Feeling so down this week,,,,,

[freeport]

sm,
example, if ur daughter request for spending more times with them like going zoo or swimming did you manage to cope while on ur hand got so much heavy workload? How about what if ur recent gf request or demand not enough time for her? What would you going to please or accommodate her?

 

[alcifertoh]

It's the intensity of it lah. Can be subjective but what you are pouring in exceeds the norm by much more that you put in additional measures via finding the time to multi-task in between during the interval. Not doubting your ability to multi-task but wouldn't the concentration be better spend with prioritizing?

I quote from the important phone call/waiting to pick up incident and SB while driving?

 

[simpleman]

milo,

Ok.. maybe I did belittle a little. But maybe because I am more in control of my time.. and precisely, I would not change my job for another one that pays me twice (I had offers). I like the flexibility in my job.

Home for dinner by 7pm. I used to think like you that it is impossible. And I am still having the same job. It is just a mindset change. I decided 5 years ago that it is important to be home for dinner - and I make my work around it. Decline meeting/conf call invitations. So much so, it has become a habit.

Occasionally I do miss my dinner date with my family.. but it is an exception rather than the norm.

OK. I can't expect everyone to do the same. But again, you never know if you never try. Cos I wa once like you.. 7pm home? Impossible leh..

 

[simpleman]

hbh,

I understand. I do weigh. To me I rather multi-task than wait serially. I made a calculated risk at that time. I could still be stuck with customer call and gf already ready to go..

But I was thinking.. an exception that she would understand.. and I just need to explain to her..

It was weighing in my mind.. a multi-million dollar to close or a date with the girl friend. It was a no brainer that in the past I would choose the multi-million deal - waiting patiently for the call to close the deal. But I thought, the closing the deal is a matter of time.. even if I missed it that day, it can be closed the next day. Date with girl friend - yes, can wait as well. But what the heck, why can't I do both?

I remembered I once sent the girl for some event.. and I was waiting for her.. more than three hours at the hotel lobby. She was very apologetic .. but I was all smiling when she came down.

I told her.. I just closed two deals at the hotel lobby.. Because I was there at the lobby.. no disturbances, I was able to close the deal more quickly if I have been in the office - probably talking cock with someone else..

 

[simpleman]

rachel,

Yeah.. swimming all the time.. as for zoo.. I will be the one asking them to go!

But this weekend, I promised them to bring them to the beach for picnic.

As for gf, unfortunately.. we are no longer together (broke off recently).. if we still together.. time is never a problem.. we just have to slice up our lives and spend the little time together..

 

[miloice]

sm,
like u, I love to do both. I love to multi-task and accomplish many things in a day.

But my wife absolutely hates that. She hates needing to commit to a timing and to slot many tasks in the schedule. When spending quality time with our loved ones, its not always possible to coordinate so perfectly. By the time we have time for them, they already got sick of the waiting. So, time I allocate to be with her is exclusive unless emergencies. I don't plan to slot some time between my busy schedule. It doesn't work. We simply end up more frustrated than fulfilling.

 

[skylar]

I agree with Milo on his bit above, in fact, I cannot till now believe or imagine why is it that sm when being asked by gf say eg.. to fetch her.. at a certain timing..

upon reaching, SM dun mind waiting for couple of mins or even hours.. (without a call from her? - that means that she must be doing something impt properly.. )

then more hrs later, either sm get a call or sms from gf say she is still tied up or even nothing or no news from her at all.. then sm drive off to do his own stuff.. without feeling a tiny wee bit pissed... bear in mind this is not only 1 time but many times...

Pardon me saying this but frankly.. I doubt no one could have master this unless I were to call u God!

 

[simpleman]

milo,

I agree.. when time with loved ones.. it is exclusive.. but while I am waiting for them.. they should not and would not care what I am doing.

Like I was with the girl friend.. my phone kept ringing.. i refused to pick-up.. she asked me why. I said.. that is my respect for the person in front of me.. (I took a peek at the phone and it was from an unknown person at 8pm...)

 

[sgbabydoll]

SM, your ex-gf didn't feel stresed being waited for for three over hours?

 

[freeport]

sm,
sorry to hear that.=(

milo,
From what i see you here... you seem treasure lots ur loved one also.

 

[dramarama]

simpleman has probably perfected the art of zen ...

 

[skylar]

that is why must call him god lor..

zzzz.. whahahahah..

 

[simpleman]

doll,

I don't know about her.. She had some photo-shoots.. so probably more tired and stressed by the photographer than knowing that I was waiting..

 

[freeport]

doll,
agree with you. wondering what bother her for 3 hours out there.

 

[simpleman]

skylar,

Ha ha you would not understand.. there are many twists and turns along the way..

Very complicated in fact.

