Fall in love with a two timer

fool_lady

New Member
I ended my marriage for an ex colleague who was 6 years younger than me. Two years into the relationship after working together for 6 yrs.. We were tog happily for almost 8 hrs a day before karma sets in and we started argue and he started his verbal abuse on me. During most quarrels, he wanted to break but after that he would plead for forgiveness and we move on again. It repeated for a year and things get. worst. I was the more mature one or rather the one who truly love thus never raise the word breakup. The frequent verbal abuse was unbearable and after two yrs of being together every weekday, I initiate the break up with the hope that he can pull me back. He didnt. I was very heartbroken. Instead of reconcile with me, he scolded me of breaking promises to be with him, he said he is the victim and I am heartless and cheated him. Barely a month later, his good friend told me my ex bf is getting married! Before I can let go and get out of my depression, this news was shocking and unbearable. Ladies, if your bf can't celebrate his birthday, valentine day, new Yr eve and day with u, if he cant call you at nite and weekend and claimed he is busy with family business at nite and weekends,pls do not be like me totally believe and accommodate him.
For all my loyalty and true love, he returned me with hurts
and lies. He patched back with his ex gf last year and while being with me. I am disgusted by him and feel very hurts. I know this is my retribution. I know i should let go and no point crying for the lost love. I wish I am strong and rational.
 


fraiii

Member
A case of rebound relationship?

We need to see with both our eyes n nit only with our hearts. Take faith that all is not lost. Friends n family will b there to support u
 

infojunkie

Active Member
to love is to risk not hving our love reciprocated...

be it breaking someone's heart or hving our hearts broken, we do what we feel is the rite thing... all in the name of love. and love can be that cruel
sad.gif


well, forget abt the karma thing and move on...

every failed relationship is a lesson for us to know more abt ourselves and life
happy.gif
 

fool_lady

New Member
Hi all,
Thank you. Moving on is the only way. I really hope time can
Really heal as the pan is too much for me, abuse, betrayed, cheated and lies after the sweet and fond memories. Friends and family were all against my relationship, now that it all ends and in such a manner, I have no face to update them. They were so right, one day this guy will abandon me and I will regret for not taking their advise.
I have thot of seeking revenge by speaking to the woman but come to think about it, I was foolish not to pick up the signs and plunge all the way. However one side of me camt swollow it. Should I proceed to let her know that she is marrying a two timer?
 

ssssh

New Member
well,Fool lady, no point to tell her anything.
What if she knws? Will she believe in you? so what after telling her? just a lesson to learn tat all i can say
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
"I was the more mature one or rather the one who truly love thus never raise the word breakup"

Frankly, do you really think you are mature? At least in the way you handle relationships. It has nothing to do with karma. Harsh reality you need to face. Its a bad choice to begin to with and you are just facing the consequence of it. What's there to be depress and let go over an ex getting married. It points to how possessive you really are. If you really love, then you would want him to be happy. You are unable to give him that happiness so be happy that he found someone else that would.

Pick up the key and right lessons in life... and it is not about celebrating special dates. Wife and myself missed most of our anniversaries anyway. It has totally no impact to the relationship. If you are needing these 'signals' to tell you about your relationship, it is already in a pretty bad state. i.e. u are totally clueless and desperate to use this kind of 'sighs' to guess things.
 

oneder

New Member
Milo, i think she is saying that bf can't celebrate special dates with her because he was celebrating it with another person. And she wants to get revenge on her bf rather than being possessive.

But then again, TS. What is the use of telling the other girl? You couldn't even fix your own problems and you wanted to start another series of drama? The important thing is to learn from this episode and to be make better decision in the future. Otherwise you would just be hop from guys to guys.
 

cococherry

New Member
Lady,

What goes around comes around.

Learn from this and it will be better in future. It's useless to seek revenge, did yr ex hus seek revenge?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Lee, i know what she is saying. But its not generally true that partners that don't spend time on these special commerical dates are somehow 2-timing. To come with this kind of conclusion and warning is really lame. Whether he is 2-timing or not, fact remains... the relationship is bad. Hence, he is having other plans.

The revenge has everything to do with her mentality. It isn't love.
 

simpleman

Active Member
fool lady,

Pretty much self-centered. I don't see maturity in handling relationship. Not when asking for a break-up and hoping to be pulled back. If a relationship is not working, break-up is the consequence and not a tool to use to patch up.

And you talked about abuse, betrayed and lies.. Isn't your whole relationship based on that? How you suppose you end your marriage to be with him?

What is there to revenge and talk to that woman? Be a little more matured and look forward.

