Gg to marry without parents' blessing...sad...
- Thread starter ggoldfish
- Start date
Slog, i understand how your ex might have felt.
My in-laws(all my wife's aunts).. are either pretty rich or quite well to do..
Anyway.. I've always felt that they have this mightier than thou attitude and although on rare occasions they might be giving decent advice, to either my wife or myself, the tones used in most times is rather like talking to a 10 year old child. I have on many occasions told my wife and she just told me to stay cool and act blur.. which i still do.. thank god i don't have to go through it too often.. only once every 1 or 2 weeks.
Having said that my family used to be quite rich.. but then they lost alot their fortune over the years. Sometimes, working harder for your money makes one appreciate money more..
I just want to add that your life-story is definately well appreciated by many who have read it and I wish you all the best in your journey in life.
My in-laws(all my wife's aunts).. are either pretty rich or quite well to do..
Anyway.. I've always felt that they have this mightier than thou attitude and although on rare occasions they might be giving decent advice, to either my wife or myself, the tones used in most times is rather like talking to a 10 year old child. I have on many occasions told my wife and she just told me to stay cool and act blur.. which i still do.. thank god i don't have to go through it too often.. only once every 1 or 2 weeks.
Having said that my family used to be quite rich.. but then they lost alot their fortune over the years. Sometimes, working harder for your money makes one appreciate money more..
I just want to add that your life-story is definately well appreciated by many who have read it and I wish you all the best in your journey in life.
j & s'rene,
for the first present to ur parents, did ur bf hand it to them personally or u jux inform ur parents it was fr him? we r mentally prepared that they will throw it away n curse n swear...i was jux wondering will it seem too forceful if he appear suddenly n then jux hand them some gifts? do i need to let my parents 'warm up' first? gosh, sorry if i sound stupid or silly...
slog,
thanks for ur post...reading thru it, i can really relate to alot of scenarios how my mum will say the same thing of hw i am bringing disgrace to the family...sometimes she will become unbal out of nth n call to lecture me if she suspect tt i m out wif my bf...my bf had heard of my mum's abuse bec sometimes i will jux place the phone down n let her curse until she is satisfied...one day out of curiousity, he listen to the phone...i try to get the phone back bt he gestured to me tt he is ok, he jux wan to know wat my mum is scolding...this may sound disrecpectful to my mum but i jux cant bear to listen to all her abuse very time she call...i cant interupt her bec she will jux shout at the top of her voice n dun give me a chance to tok...i cant hang up bec she is a great serial caller...if i din ans her call, she can keep calling non-stop...highest record is 40plus missed calls...i dun off my phone bec at the back of my mind, i always afraid sth urgent will happen while my phone is off...anyway, he so happen to hear my mum calling him all sorts of names relating to his health condition, names similar to 'health freak'...he admitted he was deeply hurt, esp it was not sth he chose...bt all the abuse indirectly spur him on harder...sometimes i also wonder will he be happier wif someone else whose parents r unlike mine...nevertheless, i wish u all the best n hope ur future husband will meet the requirements set by ur mum...
for the first present to ur parents, did ur bf hand it to them personally or u jux inform ur parents it was fr him? we r mentally prepared that they will throw it away n curse n swear...i was jux wondering will it seem too forceful if he appear suddenly n then jux hand them some gifts? do i need to let my parents 'warm up' first? gosh, sorry if i sound stupid or silly...
slog,
thanks for ur post...reading thru it, i can really relate to alot of scenarios how my mum will say the same thing of hw i am bringing disgrace to the family...sometimes she will become unbal out of nth n call to lecture me if she suspect tt i m out wif my bf...my bf had heard of my mum's abuse bec sometimes i will jux place the phone down n let her curse until she is satisfied...one day out of curiousity, he listen to the phone...i try to get the phone back bt he gestured to me tt he is ok, he jux wan to know wat my mum is scolding...this may sound disrecpectful to my mum but i jux cant bear to listen to all her abuse very time she call...i cant interupt her bec she will jux shout at the top of her voice n dun give me a chance to tok...i cant hang up bec she is a great serial caller...if i din ans her call, she can keep calling non-stop...highest record is 40plus missed calls...i dun off my phone bec at the back of my mind, i always afraid sth urgent will happen while my phone is off...anyway, he so happen to hear my mum calling him all sorts of names relating to his health condition, names similar to 'health freak'...he admitted he was deeply hurt, esp it was not sth he chose...bt all the abuse indirectly spur him on harder...sometimes i also wonder will he be happier wif someone else whose parents r unlike mine...nevertheless, i wish u all the best n hope ur future husband will meet the requirements set by ur mum...
simplyserene
New Member
Hi ggoldfish... Actually the first gifts that he gave before actually visiting my place were always given by "us". If I said him only then they might say they dislike etc etc. But if I said "we" bought it, they would accept it. Only when he visited in person would he hand them the gifts personally.
Avan Lim (avante)
I'm not a graduate yet and statistically, I earn more then 70% of this entire country's population. Probably 90% if you factor it in vis-a-vis my age.
Also highly possibly more then you. Arrogant? No doubt, so what does a degree means to me. Nothing if I can't earn enough money.
So what does a degree means in this relationship. Nothing. Except the farce that degree holders are more reliable, bankable in the future yada yada yada.
Pretty bullshit and very yesterday if you ask me, but you're pretty naive to believe in this bull. Or are you just duff?
I'm not a graduate yet and statistically, I earn more then 70% of this entire country's population. Probably 90% if you factor it in vis-a-vis my age.
Also highly possibly more then you. Arrogant? No doubt, so what does a degree means to me. Nothing if I can't earn enough money.
So what does a degree means in this relationship. Nothing. Except the farce that degree holders are more reliable, bankable in the future yada yada yada.
Pretty bullshit and very yesterday if you ask me, but you're pretty naive to believe in this bull. Or are you just duff?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Lyndy, you have scientific proofs? Can you cite a published scientific report or two here...I am eagerly waiting to be enlightened further.
ggoldfish,
To answer your question on how he treated me, he was the perfect bf before marriage. Friends told me that they could tell he is a 'Mr Nice' at one look, and someone actually said,"Stop complaining. He is a good man. Full stop." He was considerate, sensitive, and put my and my kid's needs above his at all times. He told me that he believed that love can last for a lifetime, if not there's no point in a marriage. He said it depends on the couple to work on it. He said marriage is a sacred institution. He would put his family first before himself.
