Extramarital Affair: Truly in love with each other

[miloice]

Anthony, in reality, 2 broken families should already be a consequence you are ready to face when you taken on the decision with the affair. You could the few lucky ones that the entire thing went on till your death without being uncovered. However, you are not going to bank you that.

I discovered my dad's affairs during my NS. I was having pretty much the same kind of opinionated views as Jenny. In fact, the one that fully supported and encouraged my mum to divorce him. I was very hurt and I hit him and chased him out of the house.

Through the yrs, I learnt to view things beyond morals and correctness. The grey is much more than that. It doesn't mean I supported my dad's actions. I never did. However, I respected his right to pursue his life. The hurt is regrettable to the entire family. But, children will mature and grow up someday. I did too. My dad felt his duty is complete the moment I turn 21. Its not the case. No major timing or age would make one automatically understand.

Your situation is probably not the same. No one can tell you what is the workaround. You have to be realistic about the consequences.

 

[henges]

Sigh... It's good to hear more from you Anthony. At least we all get a fuller picture (even if it's only your side of the story).

I really don't know how you could tolerate or stay in such a relationship for 6 years. That's bloody long.

 

[powder]

Death is a great catalyst for Life and Living... it really is.

If u walk with death for most of your life, u are likely to put alot of Living into your decisions.

some pple dun think of death nor the 'consequence' of it, if u think closer into it, as in Death being the be-all end-all and the Nothingness and the absolute end... u will find that it enboldens u, gives u courage and injects zest and urgency into your life.

i have no idea how some pple can go on living in the past for 2-3yrs just hankering after the same guy and reflashing on past memories...

Similarly, when u mention an affair, the tendency is for most to jump and think of sex being a pull factor, and that it's physical.

i do wonder if everyone has experienced the wonders of having a soulmate... perhaps we only find ours at 40, 45, 50? most of us got guy buddies... or gal buddies... but it can be the sort of soul mate whom u wanna walk the rest of your Life After Death with... the kind whom u wanna be beyond this life.

i think u need to really be spiritually-intouch and be someone who would embrace life for the Mistakes u make, as much as for the mistakes u Dun make.

our local culture penalises mistakes, pnealises pple who make mistakes, penalises pple who are not in step with social norms, penalises pple wh odun play ball.

we end up penalising anyone who wants to Truly Live their life.

the problem, sadly, is that we dun realise how much more we can live for, how better we can live life - til we're at an older age. so for mistakes and errors made during our youthful carefree days, we might end up paying with for the rest of our lives...

i guess live and let live. if we all share a common respect and love for Life, as opposed to Rules... then we might know where to lay priorities and what we dun have to fear.

 

[miloice]

Something to share from Steve jobs about lessons death brings.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1R-jKKp3NA

"I asked myself if today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today? And whenever the answer has been no for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something."

 

[powder]

it's one of my fav speeches... it's impt to see life as life, in a wider perspective...

but dun think steve jobs would survive in spore, down here he will be reprimanded for his mistakes and forced to give up. he will be some employee somewhere, hehe.

 

[henges]

Anthony, by sharing your story here, does it also indicate your desire to do something with your situation?

You may think that you are being kind or ä»æ…ˆ by choosing to stay status quo, but actually it may turn out to be the most cruel deed (not only to your wife but also yourself and all involved) and you wonder why you had not acted earlier. I think it will be naive to think that you can stay like this forever without ever being found out.

Personally I feel, 离开必然残å¿ï¼Œä¸ç¦»å¼€æ›´åŠ æ®‹å¿. I usually don't like the notion of promoting 分离. But IF you have already exhausted all possible means of reconciliation and still you find no solace in your current marriage life, then why not give all a chance to re-live. I mean, at least you have tried right?

