Extramarital Affair: Truly in love with each other

[anth]

It took me a while to pluck the courage to write this message, in the hope that someone can give me good advice.
When I was young, the thought of extra marital affairs brings to my mind an adulterous couple who wants nothing but satisfaction of their own physical needs.

Now I am in my forties, have two kids and a wife. I guess I married because of society expectations, to make my parents happy, and of course, as everyone says, time will help improve the relationship.
After 12 years of marriage, it has taken a toll on our communication. My job stress, kids, financials etc. There seems to be a widening gap between me and my wife. Harsh words were always used on me but I chose to remain silent as she is the violent type.

I got to know this female colleague of mine for 6 years. We always watch out for each other and she is also a mother of 3. Her husband has taken her gor granted and spends time either at work or helping out the family.
We admitted our feelings for each other and gave each other strong emotional support, and we also felt that if we could start all over, we would definitely find ourselves the more compatible couple in terms of chemistry, culture, needs and understanding.

We have developed to a stage where we are always looking out and caring for each other, and now I understand that not all couples who commit adultery are doing it for physical needs, but for emotional needs as well. Both are equally important.
I would like to hear from brothers out there, their experience, and also advice. It is very hard for us to turn back, but I wonder if it is naive of us to carry on the relationship, until the day where we fulfill our obligations, bring up the kids, and coming out to the open with the relationship.

Until then, I also find it a struggle, as we cannot openly show our affection in public, and had to do everything without public attention. It is very tough emotionally.
Lastly, if there is a place where we can go off together to enjoy each other's company, not the sexual nature, but the romantic type like watching sunsets, holding hands, etc, please do advise me. Do PM me if it is not convenient to disclose the place or location, as it could be in Singapore or nearby countries.

Thanks very much in advance.

Ant

 

[henges]

You mean you were both in love for 6 years already?

Honestly, which extramarital affair couple ever say they are not truly in love with each other? The over estimated power of "love".

Are you sure this colleague of yours shares equal push factor for her to forsake her family to be with you? You mentioned that her husband spends time either at work or helping the family. Seriously, what's wrong with that?

 

[texasholdem]

hi,

sadly to say, the status of both of you are "underground lover". it's real pathethic knowing that you have to live your life everyday in fear of getting caught. dont' you agree?

so why not both of you divorce your partner n be together?

 

[xiao_nu_ren]

Hi Ant,

May I ask, when you find that gaps are widening between you and your wife, did you attempt to do stuff that you used to do for her while you both were dating, to at least remind her why she'd said, I do.... when you both married?

Harsh words were used on you, but were there neglects you used on her? Instead of thinking that you'd suffered quite a bit in your relationship, have you seen whether you wife had suffered as much?

Have you tried romancing her once again? Leaving kids behind and go for a 'once again' Honeymoon? Candlelight dinner? Surprise gift? Flowers... and kiss her after you tell her that you love her, right in front of the kids?

Right here, I'm speaking from the perspective of a wife. Of a woman. And, I was a victim of an extramarital affair.

My hubby complained almost the same issue as you. Felt that the gap between him and me and widened to beyond repair stage. Felt that I was violent against him and he was the one whom had taken all the blows from me.

What he couldn't understand is, I yearned for his touch, his concern, his care... his loving words towards me. A kiss when I'm down, and when I'm almost to a verge of explosion from stress from kids and family.... I want him to just step out and hug me. Telling me he's there with me. But, he chose to hide at work, hide in computer room... and eventually, seek solace in another.

As for me, I admit that I wasn't that exactly nice to him for a while. I had chosen to express my frustration in a very wrong way. I had said harsh words to him when I see him rather spending on dinners out with friends, on his car... and his cigerattes. It's been 7 yrs since I'd last received a present from him. He missed my birthday every single yr... Where for me, I will surprise him on his birthday without fail, a holiday, a gift, or just a surprise party. But none for me.... thus, I chose to give him black face most of the time. Instead of choosing to talk to him what is making me upset.

And when he was with her, they went for holidays at his own expense, and diamond necklaces, flowers... movies... you name it. I don't wish to think back anymore.

You and your colleague had spent too much time with each other. Thus the emotional bond happened. Both of you are not staying together, thus everything is still so wonderfully romantic for both of you.

What if one day, you start to see how she pluck the hair from her underarm? And wake up to a rather nasty smell from her breath when she tried to be romantic by kissing you good morning. Then eventually, telling you why aren't you both able to enjoy a nice holiday at Europe every once a yr? Does all the stress sets in again? Doesn't communication plays a part in every single sort of relationship? Be it friendship/BGR/Parents and child/In-laws?

You just sorely lacked communications with your wife. Thus it pushed you towards her.