Wouldn't you think that such a man would make the perfect husband?
My parents were more skeptical though. They didn't oppose vehemently, but did tell me to think twice. They thought he was abit over-the-top when I tried breaking off with him when the wedding date was near. There were other details that I missed out that they didn't, but I didn't listen. I dismissed them as one-off incidents or that he loved me too much to act the way he did. But money was never the issue.
It was after marriage that I realised he's quite a perfect stranger. What he said and did after marriage was totally opposite of what he was like before marriage. I was shocked many times over but I'm trying to adjust myself to this new person that I married 2.5 yrs ago. I don't think there's a divorce reason being 'Person turned a different persona after marriage'.
Yes, I don't want you to plunge yourself into a marriage just to realise that this man whom you thought so well of is a totally different man after marriage. I'm tempted to say that love is not worth it. Some of them above are right in saying that it's better to marry a rich cheat than a poor one. I'm a living example. I don't even get child maintenance from my ex becos he won't have the money for it and he would contest the divorce if I'd asked him for it. Now that I've another baby on the way, do you think this man will give me child maintenance? I will end up supporting two kids on my own while those two irresponsible jerks will go find their true loves in life.
Learn from my mistake. You can never really tell how a man is like until you marry him.
To answer your question on how he treated me, he was the perfect bf before marriage. Friends told me that they could tell he is a 'Mr Nice' at one look, and someone actually said,"Stop complaining. He is a good man. Full stop." He was considerate, sensitive, and put my and my kid's needs above his at all times. He told me that he believed that love can last for a lifetime, if not there's no point in a marriage. He said it depends on the couple to work on it. He said marriage is a sacred institution. He would put his family first before himself.
Wouldn't you think that such a man would make the perfect husband?
My parents were more skeptical though. They didn't oppose vehemently, but did tell me to think twice. They thought he was abit over-the-top when I tried breaking off with him when the wedding date was near. There were other details that I missed out that they didn't, but I didn't listen. I dismissed them as one-off incidents or that he loved me too much to act the way he did. But money was never the issue.
It was after marriage that I realised he's quite a perfect stranger. What he said and did after marriage was totally opposite of what he was like before marriage. I was shocked many times over but I'm trying to adjust myself to this new person that I married 2.5 yrs ago. I don't think there's a divorce reason being 'Person turned a different persona after marriage'.
Yes, I don't want you to plunge yourself into a marriage just to realise that this man whom you thought so well of is a totally different man after marriage. I'm tempted to say that love is not worth it. Some of them above are right in saying that it's better to marry a rich cheat than a poor one. I'm a living example. I don't even get child maintenance from my ex becos he won't have the money for it and he would contest the divorce if I'd asked him for it. Now that I've another baby on the way, do you think this man will give me child maintenance? I will end up supporting two kids on my own while those two irresponsible jerks will go find their true loves in life.
Learn from my mistake. You can never really tell how a man is like until you marry him.
redshoes, graces lourdes n 23junie
thanks for the encouragement...your posts n real life egs give me hope...Hope i can overcome all the obstacles as well...
tulipzz
thanks for your advice...i will keep that in mind...i truly hope that ur husband will soon realise hw much he has hurt you and make up to you...
thanks for the encouragement...your posts n real life egs give me hope...Hope i can overcome all the obstacles as well...
tulipzz
thanks for your advice...i will keep that in mind...i truly hope that ur husband will soon realise hw much he has hurt you and make up to you...
miloice
Well-Known Member
"i would like to think that jobs & money aside degree holders should have better critical thinking capabilities and more developed thought processes."
Maybe u can share more on your reasons why you would like to think so. Everyone acquire our capabilities differently, there is no one way for all. It would be naive to think a degree automatically develop that.
Maybe u can share more on your reasons why you would like to think so. Everyone acquire our capabilities differently, there is no one way for all. It would be naive to think a degree automatically develop that.
lyndy (lyndy)
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i would like to think that jobs & money aside, degree holders should have better critical thinking capabilities and more developed thought processes.
it's not difficult to make good bucks in this economy, degree or no degree.}
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Your statement is the most ludicrous I have heard in a very very long time. Sadly for myself, I've seen more stupid, book mugging degree holders then I ever need to see.
There are certainly intelligent good grads, but your statement is just plain stupid.
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i would like to think that jobs & money aside, degree holders should have better critical thinking capabilities and more developed thought processes.
it's not difficult to make good bucks in this economy, degree or no degree.}
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Your statement is the most ludicrous I have heard in a very very long time. Sadly for myself, I've seen more stupid, book mugging degree holders then I ever need to see.
There are certainly intelligent good grads, but your statement is just plain stupid.
Hi Powder, I hardly think so. Just saw the thread dedicated to your goodself
Hi Michael, thanks, I really appreciate your post. U seem to be managing well with your situation - keeping your head up and above the water - and u seem to have a supportive spouse too
I guess that's what it boils down to at the end of the day - how supportive, encouraging and accepting your spouse is. She probably sees the best in you...and the best can never be measured in monetary terms.
Hi ggoldfish, thanks for your well-wishes too. I wish you all the best too...it's really not easy on you and him but you still have control of the situation, to protect him. Love is never a smooth road, and sometimes choices have to be made. U have a duty to the parents who brought you up and also a duty to the man who will be your hubsand. Striking a balance is ideal but if it can't be done, u need to take some time out and think carefully what you want and what you want to do. If you decide you want this relationship more than anything, then pls protect him...no point letting him know what awful names and terrible things your parents are saying about him...you said he is inspired to work harder knowing of the disapproval he faces, so please show him your encouragement and appreciation for his efforts. Looking back, if I had the chance to do so many things different for my past relationship, I think things may have been very different for me...but it's too late for me. Oh well.
Hi Michael, thanks, I really appreciate your post. U seem to be managing well with your situation - keeping your head up and above the water - and u seem to have a supportive spouse too
Hi ggoldfish, thanks for your well-wishes too. I wish you all the best too...it's really not easy on you and him but you still have control of the situation, to protect him. Love is never a smooth road, and sometimes choices have to be made. U have a duty to the parents who brought you up and also a duty to the man who will be your hubsand. Striking a balance is ideal but if it can't be done, u need to take some time out and think carefully what you want and what you want to do. If you decide you want this relationship more than anything, then pls protect him...no point letting him know what awful names and terrible things your parents are saying about him...you said he is inspired to work harder knowing of the disapproval he faces, so please show him your encouragement and appreciation for his efforts. Looking back, if I had the chance to do so many things different for my past relationship, I think things may have been very different for me...but it's too late for me. Oh well.
there's quite alot of frogs-in-wells who think they're in the big ocean... there's always a higher mountain whilst the man standing on the hill thinks he's very high up. worse if u conquer a little hill and want to be treated like u conquered everest. only an idiot goes around telling pple how to climb hills when the listeners are aiming for mountains. but i guess some pple are just oblivious...
sharing some further thoughts.
slog, ignore tat thread lah. very old liao...
sharing some further thoughts.
slog, ignore tat thread lah. very old liao...
