Getting ex bf back

mozzarella

New Member
he wanted to but i tot it was funny and laughed it off, instead i told him he would just have to do without "it" until i'm sure :p
 


jojo24

New Member
Thanks mozz..

but milo did u woo back your wife or ?
but i heard that it is easier for men to woo back the girl as girls are more easily touched.
As for girl to woo back men.. will it be possible too?
 

pinkhippo2002

New Member
jojo

any idea why he agreed to the breakup? since he mentioned there are some things he's unhappy about

has it occur to you the possiblity that he's waiting for you to initiate this breakup?

such as intentionally ignoring you, you will be unhappy naturally
 

jojo24

New Member
maybe he also not sure what to do with the r/s so keep dragging on.. so when i send the msg to him, he took the chance to say out thus agreed to the breakup..
 

mozzarella

New Member
It's man's nature to do the chasing (hunting) So to try to chase man it's kind of like upsetting the nature. A man will find more thrill in chasing then being chased. Thats why it's easier for men to woo girls. Hmmm jojo, pm me your email addy, i'll mail you some things to read up on. maybe able to help you bah.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
jojo...
it has nothing to do with who's easily touched. Frankly... I have done alot of more touching and stupid mushy stuffs in my earlier yrs.

I learnt to realize its not what we do that decides the outcome. It is not a math equation where things are simple as 1+1=2. It takes 2 to clap. You can touch someone alot, but it doesn't mean they would appreciate and accept things the way we wish for.
 

jojo24

New Member
hi all just some updates..

i msg him yesterday and he did reply but he took quite a while to reply..

i just want to keep in contact with him so that if we got a chance to meet we will not feel weird..

i wan to give it a try before giving up..
 

advisor00

New Member
To the thread starter who had asked for advice.

Forget about your ex-bf and move on in life.

Find your own happiness.

Cheers
 

koikoi

New Member
jojo,

First, if he is willing to try out, then you can go ahead, no problem at all...
But if he refuse and you wont bear to give it up, no matter how hard you try, things will still remain the way they are now... If possible, move on... there's sure someone better down the road...
happy.gif
all the best...
 

latino

New Member
jojo, i hv always experienced, when one door closes, many will be open. you never know, you could be meeting your MR RIGHT somewhere out there. why put false hopes on this relationship. i see a tinge of expectation... an expectation that if you give it a another try, there is a chance of rekindling. well, let's just say, no expectation, no disappointment.

if he is yours, he will come back. if he doesnt, it was never meant to be... so take this as life experience.

get out and meet ppl. widen yr circle of friends. and like many hv advised you, MOVE ON and FIND YOUR OWN HAPPINESS !!
 
hi jojo

dun overanalyse his actions.

if he still loves u, he will come back to u. aft all, u hv made it very clear u still love him (when he broke up w u). and a guy who wants u badly will court u even if he is unsure if u still wants him. so u dun hv to worry bout him not daring to court u if u dun show 'interest' in patching up anymore.

i had an ex who still asked me out every week and go for movies and chit-chat. he was by my side when i needed him and continued to be good to my family too. i tot we had chances of being together again. my friends told me he is using me as a reserve. to keep me by his side until he is sure he can find someone better. or maybe he likes me but not enough to be in a rs w me again.

anyway i din like e way he was dangling a carrot in front of me and yet not doing anything about it. so i began seeing someone else. he was upset but not tt upset as to court me all over again. now i am in a happy, satisfying rs and i never regret my decision. i never know if i had given him more time, would we hv got back together? but judging fr the kind of gals he is seeing, i know they r very different fr me. so perhaps these are e type of gals he prefers. and i also know my bf is e kind of man tt is suitable for me, not my ex.

so b4 u keep wanting to patch back, pls consider if he is really suitable for u. the problems tt u had causing e breakup will always be there.

the 2 of u hv only been in a rs for 1 yr plus and this is e way he treats u. can u be w this kind of guy for life? find a man who treasures u.

right now ur bf is not even doing anything to keep u by his side. not even showing any concern or interest in ur life. i think patching up is not on his mind.

u may think tt u want to try ur best b4 u give up so tt u will not hv regrets. but pls dun try till u regret for life cos u hv lost all the dignity u hv.
 

