Extramarital Affair: Truly in love with each other

[simpleman]

For sure this is not "puppy love". But love is still love. When we are "madly in love" regardless of our age, we tend to overlook many other things.

But love while it is forbidden has a longer staying-power provided it remained hidden and forbidden. As long as people are happy with that then it is OK. I know of a lady who is a mistress for 20+ years.

But in this context, the TS is not happy with the current situation.. hence he needs to find a solution. And he probably has not assessed the impact of his affairs being in the open..

Those advices about right or wrong are probably moot. It is not criminal but we got to be aware of what we are doing and be responsible and accept the consequences of our actions.

 

[simpleman]

"Staying together for 6 years day-in-day out and can still tahan each other - this is true love??"

 

[ajumma]

This is what a psychologist said about people who have affairs. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-new-resilience/201004/having-affair-there-are-six-different-kinds?page=2

Not I say one ok?

It's better to confront the problem than to live a lie.

 

[ajumma]

sm,

Eh it's not easy to stay together for six years and still be together. Let's give the couples who are able to do that the credit.

 

[simpleman]

Ya.. credit... but that makes them "truly in love"..

It can also be just accommodating each other..

If 6 years together is truly in love.. then why people still divorce after 6 years in marriage? If can stay together for 6 years, why not another 6 years?

"Truly in love" is not so easy to define.. think about it. What is "true" now may not be what is "true" tomorrow. Love can be disguised.

 

[simpleman]

As to confront the problem - to expose the affairs - yes I agree it is much better. Because then we get to deal with the real problem once it is surfaced.

 

[tomasulu]

I think it's fair to call it puppy love or infatuation. 6 years or not it's not on the same level as a marriage. The way he described it I don't even consider what he has a relationship. Liking each other and helping each other at work... that's it? Strip away their commiseration and perhaps some physical attraction, I'm not sure what else is left. Are they in love or do they just want some distraction from their miseries? If there's love they'd want to be together, kids or no kids. It's easy to fall in "love" when there's no mortgage to pay, no car loan, no dental appointments, no school work, no medical emergencies... Basically no commitments to each other beyond finding a dark corner to satisfy the so-called non physical needs. What a lark.

 

[ajumma]

sm,

Ok, you're right that true love hard to define. My point is, if he can stay with the woman and their kids for six years, live together in the same house, pay mortgage, pay car loan, use the same toilet, quarrel about stupid things like whose turn to clean the house, see her dig her nose, see her at her ugliest, and he can still feel the same way towards her that he feels now,

then, it is love.

If you don't think that can be called true love, even then, it would be a deeper and truer love than the love he feels now, which to me, is still just a superficial no strings attached kind of love.

It's very easy to overlook the flaws of a person when you don't spend much time together. If TS straightaway can tell what kind of person his wife was before marriage, why did he marry her?

And what makes him think his judgement will not fail again? ;-)

 

[anth]

Hi everyone,
Thanks so much for your feedback. I can see that most are against the idea of a relationship outside marriage, and I appreciate your frank replies and concerns.
Life is all about choices, and this relationship is also a choice, and with it, the consequences.
It's true perhaps you are just hearing my side of the story, and maybe, I am really the scumbag of society which everyone detests...
My mum has been in coma for several months, and I loved my mum and appreciate her years of toll in bringing up a family of me and my siblings. I stopped by the hospital to see her everyday after work...my wife was upset and said no amount of time spent sitting beside her will bring her back or make her well...so may as well spend more time at home with the family....this hurts me a lot.
In response to some of your replies, when harsh words were used, I did responded but realized it would lead into a worst argument, and I backed off so as to cool off the situation...
Puppy love? Maybe if the relationship just started but it has been over 6 years....
For the sake of the kids, I think divorce is not an option at this moment...
As Miyako San has said something which got my attention:
How many marriages are out of love? Is it for companionship, kids, or to conform to societal pressures? For me, I do hope to marry the person whom I can be with for the rest of my life, to love her with all my heart, but in reality, this person may exist or come in a later part of our lives....
Thanks to Powder, SM and Miyako San and some of their insights and advice to me, and everyone else for their views as well...
Lastly, a song which has always been in my mind and which sums up very much the situation I am in is
"It's Sad To Belong" by England Dan & John Ford Coley

Thanks!


Ant

 

[ajumma]

Dear Ant, thank you for being brave enough to post again.

As we are all brought up in a culture where monogamy is the accepted norm, it's only to be expected that we would be against a relationship outside marriage.