 

[tomasulu]

If you relish life, if you wanna live life to the fullest, don't live a surreptitious life full of lies and darkness. I'm not trying to be sanctimonious nor am i talking outta my ass because I'm idealistic and lived a sheltered life. Few love can survive the tainting of an illicit affair and blossom. There's almost no good outcome if you continue down that road.

 

[60secs]

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

 

[jn1234]

Anthony
Actually I am not here to argue with people, but for you to ponder from your wife's perspective. You may have found your happiness in your new woman, but you are denying this chance to your wife.

"I will never leave my wife in poverty and if there is ever a day I need to leave, and I would make sure she is comfortable."
- even if you have provided for her material comfort till death do you apart, even if you will not ever dump her in her life time, but you are doing your wife a great disservice even if she does not ever find out. If you care for her, what heart do you have if she only finds out in her numbering days that there is no place for her in your heart, and you have replaced her with another long long ago.

Anyway, despise is my personal feeling, don't take it too hard. My words maybe harsh but I hope I would be able to save another woman's sad heart.

I have said enough. Be happy.

 

[sgbabydoll]

"The husband has all but given up on the marriage. He is not putting anything else into it and will likely divorce the wife when the kids are older. If it's something he's told his wife and his wife's agreed to the arrangement then it's a different story. Ts is not just a father he is also a husband. He has obligations as a husband even if the wife is horrible."

If your spouse is just discharging his or her spousal duties without love, you will surely know, unless your marriage was a loveless one from Day One and this makes no difference to you. If you and your spouse do not get along for an extended period of time, how can both parties not know with the constant disagreement, exchange of insults, quarrels or even cold wars?

I am almost certain that Ant's wife is aware of the state of her marriage. She knows she is walking on thin line. If one day Ant applies for divorce she may kick up a storm out of denial but not oblivion.

 

[simpleman]

I wonder why you don't consider the possibility of divorcing your wife.. ok maybe not divorcing now.. but the possibility of separating from her and leading your own life. It does not mean not thinking about the children..

Don't bother much about what others think or how society will judge you.. the crux of the matter - you have to search within you... what you want, ultimately?

Don't blame it on society's expectations or your parents... Ultimately, we are answerable to yourself.. Yes, the children is a consideration. But there are many divorces/separation with children involved that ended up completely OK. It is not as if children of divorced or separated children will automatically be traumatized psychologically forever and not well adjusted. It is how we approach the issue..

Having an underground relationship - you have to bang that it won't be discovered. If it is in the open the consequences are more severely. The hurt to the spouses are unimaginable..and the children as well - it is much much better to manage the separation as a consequence of irreconcilable differences between the spouses. Yes, there will be many questions asked by friends, parents, spouse, children.. etc etc.. but after a while, it will only get better.

But if there is sudden discovery of the secret affair - the damage will be more difficult to manage - especially in the eyes of the children.

 

[ajumma]

powder, no doubt things might happen differently from what i had suggested. true, his wife might commit suicide with the children, his mother might eventually find out, the girlfriend's chauvinistic husband might get so incensed that he ends up knifing her.

the possibilities are endless.

of course, i was making suggestions and giving a different point of view. it's also a case of probability here. how many divorces in singapore end with a spouse's suicide? but i'll leave it to ant to assess if his wife might indeed commit such an act.

however, powder, not doing anything abt it and keeping the relationship under wraps is not any less naive than the possibility that i posted.

if ant tells the wife 10 years down the road that he wants a divorce. do u think the wife's risk of suicide would be lower at that point in her life?

antthony, u sound like u still care for ur wife. men who are utterly disappointed with their wives would not care to see that they are well provided for after divorce.

r u sure there is no hope for ur marriage?

i'm curious to know. why did u marry ur wife? i'm sure there were some nice qualities abt her that attracted u?

 

[susanna_low]

Though not relevant to the thread, Divorce is not a taboo in the society and my frds who's divorced are settling v well into their lifes and really found the man who truly loves them.