I have more weird instances..

 

[skylar]

sm,

more weird instances??

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....


sounds eerieeeeeeeee ... ahahhaa

 

[simpleman]

Ok.. firstly.. ex-gf has sleeping dis-order. And she taking medication

Meaning, sometimes she will sleep and sleep and sometimes she cannot sleep..

You won't believe it.. sometimes I can call her when she is sleeping, she answer the call said coming down.. and went back to sleep.. Later I called again, she cannot remember that she answered the previous phone call.

So some of my unexplained dates that went awry were explained by that..

 

[sgbabydoll]

SM, with such a lady, it is best to wait for her to look for you since you can't always locate her?

Anyway, what you need from a gf is very minimal, quite different from the regular love relationship. Most people in a similar situation as yours would have a lot to grumble about.

 

[mark78]

abt the sleeping disorder. Haha, it reminded me of my friend who suppose to aid me in moving house. She end up sleeping and never answer the fonecall. She mia and fly me aeroplane not only once but a few times until i bo pian take cab.

i guess its much more productive to hire a cab then to ask her a favor by driving me with my barang barang down.

somemore she stay quite near me. sigh...

 

[green_tranquility]

Mark,
5 min drive?
She's in same town as u.

 

[sgbabydoll]

"wondering what bother her for 3 hours out there."

Rachel, SM said the gf was doing her work during those three hours. It was a photoshoot.

 

[mark78]

don know... don bother

 

[powder]

this kind of moving house thing... honestly just get professional movers, why engage frens? it's not like we still young and have the time... as adults in working world, our time is precious and if u ever ask me, i'd rather fork out $500 for pple to help u, than to help u personally...

i injure myself will u pay? and what if longterm injury? u scratch my car whilst moving things in, or i scratch your furniture - are we gonna quarrel? i drop your stuff, lose your stuff, will u be angry?

i think we should be mature enough to understand that sometimes... spending money is useful to avoid unnecessary trouble... and the possible deterioration of frenships...

or like in this case, u feel let down to be put aeroplane... could she be sick? tired? forgot? etc... that's why such issues - i find our local pple very lacking in foresight. and sometimes - very unforgiving... it's this same reason i dun ask pple for help - ever. and rather depend on myself... if i'm asked to help, i can help... but physical jobs and time-consuming jobs... i'd rather pay pple to help u.

i think it depends on how much your time is worth... accept no favours, expect no favours... just do it yourself.

now i guess your frenship is strained... over moving house. worth it?

 

[miloice]

I think asking friend to help in moving house should be really to help provide more supervision and logistics support. More eyes to make sure movers handle our stuffs with care.

The last time I moved house. It was a breeze. Everyone was happy and impress with the services until I unpacked. There was a huge dent on my oven. By then, payment made and movers already out of the place.

 

[powder]

this thing i mention abt moving house... is a continuing thought to other threads on something very very very basic which in actual fact - we Should understand, yet, unfortunately - we dun... and we use it against pple...

cooking - when $3-5 solves the problem not just with food, but with the whole washing of dishes.

cleaning house - when $10/hr for 3hrs a week can allow u time and freedom and avoid quarrels.

tabao home - buy your own food unless it's those special order from some super happening hawker once in a blue-moon. every bloody part of your journey home - will have coffeeshop, bread shops etc... why need to depend on another person???

laundry - maybe this one can DIY, but else - launderettes are all over and are not tat expensive for the tough pieces... can also be covered by the $10/hr maids...

end of the day i can understand that some actions are sweet, but certain things are over-Glorified. the possible sweetness has a 50/50 chance of going royally sour, and even Bitter. What would make a person take the chance??? and IF u take the chance - dun u realise it has a 50/50 possibility of results... and it 100% feeds on expectations of One or Both persons.

maybe it's me, maybe it's u, maybe it's other pple... but i have learnt to Pay for menial jobs, and not expect loved-ones to do those jobs... i think it's absolutely detestable to expect loved ones to cook, clean and do menial jobs when we can't appreciate them, nor when it's not worth their time. do we actually love them more???

perhaps money can solve problems... perhaps the lack of money makes pple Need to save on it by doing these jobs... it varies with pple and individuals.

shifting houses... for 1.6-2k - u can get service to shift house to house + item to item, where the pple setup every piece of item in your new home, exactly the same way as your old home. every piece is wrapped and moved to perfection... whilst u and your 4-5 frens can spend the day having coffee and shopping...

money is the root of all solutions.