If a relationship outside marriage can be condoned, it would defeat the purpose of marriage vows.

I am sure you are not the scum of society. Also, your wife does not sound like a great person to begin with. Very sorry to hear about your mum.

It may not be puppy love, but it's easy to turn a blind eye to the flaws of a person when you're not living with them every single day.

Do you know what this other lady's flaws are? Are you willing to accept her completely, or do you only accept the kind support she offers to you?

How old are your kids? If your marriage is a shell, I think it will do everyone good if you can get out.

You only live once, and I don't think you should live your life having to lie every day.

 

[miloice]

its not about against or for. No one needs the agreement of strangers. If you find yourself needing that, its really reflecting the struggles you have within.

Anthony, I am very sad to hear about your mum's condition and can understand how difficult it is. Being completely helpless and the possibility of losing her any moment. I went through some difficult patch myself 6 mths back. Take care. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[infojunkie]

why r ppl so ready to discredit folks in iliicit affairs? and everyone has to be so prim n proper... must divorce 1st b4 u talk abt loving another person? as if there's a switch to turn -off the emotion?

anyway, ant, pls spend more time with ur mom n i hope she can make it thru... i know that kind of pain.

 

[powder]

ajumma,

i dun think we need someone to pass a 'test' to prove he loves someone... and we also dun really need a test to know u DON'T love someone...

on that basis, i think the wife is just the wife. nothing endearing nor spiritual nor fulfilling... just a human presence as the mother of your children... but u dun share that Inner connection, nor Spiritual belonging to them.

the basis of which the marriage came about, may not have been the sort we get today... nowadays u have So MANY dating avenues... u got Beuatiful bridges at Esplanade, Marina Bay, u have Fantastic areas to date and connect in groups or with just 1 girl. Holidays are much cheaper with 2-to-go... u can hang at Ion, Starbucks, Cineleisure etc etc... u have movie theatres everywhere...

in the past, and my generation... your chances to meet, mingle, hang around isn't as dynamic. i'ts not an excuse or anything, But i think some of u HAVE to consider the circumstance in which u can 'meet & date', and basically know each other. it was abit more simplistic then... sex was much more taboo and more conservative too.

u dun have internet to save on TIME, u waited home beside your Groundline phone. u have to GO DOWN to the cinema to buy tickets. u DUN HAVE mrt Yet, u take buses and u wait at the meeting place for 1hr like a goondo becos u have no means of contacting the person.

u can't use today's dating convenience and ease of dating... i wish i had today's convenience. alot of time is lost in the past, but we can't look back.

 

[powder]

and ya, it's funny how some pple say u must end this one first, before u can start another. these pple really have not dated before... else they are in their 20s with alot of time to loose opportunities.

if u're in your 40s, try giving yourself the same advise WHEN u have finally found another half who is like the perfect fit, honestly even in my 30s, i think i Know what i have found, and i would know how hard it is to find it.

u will have a lifetime of regret losing something u had but chose to give up, in order to face a society that doesn't give a shit if u're happy... but just want u to do the right thing for the sake of it.

 

[miloice]

haha.... powder. yah, our expectation and patience evolved with technology.

 

[miloice]

The advise for TS to try to savage his marriage isn't rubbish, but, the assumption that he hasn't try would be. Sometimes, one needs to take steps back and try to do things differently and search within again for answers to arrive at a breakthrough.

When one hold on to a bad marriage, often, we claim to be for the kids when it isn't really the only option viable. We cannot sit on the fence forever. We tend to judge the uncertainty with fear and prefer difficult options as if its the only way forward. Life goes on, even if the affair is discover, so be it. TS will just have to deal with its consequences. Worthwhile or not, only he can evaluate for himself. If isn't, too bad, no regret can reverse it either. At that moment, it would be about damage control, limiting the inevitable and regretable hurt to his and her family.

Just be honest with yourself with the choices and consequence and not sugar coat the options you prefer. Are you happy this way? Take care.

 

[powder]

just thinking abt how many pple waited home beside the phone... and how many pple tried calling but can't get thru becos someone else was using the phone. there was no call-waiting function back then either... that's how fcuked up trying to date someone can be, unless u meet in school everyday.

but if u're from all-boys, all-girls school... u have to 'Manually' find them. phone, go school wait, go their house and That's it.

i wish there was facebook. i guess our life was made simpler by Pagers at one stage... then u have to find a public phone with a number facility, page the person and await callback. fcuk man i can't believe we had lived thru that era...

maybe not many of u have lived thru that. it's nice tho... i have WALKED back home many nites after sending the girl on last bus home.