I can say during my gathering with married frds, 80% are years into their 2nd marriage and can say if they nvr get out of their disastrous first marriage, they couldn't find awonderful man like now.

I feel that they learn to treasure more due to past experience. My mil divorced her ex with 3 young kids n my step fil raised them up like his own, I grew up with this family since childhood. Till now, they are super loving like a newly wedded couple.

 

[miloice]

it is a choice & decision....What's important isn't if its a taboo for the society. Its not about the society. Its about the individuals in the relation and family. It matters to no one else but them.

The important thing is making the decision for the right reasons. Society? If its affect ones career then yes. But, mostly people are concern about gosships by people that don't concern them or their personal opinion over divorce.

 

[powder]

ajummma, exactly... the possibilities are endless... tat's my point.

u're too hung up on 'not doing anything' being an indecision, thus u're 'penalising' him... whilst i see it as the current decision, and not as keen to point fingers... but share my thoughts.

let's just say i'm not pushy here, whilst some are pushy. but if we agree on the infinite possibilities, then what have u got to be so pushy and cretain abt Your way?

it helps to think abit longer sometimes... and i believe these thoughts have never left his head... just that each time, maybe even everyday, he makes the decision to stay and be mum.

 

[ajumma]

powder, i get ur point that not changing the status quo can be a decision in itself.

i'm sorry that i sounded pushy to u. hmm... i suppose it's like ur friend calling u and tells u that he hates his wife, dislikes her, their marriage is loveless.

u may tell him, try to tolerate lah. then he says, he can't take it, she's bad, she's the total example of the ultimate horrible wife. so finally u say, why don't end things with her?

but he's not willing to. he just wants to complain. and he complains to u. every day, he tells u he hates his wife. every day, u suggest solutions. but he doesn't take any action.

like ant saying here, it's a struggle to hide his feelings for the other woman. he's going to continue thinking that it's a struggle if he doesn't do anything abt it. what does he intend to do?

in the end, his answer is, he will continue hiding his feelings.

powder, i don't know if u've ever met people like that, sometimes as the person listening to them, u can't help but feel that, eh, why i give advice but u don't want to listen and continued doing the things in the same way?

again, i don't mean to be pushy. i know it's a difficult decision. and the problem with people listening to another's troubles is that often we end up taking a problem solving approach and not listen to them. this i acknowledge u do better than me.

as for what ant said abt him being a dreamer, i am a dreamer too.

we don't have to dream outside our marriage. our spouse can be the person of our dreams. but i believe ant is pass this stage of reconsidering his spouse as the person to share his life with.

 

[simpleman]

TS seems to be clear on what he wants and what he will do and not do.

He wants still to be in the loveless marriage (I suppose) for the children's sake? And not to disappoint parents? Well at least till the children are older..

He wants to continue the secret affair as it can fill his emotional gap..

That's all we know. The rest about the his lover or his wife - all speculations.. no point to go about doing what ifs analysis.

Now, he has made that decision. Some people feel that it is unfair to the wife because while he can have secret affair to fill up his emotional gap, his wife may be kept in the dark. I think this is a reasonable assumption. Unless proven otherwise we have to assume that the wife is in the dark. Yes, he may still be cordial to his wife, especially if his wife abuses him and he is keeping quiet. His silence fair to his wife? Well, it is difficult to say.. in marriage there is no such thing as fair or unfair. But as a responsible hb, I mean he has agreed to marry her - and if he no longer has any feelings for her (even when he has no affair), it is his responsibility to communicate to his wife. I would if I am in similar situation. If the wife accepts the loveless marriage (no love from hb) then so be it. Else she has a right too to decide for herself. While I am not moralizing on his affair, I think as a Man, one needs to stand-up for our actions.

But I can understand his feelings. People in affair, they have a heighten sense of not wanting to own-up.. they feel pressured and yet the feeling with the lover is so much intense because it is forbidden. I am not saying not owning up to the affair is completely wrong, we can understand the rationale.. but has he consider the consequences - the consequences of his affair being made known - by his wife and children?

