Getting ex bf back

jojo24

New Member
hi, can anyone give some advice on this.

My bf broke off with me but i still love him a lot. i am hoping to stay as friends with him and take it slowly hoping that one day we will be togehter once again. Will this be possible?

Thanks
 


roomfulofstars

New Member
Yeah, need more details. How long ago was the breakup? Is he seeing anyone now? What was the reason for the breakup?, etc, etc...
 

jojo24

New Member
hello all, thx for replying..

it happen when he never contact me for the whole week, no msg/call. furthremore, the previous week we never meet at all. Usually once every week, we will meet.. it occurs to me that he dun miss me and dun care about me.
So when on the fri night, he msg me say how was my week, i msg him back saying that i am quite disappointed that you nv keep in touch with me for the week. After that , he mention sorry to make me unhappy. After that the next day, he nv msg me to say want to meet or not, so i msg him is he working, he simply reply yes. I am very upset and msg him is it he do not wan to see me, if that is the case, we can be seprated. The main aim is to scare him to make him care about me. But he msg me saying i deserve someone betetr and wan to break up. He then say he feel that we r more suitbale as fren and he can care for me as a fren only. He say he is oso unhappy with certain thing but is it not impt now.

in the past, when he negelct me, i will tell him how i feel and he will try to change, but this time round, he did not.

hOPE THAT someone can advice. Thanks
 

roomfulofstars

New Member
So this breakup was only very recently? Do you know if he's seeing anyone now?

What "certain thing" is he not happy with?

As for whether you can stay friends with him, why not just ask him straight? Think it's only fair to be friends and not friends with a motive that it will lead to something more later on. But think it's best the two of you talk properly so you have some closure, whether you two remain friends or not.
 

cuclainne

New Member
"I am very upset and msg him is it he do not wan to see me, if that is the case, we can be seprated. The main aim is to scare him to make him care about me"

i think you should never say those kind of things, if you don't mean them cos they have a way of backfiring on you.
 
Jojo,
"in the past, when he negelct me, i will tell him how i feel and he will try to change, but this time round, he did not. "

How many times did u expect your bf to meet u every week? Is he those type of guy who needs a lot of space?
 

powder

Active Member
jojo,

most guys will break off with u. so i hope u dun use such scare tactic in future... especially if u have a tendency to fall for more strong-willed guys, then u should realise threats and dares Dun Work. these emotional blackmails are unnecessary and it's not difficult to imagine a future with pple who tend to take this path... today it's time, tomorrow it's bday, handbag etc etc...

if u want something just ask, dun throw an ultimatum nor threat unless u know exactly why the person did not ask u out. we all go thru patches in life where we might not even wanna meet with our gfrens ot anyone for that matter... sometimes just temporary depression or tough time at work. Last things needed is a gfren who doesn't understand and use the relationship to threaten...

well. drop the gfren lor... Men's percentage of priority not as strong towards relationship as a Woman's. cos large part of tat percentage taken by work n frens..
 

jojo24

New Member
thx for all your replies..

i expact him to meet me every week, sometime if he is meeting his friends, i will not mind also. but i only wan him to msg/call me at least once in a week just to keep in touch.

i know that i say the wrong things... but i got a feeling that he dun love me anymore. He msg me saying that he feel that we are more suitable as fren rather then couples.. then he say rather let me know the truth ealier then later. Does that mean he is trying to break off with me but do not know how, so when i started this, he took the chance to say it out..

it just happened last week. Then five days later, i msg him asking r we still frens, he reply saying of course... so does that meant that i mayb slowly build up a r/s with him again.

i thou of msg him to talk it out but i am afraid that he may not wan to patch up with me so i am trying to take things slowly to try to be fren with him.

can anyone advice, thanks a lot..
 

powder

Active Member
no he is not trying to break off with u, he broke off with u liao.

erm, u're frens liao, wat relationship u wanna build with him since it's now frenship? but of cos, u can court or woo him if u want...

i agree, he may not want to patch things with u cos he broke up with u liao, 'patching' wouldn't be part of consideration, would it?

erm... if u think from frens then slowly get back, then i think he would not be tat stupid not to know it... he will not give u the time u want in order to patch back...