But, if you still strongly felt that 'she' is for you.... then please do not hurt your family anymore. Just be frank with your wife and break things off totally, before you can proceed with your 'showing of affection openly', and 'do everything without public attention'. Don't hurt your kids anymore. They are the most innocent.

Good luck to you, from a lady's point of view...

 

[powder]

dude,

i guess u just have to let the story continue... nothing much to do or say nor change... of cos, short of revealing the facts, u might be better off staying underground and just living a 2nd life.

it cannot be explained, justified, approved, understood, publicised etc etc.... u can't be open unless u feel it's totally right.

i wish u well...

 

[waters]

I second powder in this. But I don't think you can be underground, Singapore is so small...

And I despise you totally. You are not only ruining your family but also your gf's. Imagine the hurt you will inflicting to all your family and her family members... You are totally irresponsible.

You should work things out with your wife instead of finding comfort in others (i.e your gf). Once married, you are decided and you stay true to it.

Unfortunately, your children will not understand, nobody will. They will hate you for the rest of your life and you can jolly well lead the rest of your life in solitary... And your gf will find someone else in probably another 10 years? You both took the oath and didn't take it seriously. So how long do you think this chemistry can last you?

You make me nauseous.

 

[powder]

dun be harsh lah... to understand it will come with experiencing life in its entiety...

a marriage is totally different from dating... marriage IS lifelong, and it comes with the lifelong commitment, as much guilt and conscience for things which u dun do well in.

the person u marry may not be the same, it can be as much a reality that stares at u daily... the person sleeping beside u can develop into someone u did not sign on the dotted line to be married with... it's both ways, guys or girls.

10yrs, 20yrs, 30yrs in a marriage with the same person... i guess the 1st decade is easy... u have your distractions and shared goals... 1st home, 2nd home, 1st kid, 2nd kid, education, school, career....

i have not hit the 1st decade yet, so i'm certainly not gonna try to be too critical... i guess i'm lucky in the sense that i always made sure i chose right. my wife doesn't scold me nor lay guilt-trips on me... BUT if i put myself in the shoes of a man whose wife may no longer be beautiful inside... i dun know man, i think i might bail out too... with or without kids. i dun think i can live to forgive myself for staying... as much as i can pick up the courage to leave...

considering that i'm gonna die and be burnt of my body in another 30-40yrs... i see no reason to live unhappy.

all those advice abt re-visiting the past... i dun know how many of u actually tried it When in your heart and head... u no longer feel the same, your heart has sorta died, and u no longer love or even respect your partner.

it is easier to live with a stranger, than someone u dun respect... or worse - despise. at this level, even with frens... u Cannot find back the love for them. that's life.

 

[sgbabydoll]

"the person u marry may not be the same, it can be as much a reality that stares at u daily... the person sleeping beside u can develop into someone u did not sign on the dotted line to be married with... it's both ways, guys or girls."

So true.

But to lead a double life was and still is beyond my imagination. It's not something I can be truly happy about. So, in search of my own version of happiness I divorced the ex-husband. Guess it was easier for me to make that drastic move since I didn't have to concern myself with a third party who could be married to someone else and may not be able to untie the knot of marriage.

 

[cococherry]

the desire to be with the person but you nv know the real deal until you are 'truly' with that person. i'll probably be able to answer only when i reach your age.

but

we live only once. once you have made up your mind then go for it, don't regret.

 

[ariel84]

"the person u marry may not be the same, it can be as much a reality that stares at u daily... the person sleeping beside u can develop into someone u did not sign on the dotted line to be married with... it's both ways, guys or girls. "

Agree totally.. this is something that once in a while scares me when i allow my mind to wander. But i'm still on a journey in learning what love is, have not even hit 1 year in marriage, don't talk about 1 decade. Yet the thought that he or i may change along the years into another person, scares me.

So i try to tell myself to enjoy life as it is now, enjoy the relationship now. No matter what may happen in future, at least i know we truly loved each other now and have tried our best.

 

[simpleman]

While it is emotionally draining to be in an affair it is also at the same time so addictive because it is forbidden. You can keep it as it is underground but it will explode one day.

If you really love each other why not divorce and be together?

But I know most people have the courage to have affairs but don't dare to face up to it and let it ou in the open. But if you continue underground i is going to explode one day.

 

[ajumma]

Sm, lol, cos if they divorce their real spouses, they will have to face the trouble of dealing with 5 children and two angry ex spouses!

Ant, let's be up front. What you want is not a committed love but a no strings attached relationship where you can experience the puppy love feeling again without the responsibilities.

Don't you think so? Will you be so stress-free when you have to pay alimony to your two children and feed her three children??

Tsk,tsk.