The impact of which is not something that he has envisaged nor prepared.. otherwise he would have told them.. This is really the danger.. Imagine your children "knowing or seeing" their father together with another woman.. I don't know if he has considered this but it is a reality.

There are times when not making a decision is a decision. But in this instance, not making a decision is more like resistance to change, fear of the impact of the unknown, and fear for the affair to be made known.

I think he wishes too he has the courage to walk out of the marriage but unfortunately he is probably restricted by responsibility and expectations of his family. But frankly speaking I don't think it is going to be anything good for the affair to remain secret... the other woman has a family as well.

It is much much better for him to talk to his wife now about separation and leading separate lives. There is no need to talk about his lover. Yes, it may upset the wife, tear the family apart.. but it is still manageable given time. If the affair is out in the open suddenly, there may not be room for it to be managed.

This is my personal view. But like most people in an affair, we are mostly clouded by emotions.. and the intense need to be with your lover. We won't be so level-headed to consider all aspects. But I hope TS can take some time off - away from family and lover - to think about his future.

Divorce and separation is not that scary. And not necessary a bad thing. It can open up a whole new world that we do not know.

 

[susanna_low]

But, mostly people are concern about gosships by people that don't concern them or their personal opinion

This is indeed very annoying. If you are not married, they ask u when to get marry? No kids, will ask u when will have 1?
Have 1, ask when will hv 2? 2 boys/gals, ask wan to try for another 1 etc?
Somemore keep asking and asking n asking...

Recently, it really gets on my nerve when ppl keep asking me when to have no 2? and keep asking me everyday though my standard answer is "no,thanks.." and if you comment too much, later ppl with more kids will get sensitive. I don't like to comment/gossip on my frds' lifestyle and hate to compare this and that etc.

Yesterday, I get abit annoyed with a friend who keep asking me to have a no. 2 and she say I have at least 2, u must have 2 too.
Does that mean people have bigger house, car, change hb etc? I must do the same as all or else like being "lagged" behind.

 

[simpleman]

If you are so bothered about other people's comments, then will be very troubled easily.

Just smile.. and keep quiet. or don't smile and stare back at them.. ha ha

 

[cuclainne]

ting yi, don't let what others say affect you .. i also have two children, i also get the same - try for another one, maybe can get boy? i tell them, no thanks .. two is enough. anyways it's very simple for them to say but will they be the ones to wake up in the middle of the night for feeds, or be changing the kid's diapers? don't be bothered so much .. we can't stop others from saying what they wish but we can choose whether to let it affect/ not affect us.

 

[susanna_low]

If you are so bothered about other people's comments, then will be very troubled easily.

Yeah true, I keep remind myself about that everyday too and I know that they meant no harm.

No matter what, people will find an opportunity to gossip. Just not too long again, I ask whoever can help to accompany me to buy things for our group outing, ended up rumours spread to my hb saying that i ordered others around and I nvr even realise when people's wife been showing me black face the whole night and going home early, creating a big hoo ha out of a molehill.

I don't even comment on that issue.

I stayed at home to avoid conflicts, they been gossiping that I have been a hermit staying in my own world.

Do this also kanna say, do that also kanna say.

Just need an outlet to rant out but not in real life to avoid conflicts and to invite more gossips.

Cuc, true too. If you have 2 gals, they will ask u trying for a boy??
There's another friend who just got pregnant too and I congrats her. She actually say "y not u try for another one, I really pity your gal and ended with a hahahahahahah.
Although I know that there's no ill intention, I actually can't understand why a single child got to be lonely and pitiful when my ger is actually enjoying herself with her cousin, friends.

 

[powder]

ajumma, point taken. i think we can make some assumptions and pigeon-hole some cases, but think particular one is not the typical 30seomthing finding some young chick and having a change of heart.