honestly, your thinking is still abit immature. if u wan him to call/msg u once a week - Tell Him. but now tell him not much use rite?
 
first of all, based on ur understanding of him, what do you think is the reason for the breakup?

is it only becos u threatened him and he got too stressed so he doesnt want u, the gf anymore?

or he was thinking bout it and when u suggested breaking up, he agreed readily?

imhm, it is the second reason. otherwise i think no matter how busy he was at work, he could have kept in touch easily.

how long have you been together? if it is a very solid relationship, i dun believe it can be over so fast over such a small thing.

he doesnt care about the relationship nor you. dun try to be his 'friend' to win him back. u will be better off with someone who can give you more attention. or rather, u need to be with soeone who can give you more attention.
 

jojo24

New Member
we have been together for 1 yr plus..

maybe the feeling is lost in him.. thus y he agree ..

he will always try to make me happy whenever i msg him saying that i am unhappy and how i feel.. i told him i want more contact from him and he did do that but after a few weeks, it was back to normal..
we never qurral before but then will tell each other how we feel when we r unhappy with each other..

maybe i should not have dist him since he is so busy with his work/studies.. now that nothing i say will change the situation..

i really hope that by making fren with him, we can get by together..
 
Jojo,
You are better off with a guy who's more caring and at another stage of life. Your ex-bf is better off with a gal who's more independent and busy with her own activities.

I think you did the right thing by "distancing" when he's busy with his work/studies. A gf, who keeps pestering the guy to send more time with her, when he doesn't even have time to sleep, will probably irritate him.

Your ex-bf is busy working hard for his studies & work. It's a good thing but he won't be able to give any gal a lot attention.

For your own good, please do not pin all your hopes on him. What makes you think the relationship will work given a 2nd try? How long are u going to wait for him? Go out there and know more guys, there're still other nice guys out there!
 

jojo24

New Member
thx green..

ya he always say he is tired/busy dun hav enuff sleep..

i should not dist him , if i nv msg him that , we will hav be together...

i will try not to pin too much hopes ..
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
you guys are talking not enough and relying so much on SMS!

Worse of all, you 'expect' things without aligning your needs and then get disappointed.

Not saying who's at fault. relationship is not abt being right in the 1st place. BUT you really need to grow up and start learning how to communicate instead of 'expecting'.
 

babystorm

Member
hi jojo

i think one of the worse feelings is being separated and still want to keep in touch as friends, in the hope of getting back together.

i agree with milo. stop smsing. if i read once more about you smsing each other and not talking, i'm gonna scream. is it so hard to give him a call and trash things out? i mean to break up through a sms is really childish. you guys need to meet and have a full closure. i think that is really important for all relationships.

it is hard to have a platonic friendship with your ex especially when you still feel for him. it is even harder when he does not feel the same for you anymore. move on. it will do both of you good.

i must emphasize that if a man really likes you, he will always try to be in touch with you no matter how busy he is. this is based on my past experiences. your ex is not one of them and probably will never be.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Hi Jojo, if he didn't have time for you as bf, he won't have the bandwidth for you as a normal friend. The wisest thing to do now is not to expect anything from this so-called friendship. By the way, when he said that you two can be friends may mean that he doesn't see you as enemy. Simply that.
 

inspectorate

New Member
Jojo,

Your bf has definitely lose interest in you. Busyness, work etc are all pure excuses to stay away from you. Honestly speaking, guys will do almost anything for the girl he really likes.

Most likely, your "neediness" is pushing your ex bf further and further away from you.Guys like challenge. Be a challenge, play a bit hard to get and not being easily available. You will see amazing result.
 

mozzarella

New Member
Hi Jojo,
My suggestion is to let go. The only way for him to be ever interested in you again is when he sees tat you've let go and moved on v fast and live your life even better then when you're with him. Rather then trying to call him, date him out... and revolve your life around trying to get him back. So you should STOP trying to get him back, but rather start finding your independence and finding your life. When you're happy, people will naturally be attracted to you and he'll be curious how is it that you can get over him and live your life so well so fast.
 

jan4january

New Member
i agree w/ mozz. we gals need to b strong and not to let men see us as vulnerable n cant live without them. jojo, i am sure in future u will find someone who will cherish u.
 

jojo24

New Member
hi all, thank for all your advice..
but i really want to give it a try on his bir on oct. Now to oct, there is still 3 month left.. maybe we can take this 3 month as a period to think over.. if he does not wan to be with me after that.. i will let go..

any advice...
 

tyra~ellen

New Member
3 mths to give it a try, means ur heart still goes to him.. but after that not turning out well, you will go angry, not happy, missing him, and dead frust and all those sucks feeling.. difficult for you to put away off him..

