Financial matters between husband & wife

[pinkcherryapple]

Hi all! I read Closet Outpour's post about her problem with her husband being kind of "stingy" and wanting to split cost for stuff..

And this got me wondering about the norm for most couples in Singapore. Do the hubby usually give the wife allowance and pay for most of the stuff? Or do the couples usually have joint-account and use the money from there? Is it a norm for ppl to keep ç§æˆ¿é’±? I guess it's this mentality that males tend to earn more than females, thus they have to fork out more money? But I kind of feel the income gap between males & females are becoming narrower, since both genders have equal chance of going to university (or receiving some sort of higher education) now, unlike the past generations. But it seems that it's a Chinese culture thingy for guys to be the one "supporting" the family - in the monetary sense?

Well for myself, I kind of have the feeling that my bf won't be earning more than me (at least for the 1st few yrs of our career). Don't wish to talk about the details anyway.. I don't mind having a joint-account and all.. And he did mention before that (when we get married in the future) he'll gladly let me control the finances (coz he admits that if he controls the money, he'll most likely not know how to spend it wisely.. hahaha). But somehow i just feel that my parents (maybe most parents will feel the same way too?) would prefer me to marry someone who's earning more than me... either that, or we'd have to wait till he's more stable in his career (means can earn more?)

So yea, do the hubbies in Singapore usually take care of the finances at home? Just curious..

 

[sparkless]

Is there really a "norm"? Just do what you both are comfortable with. No need to compare or do a poll.

I think the bottomline is use the money and love the people. Unfortunately, most of us tend to love the money and use the people, hence creating lotsa tension.

That's just my thought.

 

[pinkcherryapple]

hahaha.. yup, have witnessed such cases...

I'm just wondering if ppl from this generation is a lot different from our parents' generation, where the males are usually the sole breadwinner.

 

[lovingyou]

ling: I guess it differs? My HB is the main financial planner / controller, in a way that he takes charge of our joint accounts; I am not good in finances, and thus, I don't realli bother about it..

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi ling,

For my case, my hubby pays for everything (grocery, medical, utilities, everything) The monthly allowance is given to me to spend as I like.

But I usually end up saving almost all of it because my hobby is going to the library to borrow books to read.

I also end up saving my own working salary since he already pay up for everything.

We have a joint account where he will deposit his whole pay cheque.
Although the account has my name, he doesn't expect me to contribute to it.
Everything will be paid from that account.

As he is very busy with his work, he put me in charge of the account to invest for him.
Every month, I will "report" to him our financial matters.

 

[ariebeth]

Maybe because I've spend half my life in a western country and thus don't really know what the norm is in Singapore, but I don't really understand the need for an "allowance".

My impression is that an allowance (or pocket money) is given to someone who is not working or has no means to support themselves: like a child, stay at home mum, elderly parents etc.

I'm earning more than my partner, and every month an equal percentage of our salary is put into the joint account for household expenditure/bills/groceries/date nights/blahblah. He is free to buy 4D/TOTO/computer games from his own personal account and I have the freedom to go on massive shopping sprees to uh.. buy more shoes

We also save a certain % of our pay each month in case of emergencies. We don't touch the rainy day stash unless we absolutely have to, like hospital bills. We sit down at the end of every month to do some "accounting" together and sort out receipts and stuff like that.

I don't really think there is a right/wrong way to managing finances as a couple. What is most important is that the details are ironed out before marraige, and that both parties agree and compromise.

This is why I think pre-marraige counselling is very important, as some issues are hard to foresee when the couple is blindly in love.

 

[icygal]

For others I'm not sure, but maybe I'm super unlucky cause all the guys I'm with, don't let me touch their $ and even ask for the $ back if they got proof of payment by them. Maybe I got the 女强人 life so all guys in my life depends financial on me...

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi icybaby,

Sorry, Pardon my rudeness. Maybe it's the way you write. I can't help laughing at your post.

I guess the guys you date are really young and not financially secured yet.

But don't worrry, with age, they will be able to handle their finance better.

 

[green_tranquility]

Or icybaby is a high flyer in her career, earning a lot of $$ hehe? And even the guys around her age can't beat her at her pay? Icybaby should be proud of her financial independence!

