Friend or Lover?

[sad2009]

This is my situation, just discovered my hubby received a lot of SMSs and emails from this lady and from the content understand they meet up whenever he goes for business trip and he travel there once a month.

They call each other dear and baby, she even sent him lots of photos and said she missed him and he also response back said he missed hugging her and can't wait to see her again!

I just want to know if there is any chances that they are only friends? I don't know if I should give him a chance to explain or simply pack up and leave!

 

[francaisco]

Sorry to say, there's no way they are just normal friends....

Meeting up during business trip = Not normal
Calling each other dear / baby = Still Acceptable
Sending photo = Normal as long as not intimate
Telling him missing him = Still Acceptable
Saying he miss hugging her = I do hug my close gal friends BUT just short friendly hugs, you won't miss it one! Your hubby one don't sound very friendly....

Sure, you should let him have a chance to explain.

Innocent till proven guilty!!!

 

[cys]

No, not normal.

Better ask him what's going on and see if your marriage can be salvage.

 

[miloice]

if your question is in general, then its straight forward as others replied. But, you need to look at the context. How well do you know your husband? Does he always address his friends this way? If no, its really obvious and not sure why u need to ask further. On the other hand, there could be people that address each other jokingly with such intimate terms. Not the common but its not unheard of either.

 

[ckgal]

if this is still a friend then what is lover?

 

[sad2009]

Thks for all the responses! I knw I'm just deceiving myself if I said they are just frz! Maybe I really dnt knw my hubby after all! The only thing that I can do now is to find a chance to talk to him! Hope that I can control myself when I get to knw the truth!

 

[ckgal]

2 scenario that might happen.

1.He tell u that they are only friends, u show the evidence u have and he say he will stop. But u will never trust him again.

2. he admit and ask for time to calm down. Move out from the house and continue with his lifestyle

 

[onegoal]

it's normal lah.....
Unless she make him a few babies then
maybe it's time for question him.

Else, he is just using her pussy to release sperm. That's all. He still loves u. OK??
Dont worry.....

 

[whereto]

If this 'friend' is overseas where he goes to often, even if you asked him, and he promised to stop. What are the chances that he will really stop. Most likely he will make sure u dont get to check on his emails and smses in future. Unless you can confront that 'friend' too.
Thats what happened to me

 

[moistfaucet]

unless the sms written " ai se kia bo" then it is cheat.

 

[sad2009]

whereto, care to share how did u handle ur situation? I'm not too sure wat i shld do now!

 

[veronmei]

"he is just using her pussy to release sperm. That's all. He still loves u." This is the act of "Friends with Benfits".

 

[auntymic]

Hi Sad, actually we all knows an answer already. just that we do not want to face it.

Like what Janey said:
1.He tell u that they are only friends, u show the evidence u have and he say he will stop. But u will never trust him again.

2. he admit and ask for time to calm down. Move out from the house and continue with his lifestyle

However, are you able to accept the above 2? Many times, we only hope and want to listen to what we want. But again, many times hearing too much, seeing too much and digging too much is torturing ourselves further.. Btw, do you guys have kids?

Whether what you should do now? Ask yourself, do u still want to give him a chance? If yes, talk to him and forgive him (if he admit) and work things out, go for a marriage couselling. However do note that, if you already lost the trust with hima and yourself in believing him, then you will end up living under the insecurity feeling.. keep pondering, keep thinking, keep asking, keep digging.. If he don't, then ask yourself again, are you willing to live on like that?? If your answer is NO, then ask for professional advice- lawyer and find out your own rights and then move on...

 

[ckgal]

there is another issue. Do u have kids?

u might not wan to do anything now, but u might not be in a good position if this go on and the custody issue come in.

U might have lost your husband, don't lose your kids also

 

[sad2009]

It so much harder to make a decision when you are in that situation! We have a 2 years old boy and expecting another one. He is out of town will only be back next wkend so I have a wk to sort out what I want! I'm still feeling abit lost and confused, still too emotional to make the right decision.

Anyway thanks alot... Appreciated all your posts!

 

[idealone]

firstly, you are expecting and due to hormonal changes, your moods and fears may be somehow or another amplified. You might have typed in the above 'evidence' based on watever coincidences episodes that may happen to have let you seen it.

