Feeling so down this week,,,,,

simpleman

Active Member
rachel, Of course.

Seriously, on most nights I will be home for dinner even if it means I have to work later.

Just a little drive home.. Have dinner, talk a bit with the children, then head back to office to work..

Or sometimes, I would bring work home.. and work at home after dinner.
 


alcifertoh

New Member
Wah lao u spoil market leh u hahaha. I feel we should propose to the govt to allow more flexi-time that working husbands must be allowed to go home during lunch time as well to lunch with the wife!

And "My wife cooked" should be an official valid reasons to avoid evening meetings and overtime.
 

freeport

New Member
sm,
Hardly find such guy accommodate & scarifice his own time for his family & wife. It's really amazed me here.
 

skylar

New Member
SM,

wait wife sleep liao turn over cannot feel the hb next to her.. orrhhhh DIE!!!!

hmm... maybe I shd take some time off to rush home to COOK now!!
 

salsa_babe

New Member
skylar.....your ah lao told us before...he PREFERS to eat outside.

From now onwards...you dun have to cook for him liao
 

janice0610

New Member
White fantasy not commenting anything liao..she must be regretting of starting this thread!! Her husband forgetfullness became her problem now..nobody understand her..and keep saying her childish..
I keep my mouth shut too!!
 

skylar

New Member
KNN lah.. (^@(%%_$_!%(^@*#$)^_@#(#&

simi eat outside!!

I will now rush home to cook in a bunny outfit biting off some carrot! He better make sure that he comes back the min my rice cooker clicks!!!!!
 

alcifertoh

New Member
You have to look at the whole situation and analyse the issue within. Not jumping onto the bandwagon and cry foul together.
 
Janjan is following her own 2-step advice that she has given to Whitefantasy.

1. Throw Tantrum
2. Ignore

When the forumers here don't stand on her side, she throws tantrum and then ignore them LOL.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
rachel,

hope u understand that SM is being sarcastic here.

JanJan,

Frankly, its a big prob to be this upset over minor problems. And you somehow don't see that. Regardless who has the initial problem, it is affecting the both of them no?

One would understand her frustration and disappointments. BUT, there is no need to have a major fight or blow up over this. It is freaking childish to not look at the problems and instead finding TIME, EMOTIONS and EFFORT to FIND OWNERSHIP of the blame. Do you not get this simple point?

A relationship is not a courtroom where you go and quantify who is right/wrong and liable for damages etc. Reflect on one's reaction. Is this the best way to handle it? Alot of EQ is needed to work things together.

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. If you have a partner that come down your neck and overact over every mistake you make and make you sleep in the hall, then maybe you will start seeing how childish that is.
 

freeport

New Member
sm,
To me, being experinced without partner ard most of the time. You're such busy with heavy workload but still able sneak out for accompany ur loved one. Sure your wife will very appreciate it.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
u should find out sm's martial status.
happy.gif


I really mean it. Actually, I pamper my wife alot too. But, I don't do things beyond one's limits all the time to set an unreal expectation.

Each pampering is either something I can sustain or done occasionally to maintain its meaning & value and keep the element of surprise. This way, its much more enjoyable for my wife and myself.

Rush back for dinner everyday is not always practical. We work in a global biz. Conf-calls need to be done in the right time slots. Try to set up meetings during others lunch time. Even if they attend, u will offend alot of people if you make that a habit just so that you can dine with your own partner. Not to mention, it take alot more time + ERP charges etc just to get home early. Is it practical??

SM, go home and sleep is possible if your place is 5 mins from your workplace. Majority of the people don't have this option.
 

simpleman

Active Member
Milo,

Actually I am sarcastic but I really mean what I said. I am really home for dinner mon to fri - unless I have biz dinner to attend or I have outings with friends (quite rate).

Well, I don't have a wife now but I do have three daughters at home. They are my loved ones and I do go home to have dinner with them every night. To me it is not a sacrifice. I would do the same for the woman I love, if there is one.

I try to be home by 6 - beats the evening traffic jam.. and have my dinner. Then normally I could have a conference call at 9pm. I have been doing this for years.

Actually my martial status is immaterial. Till recently I have a girl friend and I normally meet her in late afternoon or during lunch time or some times during evening time. But still it did not affect my work and still I am home for dinner with the children on most nights.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
hi sm,

yes, going for dinner is possible but not back and forth daily right?

Don't paint the wrong idea. This is very linked to feasibility. If you need to drive between home and office several times and your office is in the west while u stay in the East, it is not going to be very practical. And as a spouse, I wouldn't want my partner to do this kind of stupid travelling daily just to be home for dinner on time.