 

[susanna_low]

Well said..rather than escaping from it, why not spend more time working on the marriage n spending more time with the kids instead?
Every marriage has its fair share of up n downs and even now, we are still working hard on it. It all takes effort.
Moreover, how can a working mum of 3 still have time for an affair? Don't she need to spend time with them? And doesn't u need to spend time with ur kids as well?
Your children need you too. Rather than looking for places for a secret rendezous with ur lover, why not think of family friendly n meaningful activities for your children instead?

 

[babystorm]

Seriously, why do people marry? For companionship, for kids or just to conform to society expectations? How many marriages are really out of love?

 

[waters]

I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. But i just want to point out something real. Something he should forsee if he forsakes...

He said harsh words were used on him and he chose to remain silent for years! This is just freaking irresponsible! He is just jaded and did not want to work this out! IF this was the problem from the start, then why marry? Society expectations? If this is the reason, why have children? Society expectations again? Then why TWO?!?!?! Don't blame it on the society, blame it on your irresponsibility, blame it on your lack of self-discipline! No matter how responsible you are to provide and care for your children till they are 40, you deprived them of a complete family... And it's the same for your gf. Sad to say, you will never be happy even with your new gf... You will watch sunset with her to think about how all of your loved ones walk out on you 2 and also think about how much you needa save for your solitary retirement.

Anthony, I have a very good friend who's father is a very responsible father but walked out on his wife because he found a gf whom he thinks he can communicate with. But she and her siblings hated their father eversince... He provides for them, bought them cars and condos, to atone for his sins.... He only divorced his wife when his kids are 21! No amount of care and concern, money or love can make up for the loss of a complete family. Face it.

 

[simpleman]

While I am not condoning affairs, I think we don't have to over-moralize and go over the top.

It is his business to have an affair - knowing the consequences of it. He is not a 4 year old kid, he is already over 40.

If he is in a love-less marriage or a marriage that no longer has any love left, then he has a right to pursue his happiness. We don't have to talk about his gf or judge her - whether a mother of 3 have time for affair. It is her business.

Granted children are a major concern but then our children don't control totally our happiness. If they love us, we have to explain and they have to come to an understanding. As much as we want our children to have a complete family - but may not happen all the time. If we cannot divorce if because we need to provide children a complete family - then we won't have that many divorces. Might as well petition the government to make it illegal to divorce when you have children.

But he has to face up to the reality. In the final analysis - what he wants? He may blow up his family and "happiness" for some moments of tenderness.. or he may be pursuing the real happiness that has eluded him for years.

MY only advice is for him to face the reality. Either stop the affair or go ahead with divorce. Having an affair underground is not going to be a long term solution - provided he is happy to really go underground - hide in hotels, go overseas.. etc etc..

 

[clover108]

Are you prepared to leave your wife and kids? Very unlikely for you to get care and control of your kids if you divorce.

Is your gf prepared to leave her husband and kids? If her kids remain with her, are you prepared to live with them as your own?

If your answer to the above is both yes, then you should work towards divorce if you feel there is absolutely no way of remaining married to your wife.

If your answer to above is no, then you should not feed the energy of your emotional feelings for your gf and vice versa. Change job, stop all contact and refocus your energy on your family.

If both you and your gf are willing to accept all consequences that come from divorcing your respective spouses, then I guess you have your answer.

If not, it is not helpful at all for all parties (including family) for both of you to stoke your feelings for each other.

 

[magaz]

enable your pm..

 

[simpleman]

mx, wah you got special advice is it?

 

[simpleman]

"Are you prepared to leave your wife and kids? Very unlikely for you to get care and control of your kids if you divorce. "

Is having care and control of the kids the most important thing in the world?

 

[magaz]

I agree with sm..

Face reality, anthony and know what you want.

Perhaps it would be good to do some reflection also, to think about how you arrived at this point. Are you turning to her to fill up some void in your marriage? Are you escaping from something? Cos tendency is, if you are, you will adopt the same method in your marriage with her (assuming all things work out).

"I wonder if it is naive of us to carry on the relationship, until the day where we fulfill our obligations, bring up the kids, and coming out to the open with the relationship. "
- you are still wondering. This shows you are not sure and dun have what it takes to end your marriage... yet.

 

[magaz]

sm, haha.. you she know. poignant. sigh.