So if you still wanna try, go ahead but keep to what you said..
 

powder

Active Member
honestly, maybe it works for girls more than guys... this bday thing. girls are more into this bday celebration and that special special blah blah...

guys more likely just use it as a reason to get together or just let the day pass...

u must be forming some tv-inspired drama in your head of how it's gonna be. but tell u honestly, he just need to tell u No, he's not free nor intend to spend it with u... and u can wake up again.

i mean it's nice to be abit dreamy and stuff... but i think it's gonna be a one-sided entertainment of thoughts... and that's all.

why can't just date for these 3 months and mingle abit... i dun understand why need to just stick to this 1 person, 1 thought, 1 hope...
 

pirate

New Member
when you're 20 or so, you met a girl you really like, you'll also think that she's your life your sun and your everything what...
 

sgsingle

New Member
if u plan to go out with him... pls ensure that you are mentally and emotionally prepared to go out with him as frens only, i.e w/o any expectations... else u might end up more hurt..

I know it is a very tough phase, whereby u will keep looking back and wonder " if only....."
do try to restrain from asking him out which i know is very difficult.
 

mozzarella

New Member
I say rather hang on and wait this 3 months you should go out an date around. He may not be the one after all. If you want to ask him out on his birthday, do it solely as friends. He's the one who drop the rs, so to restart the rs again would have to be entirely on him. If he wants to start a rs with you again, he'll ask you out on his birthday. If he doesn't, the answer is clear. It's hard the first 3 months. But use it to get over rather then to pine on him. Take it a day at a time, a step at a time.
 

mozzarella

New Member
Last year when my bf broke up with me the first month was really tough, but by the 3rd month i was pretty much over him and ready to start anew, but he reappeared in my life and wanted to woo me back. I was abit apprehensive at first as i had other suitors whom i am pretty interested in as well. And at that point it didn't matter to me if he was in my life or not. But his sincerity touched me and i decided to give it another go. It took another 2 months for the old feelings to come back.

Btw, he got v worried when he saw how fast i have moved on thru pictures in friendster and stuff like tat, i deleted him from every msn/skype/friendster and phone even about 1.5month after breakup. Out of sight, out of mind. His initial smses were totally ignored too.

So i'm saying just move on and live your life, there is a higher chance he'll come back when he see you become the woman whom he first fell in love with rather then all the negative vibes now.
 

mum_of_2_girls

New Member
Hi jojo,

I think mozz is right. If you really want him back, you have to be more independent.
Don't solely depend on him for your happiness.

There is so much to do in this world.
You could go travelling these 3 mths and see the world.

During my dating days,
I only date my boyfriend (Now Hubby) once a week and sometimes only once a month, only if he manage to book the date in advance.

I won't sit by the phone to wait for him to call.
I have so much things to do every day after I finished work.
(travelling, read books, watch movies, conferences, seminars, music lessons, driving lessons, volunteer work, teaching, gym, badminton, tennis, swimming, jogging, ice-skating, watch animals, zoo, bird park, science centre, sentosa, shopping.

If your boyfriend don't call you out for a date after you become very busy, then it's his loss, NEXT. You deserve someone better.

Now that I'm married with 2 children, working and taking care of my young children take up so much of my time that I sometimes miss my old carefree days.
So enjoy your singlehood while you can.
The world is your oyster. Keep on a cheerful face and you will be happier. Jia You!
 

otelle

New Member
For the first few mths, you will feel lost as if you lost everything. You will lose sleep and lose appetite. Later, you see yourself talking about it to your friends on what happen, how it happen and why it happen. Then you will start to think how to make yourself happier than before.