 

[miloice]

hi Ting Yi, the fact u need to keep reminding yourself probably indicate how much you are bothered with what others say.

Filtering will help you grow to be immune to it. You stay at home if you so enjoy, not for the fear of others. We all have our natural traits so, you probably is not naturally comfortable and want to avoid conflict. Acquiring the right experience will help you deal with the issue than avoidance. Avoidance in the long run is lose-lose. There are things that are not worth disputing or arguing for. Its a balance, if you are always suppressing to avoid conflicts, your quality of life is affected badly by it. Good practice makes perfection. So, you gotta get some exposure and practice managing it effectively to get better in it. Think about it.

My ex is always so stressed and upset, pouring abt how she is arrowed everyday by friends, colleagues and relatives. As much I tried to be understanding and helpful, I soon came to realize it was a vicious cycle for her. Much of the unhappiness is self imposed. I couldn't change her, her pride is bigger than her own well being. So, I moved on. I needed someone more inline with my positive line of thoughts for a partner. Most parents are already very negative, it is the ultimate nightmare for me to have a partner that is equally if not more negative.

 

[susanna_low]

Yes milo kor kor

I been practising to move on and to let go on the least insignificant.

 

[miloice]

Anyway, I look forward to number 2. Just waiting for wife to be prepared for it.

 

[susanna_low]

Jiayou jiayou! I dunno when's the right time for us to be ready, maybe not.

As of now, I do enjoy spending time and being a sahm to my ger, spending time with her, reading, teaching and bringing her out till we chit chat till zzz every night. I really dunno whether I can luv another child as much as I luv her.

 

[miloice]

Take the time, unless bopian accident.

 

[susanna_low]

haha ya..soon qi zhi ran..

 

[powder]

milo, for number 2... u just need to practise this word...

"oops..."

 

[xiao_nu_ren]

Powder is so right! Opps is definitely the word to practice....

I'm now 4 mths on with my no.3. And Oops is the exact word that came out from hubby!!! Ha ha ha....

 

[60secs]

Those with daughters should watch this anime

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utzTyZANqfs&feature=youtu.be

 

[miloice]

powder, already said ops on number 1. lolz

 

[ajumma]

agree with what sm said. i think ant needs to ask, who is he trying to protect by continuing the lie?

is it really to protect his children? his wife? his parents?

or is to protect himself?

for his children, divorce now or later, still divorce right? same for wife. same for parents.

unless he is going to wait till his kids are in their mid 20s or 30s before getting divorced, i think the impact of divorce on young kids and older teenagers are not much different.

it's the white lie theory. u think u're lying to protect others, but the only person who really benefits from the lie is urself.

 

[cuclainne]

two is enough for me because they can keep each other company and with only 15 months' age difference, they're actually quite close to one another. my 2nd one was an oops .. lol .. i was very convinced after delivering my no. 1 that i don't want to go through pregnancy a 2nd time but my husband said i would forget all the pain, discomfort eventually and I did! Lol ..

 

[simpleman]

ajumma,

I think you are rather judgemental.

I don't think it is a case of outright lying to protect himself. Rather he cannot bring himself up to face the reality of his actions, his affair, the impact of which to others.

Personally I think it is much better to divorce when the children are young - the younger the better (but also cruel because they are deprived of a 'complete' family from young). When they are close to pre-teens or early teens - it is the worst because they are already rebellious and they will view the world with disdain - especially towards the parents. But it is not something that cannot be addressed.. we just need to be more careful about their feelings, be sensitive to their needs.. it really isnt that bad if parents are open to them and communicate to them instead of telling them it is adults affair and they don't have to care.

 

[simpleman]

As for children, I believe the more the merrier..

Like I said before. The 1st one is sweet because it is your first one. You would have spent a lot of time and effort. The second one is great because it adds to the variety and you start to enjoy a lot more. The 3rd one is really the bonus - it is pay back time as you will probably be enjoying the most - having gained all the experience with the 1st two.