Slog: Hi Michael, thanks, I really appreciate your post. U seem to be managing well with your situation - keeping your head up and above the water - and u seem to have a supportive spouse too I guess that's what it boils down to at the end of the day - how supportive, encouraging and accepting your spouse is. She probably sees the best in you...and the best can never be measured in monetary terms.
Thanks for the reply. It has not been easy, especially on the financial end of things but things seem to be taking a turn for the better for the last 6months and if the next 6months are going to be anything like it.. I do believe that the wife might be able to stop work if she wants to. I'm not really for the wife to not work but to be able to give her a change to pursue what she really wants is something I want to strive for. You are spot on, although my wife do grumble.. but who doesn't, as long as we set our expectations right, IMHO, she's supportive as she can be and you are right that some things just can't be measured on the dollar scale.
Everyone has differing views and expectations and thats why we are having debates and forum discussions. I tend to believe that there are the sceptics, the over-optimists and the "don't live life regretting what could have".
*lol*.. you seem to be in the 3rd category..
Thanks for the reply. It has not been easy, especially on the financial end of things but things seem to be taking a turn for the better for the last 6months and if the next 6months are going to be anything like it.. I do believe that the wife might be able to stop work if she wants to. I'm not really for the wife to not work but to be able to give her a change to pursue what she really wants is something I want to strive for. You are spot on, although my wife do grumble.. but who doesn't, as long as we set our expectations right, IMHO, she's supportive as she can be and you are right that some things just can't be measured on the dollar scale.
Everyone has differing views and expectations and thats why we are having debates and forum discussions. I tend to believe that there are the sceptics, the over-optimists and the "don't live life regretting what could have".
*lol*.. you seem to be in the 3rd category..
Hi Michael, you are a most lucky man. U have a gem of a wife which most men would kill for. I'm happy to read of one happy amongst the many sad ones here.
Yeah, the skeptics - cynical, bitter and jaded. The over-optimists - naive, idealistic and brash. Me? I'm currently a convert of the first group.
I used to pride myself on being rationale and not crying over spilt milk but I'd had a hella of yr.
Yeah, the skeptics - cynical, bitter and jaded. The over-optimists - naive, idealistic and brash. Me? I'm currently a convert of the first group.
I used to pride myself on being rationale and not crying over spilt milk but I'd had a hella of yr. Hi Goldfish and Lynn,
I'm in the same boat as both of you but my story even more absurd. My BF and I have dated for since school days for more than 10 years and finally he proposed at my 30th birthday after waiting for so long. I'm a Uni grad too and my bf is diploma, so we thought life together should be a problem. We got a flat and have confirmed our wedding date and venue first cause my bf said he wanted everything to settle before telling his parents, so I agreed to keep it from both his and my parents. But I got a rude shock that day when my bf annouced that we are getting married to his parents and his parents just stared at each other and then continue talking to themselves, completely dismissing us! his mum simply ignored me the whole evening and only spoke to her son when I left the house later. I don't know what exactly she told my bf but now my bf said he wants to push off the wedding plans and even willing to compensate the hotel because he said his mum felt he's not financially prepared and they will have no face if their son marries a more capable and better paid DIL, worse wants us to wait for a few more years!
I wanted to speak to her but my bf said better not and he tried to speak to her again yesterday. Now his mum has totally blown up and now has threatened that she will not be present to for our wedding aand she will not invite any of the family relative too and she will not acknowledge me as her DIL. My bf now very upset and said he's hamburgered, and if I pushed him any further, he will let go everything over his mum! I could not sleep at all and cried the whole night, i felt so down..what's wrong with me being more educated and finacially stable? I'm willing to contribute to the household. I really don't understand babout all this face thingy.. If they felt I'm not suitable for their son, she should say so earlier during the last decade of our dating not until now, when we have reach mid-life and ready to get married. have not told my parents yet, how would they think? They brought me up in good upbrings and education but now my future MIL is rejecting me for that reason?!
I'm in the same boat as both of you but my story even more absurd. My BF and I have dated for since school days for more than 10 years and finally he proposed at my 30th birthday after waiting for so long. I'm a Uni grad too and my bf is diploma, so we thought life together should be a problem. We got a flat and have confirmed our wedding date and venue first cause my bf said he wanted everything to settle before telling his parents, so I agreed to keep it from both his and my parents. But I got a rude shock that day when my bf annouced that we are getting married to his parents and his parents just stared at each other and then continue talking to themselves, completely dismissing us! his mum simply ignored me the whole evening and only spoke to her son when I left the house later. I don't know what exactly she told my bf but now my bf said he wants to push off the wedding plans and even willing to compensate the hotel because he said his mum felt he's not financially prepared and they will have no face if their son marries a more capable and better paid DIL, worse wants us to wait for a few more years!
I wanted to speak to her but my bf said better not and he tried to speak to her again yesterday. Now his mum has totally blown up and now has threatened that she will not be present to for our wedding aand she will not invite any of the family relative too and she will not acknowledge me as her DIL. My bf now very upset and said he's hamburgered, and if I pushed him any further, he will let go everything over his mum! I could not sleep at all and cried the whole night, i felt so down..what's wrong with me being more educated and finacially stable? I'm willing to contribute to the household. I really don't understand babout all this face thingy.. If they felt I'm not suitable for their son, she should say so earlier during the last decade of our dating not until now, when we have reach mid-life and ready to get married. have not told my parents yet, how would they think? They brought me up in good upbrings and education but now my future MIL is rejecting me for that reason?!
green_tranquility
New Member
Sulken,
I feel sorry for u & Bf. Your wedding and happy mood are suddenly shattered by the twist of event
If I'm u, I won't talk to bf's mum directly. I'll also leave my bf alone for a few days to sort out his thoughts before I meet him up to discuss the issue. Try to forgive your bf's words, I bet he's too stressed up now.