You chose him over your ex-husband.. and who is to be blamed other than yourself?
 

eddie77

New Member
Love is blind, when we are in love with another person, we sometimes are blind to signs or warnings.
She was in love with the younger man and didn't doubt him. A warning to the girls here, if the guys don't pick up your calls at night ALL THE TIME and don't celebrate special occasions with you ALL THE TIME. This should raise some suspicions.

But I can't believe that you ended your marriage because of the guy. Was your ex-husband bad to you? Was he not a good husband?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Well.... after falling out of love.... is she finally seeing and learning the right lessons? Or is she still blind by her pride?

SM pointed out very clearly. That's the honest truth she needs to learn. She isn't a victim of anything except her self-centeredness and bad judgement.

"A warning to the girls here, if the guys don't pick up your calls at night ALL THE TIME and don't celebrate special occasions with you ALL THE TIME. This should raise some suspicions. "

All, if you are fighting all the time, you really need to wake up and re-evaluate where the relationship is heading. Please don't spend time investigating and suspecting this or that. Regardless whether there is a 3rd party, LOOK AT YOUR RELATIONSHIP FIRST! Its a bad mistake by many to identify the affair, 2-timing as the cause of the problem. Mostly, it isn't. Its part of the consequences of the bad relationship. SEE THE REAL PROBLEM.
 

simpleman

Active Member
fool lady,

He patched back with his ex gf last year and while being with me. I am disgusted by him and feel very hurts. I know this is my retribution. I know i should let go and no point crying for the lost love. I wish I am strong and rational.


Yes. You should be disgusted with yourself and not with him. What's wrong of him patching up with ex-gf when you can dumped your hb for him? Your ex-hb should be more more super disgusted with you.

And no, this is not your retribution. Just bad judgement. Don't push away your poor judgement and decision making - otherwise you will never learn.
 

susanna_low

New Member
It is always not easy to find someone who truely love u especially when u get older.

Meanwhile other than love, there's many other things tat's v meaningful in life too.
 

lovingyou

New Member
Sad to say but aren't you 2-timing too? Not sure how long was your marriage but you choose to leave the vows and plunge into this fruitless r/s, you can blame no one but yourself with this choice, not seeing it as kharma but more towards the responsibility of bearing the consequence of your choice.
 

fool_lady

New Member
I was separated before I accepted him. I gave up my marriage as my ex hb was a compulsive gambler and live on me for years. I paid off his debts countless times. He couldn't settle down with permanent job as he took frequent unpaid leaves to gamble. I gave up my marriage and accepted him, believing he will continue to love and take care of me. The signs were clear as what missing was everyweek and every nite and every occasion as i believe he was busy helping in his family business and never call to disturb him. I stayed up every nite just to wait for his gdnite msg.
Accept a bad relationship is Not the same as accept he was with me and her at the same time and lie about his family business that never exist so I will not want him to spend time with me in any evening or weekend. Yes it is a wrong judgment and a mistake.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
You are saying a very different story altogether now. Did you end your marriage this colleague or did you end your marriage because you wanted out?

All these idea of karma and retribution etc. You are really messed up. There is absolutely no sin in pursuing your happiness. You just need to make better judgement calls. That is your real issue here. 2 bad relationships to 2 lousy men. And all you think of its retribution?? You need to get a grip on yourself and know what you really want and need in your life. Not, jump on boats hoping.
 

lovingyou

New Member
So it is a so-called rebound r/s and not an affair now? What's there about bad kharma when you are so called single before you enter this r/s? What's about retribution when you leave your ex hb on other reasonable grounds to pursue your happiness? Unless you are trying to say you insist to being with him with knowlegde that he is attached all along?
 

denise80

Active Member
TS, ur inability to express urself well here indicates probs in ur communication with others. It took me awhile plus others' replies to u in order to figure out what exactly happened to u. So other than poor judgment, it cld be communication with others? I don't know. Only u would know. For instance, I wouldn't bring up my Past marriage if it has nothing to do with the second man I've dated and got jilted if I were u. If I have to, I'll reorder my 'storytelling' a bit so that ppl dun get the wrong ideas that I've left my hubby for another man.
 

yoongf

Member
TS,
If he often threatened breakup, means he was not happy with something in the relationship, but was willing to work things out again. The fact that he is planning a marriage so soon.. I am guessing he wanted to marry u... but u dragged/ din say "yes"?

I concur with Denise80.. it sounds more like a communication problem. Sounds like u were calling the shots in the relationship rather than a mutual thing.
 

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