 

[sgbabydoll]

"live together in the same house, pay mortgage, pay car loan, use the same toilet, quarrel about stupid things like whose turn to clean the house, see her dig her nose, see her at her ugliest, and he can still feel the same way towards her that he feels now".

Many of the things listed above are responsibilities or a result of habits. You can do all these with love, but you can also do all these without love.

Why is love defined in such a narrow way? Note that I am not saying that true love cannot take such a form. I am saying that it need not take only one form as conventionally recognised.

Frankly, I am over that kind of love. I don't expect my bf to provide me with any of these things which I can well provide for myself. In fact, I enjoy the freedom of living alone and having my own ride. And since it is my home I do all the cleaning. When he comes over he is treated like a king.

We are together simply because we feel very happy so.

 

[tomasulu]

If you love someone would you be ok with him or her sleeping with someone else every night? If you r then we understand love very differently and i'd be happy to disagree with you. Monogamy is not a social construct; most people expect exclusivity in love.

 

[sgbabydoll]

To answer your question, no.

But TS may have a completely different answer perhaps due to how he sees his own situation and his lover's. It's anyone's guess.

I don't claim I truly understand his version of love. But what ajumma said about those responsibilities and habits, my view is that it may or may not be out of love that you do all those things.

 

[miloice]

"If you love someone would you be ok with him or her sleeping with someone else every night"

The assumption is that the love is still existing in the marriage. If it isn't, is the question valid still?

 

[powder]

i'm actually ok with the girl sleeping with another guy if i know it's me she loves.

the narrow minded would expect something of sexual nature to occur just becos a they are sleeping on the same bed.

u should ask yourself if u're sleeping on the same bed with your spouse whom u no longer love... whether u are able to feel sexually aroused in any way, or able to 'do it'.

i understand well enough to know that sex won't occur, thus i'm ok with it and won't go crazy wondering like some pple.

in any case when u meet the person, u already know their circumstances and they know yours... love is just as much abt acceptance.

 

[tomasulu]

Who's talking sex? There are many things equally if not more intimate. Having said that, it's naive to assume a couple going through marital troubles doesn't do the horizontal dance.

 

[powder]

if it's not sex then i dun really see how it bothers me that someone i love is simply sharing a bed.

i dun base on assumption, i base on what i feel when i search within... we're not talking marital troubles, we're talking a lost of respect and lost for another individual... at least for me i dun think i can bring myself to an erection. i would avoid sleeping in the same bed altogether.

 

[ajumma]

"if u're in your 40s, try giving yourself the same advise WHEN u have finally found another half who is like the perfect fit, honestly even in my 30s, i think i Know what i have found, and i would know how hard it is to find it."

Powder, then all the more TS must make a crucial decision, isn't it?

The crux of the matter is, TS prefers to keep the relationship this way. He claims that it is for his children.

In fact, he's in the majority according to statistics. Most men who are married and who have affairs do not end up leaving their wives, citing one reason or another.

Again, just like most other affairs, this is nothing special.

 

[ajumma]

I bet TS is telling the woman right now that one day... one day when their kids are all grown up (however he defines grown up), he will finally leave his horrible, horrible, nasty, nasty wife for her.... Let's wait for that one day....

Why doesn't he leave the wife now if she's so nasty and mean? Only he knows.... Why doesn't the woman leave her husband now, since he's so bad that he caused her to have an affair? Only she knows....

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/15750123/ns/today-relationships/t/other-woman-speaks-men-dont-leave/

 

[powder]

ajumma,

isn't where he is Now - A decision in itself?

just becos his decision Is to stay in the current state, and not pick what u define as 'a decision', does not mean he has not made one. he just hasn't made one according to your rulebook.

what makes u use the term. "he claims" instead of believing his words as a true projection of his thoughts? perhaps it's time ugive him some credit,than constantly see him a constant negative light?

whatmakes u thinkt hat he needs to tell his gfren anything, nor make promises to her, or commit a future Future?

i think u are more interested in seeing him as a married man who who is having an affair, than a married man who has perhaps found his soulmate and true companion in life.

here u are quoting western statistics in an oprah-fied world.

as to why they dun do this and that... ask yourself if u're gonna be the first to jump out and embrace them, and give them the thumbs up for leaving their families with immediate effect tomoro....

he isn't here to seek approval, if u care to notice. he isn't looking for advice on whether he is right or wrong. u're barking up the wrong tree entirely.

he is looking for pple to have a beer with, and talk abt this issue...

whilst u are more interested to tell him the effects of alcohol, and accuse him of drinking, amongst other things. u keep asking him to own up to the same thing he has Already laid on the table with his very first post.

