Friends

powder

Active Member
Milo, the fren... may not see her as a fren... so any view on the fren's religious inclinations - shouldn't even be there.

it's like a girl who keeps harbouring after her ex-bfren whom she broke up with 4yrs ago... and she's talking abt how he's ignoring her... but maybe he No Longer considers her a fren even?

if that is the state of the 'frenship', then it's 1-sided, which means we dun have to comment on the fren liao... whether she's right, she's wrong... she dun care nor need to... cos it's no longer a frenship in present, but one of the past.
 


powder

Active Member
we shouldn't bark up the wrong tree if the fren is no longer interested in the frenship, in fact she might nor even be aware that she's supposed to be a bestie STILL.
 

xinyue

New Member
powder > started working 5 year back.. from schooling days till one year ago, she has always been there for me and vice versa.. but since she started working, she has talked more about her religion.. things got worst last year when I told her I am getting married . That is where all her teasing started.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
to add....

These are the very kind of folks that forsake their responsibilities and role in their family. And they credit it as trials and persecution against their conviction in their faith. In actual fact, they are totally insensitive chaps that put a bad name to the faith they preach.

How does one expect to be a testimony to their own family when they have no time to even care or spend time with them. Each time citing, they are placing GOD 1st. How to honor parents this way I wonder?? Does others really see the goodness of God through such behavior?

Sorry that I have deviated. But, I see no mutual respect from folks like this. Everything is about their GOD. And family, friends needs to conform to their planning because they placed God 1st in the expense of others.

Just because your friend or family doesn't share their faith, they somehow become not related to them. And the kinship is somehow non existence anymore??

I'm not saying that they do not socialize at all. We can socialize with people of all faith. How would one be able to do that when all activities revolve around their faith only?
 

xinyue

New Member
over the years we did not lose touch on each other’s pace in life.. we do meet up often for dinner, update each other on things.. just that the connection is not as strong as before.

perhaps, like what SM mentioned.. our priorities are not very much in sync.. therefore connection is not there.. but this doesnt mean the friendship has to suffer, does it?
 

powder

Active Member
wah belinda, 1yr only become so distant liao... i think u should give it less priority liao... the signs are there... if anything - she'll be the one to look for u, dun chase it.

it's like children no longer wanting to go out with their parents once they hit puberty and start dating.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
"People don't go to church to worship only. They socialise, serve, learn, do voluntary work, etc. We can't say they have no life. They just do many things at one place."

When I said they lose their life. It doesn't mean they have no life. Rather, they uproot themselves literally from their current lives. What they lose is their current lives. For sure, they make need friends and family within their new community. The only way one would be able to sustain their relationship with them is to join them. How would their parents feel about the faith and community? Touched by their change or incest over how it has pulled them away from their families?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
belinda,

u wrote : "but this doesnt mean the friendship has to suffer, does it?"

Friendship cannot be forced. Face it. And it can be maintained without needing to force catch ups.

Some friendships that I cherish, I simply take initiative to call and sms them during their bdays or festive holidays. We might not meet at all for yrs. For those that appreciate my proactiveness, they too took effort to return my calls. Others that don't, there is nothing I could do too. No need to be upset. People move on and priorities differ. So, just respect and accept that. Nothing really to be upset about at all! We continue to meet new people and have new friendships and social networks.
 

simpleman

Active Member
milo,

Not everyone who dedicate themselves to religion at the expense of friends and family are to be seen in a negative light. Of course there are many people using religion as an excuse for many things.

there is also another group of people who are totally dedicated to their religion even at the expense of their family and friends. They sacrifice their family and friends for the community at large.
 

xinyue

New Member
powder > forget to add on.. last year, besides me telling her I am getting married, she also started working overseas. She still looks for me but contacting through emails.. but in all her emails, it is nothing but those gone-over board teasing.. it is the teasing that I want to put a stop to..
She was the one who took the initative to email me.

milo > Yes, agreed that friendship cannot be forced.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
sm,

One could actually be committed to the activities without forgoing the relationships they have.

And of cos there are cases as you spoke of. But, is the majority doing so for the noble cause you mentioned? I'm afraid not. It is not intended to be a broom stick to bash the entire faith. This is never the intend.

I'm speaking specifically to groups that talks about nothing but their GOD, imposing their ideas on their family to conform to. Giving them the only option to join or lose the family ties / friendship. Forcing their family to attend their talks and cell groups and sit down to watch sermons prerecorded on DVDs assuring how blessed I will be after watching it. It works the opposite. It makes be very sick. All the expensive church building, pressure to do street evangelism and contribute in ways that I do not believe in. Its even more frustrating to read about leaders paid over 500k for this so called serving. I don't reject the faith. But I disagree that way they are functioning and expect others to conform.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
"When I said they lose their life. It doesn't mean they have no life. Rather, they uproot themselves literally from their current lives. What they lose is their current lives. For sure, they make need friends and family within their new community. The only way one would be able to sustain their relationship with them is to join them. How would their parents feel about the faith and community? Touched by their change or incest over how it has pulled them away from their families?"