Next, this is made worse by hubby needing to be out of town regularly for work and due to the feeling of emptiness, inner fears, jealousy, are brought out to counter this emptiness.

To cope with overwhelming mixed feelings, mind started to search for a resolution and think of the worst case scenarios to prepare itself from receiving any unwanted bad news.

So, what you should do now is to relax. think of the good things that has happened to you and this will greatly benefit the child inside you.

As for your hubby, do not confront him directly.

If it is just a misunderstanding, he will blame you and this is a lose - lose situation. ( worry for nothing and kenna blame for it)


If he admits to something, you are also in a lose - lose situation. ( worry turned to fears confirmed plus watever unbalanced hormones in you currently will affect your unborn child as well as yourself. if you are affected, who will look after your boy?)

Best way is to relax, do some shopping, go out with friends and wait for him to return. once he returns, talk to him about your worries and emptiness. ask him to stay home more often to company you as this is a kind of support you need before the child is born.

even the most hardned affairs prone men will think twice or thrice if the reason you give for him to stay around you is for the sake of the unborn child.

(he stays, you win, means he dun have anything to hide and he loves you. he stays, you win, if he really have affairs, the longer he stays with you, the thinner the affair will gets.)

(he leaves, dun worry, he really have his job to do and in this bad economic times, watever job one has is a way to feed the family so, let him go. he leaves, he may have the affair under wraps and dun wish to let you know in fear that you will be hurt. shows that he still have a bit morals and dun worry, relax and deal with him later when your child is born)

Objective for you in this case is to bear a healthy child first. everything else can wait. also your 2 year old boy will now be starting to understand things and any feelings of unhappiness in the family will affect his childhood as well as his psychological growth into teenage years.

I'm sure you know wats the best for yourself now.

 

[idealone]

Look for Eliz, talk to her. I'm sure she's a positive gal now. Talk to more positive and optimistic people. Only with a clear and positive mind will you find a win - win solution. And most importantly, only you can and have the powers to make your own informed choice.

Since you yourself is the key, dun you think you have to stay clear headed first?

 

[auntymic]

Oppss Sad.. My apologies. So u guys have a kid and u are expecting too.. i guessed it will be better to stay cool now.. sort out your thoughts. As Roger mentioned, it could be due to hormonal changes... Do not be impulsive at this stage.

 

[veronmei]

Sad, during this stage.... if you still think or worry too much in this issue, it might lead u into depression. I understand is difficult not to think all this, but u hv to control. BTW, are u going due soon?

 

[whereto]

Hi sad,
I found out that he cheated just before baby arrives. So when I confronted him with evidences, he at first shamelessly ask me to close one eyes! I didnt kick up a big fuss, generally I am a calm person. After which he ask me to give him time to settle the matter, as days goes by and it seems like he couldnt settle it, I packed my bag ready to go, only then he sort of like realise his mistake?
recently I found out again that he is in contact with the girl, I finally get in touch and ask her whats going on. She got a shock and promised me she will not get involve. She is like super friendly and forgiving type. I wish to tell her bcos of such a forgiving women like her, so men like my hubby doesnt realise how much he had hurt us.
I dont trust him anymore, always suspicious.
I only know when he is free he will go online to chat girls up. He is more careful now, so I cant find out much nowadays.
I am like waiting for the second heartbreak in order to divorce.

 

[sad2009]

I'm trying to be positive and calm @ all times! I kept myself busy to occupy my mind from thinking too much! But its hard to control during the night, sometimes I still cried myself to sleep.

I really appreciated all your advises and comments will bear that in mind! I know I have to be responsible to my son and my unborn so will not do anything stupid! I will hang in there as I'm half way through my pregnancy due in June! Like you guys had said I dnt want to lose my kids too!

I didn't dare to tell anyone yet so had bottled up all my feelings. I felt so much better after sharing with all of you!

Thank you!

 

[ckgal]

sad2009, u are not in anyway wrong, don't blame yourself. if ur husband is really innocent, then u will not have saw those sms

 

[lovingyou]

Sad2009: Have you talked to your HB about the issue?