 

[infojunkie]

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怪ä¸å¾—管自己å«éŸ©å›½â€œå¤§å¦ˆâ€ï¼

 

[ajumma]

powder and junkie,

I believe everyone's views are shaped by their own experiences. I think there's something called mutual respect. Even if I do not agree with you, I have not insulted you and I would appreciate if you hold back on the sarcasm.

Oh but although junkie, your name reminds me of the Chinese phrase 'la...... :-D

If the marriage was loveless, I would give them a thumbs up for leaving. Why not? I believe that divorces can lead to better lives.

Notice that I did not necessarily say that TS or his girlfriend must stay with their current spouses. I am just citing stats that are not in their favour.

In fact I hope that if TS's marriage is as bad as he describes it, he can pluck up the courage and leave.

Having a beer and talking about the issue... why does he need to talk abt it? That he came here, doesn't it show that he is troubled by the affair? Did he really come here to ask for advice on where to bring his date?

I think you failed to note the underlying feeling in the post, which is that he is troubled that he has to hide his feelings. He said so himself in the first post.

I am addressing that part of his writing which is unsaid. The question which he did not ask. I am telling him, he doesn't have to hide.

It's up to him if he wants to make that choice to stop hiding.

 

[ajumma]

Did either of you read these two sentences?

"It is very hard for us to turn back, but I wonder if it is naive of us to carry on the relationship, until the day where we fulfill our obligations, bring up the kids, and coming out to the open with the relationship. "

"Until then, I also find it a struggle, as we cannot openly show our affection in public, and had to do everything without public attention. It is very tough emotionally. "

He's not here to "talk" about it. He's here to hear our opinions on whether his thinking is naive.

To me, yes, it is. He need not do it like this.

 

[ajumma]

If I have sounded rude to TS in my earlier posts, it is because I do not have respect for people who do not dare to love. It's as simple as that.

Look at Prince Charles and how he messed up Princess Diana's life. This scenario plays out in our own lives too.

Would Ant be a better man leaving his wife suddenly when they are in their 50s?

Can he tell us how his wife should feed herself? If she had been a housewife half her life and a husband suddenly divorces her at that age when they're supposed to be bai tou xie lao?

At least if he leaves now, she can still make a fresh start. Imho. You are all free to disagree.

 

[powder]

i dun think i have insulted u in any way, and i dun think i should give u free respect in this particular thread by any reason.

u talk no sense at all becos u are trying to cover all angles to make sure everyone is happy and do the right thing, it is not only naive but foolish. one minute u wanna be on his side, next minute u're saying what he should or should not do, then u worry abt his wife and the 白头å•è€ thing.

u go and 白头å•è€ with someone u dun love then u talk. and u try being an aggressor to someone u wanna 白头å•è€ with... i'm already at the WTF stage with your indecisiveness.

u can't even fcuking take a stance, u're all over the fcuking place. u want to see this, u want to see that, this survey says this, this survey says that.... this statistic shows this and that.

can u fcuking be direct and say what u wanna say instead of jumping all over the goddamn place?

DECIDE your stance first, then talk. i dun see how quoting the royal family makes for example, just like non-local surveys in foreign environment and foreign values... how abt brad and jennifer? brad and gwyneth, brad and angelina, nicholas and cecilia, jack neo n wife...

i suppose Ant is a guy, so he is like all the other guys, statistically. i'm sure his wife being a woman is like all the other women. oh wait, how abt his gfren, she's also a woman so which category should we place her?

dun ask me if i read the sentences when u can't even understand the whole purpose of the thread and post. u think it's in the 2 sentences u picked out??? chesus... do u understand the concept of sharing?

why does he need to talk abt it?? harlow... are u a woman or have u noticed that pple talk abt things, especially womenfolk here in this forum?

by the way, u should address us separately instead of lumping us together in 1 post. statistically, we dun think that same even if we may Both disagree with u. disagreeing with u doesn't put us into the same box.

