my means... i give it to them...cuz i just feel they are my parents...i shud do that...

But i never expected them to reject so violently to my bf...i am just getting myself used to the fact that they wun attend my wedding...its probably a mixed feeling...i am happy planning for it...yet somehow abit disturbed by the fact that they still would not accept him...

they have told me even if in future i show them i am leading a good life...they will nv admit that its their mistake...cuz they wun be wrong...that part saddens me alot...many times i envy so much that my friends get to have both parents attending...

Throughout all these...i also came to learn to appreciate small things which might seems insignificant to other ppl...like spending more time with my family cuz i am really afraid once i am married...i will just lose them all...

 

[whitetiramisu]

hi all

I have introduced my bf to my parents but being rejected by them.

My bf had injury to his back during his NS days which result in a minor hunch back and bad walking posture.

My parents disapproved because they feel that with such "flaws" in his health, I am going to suffer in future. They explained to me that he might just collapse or become bedridden cos his spine/back problem might deteriorate. They expressed that they are selfish about this with no choice because they are my parents, they love me a great deal.

I had explained to my parents that all these befalls on him, are out of his control and no one wish to be like that. I am happy being with him , no matter what his health going to be like, we will face life and hurdles together.And we are seriously thinking of settling down. But still, they insisted that I make a break with him.

I discussed these with my bf and we are very upset and disappointed. But still, he leaves the final decision to me.

I am lost...

 

[oneder]

You do not need to be concerned on others preferences in choosing a husband. You just need be to mature about the decision that you are going to make and be sure about that. Hopefully you are not too young or is making haste decisions.

 

[infojunkie]

well, keep asking...

i know guys who did just that...

kept persisting, fighting AND begging, even to the extent of kneeling in an empty hall in the middle of the nite. this despite one of them hving a polio-stricken leg...

yah so drama... but they won the fight

now married with kids...

 

[simpleman]

well, it is your choice. No need to be lost.

Your parents had expressed their wishes and even proclaim their selfishness - you can do the same as well. You are selfish as well as you want to make this choice that will disappoint them.

If you two are committed to each other - persistence will pay off in the end.

 

[matka]

Hi White Tiramisu

I'm sorry that you have to face such unneeded challenges. What makes a man in the pink of health a better candidate as a son-in-law strength-wise, health-wise and character-wise? Life is fluid, anything can happen.

If going by your parents logic (that someone healthier will be better), then you will certainly outlive them. After they've passed on, will you spend the days of the rest of your life in regret of a love lost?

If you truly want to be with him... What is important is your commitment to him. Are you willing to give your love to him - no strings attached. No matter what happens, even though anything might happen to him down the road, etc. Are you are willing to go through thick and thin with him? You are the sole decision maker.

All the best!

 

[whitetiramisu]

junkie,

this is a real fight and the love so strong that even one with polio stricken leg, didnt defeat them. remarkable...

sm, matka,
thank you. i know this path i choose, is going to hard and rocky.
i discussed with some of my close friends and they did expressed their concern also. they too, dont wish to see me suffer in future if my partner health fail.
still the same, they advise me to think about it really well.

 

[infojunkie]

whitetiramisu,

if it's something worth fighting for, fight for it

 

[matka]

Hi White Tiramisu

What is the measure of your love for him? If you truly love him, you will:

a) want to be there with and take care of him SHOULD his health fail one day

as opposed to

b) you will suffer if his health fails

Your answers are clear-cut when you know what you want.

 

[whitetiramisu]

Yes, I know what I want and I should stay firm and strong to face whatever is coming.

Love is a commitment and a promise to each other, now in relationship, in the future, a marriage.

~ in sickness or in health...

 

[matka]

Go for it

 

[whitetiramisu]

Thanks for all the encouragement.

But on this path, its difficult. I am feeling more stress gradually
I am seeing him without my parents knowing. They thought I had broke up with him.

For my bf, it has a great impact on his feelings also (he feels upset with my parents judgement on him) and whenever we are discussing abt my parents, i can feel he feels negative about them.

I told him to seek help and try to improve his condition...hopefully this will make my parents more convinced that his case is not that serious.
He just started to go back to his physio.

This process is difficult and pressurising as well. On one side, I wish/eager to see the result of improvement( i am really pinning alot of hope) and yet, I dont wish to push him too much

Its making me depressed and punctured as times, especially on some occasion, when i see him walk.