Your future MIL is ridiculous! She should be glad to have a DIL with higher pay cos it means that her son doesn't have to stress so much over $$.
Too lousy, in-laws hiam... Too good, in-laws also hiam. Do these parents want their sons/daughters to be monks/nuns? Their mindsets are problematic leh.
I feel sorry for u & Bf. Your wedding and happy mood are suddenly shattered by the twist of event
If I'm u, I won't talk to bf's mum directly. I'll also leave my bf alone for a few days to sort out his thoughts before I meet him up to discuss the issue. Try to forgive your bf's words, I bet he's too stressed up now.
Your future MIL is ridiculous! She should be glad to have a DIL with higher pay cos it means that her son doesn't have to stress so much over $$.
Too lousy, in-laws hiam... Too good, in-laws also hiam. Do these parents want their sons/daughters to be monks/nuns? Their mindsets are problematic leh.
i just hope this stupid education disparity stereotypes will go away when our generation become parents... seriously, what good has it done any of our brain-washed old folks??
let it start with us to eradicate this...
Sulken, give it time... most times when dealing with old folks, problems may seem tough becos we're juniors, but changing the way u look at them and handle them would be a good start to getting their approval...
typically, when pple act like kids, their parents will treat them like kids. it starts today, now, as soon as u can... to be an adult-equal...
let it start with us to eradicate this...
Sulken, give it time... most times when dealing with old folks, problems may seem tough becos we're juniors, but changing the way u look at them and handle them would be a good start to getting their approval...
typically, when pple act like kids, their parents will treat them like kids. it starts today, now, as soon as u can... to be an adult-equal...
While zooming at his parents' ridiculous stereotype, my perspective is more towards your fiance's approach on this issue.
I have a huge problem with his escape route whilst facing parents' objection. what the? hamburgered, so he threatened to let go of the oats over his mum's comments since you are on the same boat as well? isn't he a freaking mummy's boy or wat?
yes, give your future in-laws time to absorb the reality that their son is not earning as much as you (on the other spectrum, lotsa diploma holders are earning above $5k n above.).
give them time that their son will be earning that $X amount +++ for the next ten yrs.
And they wanna give your fiance a few yrs to catch up with you? As if your own salary will not increase as well.
Look sulken, Rem that you are someone who is capable of earning your own keep. Don't ever let such stupid stereotypes to get you. Your fiance is obviously still immature and short-sighted based on his Approach, and i suggest that you should tell him to Buck up or else he won't be marrying you liao. Anyway, it's his parents' wishes right?
I have a huge problem with his escape route whilst facing parents' objection. what the? hamburgered, so he threatened to let go of the oats over his mum's comments since you are on the same boat as well? isn't he a freaking mummy's boy or wat?
yes, give your future in-laws time to absorb the reality that their son is not earning as much as you (on the other spectrum, lotsa diploma holders are earning above $5k n above.).
give them time that their son will be earning that $X amount +++ for the next ten yrs.
And they wanna give your fiance a few yrs to catch up with you? As if your own salary will not increase as well.
Look sulken, Rem that you are someone who is capable of earning your own keep. Don't ever let such stupid stereotypes to get you. Your fiance is obviously still immature and short-sighted based on his Approach, and i suggest that you should tell him to Buck up or else he won't be marrying you liao. Anyway, it's his parents' wishes right?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Well, some people still hold a fixated mindset about relationship or marriage success. For example:
- The man has to be older than the woman;
- Even when the man is older it must not exceed X number of years;
- The man must be more educated than the woman;
- The man must earn more than the woman;
- Etc, etc, etc
If the above parametres work, it would be so easy to matchmake people and there won't be single people on earth.
- The man has to be older than the woman;
- Even when the man is older it must not exceed X number of years;
- The man must be more educated than the woman;
- The man must earn more than the woman;
- Etc, etc, etc
If the above parametres work, it would be so easy to matchmake people and there won't be single people on earth.
green,
u r right...my mum did say tt she rather i become a nun than to be wif my bf...
sulken,
i feel so sorry to hear tat...esp urs is like dropping bombshell with no pre-warning...i suppose ur bf's parents ve been treating u quite well, with no hint tt they mind u r higher educated than ur bf, tt's y both of u tot of giving them a surprise? i can imagine hw appalled u mux be upon knowing his mum's concern...i am wondering is it bec his mum is afraid tt by having higher earning power, it makes her son looks henpeck? N she is afraid tt her son will nt listen to her anymore after wedding...
i know u mux be feeling super down, esp after wat ur bf said...give him some time, i understand the kind of pressure he is gg thru...i'm sure he loves u alot, if nt he will nt be gg thru the process of searching wedding date n venue wif u...he needs some time to sort out his tots, to think of solutions to pacify his mum...Man r sometimes diff fr woman...they need tat peace to brainstorm...he may be turn off if u keep bringing up the topic to him...i read fr 'Men from Mars, women from Venus'(forget if title 100% right) tat men hate confrontation...although i understand sometimes it is hard to control the urge to ask him, esp if u feel age is catching up n u hope to settle down soon...
But as long as his parents still welcome u to their hse, hope is still burning brightly(still thinking hard of a way to let my bf meet my parents w/o bloodshed)...let them know tat u will still treat them the same even after this episode...N rem nvr to let ur parents know abt it...if nt they may feel insulted that their daughter kana rejected...it will nt be gd if ur parents harbour -ve tot as well...look fr the bright side, at least they are nt forcing both of u to break up, they jux need some time to digest the fact...anyway, perhaps u can suggest for ur bf to upgrade his occupation? it wld be better for both of u financially as well...
when is ur wedding date? I sugggest nt to cancel it first...it will be a waste if ur bf's parents soften shortly after n u guys will lose the deposit...anyway, normally the hotel/ restaurant will let u postponed to a later ava date at no extra charge if there is a need...