powder

Active Member
it's gonna turn into an obsession...

u'll end up doing things Lying to yourself that it's frenship... when your actions is for more than that.

he will do things becos he is just doing things, but u will end up reading his every action Like he actually bothered to consider about u...

it's gonna be a self-inflicted cycle of thoughts and over-reactive thinking...

one day when he burps, u're gonna try to derive 'inner' meanings from it with respects to your chances... u'll probably think that he's comfortable enough with u to burp or even fart, so that means he is still comfortable with u and therefore - u have a chance...

instead of going 1 big round, just ask him the simple question, get your simple answer and move on.
 

jojo24

New Member
hi all, thx for all advices.. recently i start to keep myself busy and to expand my circle of friends.. i join courses at cc and also consider volunteer as another activity.. hope that if the end ans is negetive, i will be able to move on too..
 
of cos u will be able to move on
happy.gif


when a guy tells u he doesn't love you, he simply doesnt.

and no matter how much u think a person is right for u, he just isnt right if he doesnt love you.
 

jojo24

New Member
hi, already been 2 months, thought of asking him out to get an ans.. but suddenly i feel that should i ask him out? if he miss me , he will already contact me.. the ans is quite obvious isn't it..

but i waited for so long for the day to contact him , should'tn i try ?



any advice..
 

mummyprincess

New Member
hi jojo,

u have the answer to your own question.
Jus do it so u will not have any regrets in the future...

But u must be prepared for the consequences too.

i m in the same boat as you.

do PM me to support one another.

Take care
 

phkl

New Member
hi jojo,

I agree wholeheartedly with happiness.

Likewise, I am in the same shoes too.

Take care.
 

powder

Active Member
i sincerely hope that there will come a day when some of u learn the wisdom in Living One's Life for Oneself Today...

some answers we seek are just there staring at us, else a phonecall can give us the answer...

some of u stay in the QUestion becos u're afraid of the answer, cos deep inside u know it's not an answer u wanna hear nor can accept.

A Life Awaits, yet u're putting it on hold... well... i'm not sure if seeing old spinsters evokes a thought that maybe, just maybe, that u could be like this old spinster contiually waiting for someone who is never gonna be there... and in her 50s, she realise that she has spent 30yrs proving her love to someone who stopped loving her 30yrs ago.

if need to wonder, then just pickup the phone and ask the person if he/she loves u and wants to be with u... isit so hard to ask? Only if u Fear the answer...
 

simpleman

Active Member
powder,

ha ha sometimes or most of the time, people are afraid of calling because they are afraid of knowing the truth. They prefer to believe in their own truth.
 

powder

Active Member
and their own truth remains a question mark...
tat's why there's deemed comfort in question marks...
 

mitlancer75

New Member
Sometime, even when u ask, & got an answer tat u did not favour, some may choose to believe tat the answers are either not truth or made because of other factors. They make a 180 degree u-turn assumption of the answer to make them happier and hold on. A state of self denied...
 

carrot_carrot

New Member
hi jojo,

login to your profile.
under Preferences, pls uncheck 'Do not send me "Private Message" e-mails from other board users' if it is currently ticked.
 

coka

New Member
hi jojo,
i agree with what some had said - move on.

when a r/s has a very very bad crack, it's very difficult and unlikely to mend that crack. Even if mended, the scar is still there.

another point to note - r/s can be mentally stressful sometimes when only one party give and give. Or only one party gives sooo much more than the other.
When that happens, that party will feel tired easily and eventually wants to pull out.

Then again, in your case, you HAVE got to move on. Maybe he's not the one destinated for you.
He can't even go through a simple time with you, how to expect him to go through the future with you?

drop him flat. when your wounds heal, then it's time to have a good bf.
 

coka

New Member
I 100% agree with what My desired happiness said.