 

[powder]

"If I have sounded rude to TS in my earlier posts, it is because I do not have respect for people who do not dare to love. It's as simple as that. "

love who? self? kids? girlfren? mum? wife? life? family? responsibility? religion? career?

he dare to love doesn't he? he dare to love for 6yrs liao, he just dun dare to date openly. or maybe that is your yardstick. not everyone need to exhibit their love for the world to see.

if u dun have respect for pple like him, then are u trying to make him do things in order for u to respect him, or u trying to make him do in ways u find respectable?

both ways - it's abt u and what You want.

if he does it your way, would u suddenly be filled with respect for him?

so it's back to You again.

 

[miloice]

Using stats in such a manner is really flawed. It is like asking you to give up on treatment for cancer simply because stats indicate you probably will die from it, don't bother, don't struggle with it. Just make that decision to die better.

He has that right to make the decision and bear the consequences of it. There isn't a need for public approval. If he is seeking that approval, its something he should reflect and deal with still. One can judge him all we want, it doesn't change anything really. However, to advise without 1st trying to empathize would be somehow talking on the pedestal. We will each have our own pov and we voice them out on the same basis.

One thing though, we tend to assume we have the luxury of choice all the time. Instead of dealing with it when its manageable, the decision to remain in an affair often leads to more destruction. Its easy to say ending the marriage is the right thing to do. Life is about individual choices. Not about political correctness.

 

[infojunkie]

"your name reminds me of the Chinese phrase 'la...... :-D"

go ahead, call me "laji" as if i care...

let's look at what u posted on on Monday, August 01, 2011 - 11:25 pm:

<font color="ff0000">I bet TS is telling the woman right now that one day... one day when their kids are all grown up (however he defines grown up), he will finally leave his horrible, horrible, nasty, nasty wife for her.... <font size="+1">Let's wait for that one day</font>....

Why doesn't he leave the wife now if she's so nasty and mean? <font size="+2">Only he knows</font>.... Why doesn't the woman leave her husband now, since he's so bad that he caused her to have an affair? <font size="+2">Only she knows</font>....</font>

did Ant say a single word abt it?

like the way u hit back at me?

no rite?

and u're ten times nastier than me!

 

[anth]

Thanks very much for all your feedback. I am not the slightest insulted by any of your feedback, and in fact, it helps me to be able to see a more balanced view of the situation I am in.
Of course, at the end, it is a choice I have to make, and the choice I make may probably be the one which, in this society of ours, be frowned upon by many others. To me, sometimes, it is like as though you contracted some incurable disease and everyone just wants to stay away from you and do not want to be involved with you in any way.
I guess having lived 40 over years of my life, I have seen and found the true happiness that eluded me, and the costs of pursuing it in this society (with its expectations of how one should live his life as a husband and father)comes at a great costs: the ruining of two families, children, loss of respect by friends and colleagues...and it boils down to the choice I make.
I was just wondering....if there is anyone in similar situation as I am, and who have managed to continue such relationship so far? I guess not, because i believe most of it points to a case of an unhappy ending...but anyway, in real life, how many happy endings do you see in marriages?

Regards,
Anth

 

[anth]

Hi Infojunkie,
Thanks for your post and sorry I did not reply to the question early...
Both me and my partner did not contemplate leaving our families for the following reasons, and I believe everyone here has the right to say that we do not have the guts to do so...
The main concerns we have was to take into account the feelings of our parents, especially the psychological impact on the kids..of course it also involves monetary matters but these are the key concerns at the moment..
Hope it addresses your questions..

Regards,
Anth

 

[infojunkie]

not me, ant.

it's ajumma (韩国大妈）

read properly

 

[tomasulu]

Someone goes to a Justin bieber concert and holds up a sign that says, I love U. I'm sure in her mind she does; she could do things for him that we don't for our loved ones. Even to die if her love is not reciprocated.

Now I don't like analogies because people tend to get their panties in a tight wad objecting to periphery irrelevance. my point is, when someone stands up and proclaims his or her "love", we do make judgments about the validity of that claim. instead of love we may think of it as infatuation, lust, escapism, fantasy, etc. back to the situation as described by ts. Almost all cheaters claim to have bad marriages or terrible spouses. Almost all who continue to stay claim it is for the good of the kids. And for ts' case he doesn't even have a proper relationship so to speak. Is it a relationship if you can't hold hands and watch a movie? Can't have dinner together on Friday night? Can't go on an overseas holiday? I mean how well will you get to know her if your interactions with her stay on a level that's perpetually illicit honeymoon? furthermore you spend most of your life with someone else doing those things and more. If it's some young chick who asked for advice on being with a married man this way, most of you would've told her to leave because the guy is a scumbag. I dont understand the latitude given to ts just because his proclamation of having a bad wife, him staying for kids and his love for tow, blah blah. Whatever.