Hope our parental issue will be resolved soon...
u r right...my mum did say tt she rather i become a nun than to be wif my bf...
sulken,
i feel so sorry to hear tat...esp urs is like dropping bombshell with no pre-warning...i suppose ur bf's parents ve been treating u quite well, with no hint tt they mind u r higher educated than ur bf, tt's y both of u tot of giving them a surprise? i can imagine hw appalled u mux be upon knowing his mum's concern...i am wondering is it bec his mum is afraid tt by having higher earning power, it makes her son looks henpeck? N she is afraid tt her son will nt listen to her anymore after wedding...
i know u mux be feeling super down, esp after wat ur bf said...give him some time, i understand the kind of pressure he is gg thru...i'm sure he loves u alot, if nt he will nt be gg thru the process of searching wedding date n venue wif u...he needs some time to sort out his tots, to think of solutions to pacify his mum...Man r sometimes diff fr woman...they need tat peace to brainstorm...he may be turn off if u keep bringing up the topic to him...i read fr 'Men from Mars, women from Venus'(forget if title 100% right) tat men hate confrontation...although i understand sometimes it is hard to control the urge to ask him, esp if u feel age is catching up n u hope to settle down soon...
But as long as his parents still welcome u to their hse, hope is still burning brightly(still thinking hard of a way to let my bf meet my parents w/o bloodshed)...let them know tat u will still treat them the same even after this episode...N rem nvr to let ur parents know abt it...if nt they may feel insulted that their daughter kana rejected...it will nt be gd if ur parents harbour -ve tot as well...look fr the bright side, at least they are nt forcing both of u to break up, they jux need some time to digest the fact...anyway, perhaps u can suggest for ur bf to upgrade his occupation? it wld be better for both of u financially as well...
when is ur wedding date? I sugggest nt to cancel it first...it will be a waste if ur bf's parents soften shortly after n u guys will lose the deposit...anyway, normally the hotel/ restaurant will let u postponed to a later ava date at no extra charge if there is a need...
Hope our parental issue will be resolved soon...
Hi ggoldfish,
Our wedding is set in coming Dec but I have gave up hope after I tried to reason with his parents yesterday. Well, it seems its just their face and ego thing that cannot be changed no matter how much reassurance I gave to their excuses. The silly excuses on education status, salary status all gets down to one thing, I realised from their angered, insulting words- FACE!
All of you are right, they claimed I'm too outspoken for them when i managed to rebutt them in every rediculous excuse they caame up with and they finally blew out that they are worried that we will cast them away after marriage and they simply hate the idea that I'm paying for everything. No matter how much I beg them and swallow the blame they put on me, they just said marriage is out of question until their son's education and pay matches mine. Worse, the man who claimed to love me so much, simply sat still and quiet without even showing support when I'm fighting for both of us. His parents' insulting words is one thing but the utimatum is that he does not even dare to say a single word when his parents asked if he's with me! I'm totally hurt and disappointed with him, his coward reaction of keeping silent made his parents more determined that it was all my fault all along and now they are dame sure its me who's pushing their goody son and not our decision together as I claimed.
I apologiesd to them if I have been rude or upright in my words and left the house hoping still that my Bf would stop me or come after me but he didn't. He actually opened the gates and sent me off without saying a single word!!! How could I trust this man that he would walk down the altar with me?
I have not told my parents about my decision yet, I cried the whole night not knowing how to break the news to them without bringing hurt to them too. The money that i spent on- the HDB deposit, BS and banquet and my years of youth wasted on him, how am I to get these back?
Even if I'm willing to wait another 8-10years for him to be successful in his career, would that change the parents' mindset of me now that we have confronted each other?
At the very least, as I shedded my tears while writing these, I know I put up a strong struggle to protect the relationship and I have no regrets knowing I tried but failed.
GGoldfish, I really hope you will have better luck with your parents cause at least you are willing to show them you are in support of your Bf and you are willing to stand by him. Believe me, this would really mean a lot to your Bf.
Our wedding is set in coming Dec but I have gave up hope after I tried to reason with his parents yesterday. Well, it seems its just their face and ego thing that cannot be changed no matter how much reassurance I gave to their excuses. The silly excuses on education status, salary status all gets down to one thing, I realised from their angered, insulting words- FACE!
All of you are right, they claimed I'm too outspoken for them when i managed to rebutt them in every rediculous excuse they caame up with and they finally blew out that they are worried that we will cast them away after marriage and they simply hate the idea that I'm paying for everything. No matter how much I beg them and swallow the blame they put on me, they just said marriage is out of question until their son's education and pay matches mine. Worse, the man who claimed to love me so much, simply sat still and quiet without even showing support when I'm fighting for both of us. His parents' insulting words is one thing but the utimatum is that he does not even dare to say a single word when his parents asked if he's with me! I'm totally hurt and disappointed with him, his coward reaction of keeping silent made his parents more determined that it was all my fault all along and now they are dame sure its me who's pushing their goody son and not our decision together as I claimed.
I apologiesd to them if I have been rude or upright in my words and left the house hoping still that my Bf would stop me or come after me but he didn't. He actually opened the gates and sent me off without saying a single word!!! How could I trust this man that he would walk down the altar with me?
I have not told my parents about my decision yet, I cried the whole night not knowing how to break the news to them without bringing hurt to them too. The money that i spent on- the HDB deposit, BS and banquet and my years of youth wasted on him, how am I to get these back?
Even if I'm willing to wait another 8-10years for him to be successful in his career, would that change the parents' mindset of me now that we have confronted each other?
At the very least, as I shedded my tears while writing these, I know I put up a strong struggle to protect the relationship and I have no regrets knowing I tried but failed.
GGoldfish, I really hope you will have better luck with your parents cause at least you are willing to show them you are in support of your Bf and you are willing to stand by him. Believe me, this would really mean a lot to your Bf.
green_tranquility
New Member
Procodin,
U must have felt your world suddenly collapsed on you now. Sigh...
It's a blessing in disguise that you found out about your Bf's "mummy's boy" trait before the wedding. If your bf can't offer you support in front of his parents, you will face even more problems in the years down the road. From the MIL threads, you can read up how much sufferings that the wives of these mummy's boys had to go through. It's easier to cancel a wedding than settle a divorce (which takes years). I can say that your bf is not worthy of u.
Take care.
U must have felt your world suddenly collapsed on you now. Sigh...
It's a blessing in disguise that you found out about your Bf's "mummy's boy" trait before the wedding. If your bf can't offer you support in front of his parents, you will face even more problems in the years down the road. From the MIL threads, you can read up how much sufferings that the wives of these mummy's boys had to go through. It's easier to cancel a wedding than settle a divorce (which takes years). I can say that your bf is not worthy of u.
Take care.