"when a guy tells u he doesn't love you, he simply doesnt.

and no matter how much u think a person is right for u, he just isnt right if he doesnt love you. "


This is just soooo very true.

and when a guy's heart change, there's no way of turning back.
I personally feel, a clean break (no more futher contacts) is the best.
 

sgsingle

New Member
i agree with junie..
it is best to have a clean break... not to cling on to any hope... i know it is very very hard..
the longer you drag... the sadder u would feel...
 

muzik_luver

New Member
Hi Jojo

I was in a similar situation as u. In a moment of folly, I acted on impulse and initiated a break-off through sms with my then gf 2 years ago over a small matter. Didn't know during then that it would be the biggest regret that I'll have to live with for life. It was more of a childish tantrum on my end....hoping that she'll initiate the call to ask me why but that call never came. If she were to have made that call, we might have been married by now. Only then, did i realise the dire consequence. What held me back from asking her to patch back then was the fear of rejection since I initiated the break-off. She's a loving gf and til today, she's still on my mind. Had been "running away" from it for the last 2 yrs. Only mustered enough courage last weekend to ask if she'll gimme 1 more chance but the outcome was negative. Words can't describe the remorse and pain that I'm going through right now for hurting and losing her.

I strongly urge you to initiate the move to have a good talk with your bf asap. Let him know that you didn't mean to really break-off and still want him back into your life. Don't press him for an answer now...give him a few days to think over it and hopefully, all will work out fine for u.

Hope that helps.
 

jojo24

New Member
Hi, we arrange to meet up for dinner.. i intiate the meeting and he agree..

actually i hope that throu this meeting, we may have a chance to be together.. if not, this might be the last time i cling on to this r/s..

so i am wondering shoudl i tell him how i feel towards him during the meeting maybe write him a letter? Or should i not do anything, if he want us to be together, he will take action after the meeting.. since by intiating this meeting, i already make the hint righr?

anyway this is the last chance i want to try.. if not i will want to move on as i am really tired..

thanks for adivce..
 

hope83

New Member
hint hint hint. initiate dinner. hint hint hint. *expects ex-bf to read minds* hint hint hint.

hinting is not some mind controlling power that enables the other person to read your mind about what you want.

*thinks of ways to scare bf*

A relationship is not a mindgame. And nobody can read your mind. You want to make him play guessing games with you, then don't sulk if he guess wrongly and carries on with his own life. For as long you cannot grow out of this, even if you get back together with him, your relationship won't last.

Grow up and grow out of this mindgame tendancy, and any relationship you're in will have more than a fighting chance. You want something, ask authentically for it. Never expect someone else to guess or expect that the other person should know.

You see this as the last chance you have jojo, then don't screw it up with your past bad mindgame habits.
 

muzik_luver

New Member
Hi Jojo
You should definitely do something about it and not keep mum when meeting up with him...this may be your last chance. Take this opportunity to have a good chat with him...iron out any differences between the 2 of you and ask if there is a possibility of you 2 getting back together again.

If you don't ask, you'll never know and will be forever guessing. What if he doesn't get the hint and does nothing after that? Are you sure you'll be able to move on and not be clinging on to that little bit of hope forever?
 

mozzarella

New Member
Hi Jojo,
When you meet him, you'll be able to guess from his body language if the rs is hopeful. Be as relax as you can, don't attack him with all your rs questions the minute you see him. Take it slow and use a less pressure approach. Him agreeing to the meeting is a good sign. Don't sulk or looK sad and bothered. Just be happy and relax, the chances of him coming back seeing you relaxed is higher. If you start to freak out or stress him, it may remind him of all the reasons why he left you.

We'll i'll keep my fingers cross for you and really hope to hear good news from you!! :D
 

never_the_same

New Member
hi Jojo, hows the outcome? Hope it was a happy ending for you.

I am like you too, still wishing and hoping to patch back with my ex. What's worst, we were on the verge of getting married, but things happened and my ex was the one who wanted out. Called off the whole wedding. Today is supposedly our big day but i'm here mourning and still grieving. I have been feeling regretful all these while, wishing we could be back together again. Kept reminiscing the past and walking down memory lane. We have broken up for 7 months. It has been almost 5 months since we last contacted each other. He treated me so coldly and was unappreciative and impatient with me after the breakup. I was the one who kept initiating meet ups and smses and calls. But all he could say was "Sorry". In short he was a complete jerk and a different person after the breakup and I never knew he was capable of being so heartless. I never knew this side of him exist. This dragged on for about 2 months before I decided to stop making a fool and nuisance of myself infront of him. I pull myself away from him before the last drop of my dignity is gone, there probably wasn't even much to speak of anymore. But I was the one who chose to cut off eventually. I was hoping he would call and want me back, but the phone didn't ring, the smses didn't come. We didnt exchange a word all these while, not even on MSN. We are not even friends anymore, to think we were once so close but now we have become complete strangers. I'm transparent to him and he doesnt care anymore. Sad but true.