Personally, I dine almost daily with my in-laws too. But, it is always flexible. If have to do conf-call, then they eat without me. No point me going hungry till 10 plus to get home. And there are times, we do forget the time. This phone call thing is 2 way one loh. The idea to sit quietly waiting is stupid. My MIL has more common sense than to wait aimlessly.

Doing conf calls at 9-10pm is more suitable for US side. For Europe, isn't it better to catch them in their morning so that they can follow-up in the afternoon and we get the answers tomorrow morning SGP timing?
 

freeport

New Member
sm,
Got it, just read ur multiply blog. It's very hard being thru all these messy thoughts but while you manage well there. Overall, still amazed me here. Do hope ur loved one will really appreciated for what u'd done sacrifice for them.
 

simpleman

Active Member
Well, to me driving is not an issue. I can even conf call while I am driving.

My office in the east and I work in the east. But really I don't have to be at the office to make conf call.

My gf stays in the west.. and I do drive from east to west and west to east.. People thought it is a big deal but in reality it is not.

For some people, yeah dinner is not important. To me it is important to have dinner with my family so normally I set my meetings and calls around my dinner time.

Yes, for Europe we would normally have meeting in their morning and our afternoon time. But at times we do meet in the afternoon and especially if we need involvement with the US office. Our night time is the only practical window.

If i can't really be home for dinner, I would message the maid and she would keep the food for me. And by 7:30pm if I am not home, they would have dinner without me.

But seriously, if I need to drive from west to east just to have dinner with the family and drive to west again, I would do it - even on a daily basis. Of course my working arrangement is more flexible that mostly I can be home to make conf call.
 

freeport

New Member
sm,
Above all u mentioned here, really sacrifice enough..i really have nothing to say more.But again, not all ppl will do that so.
 

simpleman

Active Member
Actually, for many years, I thought dinner is not important. I used to work late nights.. I won't rush home for dinner.. I would rather eat outside.. and the food would be in the fridge..

I believe for most people they would never think dinner is important to them. It is just a matter of perspective.

But if you look at your work in your office.. now suppose you leave on the dot at 5 or 6pm home to have dinner with your family.. how does that affect your work? Ok.. you just block our that 5 to 8pm time for meeting.. that is all.

But that 5pm to 8pm is the golden period for family bonding time. To me that is the time when almost everyone is around - the children are all around and we can have dinner and we can communicate. If I miss the dinner everyday, it means I would be home say at 8 plus 9 pm.. The children would have had their dinner and doing their homework and probably time to go to bed. How much time do we spend with them?

So we become a faceless father that maybe our children would pay us to see us?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
hi sm,

exactly. it is very much more linked with feasibility. As you can see, maybe Rachel and I'm sure there are others thinking.... oh... sm is so sweet and nice. Why can't their partners do the same.

Personally, I have to drive east to west daily. And to central to lunch with my mum on weekdays. This is only possible because its 10-15 mins drive from my workplace to my mother's shop.

In the evenings, I could hardly reach home at 7.30pm. By the time at home, I would absolutely avoid needing to make more calls thr the night unless its with the US.

Actually, I make it a point to fetch my wife as much as possible. I remembered how you had shared few yrs back about how important simple time to really talk with the spouse. And how the marriage started to drift apart after your ex-wife got her own car. You guys had even lesser time for the marriage.

Be it dinner or time in the car. I think what is important is couples continue to find time to talk, share and be together. It could be dinner, lunch, before bedtime, TV time, in that car or anything. There isn't really a fixed golden period.
 

simpleman

Active Member
rachel,

People has different perspective and different priority - this i have to agree.

And I don't think what I am doing is a sacrifice. If it is a sacrifice I would not be able to sustain it. It would be too much of a burden.

To me, I like to do what I am doing.

And seriously, Singapore is so small.. what is driving from east to west and west to east. For the past 6 months, I have been driving from east to west and west to east almost on a daily basis and a couple of times a day. It did not hurt me a wee bit just that it can be a little frustrating when there are accidents on the highway.. but mostly I chose to drive during off-peaks although sometimes I may not have much of a choice.
 
I really feel like asking LTA to confiscate SM's car so that he won't spoil the "domestic" market!
crazy.gif


Who support this idea? Please put up your hands lol.
 

simpleman

Active Member
Milo,

Yeah, with the wife it is more flexible. I think the time in the car is important.. if you could not do lunch/dinner/breakfast more often.

