Getting married, need some advice on hubby's family issue

L

littlebride2008

New Member
I'm getting married this Dec. Afterwhich, I will be living with my hubby @ his house till we get our flat (BTO). But the problem is, my hubby's family are babysitting a girl since she's baby now she's 17. They treat her like family. But the girl is very rude and disrepesctful to everybody. Since I step into his family, guess she scare other will take away her status in the family which happen when my hubby's niece was born 2 years ago.

The girl pinch & beat his niece secretly when noone is watching my hubby happen to saw a few times but didn't voice out as his family is quite protective to the girl as not their own ma until recently my hubby's nephew is born and attention is switch to baby boy den the girl stops her behaviour & treat the baby boy very good so that she regain her stands. Well... she didn't like me since I get to know her, & she always do things behind their back to harm me or hurt me. Recently, she gets my hubby's niece to scold me which I ask the niece why she so naughty den she told me the girl ask her to do it, well a 3 years old little girl will definitely tells do wat others tell her as she cannot differentiate from right & wrong but she will also tell the truth when question.

I have no idea when she will leave & go back to her father but before she leave, I will need to face her till I get my flat. How...? Can someone please advise me?

P.S: She's very scare of my hubby cos he's very fierce & my hubby is the only one that scold her since young as she treat my MIL like maid and servant, thus she turns to hate him & now she's turning all her hatred towards him to me, as I'm not really his family member so no matter wat I said oso no use. My hubby cannot do anything although she scare him cos she's very cunning (know how to make use of ppl) & his family are very defensive towards her as she are able to turn the family to hell which happens before. & she lives, eats all on my hubby's family w/o contribute except her father every month S$300 to my MIL.

This may sounds like TV drama but it's true. Please advice me what I should do..
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I feel you should have a chat with ur hb and see what he feels about this. There are other alternatives to staying with your ILs.. like renting or staying with your parents. but these may not be what you and your hb want for the moment. There is no perfect solution in life - we just need to find the best way out. If the best way is to stay with your ILs, then see how your hb can make the best of the situation.

If I were in your shoes, I'd ask my hb to consider renting or staying with my parents. If not possible, or if it's better to stay with ILs, then I'd ask my hb to give his promise that he will deal with whatever unhappiness that may result from us staying with ILs as a result of the 17 yr old gal. It's easier to deal with own family than to deal with ILs. DIL shouldn't deal with ILs directly and hb needs to deal with issues very tactfully. In any case, I would still mantain a reasonable stand and try to be as tolerant as possible before sounding alarm bells to hb instead of jumping at everything. So far, I feel that it is bearable that a niece scolds me and an outsider treats MIL like maid. She did not try hurt the relationship between hb and me, and she did not try to poison or harm me. Marriage is between 2 people. THat's all that matters. TOwards other parties like extended family members, outsiders, ILs, just need to tolerate them. no need to love them. That's how I feel.
 
I feel you should not be 'scared' by her, and let her know that you aren't about to pushed around by her.

You should take your stand as the daughter in law of the family, be firm towards her and dont ever let her order you around, once you take a step back, she will definitely take advantage of it.

Do not behave meekly in front of her!
 
Well... she tries to destroy my relationshi with my husband and his family. She badmouth me in front of my husband's family, giving them a bad image about me. & she also treat me very badly in front of their relatives and bang her door whenever I walk passed her room to my husband's room. That's quite upsetting, and she will create trouble to let us know that she dares to...
 
babbylon

i agree with catus that you should talk to ur hubby and look for other alternatives. Staying away from her is not that you are scared of her but it's better for u and hubby in the long run so that hubby will not be stuck in between especially when his family is protective towards the gal. If his family choose to suffer and tolerate such a character in their house, that's their problem. But marriage and living together is between u and ur hubby. you should live your lives happily and not being affected by other people. If your hubby parents are not happy with the decision so be it. Sometimes we have to stand up for ourselves than to suffer in silence.

Wish you all the best of luck. Hope your hubby is on your side supporting you.

God bless.
 
i am a little lost..... this "17 yr old" girl is not family member blood? and she is being so protective? why? where is her parents? don't tell me it is some uncle / aunty daughter ask your parents to help take care ar?

I agreed with cactus and joen.. no way you need to compromise this!! she would never like you no matter how good you treat her. Put a stand and make sure your hubby understand it at the start that the problem is her and after a long day at work, you do not need to see her "black face"!!
 
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