 

[miloice]

Anthony, your situation isn't exactly uncommon. For you to gain your children's understanding and support, you will need a lot of work on it. Naturally, they would see you as the villian and cheater that destroyed the marriage, the mum will further reenforce that as well.

So, you need to be realistic about that. They will likely resent and hate you. How you can regain their respect and bond, will take time. As well as for them to grow up and mature. I'm glad my old man didn't give up trying. I miss him always.

 

[jn1234]

Anthony
Why don't you own up to your wife and ask her is this what she wants? A husband in paper only? To continue your underground love with another person and to continue to be the husband, father and son to your wife, kids and parents respectively. You are thinking to continue the marriage and the affair assuming this is what your wife wants. If you continue this way, surely your wife can sense something is wrong. Sooner or later she will find out anyway, anything underground, anything that are lies cannot be covered up for long. To own up now will have lesser hussles and pain than to be discovered by her later. Wouldn't it be more clear-cut to own up and ask is what you think is right also what she thinks she wants?

Same goes for your mistress. Why don't she own up to her husband and ask her husband is this what he wants?

I dispise you for not having the courage to own up and just assume you think is right is what your wife wants too. You have the luxury to turn to another woman for what you don't get from your wife. But are you fair to your wife to keep her in the dark? Maybe if you think what you do is right and your wife agrees, then in the same bandwidth, she should have the luxury to find her a boyfriend too, while both of you continue the husband &amp; wife in surface only.

Don't assume. Also please be fair to your wife, no matter what wrong she has done or you think she has done.

 

[jn1234]

You want your momentous happiness with TOW, yet you deny your wife a chance to find her happiness, whether after divorcing or same like you, maintain underground lover.

The time bomb will explode one day. By then, is it fair to her?

 

[miloice]

There are many reasons why people would choose to remain in a loveless marriage. Most of us would not want such a relationship. However, in reality, many are in such situation. The assumption that their spouse are blissfully ignorant and stupid is unreal. Many people are sleeping with a spouse that has became a stranger, it is for both parties frankly. For sure they would have sense something. They are not stupid. We don't know for sure... TS should be honest with himself. Only he knows the true situation.

Our respect for TS is moot point... you can despise him all you want. SO WHAT?

 

[jn1234]

Ok, so what's your concern if I dispise him? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and this is my opinion.

I dispise him for assuming his spouse is blissful although ignorant. I dispise him for giving himself a chance but not giving his spouse a chance.

 

[jn1234]

Why forummers like to fight amoung themselves ah? Isn't this a public forum and everyone is entitled to his/her opinion and you can't make everyone agrees with you. So why are you all targetting at fellow forummers?

 

[miloice]

So what? we are all voicing right no? Can't take a disagreement? lolz

The general perception and assumption that the 'cheater' is always the villian and the spouse is always so ignorant about it needs a reality check. This is my point. We don't know the details but all ready to make assumptions. Too opinionated don't you think?

 

[infojunkie]

"Ok, so what's your concern if I dispise him? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and this is my opinion.

I dispise him for assuming his spouse is blissful although ignorant. I dispise him for giving himself a chance but not giving his spouse a chance."

u must hv imagined urself to be that tragic figure of a betrayed wife... and TS that scumbag husband of urs... rite?

poor thing.

 

[jn1234]

There it goes, another forummer targetting at fellow forummer, ....

I am new to this forum leh, didn't know this forum is like that ?

 

[powder]

well toma,

"I dont understand the latitude given to ts just because his proclamation of having a bad wife, him staying for kids and his love for tow, blah blah. Whatever."

- it's in the situation itself. this isn't some bright eye girl in an affair with a married man, nor a married man who fell in love with a sweet young thing. anyway i believe him, it's not a proclaimation but a sharing of his inner thoughts becos he doesn't have a platform.

i take into account his age and stuff. instead of an umbrella approach... if i'm wrong so be it, but i'm taking a stance based on the merits and demerits of the case.

 

[jn1234]

Ya, why be scumbag husband and continue to drag and assume ignorant and bliss.

Didn't know so many people like to be in this position.