Hi Procodin,
If I were to play Devil's Advocate, I would say that may be it's not just a matter of face, but also that they are concerned their son would be "hen-pecked" and "controlled" by you given his lower salary and education level and then...because of the ill feelings between them and you, their son would "cast them away" when they are old and side with you instead. Other than this reason which focuses on themselves, another concern they might have is that their son will not be happy in a relationship where the wife domineers and controls due to her capability and that the r/s between you and their son will be doomed to failure due to the inequal balance of power between the two of you. They fear you will not give the son the respect a man should have and that is why they want their son to match you in salary and educational level first before marrying you. If I can guess correctly, for his parents, the mother will be submissive to the husband or at least, defer in the end to the husband's will. The fact that you rebutt them (and they consider you outspoken) while your HTB sits there in meek and humble silence reinforces the concern that you wear the "pants" in the relationship and that their son will not be happy and that they will be cast aside by their son if you tell him to.
U can't get back what you have spent...but you really need to communicate with your HTB and hear his point of view and to express your concerns and fears. I am already concerned that your HTB might pull out at the very last minute if his parents refuse to go for the wedding too. It takes TWO to make a relationship work. His parents mindset may change slowly over time but what matters is your HTB's attitude and decision, not so much his parents.
If I were to play Devil's Advocate, I would say that may be it's not just a matter of face, but also that they are concerned their son would be "hen-pecked" and "controlled" by you given his lower salary and education level and then...because of the ill feelings between them and you, their son would "cast them away" when they are old and side with you instead. Other than this reason which focuses on themselves, another concern they might have is that their son will not be happy in a relationship where the wife domineers and controls due to her capability and that the r/s between you and their son will be doomed to failure due to the inequal balance of power between the two of you. They fear you will not give the son the respect a man should have and that is why they want their son to match you in salary and educational level first before marrying you. If I can guess correctly, for his parents, the mother will be submissive to the husband or at least, defer in the end to the husband's will. The fact that you rebutt them (and they consider you outspoken) while your HTB sits there in meek and humble silence reinforces the concern that you wear the "pants" in the relationship and that their son will not be happy and that they will be cast aside by their son if you tell him to.
U can't get back what you have spent...but you really need to communicate with your HTB and hear his point of view and to express your concerns and fears. I am already concerned that your HTB might pull out at the very last minute if his parents refuse to go for the wedding too. It takes TWO to make a relationship work. His parents mindset may change slowly over time but what matters is your HTB's attitude and decision, not so much his parents.
green_tranquility
New Member
Procodin,
Slog is correct. The key is your bf's attitude and whether he will work hard on persuading his parents.
Slog is correct. The key is your bf's attitude and whether he will work hard on persuading his parents.
procodin,
my heart felt heavy reading wat happened tt day to you...u mux be feeling super helpless n vulnerable at tt moment...perhaps, for slight comfort, at least his family nt violent like mine, anyhow wan to resort to violence...at least they give u a chance to speak ur mind...during heated moments, most of the exchange r usu negative n neither side wan to back down...perhaps give them a while to let the news sink into them...i understand the disappointment felt when ur bf did nt stand up for u...bt wat is his character like? is he the quiet kind that hates quarrels or is he jux simply bo chap? in the meanwhile, if both if u determined to carry on the r/s, best is to treat as if nth happen and continue to do ur part of visiting them n buying for them things tt they like...dun mention abt the wedding issue until 1 or 2 mths later...Coming father's day may be a gd chance...
i hope ur bf did contact u these 2 days n feel sorry for wat u went thru...Most importantly, upon knowing his parents' concern, did he make any plans to improve the situation? I mean, such as upgrading his edu level n find a job wif higher pay? u will know it is worth the wait if he has the will n determination to fulfil his parents' face issue...one thing tt struck me as odd is whether he knew tt his parents' concern all along or did he only get to know it now? If he knew it early, at least both of u can work out something during ur last decade of courtship...if his parents nvr express disapproval until nw, it is really unfair for both of u...hw did his parents treat u b4 this incident? is tis an excuse for some other untold reason? anyway, dun think they will go around announcing tt their future DIL is more capable than their son...
As for watever tt has been paid, i suggest to put everything on hold first till further confirmation...dun cancel anything yet...
Sincerely hope tt ur wedding in dec will proceed smoothly after overcoming this hurdle...
my heart felt heavy reading wat happened tt day to you...u mux be feeling super helpless n vulnerable at tt moment...perhaps, for slight comfort, at least his family nt violent like mine, anyhow wan to resort to violence...at least they give u a chance to speak ur mind...during heated moments, most of the exchange r usu negative n neither side wan to back down...perhaps give them a while to let the news sink into them...i understand the disappointment felt when ur bf did nt stand up for u...bt wat is his character like? is he the quiet kind that hates quarrels or is he jux simply bo chap? in the meanwhile, if both if u determined to carry on the r/s, best is to treat as if nth happen and continue to do ur part of visiting them n buying for them things tt they like...dun mention abt the wedding issue until 1 or 2 mths later...Coming father's day may be a gd chance...
i hope ur bf did contact u these 2 days n feel sorry for wat u went thru...Most importantly, upon knowing his parents' concern, did he make any plans to improve the situation? I mean, such as upgrading his edu level n find a job wif higher pay? u will know it is worth the wait if he has the will n determination to fulfil his parents' face issue...one thing tt struck me as odd is whether he knew tt his parents' concern all along or did he only get to know it now? If he knew it early, at least both of u can work out something during ur last decade of courtship...if his parents nvr express disapproval until nw, it is really unfair for both of u...hw did his parents treat u b4 this incident? is tis an excuse for some other untold reason? anyway, dun think they will go around announcing tt their future DIL is more capable than their son...
As for watever tt has been paid, i suggest to put everything on hold first till further confirmation...dun cancel anything yet...