This will take months or even years. Once you overcome the initial stage, life will be normal again. Perhaps you will changed to be a better person. You will learn to love yourself. Thats my experience.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
What you do is actually secondary. What is important is how the other party feels about you. It is only possible because there are still feelings for each other.

So, don't crack your brains thinking of what u can do to win back the relationship. Spend time to really reflect and understand it better. If there are mistakes you can learn from, improve on it. If there are still feelings and he/she can see the change, it might work. Either way, its good for yourself.
 

otelle

New Member
Yes it is possible to get back together if both still have feelings. However, how many times will we feel worried if things will happen again and that pain will come back again. I believe everyone has feelings no matter how much love a couple has. It's a matter of both willing to give each other a chance to commit again. If one party is unwilling, it makes no difference.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
"However, how many times will we feel worried if things will happen again and that pain will come back again"

that is why reflection is the main thing one should be doing instead of trying to find ways to come back.
 

choclatte

New Member
Hi Jojo,

Tried to pm you but you do not allow pm.

Can you kindly pm me? wanna share a friend's experience with you.
happy.gif
 

clark

New Member
life is short. why bother abt the past.

There is better things to look forward to.

again, life is short. CARPE DIEM !!!!!!!!!!!
 

mozzarella

New Member
Yap we are back together now. He initiated the break up first, and he also the one who came begging for another chance. But i know the whole breakup really hit him when i decided to just throw him out of my life and start living my own life. During the 3 mths he dated 2 other girls and decided none was better then me. And when he saw how fast i moved on he kinda panicked and dumped the last girl he was dating. And the last girl is this super chio girl, unfortunately he found out she was sleeping around with alot of people so.... anyways we're back and the rest is history. What i've learnt... never be too emotionally dependant on anyone. U should never rely on anyone else but yourself for your own happiness. Rs are never certain, married or not. So ..... self preservation bah.
 

mozzarella

New Member
godfrey,
He promised alot, said alot but i told him it's just lip service, it's the actions that count. So he convinced me with his sincerity and actions of cos after 1 month of observation i decided to give it another chance.

... must let them suffer abit. if not think we're door mat. .. happy come not happy go... then think later happy can come back again.

Sorry guys... but most Men are v jian... the more u don't want them... the more they want to get you. ego thing bah...
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
hi mozz... don't start the gender bashing lah.

see in the other threads how some women can spend all their youths in a fruitless relationship and think that catching him red handed is the only way to stop him simply because he doesn't admit it.

Matters of the heart isn't logical to begin with. It is such that both genders can go really jian for the stupidest reasons.
 

mozzarella

New Member
men are from mars... women are from venus after all. Both gender jian in their own ways.

But it usually takes longer for a break up to hit a men. Unless he thinks you're the suckiest gf in the world...if not, you definitely stand a chance of having him crawl back to you if you play the cards right. :p
 
a short story to share....

My ex-bf and i were together for 4mths before we ended our relationship. When i thought i had found a near perfect man - at least for me. He came from a quite well to do family, he is smart, stable job, mature in thoughts, presents himself well, nice built and the sporty hunky guy most gals love. Most impt, he is fun loving and humourous, i always enjoy his company a great deal as he always makes me feel on top of the world even if its just sitting by the beach doing nothing through engaging conversations and always making me laugh.

We were even already talking abt marriage, our future family etc... i thought all was well till i discovered one of his message to a gal in friendster commenting that she looks 'cute' and seems interested to get in touch with her. I felt upset n angry abt it but did not confront him.

He is a busy guy, with a lot of commitment in a national sport, training 4 times a week, coaching a corporate team, church services, soccer etc, the rest were work and me. We only met one weekday night and one weekend night. It was not enough for me cos i hv few frens, except some male frens whom i go skating with. But he disallow me to go skating with my guy frens as he felt insecure. Slowly, i distanced myself and spent my weekends alone while he was busy with his own stuff. Till one day i felt this relationship is getting v bland... i felt he was not committed by not spending enuff time with me and with my sore feeling over the message to another gal, i didnt trust him v much and started to feel like a 'part-time gf' whom me will meet me only when he is free.