 

[powder]

end of the day it's all abt opportunity costs... if u make $500 an hour, u would NEVER do something tat u can pay pple $20-50 an hour to do... pls note i am not being condescending, it's just that jobs are best done by pple who are professionals...

in a bid to save money shifting house, and then perhaps i borrow a fren's van/pickup... and in a bid to shift things, i drop the cupboard on his foot and the toes get sliced off... or worst - i back the pickup into him and kill him...

i dun know if pple consider All these things? becos it will come naturally to me to weigh the dangers and risk of any given job, and decide if it makes more sense to sublet it to others to do.

 

[mark78]

ops apologies. moving house may be a wrong word to use. she volunteered to drive me from pt A to pt b then for dinner. and i waited in vain. its for me to "move" some item (1 box) by myself. once again she keep on making such an arrangement including dates.

anyway as mentioned i took a cab. sometimes its like she asked me for a date but this "date" never materialise just because she will overslept.

well she did said she overslept and this overslept thing is more than once. i guess i have to stop if not i sound like a broken record.

-btw friendship strained not abt moving house but dictating who i should meet. nvm don want to go offtopic

 

[simpleman]

Yes for moving houses.. yeah, I moved many times.

Once I tried to move myself and enlist the help of friends.. ended I sprained my back..

After that, I only use professionals.

 

[simpleman]

powder,

"end of the day it's all abt opportunity costs... if u make $500 an hour, u would NEVER do something tat u can pay pple $20-50 an hour to do."

I agree in principle to this generally. Just that sometimes, for something that you enjoy doing, even if it is cheaper for other people to do it you will still want to do it - like, driving people around for example.

Like it is definitely cheaper for my daughter to take a bus to school.. but I just like the feeling of fetching her - and in the car we can bond and chat.

Similarly, it is definitely cheaper/easier to tabao. But sometimes on Sunday, I like to cook for my family - just the fun of it.. and they said they love my cooking.. ha ha.

 

[miloice]

sometimes, we do not simply for profit. why do we have hobbies when we probably cannot play like the pros or get sponsors to pay for our games?

Its the same with cooking. Its actual beyond the dollars and cents. Its a another way where family get together and bond.

 

[powder]

sm,

driving - i'm the professional... hehe, yeah for sure i'd agree on that. fetching my wife n kid to work daily is a must... it's a sort of bonding given the little time i typically have. and obviously, it's becos they are my loved ones...

but there will be things which are absolutely unnecessary and just a waste of time. i dun see any reason to risk pple in a bid to move things, clean things and the like - when there's cheap professional help for such things... end of the day, it's a professional thing.

 

[powder]

milo,

shifting houses, cleaning houses, doing laundry - are rarely classified as a hobby. Cooking - i can agree, but do note the cases i refer to... are seldom hobbies, and end up on expectations and quarrels...

i know what u mean, but the things u mean dun fall into the categories i'm referring to.

'beyond dollars and cents' is used on things that may cost, but are worth the money and money isn't a consideration. in this case - all those chores are beyond dollars and cents, and i'm encouraging pple to pay for it, not drag frens n family into it with that excuse of bonding when pple find it a drag and form expectations.

u've been in such threads, how many u come across who tell u what a wonderful hobby the chores are?? often they will say they dun mind doing chores, not that they absolutely derive recreational benefits from it.

 

[powder]

well mark,

since it's a she, then be more understanding... could be a heavy day of menses and highly fatigued... such things do happen, it has happened to me before and i'm with SM on the patience to adopt. if it has happened a few times, then all the more u should take it easy instead of allotting high hopes each time. doesn't help u does it?

and isn't this a perfect example of what i was trying to put across? the strain on frenship?

 

[mark78]

noted. i failed to realize that she might have menses or feeling very down from the break up with her bf.

thanks for the advice

 

[miloice]

hi bro, actually, I was more referring to cooking as it was one of the 'chores' u mentioned.

"cooking - when $3-5 solves the problem not just with food, but with the whole washing of dishes."

To many, cooking is more than just a chore. And even other chores, my MIL can be so serious and 'professional' about them. Cos, she is so particular about cleaniness. The house is the domain of the housewife. You cannot take that away from these aunties. It doesn't care who is cooking, she ends up in the kitchen supervising and slowly taking over the show. Ever since I moved over to stay with her, I hardly get to cook. Cos, its so difficult with her supervising and correcting everything from the way to wash vegs, how I cut the chicken, to when to fly the garlie and how much salt or oil I need to add. Even cutting of fruits, apples skin must be peeled or at least scrapped off the wax. She insist that we also need to wash with salt and she has this 'special' more expensive salt that she uses only to wash the fruits. She would apply some on the surfaces and rub and then prepare of bowl of salt water and soak it for 1 min or so. Her idea of getting rid of pesticides. I give up, its better to let her and the maid manage that.