Sometimes I wonder if he ever regret about letting me go, I really wish he feel that tinge of regret but I know chances are he has already moved on, while i'm still stucked in limbo. It's so difficult for me. My wounds are still very raw. Afterall the hurt is still there, even though I still love him, but i can only miss and love him silently in my heart. I don't contact him, don't speak to him doesn't mean I don't love him. In fact I still do very much. I'm very much still in the 'mourning period' and my heart still bleed. I am still stucked in the rut and I couldn't seem to move on beyond this point. I guess only those who have been there would understand how heartwrenching the entire rollercoaster journey was.

We all learn from our experiences. I believe we are a better person after each lesson learned. What's most important, don't ever repeat the same mistake made from your previous relationship. Otherwise you will definitely go through heartbreak again.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Look at it this way... if he is just like u. Dragging on a relationship even though its over, is it the best for the both of u?

I would give him a benefit of the doubt. If I'm in his shoes, I would also do the same. Because, I completely understand its the best for both. Only by being the devil in the relationship, will u finally wake up and move on.

u cannot expect him to sayang u as before. Its the same treatment I gave my ex. She complained the same too. Don't understand why I could become so cold. You are no longer his gf/wife. u r his ex. Its unrealistic to expect him to be so warm towards you. If you cherish his friendship, then learn to move on. Ex lovers can only be friends when both are capable to move on without dragging past emotions in. Its precisely because he understands you well enough to know showing any affection would probably give u false hopes.

u said : "I really wish he feel that tinge of regret". Whatever for? Think logically about it. Does it make it any easier or better? Not at all. If you moved on, you will not be wondering such stuffs anymore.
 

never_the_same

New Member
Milo, you hit the right note - I haven’t moved on at all. I’ve been so caught up with my past all these while, I have become so withdrawn and unhappy inside me and I don't know how to go out and learn to say hello and smile again.

A huge part of me died when the relationship ended. I’m a zombie everyday. I don’t feel the passion for life. I know I have been missing out on all the fun and good things in life because I have locked myself up. It’s so scary that even I don’t recognise myself anymore. What has happened to the old me?

As much as I know this r/s is over, there are times that I find myself still struggling to accept this fact. It’s all these emotions inside me that’s taking a toll on my recovery process. I'm taking babysteps, one day I think I'm okay, I can stand up again but the next moment i'll trip and fall and cry. Learning to pick myself up again when i fall- that process is the most frustrating. each time I go back to square 1, I need time again to internalise he is not coming back, and I really hate myself for being so emotionally weak and not determined enough. It takes alot of strength and confidence - to tell myself I can do it to stand on my own again. I don’t know how long more I can take this.
 
never the same,

Not sure how long was this relationship. The longer it is, the worst it will be cos you would have invested so much emotions in it. It is perfectly normal to grieve over it. Some pple will take a longer time while some may recover sooner. What is important is ultimately you will recover and emerge a stronger person. Time is an effective antidote. Though the initial period is tough, it will be over. Tough times won't last.

I have been through it and I know how it feels. Though it has been more than 2 yrs for me, I will sometimes still feel sad and wanna cry when I think of tis relationship. But such feelings will not affect me very long. I am still waiting for the day when I will be indifferent about it. Not sure when the day will come but at least I am definitely much better than before compared to how I was 2 yrs ago.

Human's willpower and determination is very strong and amazing. You will be able to overcome it by and by. And when you finally get over it, you would be amazed by how strong you can be.

U should try to keep yourself busy so that you dun keep indulging yourself in such thoughts. Work, friends' and family support is very important at this juncture. Look at it this way, it is a blessing in disguise that you are not married yet. Imagine the grief you are gonna faced had this happen after you are married.

So please take care. If I can do it, you can too.
 

simpleman

Active Member
never_the_same,

Very funny how we expect our exs to be as nice to us as when we were together. Come on. Wake up. And why wish that he would feel a tinge of regret?