 

[cuclainne]

sm, my mom has 14 brothers and sisters .. i don't think i want that many leh ..

 

[simpleman]

why not.. if you have the means and the time..

In practical terms, probably 4 is the max nowadays. 2 seems to be the ideal for most people..

 

[powder]

i love kids, and it's as much i love my freedom... i dun think we can pit one against the other, but we do our utmost to have a balance between both...

as for a marriage that has moved to zombieland, i would think it takes time to determine the course of action... MAINLY pple, finances, etc has to be thought of... As for what pple normally say abt counselling and 'finding back' the love... i guess this in itself would be the journey of self-discovery for us.

the journey of self-discovery and coming of age takes time... No doubt we might 'eat into' other pple's time whilst doing that... but i guess it's a necessity on all ends. So i dun think pple should fault me should i need time... this include the summarising of events and building of courage...

personally, i dun like to be rushed in doing what pple perceive as 'the right thing to do'. becos within Rights, there are wrongs.. and within Wrongs - there can be rights... we've lived long enough to know this, but we tend to still blindly follow society's laws...

 

[ajumma]

sm,

adultery is a chargeable crime in some countries.

we just happen to be in singapore, where we see it as a white lie.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adultery#Asia

even in the western countries, in some states, people can still be jailed for adultery.

i am not saying that we should be like those crazy countries and do the same, but the serious punishment given to them shows that it is something severe.

it's not just a normal day to day lie.

 

[powder]

u subscribe too much to rules and matters in favour of your points.

how abt anal sex for that matter? u wanna get jailed for it?

how'd u like me to quote u the law if u have that as part of your lovemaking program?

in that case anal sex is 'something severe' too.

we just happen to be in singapore? we ARE in singapore and i would assume we ARE singaporeans. dun quote laws of other countries in your favour...

it would be in bad taste for me to start quoting polygamy as being allowed in a certain religion to show how right it is and that would be not even be a state law but a Higher Law (if we happen to believe God as being a higher law).

 

[ajumma]

powder,

as i have said, if u read clearly, i am not saying that we should follow those countries. i only pointed out those laws to show that having extra marital affairs is something serious.

everyone of us lies in our daily lives. that cannot be helped because we are not saints.

but this is something more than a lie.

i don't need to quote laws "in my favor" because this problem has nothing to do with me.

whether you agree with me or you think my posts don't make any sense, it's fine with me. i was merely giving an opinion.

if you want to say that my posts emphasise too much on the law, well, i think that the law can make irresponsible people fulfill their responsibilities.

women's charter, a law to make it compulsory for adults to support their parents and so on.

are you also going to say that divorce is a personal issue and govt should not interfere to make the husband pay?

family is personal and if children do not wish to support their family, it is okay?

how about sex with an underaged girl? perfectly alright if it is consensual?

whether you like it or not, laws have a place in our society. it just happens that we do not have a law against extra marital affairs.

but it doesn't mean we cannot appreciate that someone who breaks his marriage vows is doing something serious.

unless one doesn't believe in marriage and thinks it's a load of bull. i am not one of those people.

 

[powder]

same lah, i also pointed out the illegality of anal sex to show that laws can be a mockery.

dun happily equate me to saying things, that's really stupid tp be honest - by using the "are you also going to say that divorce is a personal issue and govt should not interfere"

ok there is not law in singapore for infidelity, live with it, face it, and accept it.

bloody hell, someone here is sharing his thoughts, and u are just shouting how wrong it is over and over. what's wrong with u?

point taken, move on. he is not taking on your ideas yet, move on. the laws are not against him for infidelity, move on. If he divorces his wife, she will be protected bythe women's charter - good n fair.

ok ok, it's serious, damn serious. we get it. tks. can u fcuking move on from the infidelity?

u want, u help with his mentals... stop your wrong wrong wrong pointing and just counsel or advise on how to best approach.

we all know it's wrong , just to different extents of our own judgments... would u be happy only if we all condemn and sing how wrong it is together?