 

[powder]

well milo,

if i was a housewife, then the pride and validation of Who i am, What defines me, What makes me feel important... would come from domestic roles, wouldn't it? becos they are the only roles i can do well and prefect in - where i get recognition from the pple in that household.

if u're a corporate raider or hold a job outside of the household... the household jobs are More likely to be chores than hobbies... not everyone works 9-6 and can't wait to get back home to do chores n cook. the only motivation maybe is just to cook for family, or spend time with family...

this is the same reason why maid-abuse are often with a certain gender and at home... it's this same power-role shifted from office to home. this same need of excellence at Home, as much as in office... anyway i dun wanna go off-topic.

my point is simple - the expectations of others to help u with menial work and to make a big hoo-ha over such matters... show just how much of a person u are If u're even gonna be angry or irritated over it... and form expectations for it to be done for u.

anyway...

 

[simpleman]

Cooking can be fun if the expectations are set right - else it would be like what powder has mentioned - it becomes a contentious issue.

When I was happily married we took care of our dinner in various forms:

a) For a certain period, we just pop by in-law or my mother house for dinner

b) Then we have people catered food and delivered to our house

c) Then we cook ourselves - we agreed to sub-divide the role. Wife cook and I wash-up. This work perfectly for a period of timetill we are both tired of cooking and washing - then we resort to b)

d) Then we got a maid to do the cooking

So through the years, we just alternate through a, b, c & finally we settled for d) cos having a maid not only help in the cooking but in other aspect of the household.

Nowadays, my wife is not around.. but I really look forward to sundays when the maid is off - because then I can take charge of the kitchen and cook for the children.

Funny thing about me is that I don't really like to cook except for my children. But I don't really mind washing the dishes.. I have a dish-washer (bought by ex-wife) but I put it in the store room after she left because I prefer to wash with my hands than with the dish-washer.

 

[powder]

tat's the only chore i like... clearing up after meals and washing dishes...

 

[miloice]

Going back to the topic.

One thing that isn't clear. Is TS working or a housewife?

Maybe its because she's at home all day that she have all the time to brew over all the negativity while waiting. And simply because she is not working that her husband wished and insisted her to cook?

 

[its_fate]

Hehehe.. So now U remember TS..

If to re-read her post, she mentioned this is "the 2nd time this week" that the husband forget....

We duno "how often" the husband forget things and if the is the "ONLY" 2nd time and she "jump", abit too much right......

Milo - Now is not whether cook or no cook... It's she "buay song" the husband for not calling.. Hiazzzzz... Suffer the hunger... Anyone know hungry then go eat lah,,, what is the point waiting till 10pm (where she dun take dinner after 10pm) Buay tahan.........

 

[simpleman]

TS probably gone liao..

aiyo, she knows herself is hungry and she won't eat after 10:00 pm.. she expects hb to call before that to tell her he will be late.. and yet, she purposely don't want to eat.. the purpose is to show her hb that hb made her hungry..

 

[powder]

yup, it's a typical entrapment isn't it?

some pple purposely go thru hardship so that they can declare that they have gone thru hardship and expect the world to agree with them...

thing is, we're all adults... nobody is gonna say "wah u so poor thing" unles that person is deliberately as dumb and as shallow... same reason why i stopped posting after the big picture pple came...

of cos the topic got better and the ts + big picture away, tat's why i post again.

 

[miloice]

Iris, i think its linked. He asked her to cook then he no show mah. So, the disappointment.

Often, when couple quarrel and harp on one stupid point to dispute who is right or wrong, the real dispute grows beyond that. They become defensive and pissed off with each other aggressive and non loving behaviors. So, although she keep talking about the no call, that is merely the excuse for her to shoot all the fire to ease the volcano erupting inside.

That's why its good advise for her to see beyond that phone call. See the BIG PICTURE powder is talking about.

 

[powder]

big picture not by me... it's by someone else.

 

[alcifertoh]

It's just uneccessary stress and expectations introduced to "spice" up life. I wonder how tough it is to live together micro-managing all these and making it so BIG. Maybe just like the couple I heard of who fought over which direction that toilet roll should be facing.

 

[its_fate]

well,, people choose the way they want to live their life... No right or wrong...

For me, I find it K*N Boh Liao. Jiak Par liao to create so many things to "spice" up their life. I rather spend these time on my "kayposim"... Wahahahaaaaa,,,,

 

[salsa_babe]

indeed....very kaypo of Iris...hehehe...

 

[simpleman]

milo,


"He asked her to cook then he no show mah. So, the disappointment. "

For the 2nd time that got the eruption, it is not cooking.. hb suppose to packet dinner.. she not happy because HB did not call.. and she purposely don't want to eat..

 

[simpleman]

Actually.. what is the BIG picture?

I cannot see lei..

 

[alcifertoh]

U all no depth lah... don't know how to read DEEP into things. That's why cannot see the BIG picture.