Milo, it's incessant (behaviour), not incest. Sorry, just have to point this out.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Milo, for those over fervent believers of whatever faith, just learn to say "NO". At our age I believe we know how to get away from peer pressure.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Doll, its not peer pressure. Its friendship and family I'm talking about. How you would lose them to so-called faith. I have elders that doesn't stop for yrs. It doesn't even matter that I was attending church regularly. My auntie just wants us to join her church.

We have been rejecting. But, the harassment doesn't end. And whatever family gatherings, they would harrass and demand us to attend but to their schedule suitable after the services.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
You wondered "How would their parents feel about the faith and community? Touched by their change or incest over how it has pulled them away from their families" when some people are so immersed in their faith. I then said everything we do or not do has an opportunity cost. If their parents lose connection with them over religious pursuits, so be it mah. It's their choice, their destiny.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
of cos, we cannot do anything about it. But, couldn't I point out how such behavior contradicts their beliefs? Honoring the parents by making them feel abandoned? Which commandment is that?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Doll, even when free, also don't feel like going to seat down listening and watching all the same stuffs. The relationship is ruin by the so called good intentions. I can decline everytime but it doesn't stop. There is no respect for others at all despite us being tolerant and respectfully declining.

"You wondered "How would their parents feel about the faith and community? Touched by their change or incest over how it has pulled them away from their families" when some people are so immersed in their faith. I then said everything we do or not do has an opportunity cost. If their parents lose connection with them over religious pursuits, so be it mah. It's their choice, their destiny."

You don't get my point. All the talk about evangalism and being a good testimony. I'm pointing out how ironic that they are portraying the worst for their own family. Naturally, it will not be easy to convince them when the actions is breaking the family. You talk as if parents have no right or reason to have negative emotions or feel disappointed & upset. For sure, they cannot change their children's decision. Its never about changing their decisions.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
"But, couldn't I point out how such behavior contradicts their beliefs? Honoring the parents by making them feel abandoned? Which commandment is that?"

Of course can lah. BUT, not all Christians are like your relatives, fortunately.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Milo, I got your point perfectly. I just DO NOT feel as strongly and negatively about this like you do. I hope this can go down well on you.

I certainly did not say parents could not feel whatever emotion they feel about their children who do not do as they preach. They can speak up, can't they?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
For sure not all. I'm not speaking of all in general but specially those that is totally insensitive towards others and their family.

Conflicts during my dad's funeral worsen relationship with them once again insisting their way and wanted daily service for the entire church, us to sponsor food and drinks and ang bao for the pastor. We endured in respect of my dad's faith but completely do not agree in making the funeral into a big hoohaa for the church.

We were even made to let relatives wait out without tables or seats outside and not enter because the service was on. Total crap. This was the funeral for my dad. His friends and family came from all over to bid goodbye to him and we were stopped from it. No just that, we as family must all attend the service seated in front rows instead of attending to the visitors.

It was too depressing till I needed a breaker. Stepped out, comforted by my uncle that just arrived. I attended & leaded to him to a table only to be demanded by auntie to go right back in to my seat in the service and should not come out again. I was made to stay depressed weeping in tears and pain in the so-called service which was more a sorry hugging session. I CANNOT TAHAN THAT. I need to be alone to mourn. I was exploding. Imagine the anger felt, not just by the children but our spouses that are not exposed much to such christian services. Thankfully, we insisted to keep the services to 2 nights in the wake and on the funeral itself. On the final day before the funeral, when I was paying up for the total bill for casket charges, only then, did they realize the high amount we incurred. Somehow, all these while, she semm to think that her contribution was damn significant or something and only realize then it is causing us a bomb. And tried to bargain with the undertaker. that was #$$%*&$%*&*^&.

Well.... this is the kind of church and folks I'm talking about. How SENSITIVE!
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
to add... I continue to have Christian friends that are very committed to their church. But, they respect me enough not to impose. They offered me from time to time to revisit church and I respectfully decline. We keep our discussions for pruely friendship & catchup and not another evantualism session.
 

superduper

New Member
I am starting to realise the friendship was dead long ago and I'm the only one holding on to it, thinking that she is my best friend since young.


Belinda,

She will never tease me but she will counsel me like her patient and hard sell her religion to me. But when I'm in need, she is always there for me.
 

elizann

New Member
how true, doll!! and I also find that as we grow up true friends are harder to find.

fo rme, I will always be happy when friends get married. even when strangers get married I will be happy (eg, read about couples marrying from the papers or see couples take pics in parks, Sentosa). Cos to me marriage is a wonderful event which brings two people together forever.
happy.gif


hie hypertonic, congrats on ur marriage!! wish u and hubby a blissful and meaningful marriage.
 

elizann

New Member
Hi Milo,

I am a Catholic but i have never ask friends to come wif me to church, cos religion is a sensitive issue and I dun wanna hurt our friendship as they may not like it. But if a friend wants to come with me to church, I will be willing to bring them.
happy.gif
 

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