Sincerely hope tt ur wedding in dec will proceed smoothly after overcoming this hurdle...
green_tranquility
New Member
Just for info, we can sell off the bridal studio, banquet etc contracts at cheaper prices at Market thread. This will reduce our losses.
powder,
i fully understand how the tax structure works.
it's ridiculous that you assume i don't just because i voiced out i wanted to appeal.
about my statement about grads having better critical thinking capabilities & other qualities,
well, why do investment banks employ only the top graduates? would they even consider non grads?
i fully understand how the tax structure works.
it's ridiculous that you assume i don't just because i voiced out i wanted to appeal.
about my statement about grads having better critical thinking capabilities & other qualities,
well, why do investment banks employ only the top graduates? would they even consider non grads?
hi lyndy,
i'm seldom convinced when a rhetoric question is thrown to rebutt. well the keyword there is "top" preceding graduates, isn't it? and u're incorrect to say they employ "only" the top graduates... so much for critical thinking...
well if u understand how the tax structure works, and having the critical thinking capability, i'm sure u'd realise the fairness in the structure and appeal being futile based on your feelings, as opposed to your ability to critically find a flaw in the taxation. it's actually more ridiculous that u started a thread to question the taxing, than for me to question u. besides, u didn't exactly reply what u started.
in making tat short statement abt investment banks above, am i to assume that u are referring to the good pay-packages often associated with these banks? and can i in turn assume that associating top graduates with these banks, and in turn associating yourself as a grad to these top-grads - tat u're somehow connecting your grad-status to some sort of prestige and better earning capability?
and u think the grad-quality there is becos of critical thinking capability which non-grads are incapable of?
honestly, a person of character does not need to use any associations to lend weight... whether it be academic or wealth.
i'm no grad, but if it's critical thinking u're comparing, then i can probably put 90% of your cohort to shame. of cos all these are just words and mean nothing where there's nothing to prove in any case... i have nothing against grad nor phds nor those who achieve academic excellence... i do however have a problem with grads who think they are better simply by tat paper alone.
i'm seldom convinced when a rhetoric question is thrown to rebutt. well the keyword there is "top" preceding graduates, isn't it? and u're incorrect to say they employ "only" the top graduates... so much for critical thinking...
well if u understand how the tax structure works, and having the critical thinking capability, i'm sure u'd realise the fairness in the structure and appeal being futile based on your feelings, as opposed to your ability to critically find a flaw in the taxation. it's actually more ridiculous that u started a thread to question the taxing, than for me to question u. besides, u didn't exactly reply what u started.
in making tat short statement abt investment banks above, am i to assume that u are referring to the good pay-packages often associated with these banks? and can i in turn assume that associating top graduates with these banks, and in turn associating yourself as a grad to these top-grads - tat u're somehow connecting your grad-status to some sort of prestige and better earning capability?
and u think the grad-quality there is becos of critical thinking capability which non-grads are incapable of?
honestly, a person of character does not need to use any associations to lend weight... whether it be academic or wealth.
i'm no grad, but if it's critical thinking u're comparing, then i can probably put 90% of your cohort to shame. of cos all these are just words and mean nothing where there's nothing to prove in any case... i have nothing against grad nor phds nor those who achieve academic excellence... i do however have a problem with grads who think they are better simply by tat paper alone.
green_tranquility
New Member
Michael,
I believe u! It's nothing surprising to me. I find how one performs at the interview has far more impact on the employer's decision than one's cert.
I believe u! It's nothing surprising to me. I find how one performs at the interview has far more impact on the employer's decision than one's cert.
Hi all,
jux an update of wat we ve done n my parents' reaction so far...n perhaps need some more advice as well...
On dumpling festival, he bought some dumplings for my family bt we dun dare to let him bring to my hse personally yet...tot of let my parents' 'warm up' first...anyway, i left the dumpling on the kitchen table cox my parents only reached hm after i slept...nex morn, my mum asked n i told her it was fr him...i was expecting tt she will throw away the dumplings right in front of me...surprisingly, she jux said "since he already bought then nvm, in future ask hm nt to buy anything again n dun let ur dad know it is fr him...i dun wan to quarrel wif u..." seeing her mild reaction, i took it as a positive reaction n tot there was a glimpse of hope after all...
then on the fri b4 father's day, i pass my dad the present tt we shared...as my dad was sleeping at tt time, he jux took, thanked me n went back to sleep...together wif the present is actually a letter i wrote to my dad telling him how i feel n the efforts we ve put in to gain their recognition, hw we went to do research n learnt of ways to prevent relapse of his conditions n real life eg of pple we knew who nvr suffer relapse as long as they live healthily...i was hoping they can find it easier to absorb thru letter as it was always hard to listen to my explanations during heated quarrels...throughout the whole day, there was no calls fr my mum to lecture me...i was thinking there is only 2 possibilities, lst is my dad keep the present quietly(which i was hoping as a positive reaction as well), 2nd is the present will be back to my table... true enough, when i get hm, the present was on my table wif the letter...i cried wif disappointment bt it was sth within my expectations anyway...on the same day, my mum wrote a note n placed on the living room dining table which indicated sth like 'y there is no peace in the hse, n dunno y they slog so hard for wat...'obvious the note was there for me to see...
my parents, or shd i say, me n my parents, r great at pretending tt nth happened...the next evening we met at orchard for father's day dinner n there was no mention of the present...we tok normally, as if the thing nvr happen...think they r tired of all the quarrels n lecture as well, so might as well pretend nth happened...
tt nite, my bro n his gf gave my dad a present which my dad asked me to keep in my bag first...i was thinking to place tt present together wif my present n put in my parent's room when i ve the chance...when i reach hm, i place the 2 presents together...i ve no chance on sun so i tot this morn will be gd...this morn, when i went to take the presents, the one which my bro shared wif his gf were gone, only mine were left there...i think my mum went into my room n took tt present bt left mine there...i was quite speechless bt i din say anything...
one of my fren advised me to approach my dad openly n asked him abt the present...she asked me to jux accept watever insults my dad is gg to rain on me n tok nicely to him...bt i really quite tired of confrontation n feel like jux writing another note to my dad, telling him tt we searched the present for quite a while, bt it is ok if he really dislike it n throw it away, jux dun return it back to me...cox i find it pointless if they jux return me everything we give n then treat as if nth happen...i nw suppose my mum din throw away the dumplings jux bec she dun wan to waste food...if we give her sth for her bday in aug, i think she will jux give it back to me as well...
any advise what i shd do with the returned present?
jux an update of wat we ve done n my parents' reaction so far...n perhaps need some more advice as well...