 

[babystorm]

Ant, I didn't give any good advice. I was just pondering about this issue. Anyway, 辛苦æ¢å›žæ¥çš„爱情是ä¸ä¼šå¹¸ç¦çš„。Think about it.

 

[simpleman]

Ajumma,

We are in Singapore and not just happen to be in Singapore. Yes it is serious. I agree but it is not a crime in sg to have an affair. However wrong you may perceived it to be.

In some countries the punishment can be severe - like stoning to death. In ancient china they will burn those having affairs.

But we are talking about modern Singapore. At worst it s a betrayal of the spouse and perhaps some form of hurt inflicted on the children. Yes breaking marriage vows is serious, so what? Put to death?

Get a life instead of judging people in this manner.

 

[ajumma]

whatever, powder. i was just sharing my thoughts.

and i wasn't intending to harp on the law thing. just felt that i had to respond to ur posts. i certainly do not feel that having an affair is "wrong" per se (i won't think less of a person who has had an affair), but i just think that it should not be continued for various reasons.

if u don't think my suggestions make any sense, too bad. but it's just grating to see a non-moderator policing the thread, passing judgement on the suggestions that other forummers are posting.

as i said, we all have different points of views, which are shaped by our life experiences.

if u cannot appreciate that, perhaps u shouldn't be on a forum.

 

[ajumma]

sm, are u able to appreciate that different people view marriage vows differently?

some take their vows seriously, some don't at all, some do but flounder in times of hardship.

if u can understand that, kindly get off my case. thanks.

 

[ajumma]

"Get a life instead of judging people in this manner."

accusing others, but three fingers are really pointing at urself. think about what u've said to me and the other lady who posted.

and check out powder's deliberately misspelt profanity. good god. u guys are really "non-judgmental".

 

[powder]

ajumma,

u give yourself too much credit. your posts dun make sense Period. i'm not policing the thread, i'm disagreeing with your constant harping with rather poorly constructed reasons.

your way of argument has been about other pple, other countries, western articles, etc etc... u have not shown effort whatsoever in Capturing the essence, but instead u keep insisting and harping on how wrong it is. wonder who's playing police here.

what has the use of profanities got to do with being judgmental? can u stop sulking and be done already? u're clutching onto straws in effort to sound logical when u have lost all sense of logic trying to cover your own ass here. sheesh!

 

[miloice]

hi ajumma,

"sm, are u able to appreciate that different people view marriage vows differently? "

This is exactly the point what many have been pointing out. Its really contradicting to try to use laws, rules, statistics to attempt to prove how wrong another is. Life isn't about sticking to well defined rules. We don't make perfect decisions and there will be consequences. We don't hide from them but face and accept them and make the best out of the situation.

You are really deviating away from the topic. How wrong we personally see in the act doesn't change this fact that we are all different and pointless to continue insisting about wrongness. I don't think anyone has trivialize the issues in affairs. These are real issues with impact to the family involved. TS isn't even here to justify his affair. He acknowledged his responsibility. Let's move on from this moral stand and focus to advise, highlight concerns and issues. Everyone is exercising that same rights in the forum to voice out. Any discussion will be 2 ways. Disagreement is part and parcel in any forum. Common sense will prevail. If a point you made doesn't make sense, arguing til the cow comes home doesn't make is any more logical right? I would acknowledge a bad / inappropriate point or analogy used. We are not immortals, we could be wrong.

We are in a discussion for what purpose? To prove superiority? or share, advise and show empathy to help each other? At the end common sense will prevail. Its completely neutral in an anonymous environment such as a forum. Others will read and form their own conclusions.

Powder, are the amount profanities really required to bring across the point. You are more than able to do so without them. Afterall, this is no NS. Its not about judgemental, its simply vulgar.