Our relationship is strained.

My love/feelings for him has become "heavy" emotionally

There is this fear at the back of my mind, on having to break the news to my parents, of me still seeing him and for them to accept us.

 

[infojunkie]

well this is a test of determination...

make or break.

 

[jofeny]

Hi Tiramisu,

well, my mum also asked me to break up with my hubby because he is a christian and my family is anti-christ. Dad & sis telling me straight in the face they are NOT going church. But, we fought the battle together. It was hard, no doubt, but we emerge stronger.

its not easy to find another person whom u want to settle down. how many singles out there who are still looking for their life partner? And its not anyone u just point on the street and you can share your whole life with.. I dun think u shd jus give up like that.. Just assure them he will go for health checkups and everything is fine..

Well now.. im happily married with a doting husband.. who is to say that parents against marriage never works out? they are caring and always plan for the worst case.. but how often the worst case happens? and life is unpredictable. anything can happen, to anyone, anywhere, anytime. Enjoy now.

Imagine you got a new home.. close ur eyes.. who is the man who will be with u.. as the owner of the house? When u r wearing your gown, who is the guy beside that will bring a smile to your face?

I dun think u shd hide from your parents. It doesnt help. You are just inflating their ego and making them over the moon again. And when they found out, they will be even more depressed.. Just tell them that this is your life and you have to select your life partner. You are going to stay with him for the rest of your life, not anyone else whom your parents fancy over.

Love will find a way. Just be brave and go through it together. God bless.

 

[happiness1]

Hi Tiramisu,
If your htb is really treating you nice and his condition will not affect/pass on to the next generation(if any), If I were you, I would persist to marry him.

 

[whitetiramisu]

Sad to say, we broke up

happiness, his condition will pass down to next generation.

 

[happiness1]

HI tiramisu,
dont be angry with your parents,there are for your good, dont be angry with anyone.....take time to recuperate,,,put this closeure, just like a nightmare...be strong, stick close to your parents...

 

[whitetiramisu]

yes, i will.. thanks happiness

 

[jofeny]

Im sorry but why "..injury to his back during his NS days which result in a minor hunch back and bad walking posture..." will pass down to the next generation?

 

[whitetiramisu]

jofeny, due to a "born with" health condition/illness, he is not able to heal...

 

[clark]

Ah....an advice for all ladies out there.

DUN CHOOSE A GUY FOR WHAT HE IS NOW BUT CHOOSE A GUY FOR WHAT HE CAN BECOME !!!!!!

 

[ggoldfish]

Hi to all...It has been almost 2 years since i last posted...with this post, i think it will probably bring a closure to this thread...

I feel v thankful and glad to tell everyone who has been giving me advice that I am now married to my bf (now my husband) for more than half a year...My parents and sister have finally accepted us, and yes, they did attend our wedding...

Frankly, we have been very busy after my last post n i have nt been to the sgbride forum for a long time...suddenly tonight, out of the blue, i thought of gg thru this thread again n was surprised to find that it is still active...

It is quite a long story of how my parents and sister have finally agreed to our marriage...honestly speaking, ours is not a "fits-for-all" solution to all r/s opposed by parents and it is quite painful to recall the long nights of crying n endless tears...all i can say is, we are very thankful and feel blessed that everything turns out fine eventually...

We have been together for 9.5 years before getting married and our r/s was rejected by my parents and sis for the first 9 years...I am in no position to say that all r/s opposed by parents should persist cox the path taken was really really really tough...in fact, i feel for white tiramisu...all the emotional breakdowns can really be overwhelming...Even till now, I still wun dare to say I have made the right choice to persist...i juz hope that by the time we become old n our hair turns white, we are still holding each other's hand with no regrets...

With this post, I hope that all r/s that are opposed by parents will find its light at the end of the tunnel (regardless of whether the choice is to hang on or not) and a happy ending for everyone

 

[powder]

i was kinda expecting to be invited to the wedding actually... but i guess i have to make do with the joy it brings me at this time of the nite...

i guess an impt part of Life is learnt and shared here with your experience... and i'm really happy for u.

carry on that spirit... and have a great marriage! it's a roller-coaster sometimes, but the ups and downs with someone beside u, can be kinda wonderful... nitey lady.