On dumpling festival, he bought some dumplings for my family bt we dun dare to let him bring to my hse personally yet...tot of let my parents' 'warm up' first...anyway, i left the dumpling on the kitchen table cox my parents only reached hm after i slept...nex morn, my mum asked n i told her it was fr him...i was expecting tt she will throw away the dumplings right in front of me...surprisingly, she jux said "since he already bought then nvm, in future ask hm nt to buy anything again n dun let ur dad know it is fr him...i dun wan to quarrel wif u..." seeing her mild reaction, i took it as a positive reaction n tot there was a glimpse of hope after all...
then on the fri b4 father's day, i pass my dad the present tt we shared...as my dad was sleeping at tt time, he jux took, thanked me n went back to sleep...together wif the present is actually a letter i wrote to my dad telling him how i feel n the efforts we ve put in to gain their recognition, hw we went to do research n learnt of ways to prevent relapse of his conditions n real life eg of pple we knew who nvr suffer relapse as long as they live healthily...i was hoping they can find it easier to absorb thru letter as it was always hard to listen to my explanations during heated quarrels...throughout the whole day, there was no calls fr my mum to lecture me...i was thinking there is only 2 possibilities, lst is my dad keep the present quietly(which i was hoping as a positive reaction as well), 2nd is the present will be back to my table... true enough, when i get hm, the present was on my table wif the letter...i cried wif disappointment bt it was sth within my expectations anyway...on the same day, my mum wrote a note n placed on the living room dining table which indicated sth like 'y there is no peace in the hse, n dunno y they slog so hard for wat...'obvious the note was there for me to see...
my parents, or shd i say, me n my parents, r great at pretending tt nth happened...the next evening we met at orchard for father's day dinner n there was no mention of the present...we tok normally, as if the thing nvr happen...think they r tired of all the quarrels n lecture as well, so might as well pretend nth happened...
tt nite, my bro n his gf gave my dad a present which my dad asked me to keep in my bag first...i was thinking to place tt present together wif my present n put in my parent's room when i ve the chance...when i reach hm, i place the 2 presents together...i ve no chance on sun so i tot this morn will be gd...this morn, when i went to take the presents, the one which my bro shared wif his gf were gone, only mine were left there...i think my mum went into my room n took tt present bt left mine there...i was quite speechless bt i din say anything...
one of my fren advised me to approach my dad openly n asked him abt the present...she asked me to jux accept watever insults my dad is gg to rain on me n tok nicely to him...bt i really quite tired of confrontation n feel like jux writing another note to my dad, telling him tt we searched the present for quite a while, bt it is ok if he really dislike it n throw it away, jux dun return it back to me...cox i find it pointless if they jux return me everything we give n then treat as if nth happen...i nw suppose my mum din throw away the dumplings jux bec she dun wan to waste food...if we give her sth for her bday in aug, i think she will jux give it back to me as well...
any advise what i shd do with the returned present?
there's actually a few periods where u could have touched on the topic... honestly instead of playing the 'who took the present who didn't take the present' thing, it might have been better to to do the 'u dun like my present meh' thing.
but thing i must say... might have been better that it came from u only...
but thing i must say... might have been better that it came from u only...
powder,
i suppose u meant to ask my dad directly y the present was back to me?
as for y i told them the present was fr 'us' is bec all these yrs we ve avoided mentioning him...bt from some of the advice gathered, i think it is time(in fact, we think it might be a bit late) for his existence to take place...think i ve been running away fr facing the problem far too many times...we hope to make gd use of this period b4 our wedding to show my parents his sincerity...Hope it works eventually...
i suppose u meant to ask my dad directly y the present was back to me?
as for y i told them the present was fr 'us' is bec all these yrs we ve avoided mentioning him...bt from some of the advice gathered, i think it is time(in fact, we think it might be a bit late) for his existence to take place...think i ve been running away fr facing the problem far too many times...we hope to make gd use of this period b4 our wedding to show my parents his sincerity...Hope it works eventually...
yup, it's abt time... just tat perhaps from my perspective, father's day isn't the best time cos a father/daughter relationship is abit more sacred than to let an unvited bfren in. but nonetheless u're taking the right approach, just the wrong occasion... (doesn't mean u're wrong, i'm just sharing from my perspective as a father).
but kudos to u, u're gonna be making up for some lost time here so dun be too disappointed or quick to be upset... just keep trying... when u've tried to a certain amount of time, u can be more directly and ask dad why he isn't accepting this fella...
for him to show his sincerity, to be honest - it's wat he does alone... not wat he does with your aid that matters... honestly as one point if i was your bfren, i would have visited your parents without your knowledge to have a chat with them as adults, and as the man who wants to marry their daughter... and not having to need your presence everytime. of cos, this is something u CANNOT suggest to him, otherwise u'll give him undue pressure... but it's something tat guys may have to do - in a sort of 'asking for the daughter's hand in marriage' way...
good start though... take this approach in Life, dun swallow the words or let the unsaid words be drowned in your fears... Your seeking-to-be-together is not wrong, so dun treat it like something tat's wrong which u have to feel bad about. feel proud and keep the faith alive...
but kudos to u, u're gonna be making up for some lost time here so dun be too disappointed or quick to be upset... just keep trying... when u've tried to a certain amount of time, u can be more directly and ask dad why he isn't accepting this fella...
for him to show his sincerity, to be honest - it's wat he does alone... not wat he does with your aid that matters... honestly as one point if i was your bfren, i would have visited your parents without your knowledge to have a chat with them as adults, and as the man who wants to marry their daughter... and not having to need your presence everytime. of cos, this is something u CANNOT suggest to him, otherwise u'll give him undue pressure... but it's something tat guys may have to do - in a sort of 'asking for the daughter's hand in marriage' way...
good start though... take this approach in Life, dun swallow the words or let the unsaid words be drowned in your fears... Your seeking-to-be-together is not wrong, so dun treat it like something tat's wrong which u have to feel bad about. feel proud and keep the faith alive...
for all who knew abt my story, my bf n me r planning to give my parent a visit at home... but we dun intend to inform them beforehand as we r sure my parents wun agree n jux in case my dad had a chance to get his parang ready...do u guys think this plan is workable for them to ve a first meet-up? Will my parents be even more pissed off tt he dare to step into the hse w/o being invited? We r ready for failure this time round...jux listing the possibilities...
simplyserene
New Member
ggoldfish... jia you! All the best!!!
simplyserene
New Member
Hey ggoldfish... how did things go? Did it go okay for you both?
holiday_ger
New Member
Hi ggoldfish, pardon me for asking u this question. Hv you ever seriously think about why do u want to hold on so tightly to an imperfect relationship? Does this relationship bring more happiness or agony to u and ur partner?
i knw u will feel upset to see this post. my apology. u cn ignore this post if u r juz looking for ppl to support u and ur relationship.
i knw u will feel upset to see this post. my apology. u cn ignore this post if u r juz looking for ppl to support u and ur relationship.