 

[icygal]

oh... then you are wrong... my bring home is less than 2k... irony.... #_#

 

[green_tranquility]

icygal,
Oops

How old are u btw?

 

[icygal]

In the twenties... Gal age cannot reveal too much... Hahaha... But I do hear from my friends that their husband let them fully in charge of their $, salary, account, etc. As long as it's $ matters...

 

[losingher]

Icy baby, I don't know cos i seldom socialise with a group of women without my wife around. Perhaps you can comment on this conjecture:

Could it be those who share about such things are those who want others to know how "xin fu" they are. Those who kept quiet are either green with envy, or have reached a level of maturity where it doesn't matter at all.

In this case, all you get to hear about when a group of women get together to talk is how other people's husbands/BF are ALL like that. As far as i recall, when my male friends gather to talk, we never talk about such things...e.g. how much our wives contribute to the household, etc.

Ladies, pls don't flame me, and correct me if i'm wrong.

 

[miloice]

Whatever the arrangement, one needs to practise some flexibility. Don't micro manage a guys' funds and make him accountable for every cent. That's very straining on a person's pride and shows how little trust and faith u have in his ability to handle finances.

No one likes to be mothered by his wife. Personally, I will never marry a woman that cannot trust me. If she cannot even trust me manage my own money, its a nono to me definitely.

Losingher, what do you expect? Women's brain are wired very differently from us. Naturally, the kind of topics they talk about during gatherings differs alot. Guys talk is always about current affairs, money, sex, football and maybe mum and wife headache. We don't compare on small things. Rather, guys are competitive. That's why men are more into sports than women.

 

[losingher]

Milo, i know that we're wired differently. That's not the question i'm asking.

I too hear from my wife about how other people's HBs/BFs paid for nearly everything...but from what i've read in this forum, it's really not true (E.g. AB's case). So i'm wondering if the reason could that, generally, only those whose HBs/BFs fit into this mold are sharing it, perhaps because they feel proud about it? Hence, the perception that most men generally paid for nearly everything.

Anyway, i agree don't need to split hairs on finance matters lah, not worth the effort.

 

[miloice]

Well, as long as we marry those that "reached a level of maturity where it doesn't matter at all" and not those "green with envy" can liao loh.

Even if we can afford today, there is no guarantee we can provide for life. Those without the maturity will not be the one that will be there for us through our difficulties.

 

[star_dust]

i have friends who sound proud when then say their husbands' salary goes right into their acc, and they handle all the finances.

i cant and wont do that. i dont even know how much he earns a month, and where he spends it on. i dont even see his card bills. he even has a second personal bank account and i dont know how much he has in there.

he pays for everything except petrol for our 2 cars. that i take care of, and meals at places where my credit card gets the most discount. of course my own lunches and dinners with friends, and my own shopping comes out of my own paycheck.

sometimes i'm too lazy to drop by the atm, and i'll just ask him for cash. and sometimes i'll just ask for his cash even though i dont need it, and save it in our joint acc for him.

never saw the need to control his finances, although i do get worried when he goes overboard with soccer betting. and even when he asks me 'how, this time i lost alot', i just say ' then this month we'll cut back a little more loh'.

 

[susanna_low]

My friends and I seldom discuss about sensitive issues like finances and I never heard that their hb paid for everything too. Even the richer ones are very secretive.

Mostly including me split our bill, take turns to give each other treat etc..don't expect the hb to pay all.

 

[whynot123]

My husband & I have a joint acct where we poll our $ to pay the daily/monthly expenses of running our house; i.e., utility bills, property tax, etc. Every beginning of the year, each of us will just deposit some $ to this joint acct.

Besides the joint acct, each of us have our own account. Big purchases like house, car, investment, etc will be paid by both of us equally.

Small things like lunches, dinners, etc will be paid by whoever wants to pay for that occasions.

My advice is no need to sweat the small stuff & have "rigid" rules on who should pay more (male vs. female). Big purchases naturally need both parties to agree on although not necessarily both parties have to pay equally. You shd enjoy your marriage and the things that you can buy, not worrying on who should pay more.

 

[losingher]

May i just poll, what about vacations?

 

[miloice]

what about vacations?