We ended our relationship and even now 4 yrs later, he is still on my mind. I will check his facebook/friendster for updates v often and after i got to know he had a new gf, i felt bitter. I got into a new relationship a yr after we broke up, which is faster than him. I'm with my new bf 3yrs alr and getting married soon. Very often i still think abt my ex and imagine how wonderful it will be if i got married to him if we had not broke up cos i really liked his character minus the little action of potential betrayal. i start to regret for being petty and demanding that he spends more time with me. My HTB is a much more better bf than him but i still cant get over my ex.

Sometimes i feel like calling him and come out for dinner etc. But i know he will not cos we did not contact for so many yrs and i think he hv got married recently as well cos i saw the ring on his finger on one occassion when we brushed shoulders and not even say hi, like strangers...

I felt guilty towards my HTB bcos i know there is aother man i loved more than him, i cld not get over my ex no matter how my life seems to hv moved on.

Time hv not heal any wound for me. I know i will keep thinking abt him, like an addiction which i cant seem to kick.

Sometimes i will day-dream of him wanting me back and whether i will foresake my HTB for him. I know its silly thing to imagine. But if it really happens, i think i will definately go for him. I felt guilty abt not being able to commit/love my HTB as much as i did towards my ex.

How do i move on? i've put in too much emotions into my past relationship, time did not heal. Yes, i found a better guy, but i am not happy.i know its stuppid but if given a chance again, i will choose my ex and live with his potential unfaithfullness than my guy now....
 

jojo24

New Member
Hi mozz.. thanks for sharing..
but i seem many people who said that the person intiate the break up seldom change the mind.. but as u mention the person intiate the breakup may crawl back..which is more truth? Or maybe to have feeling for each other is the factor in getting back?

thanks star for sharing too.
 

piggy_cheng

New Member
Mozz: "And the last girl is this super chio girl, unfortunately he found out she was sleeping around with alot of people so.... anyways we're back and the rest is history"

Better be careful.. Coz last i heard from my friend a story of a very chio girl who contracted STD from her ex-bf and started sleeping with alot of guys. I am not saying that anyone(ur bf or the last girl that he was dating) has STD. My point here is, be very careful, since there are such cases happening.
 

mozzarella

New Member
Hi jojo,
i'm not saying it will happen to everyone. the reason why a person dumps another is usually because there is no more feelings which i feel is the case for my ex. Which is also the reason why he got back into the dating scene very shortly after our break up. He started off totally ignoring me during the break up, and only when i packed all his stuff and returned back to him then he started to contact me. According to him he suddenly felt that it's really the ended. So during that time he was still doing things to lead me on... leaving things at my door step, sending me to the doctor, calling me and checking on me. But at the same time he did not stop pursuing others. So it came to a point i felt enough was enough, i felt like a reserve. He knows in his heart that he'll prolly never find anyone like me but he still wants to try it out at the same time keeping me interested and waiting. He used to say things like "he's not ready to get back together now, maybe in the future" or things like " i don't want you to have bf" and tat is like after breaking up. But once he started dating someone else he would just suddenly be cold and aloof. I kept asking for him to return my things but he never would. Anyways. I decided to just cut all contacts with him and live my own life and get over him. After all he was good but there were many issues in our previous rs and i just cannot stand his obsessions and bad habits. He broke up with me because i was nagging at him alot about his gambling habits. It was to a point of obsession. I wanted to ban him from it. but in the end he chose gambling over me lah. Thats why i was quite apprehensive getting back into the rs.

Anyways in the end he manage to quit gambling other then an occasional 4D and realised that what i did was really for his own good and regretted how badly he treated me. Till now half year i'm pretty happy with his progress and how much he's improved and the effort he puts in. But part of me is still striding cautiously bah. Nothing is certain after all.
 

mozzarella

New Member
Hey andrea,
Ya i did think of that. He wanted to go take an STD test to proof that he's clean before getting back with me..hahaha.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
jojo...
no intention to give u any false hope.

My wife dumped me after 6 months into the relationship too. For a period of 3 months, there were totally no contact. It depends on alot of factors and cannot difficult to say if u guys will patch up again.
 

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