If you have children, you will realize the other aspect - the importance of spending time with them. And when they start to grow older, the harder to connect with them. To me, dinner is the time and they all know. you will be lucky even your teenage son/daughter would even want to talk to you..
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Singapore may be small. But, I really don't like driving in the peak hours. Something, I try hard to avoid as much as possible. If I cannot beat the 6PM crowd, then I would prefer to drive home after 7.30PM.

Its so much more on my nerves to drive during peak. Frankly, dinner at home at 6PM everyday is pretty unsustainable for the average Joe.
 
Mr. Simpleman,

I regret to inform you that your car (NRIC SFB520J) has been arrested due to its threat to Singapore's internal security and domestic market. Out of Singapore government's good will, you are hereby awarded with a bicycle. You are still entitled to the unlimited use of the roads in Singapore till 30 June 2010.

Yours Beloved,
Singapore Internal Security Department
Ministry of Home Affairs
http://www.mha.gov.sg/isd/abt-isd.htm
 

simpleman

Active Member
Yeah, I know that. It is already 6pm.. and I am already home.. waiting for my daughters to be home and for the maid to finish the cooking..

And you may not notice.. I can even update SB even while driving...

There was once I need to close a multi-million deal and waiting for a very important call.. but still the girl friend called and I went to meet her - not wanting to reject and disappoint her.

While waiting for her, I managed to hook up with the customer and we concluded the deal. When the girl friend came down.. the deal was done. To me it is just a balance... for most of my work it can be done online/email or through phone calls.. and practically I am on the road most of the time with my laptop and my phone. I can do business anywhere..
 

simpleman

Active Member
green, you don't anyhow play play hor..

By the way, MHA is one of my customer.. In fact the govt of Singapore is my customer..
 

simpleman

Active Member
Milo,

I understand the peak hours traffic.. that is why if I am in the office, I will leave office latest by 5:30pm. mostly I will leave office even earlier or be somewhere that will not be caught in peak hour traffic.
 
SM,
Ask your subordinates to find out lor ;) Remember, you are VIP customer of Spore govt leh!

I'm eating dinner with my laptop right now. Haha I think my laptop accompany me for dinners more often with than my hb.

I must run away from home and divorce my hubby liao because he didn't eat dinner with me again tonight
angry.gif
!
 

skylar

New Member
Green,

whahahahahahhhaha.. then what? marry ur laptop si bor? hahahahah

Damnit!!
Yday my hb did not come home the min my rice cooker clicks!! TMD!! I am not impt to him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

freeport

New Member
sm,
All ppl have differently view of perspective as you said early.It is good that even such a simple dinner at home can make whole family so happily. But i agree with milo also..pampering need limitation else partner will take advantage or over expectation from one of another. I believe ur child & ur gf will learnt to appreciate or cherish more for what they have now.
 

skylar

New Member
ya lor.. nabz..

SM,
think I must get my hb to change his car to ur car type liao.. then have him practise to drive from east to west...

so when its time to come home, he better make sure he opens the door the min my rice cooker clicks! ah bor.. itssss RRRIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPP time for him!
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
sm, leave by 5.30pm, I can only do so like once a month or so?? During feative seasons when most are on vacation, then it can be more often.
happy.gif


Sad thing loh, europe side wakes up at 3pm, so most calls will not end before 6.30pm. And if they are busy, we will schedule it thr their lunch.

Good thing I'm transferring to asia accounts. So, things should improve.

Rachel, about being taken for granted. Think most people don't intentionally take advantage of their loved ones. But, its simply not a wise thing to spoil our own market with our partners to spoil them with unsustainable expectations. Its human psychology. It loses its value.

The giver is too tired and stressed out to enjoy the process of giving.
The receiver loses the creativity, element of surprises. It is replaced with expectation. And when not given, the disappointments.

It becomes a lose-lose situation. Afterall, our objective in pampering our spouses is simply wanting them to be happy. Not to indulge them till a point they become a handicap or reliant.

The secret to make someone feel on top of the world isn't to give to the max all the time. Its like eating a 6 course dinner. Each is small in quantity and the right amount flavor to enjoy its richness without overdoing.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
sm, of cos we don't expect things in return when giving. But we only give things that is good and enjoyable to our partners.

I used to give and give only to be taken for granted. Its no one's fault but my own.
 

skylar

New Member
whahahha.. time to ask for a new gift from my hb to change car hor.. hmmm...

Milo,
can understand Europe side is back.. but frankly, I hate US bit.. for me, if I have to do a conf call with US, damn its either freaking early or late for me.. the 12hrs gap definitely aint too good!
 


simpleman

Active Member
milo,

the danger is that many times people give.. but they have expectations.. so when their expectations are not met.. they are disappointed.

If you have expectations when giving, then you better say up front..
 

Top