 

[whynot123]

for me, vacations are usually paid all by my husband, but short-getaways are usually paid by both. Or, the arrangement can be i pay for the package & he'll pay for the expenses incurred at the location (meals, etc) or vice versa. No fixed rules lar...

 

[ariebeth]

in my case vacations are paid from our joint account as well...

actually my friends and i rarely discuss about sensitive things like financial issues. i've encountered acquaintances who mention that their hbs pay for everything and still give them money, and they don't have to pay for a damn thing. if it were me, there's no way i would let my partner pay for everything and be comfortable with it. it makes me feel like i'm free-loading and sponging off him.

 

[miloice]

For me, the same principle applies. We don't expect our partners to sponsor our wants in life.

Cannot afford to go on holiday then don't go. Don't expected our spouses to sponsor. Mostly, we take from the joint account but I will sponsor her shopping as a way to pamper her. And if I'm flying over for biz and asking her along, naturally, I should pay for it too.

 

[susanna_low]

I wont mind to pay for the hotel while my hb paid for the air ticket.
I belong to those type who will preferred to chirp in rather to let ppl pay all, if not take turns to pay.

However I have friends who always "ka siao, ka siao" lah...always want free meal and drinks then wait for other ppl to pay all the bills.
Those type of friends usually we siam far far

 

[ariebeth]

However I have friends who always "ka siao, ka siao" lah...always want free meal and drinks then wait for other ppl to pay all the bills. Those type of friends usually we siam far far

Yeah, ppl who do this to their friends probably do this to their spouse too. When their spouse pay, they conveniently diam diam. When they pay, they calculate down to the exact cent.

With friends or with spouse, money can always be earnt, don't need to be so calculative. However, it is also important to give and take, and not have one party always being the taker.

 

[findingnemo]

My gfs and I seldom talk about our hbs during gathering. Mostly about kids, work and general topics.

Milo - you mentioned u guys talked about sex during gatherings. Can I ask if you are referring to sex with your wives or other people? U guys really discuss about your wives??

 

[losingher]

Thks...my wife tells me how others paid for everything. She said that if she has to pay then sian already. In a way, it made me feel that i'm a loser for making her pay.

For info, my SOP : I pay for meals, accoms, and expenses (like massages, entrance to places of interest, etc). She pay for her own tixs and her own shopping. 1 year travel about 2-3 times. Roughly like that.

 

[susanna_low]

AB, I agreed, me too, dun like to be too calculative.

Nemo, I don't think guys will be sharing about their sex life with their wives but rather will "boast" with flings or on the particular gal they like etc.

losingher, I have plenty of friends like hers too. The is a particular one who keep on boasting to everybody on how her hb pamper her, how her hb sup card for her pay for all the bills, buy branded bags, do all the housework, how well she get along with her parents in law etc BUT she never tell us how her hb slapped her during a quarrel, how her father in law cant stand her anymore and asked her to pack her clothes and get out of the house and now her hb and her marriage are on the rocks. My hb being her hb's drinking buddies related all these to me.
Some people will only like to show off all the good things but not the "chou shi" in the home.
Why take it so seriously on wat they say? It's their mouth, let them boast whatever they want.

 

[vios]

i don't believe in giving allowance, but more of being responsible to my marriage in the financial way, since we're also talking abt paying for various monetary stuffs here.

of cos i do know that in s'pore context, the allowance is widely known as an affection of love and/or a form of security to the women...
understandably, it is more applicable to the older generations like our mums, grandmas, so forth... who stay put at home whilst their husbands brought back the dough.

and to my very surprise - for this generation, some Working women do Expect such allowances simply because of the widely-known 'traditional practice', notwithstanding for the gender roles played by those older generations....

and also, a sub-topic to 'share' with their peers. this is so real...

 

[powder]

well, try having fren's wives who constantly yak abt how much i make and why i should be paying for dinner etc...

it's a real turnoff. i think some pple are just so into this 'u earn more than me' expectation of others to pay. to marry such ladies would be suicidal for me or any guy!

sometimes i wonder Why some pple feel they have the right to My Money and My Hard Work and My Efforts simply becos they know me... really really ugly.

 

[miloice]

Nemo, nono... Sex as in racist or sexist jokes. Men don't compare such things. And definitely will NOT talk and share about them.

u make me luff out loudly.