I find that it is yourself having problem letting go and because you think that it is difficult to let go. It is not easy but if you think it is difficult it will be much more difficult. It is all in the mind.

I am not glorifying myself or my case but when compared to me, yours is nothing.

My wife of 17 years walked out of me. No turning back. Dumped 3 kids at me. Did I wished that she will turn back? Yes, I did. I opened my door for her to turn back but at the same time I am not staying there waiting for her - I moved on with my own life. I continued my journey. I moved my house.

And instead of thinking about the memory lanes and wanting the past to be back - I only looked back and thank her for the wonderful times we have had in the past.

And no. I don't wish for her to regret her decision. I also wish that she had made the right decision and I sincerely wish her happiness.

Don't look back. Yes, we can reminisce about the good old times but don't feel over-burdened by the past. I have absolutely no problem looking at old photographs or videos of our happy moments. I just smiled and be thankful of those happy memories. I don't wish for them to be back because it won't be back. I can only work hard for a happy future.

The most important single factor is your attitude. Like Nike. Just do it. Let go and be happy.
 
SM,

I am gonna make you my idol.... not sure if I will ever reach that stage where I can "smile and be thankful of those happy memories" when I look back at old photos of us together. I guess the best I can managed is to feel a raw spot in my heart forever. Or maybe this is a sign of incomplete healing? Will let you know if I ever reach your level of enlightenment.
 

never_the_same

New Member
Procrastinator, thanks for sharing. My relationship hasn’t been that long (well almost 1 year). Though it was just a short period but it was very intensive. We shared so much together and the chemistry and compatibility was awesome. He was the best and sweetest bf I ever had, and the guy whom I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We even got a flat together, booked the banquet venue, and the bridal package.

Now that all has ended, I don’t know how to pick up and move on (been trying every day) I can’t imagine having to go through all of those initial wedding preparations with another different man(?!) if there’s ever another man again. I guess I will freak out, and become phobic at the thought of what if it turns out to be another failed relationship? I know it doesn’t serve any good for me to be so negative about the outlook on life, but i guess this time round, it’s gonna take me a long time to recover. The impact and setback is too much for me to handle.

i don't know how to describe that kind of pain. i have been using work to disguise the pain. my working hours are long (at least 12 hours or more) and can be quite stressful at times. I bury myself in work, i make myself so exhausted to the extend i dont have the energy to think about him when i reach home. But it doesn’t help much, at the end of the day when i reach home, when i stop my pace to breathe, memories will all come back to haunt me.

My friends –while I appreciate a couple of them who were there for me, but I understand they have their own lives too. I don’t wanna impose on them much. most of my other friends/colleagues are either happily married or attached to understand what breaking up is, and the ordeal of the whole process of getting yourself and your life back. After awhile, you will realise people just pay lip service to you - without really understanding what you what you need from them is not to simply to say “move on don’t look back”, and magic – you will be okay. But rather to support you as you fall, to be there to lend a hand not just once, but for as long as you need to take to overcome this difficult period. Alas, I don’t have that many friends who can do this for me.

My parents loved him, esp my mom. She isn’t someone who is easy to get along with, but i was so glad she approved of him. But now that it’s over, I don’t talk to my family about it, cos I don’t want them to worry about me. I pretend i’m strong and happy and my life still goes on. Once I close the door and back to my room, my world will come crashing down. It’s when i truly take off the mask behind the strong facade which others think I am. But they don’t know deep inside, I’m vulnerable.

Thank you for your kind words. I wish for the day I will not be affected by him or his actions. I hope the same for you too. Sigh for now, it’s still a far cry to get there.
 

never_the_same

New Member
SM - Believe me, i'm trying. I know I have to, and I have been trying everyday. perhaps it will only be on hindsight when I ever reach your level of letting go of the past, then I can say the same. but for now it's easier said than done.
 

koikoi

New Member
I've been there before...
waiting from dark to day break living my life
like a zombie... I walked out too and learn to be stronger....

never the same, I believe you can do it...
go out for a walk...
happy.gif
dun coop yourself in the room alone... you will get to feel that there are so many things worth your attention...

procras,
you sure will be smiling to yourself soon for being able to stand up... you have your strong side too...
happy.gif


SM,

your love for your wife is so wei da...
happy.gif
 



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