 

[powder]

vios,

'allowance' was the term used in the past becos the women typically earned less, were given lesser opportunities and the like, thus there was need for financial support and the common temr used is 'allowance'.

where in modern era both genders get similar packages, barring some differences where some companies paid NSmen slightly more (i'd prefer to avoid losing 2.5yrs of NS to be honest)... so where does 'allowance' come in? that term shouldn't even be used in the modern era to depict what it used to depict in the past...

it is one of those things pple Mention as a convenient fact, and hope to get away with it without further probe.

 

[miloice]

well, my ex group of friends were asking allowances from their bfs. The kind mindset of taking the man as a cash cow.

 

[powder]

from bfrens? Wow!

 

[sgbabydoll]

"my ex group of friends were asking allowances from their bfs."

To instill a sense of responsibility? How thoughtful! So, if the bf or hb turns out to be irresponsible, should the girl take the blame? Haha

 

[vios]

powder,

for this modern era, the "allowance" is still applicable to the stay-at-home mums, who've had to stay put with the housekeeping and/or caretaker's roles, due to various circumstances.

for them, i still can understand....

 

[powder]

yup, tat has always been my view.

 

[tomasulu]

i don't understand voyeuristic threads like this. there are hundreds of permutations why a couple may decide to manage their finances a certain way. what's the point of knowing how others do it? if you have a problem with the way your finances are being managed in your household, bring it up with your other half. don't subject your lives to the tyranny of a fictitious majority.

 

[powder]

voyeurism is like such a sporean thing, if not a worldwide phenomenon.

it allows pple to compare, complain and grow contempt.

and if u look deeper, u realise it's insecurity at work, and an almost communistic thinking that prevails...

those who are lazy and dun think nor plan nor work for their ideals - Want something and hope to get it via comparing.

those who seek their ideals simply work for it... comparing gets us nowhere but in a state of depression. it's typical for sporeans to want something they dun deserve, and their best way of getting something - is to queue early for it.

 

[miloice]

its a global phenomenon especially with the internet.

People are paying for fake reviewers to comment in websites about their products. Its a big biz because the human psychology to feel safer when remaining with the masses. Be it for shopping, food or anything. They just google it and look in forums for answers.

 

[vios]

tomasulu,

don't be surprised to know that most of the times, their other halves are actually just as clueless in finance management.

come to think about it, through enlightenment/inspirations/'wake-up call' from others... there is some chance for them to reduce the odds of making bad decisions...

 

[vios]

voyeuristic / voyeurism -

i've always known it to be related to a form of sexual gratification leh... got to do with monies meh?

pls enlighten me....

 

[miloice]

sex and money are often related bro.

 

[vios]

but applies in this thread - peeping at the wife in secret, and pay her Allowances?

 

[pinktweet]

To share on this topic..

Me and hubby have 2 joint accounts where we both contribute to monthly .. he contributed more cos he was earning more than me .. 1 a/c is for savings and investments and the other a/c is for household expenses .. Whatever we left after contributing to the joint accounts, we can spend freely, eg. give parents, buy own stuff, etc .. .. i have no objection to this arrangement..

My hubby is a highly principled man .. I used his supp card and he claimed the $$ from me when he received his credit card bill!! .. I remembered when he first claimed $$ from me, i was so put-off that i immediately refused to use his credit card thereafter .. i can well afford my own credit card, so why bother to use his, i was thinking previously .. But then, on the other hand, when buying gifts for me, he wouldn't even blink an eye to get quality stuff for me regardless of the price .. eg. branded bags and diamonds .. etc

Then he explained that it is his principle .. since i'm the one swiping the card, i should pay for my expenses .. if he is with me and he swipe his card, then i no need to pay him back! .. ok lo .. what can i say .. then for practical reasons, i start to use his supp card again and cancel all my personal cards.. more practical, cos can accumulate points lo ..

 

[green_tranquility]

Milo and Vios,
I expect some women to reply their hubbies "No money no talk" when the latters request for sex lol.

 

[alcifertoh]

Paying for services and for them to stay? Might be better off with other alternatives then Green.

 

[pinktweet]

Other alternatives? Commercial sex? hmmm.. having sex with wife is much safer than commercial sex right? haha ..

 

[green_tranquility]

Hand is still the safest lor haha