 

[powder]

i'm not that excited when most pple like to lay on the guilt-trip using kids and maintaining a family nucleus.

it is not becos they are untrue or less valid... but it is becos it seems a rather common 'unfelt but politically-correct' thing to point out.

kids are wonderful, but 'imprisoning' a person with kids is no less an awful thing to do. we Cannot assume that a parent who has an affair Does Not love his/her kids... yet we seem to do just that.

love exists in various forms and can co-exist in various forms. physical presence whilst necessary, is something that prioritising can take us away from. how deep do u wanna go on this? or do u simply speak the popular words?

are we expected to sacrifice our happiness for the rest of our lives, just so that we can Fulfill the assumption that staying in a dead marriage would keep a 'complete' family intact and happy? and that our kids would grow up More wholesome and loved?

if my dad or mum came to me and told me they stayed in a marriage For Me in the last 20yrs... and they sacrificed for me... i would ask them why the fcuk they did that and not seek their own happiness. i won't be too pleased to know my fcuking family was a lie to begin with... and i'm more than capable of living without the knowledge that either of them was so fcuk-unhappy and sacificed so many fcuking useless years of their only fcuking life thinking that it would be good for me.

a big fcuk u.

fcuk off, those of u who say it for the sake of 'saying the right thing'.

if u have no fcuking idea what life is, what love is, what happiness is, then pls fcuk off. doing the perceived right thing is just so that the pple around u can feel better sleeping at nite, but isit really for u?

IF, in your fcuking 40s, having contributed to society, life and all... u still have no fcuking right to Choose Happiness.... then u have not lived life and u dun know how to live life and u should not bother living life.

it simply tells me that most pple are not truly happy, and still living to fulfill the expectations of others.

this vision of happy children from complete families is what we envision, but not entirely 100% certain to breed happy family members.

no point digging into things that cannot change. but look towards things u Can change. dun harp on the past, move forward. if this is where u can get excerpts of happiness in an unhappy life, then enjoy it but find ways to improve it. think out of the box.

and what makes pple assume that TS's wife is a victim? she could very well be the fcuking aggressor who destroyed her own fcuking marriage and lost the respect of her husband. and what makes pple think the husband of that lady with the 3 kids, is rushing home daily to make happy meals for the kids? he could jolly well be the opposite.

explore the possibilities and not assume the negatives. TS started the post sharing that he was 'one of u' by stating what he used to think of extramarital affairs. he was one of u! so stop treating him like a freakin pariah.

 

[jn1234]

Anthony
All people in love whether is it extra marital or not will claim "truly in love".

Most are living in their own self created fantasy of extra marital party is better than the spouse. But not living together you don't get to see him/her in true daily lives and you don't face daily challenges in life. So affair makes you feel you are loved again but once you settled in reality, it might be a different story. Might - so whether will or will not you will not know when you are so dovey lovey engrossed with her.

 

[jn1234]

You will fare better to choose what you want.
1. Stay loyal to spouse in marriage and work together to solve issues to have a happy marriage.

or
2. Divoce and be with the party you think truly in love.

Don't be a two-timer. It's a time bomb. You will have more problems if the bomb explode.

 

[susanna_low]

Does people nowadays marry for the sake of marriage or just marry out of peer pressure? Having children just for the sake of having children w/o seeing the needs to nurture them?
I only have 1 child now and even if people around me keep asking me to have another 1 as I am still in my twenties, we have a few discussions and consider the factors about whether the ability, time and responsibility to have another 1. Like it or not, we do still need to take care of them and not to throw them to somebody else.
IMO, I want to have a child, it will be my lifetime responsibility to take care of them. If not, I rather not have any. I rather stay single and carefree then.

As for marriage, we do not only survive on love love love. We need alot of understanding, compromise and to constantly work on it. If everything all fail and you really do not love her anymore, by all means, leave! I have a ex who walk out on me prior to our ROM. I used to hate him but then it's also thanks to him I can find a wonderful man like my hb.
Till now, we do still kept in contact as friends.

Muster courage to walk out of it. Move away, Have a amicable break-off and compromise with your wife. You deserve to be abused if you allow her to abuse you.

There are still people living happily w/o their spouse. FYI, there is a great single dad who does a awesome job in looking after his 3 dad single-handedly while some are happily settling down with their new spouse.

I detest men who use marital woes to "eat outside". Settle your issues first before committing to another r/s.

 

[simpleman]

When we are in love, we are so sure of your love will not change forever. And we are dead sure that we have met the right one.

When we decide to "eat outside" for whatever reasons, it is normally: "Can't help it"

I don't hate such people. Just that they choose to be strong-willed for the things that they want.. and to be weak-willed when it is convenient for them.

As for children. Yes, we brought them into this world to give them the best. But we don't have to "sacrifice" our happiness for them. If tomorrow I am settling down with another woman who is not the mother of my children - I am 100% convinced that my children will be happy for me just as I will be happy for them to find their other halves.

A single parent family is not 'ideal' in most eyes. And yet precisely because it is a dominant-single family - the bonds are much much closer than in a two parents family. There is just a different dimension to it. In fact, both the parents even after in divorce can continue to provide love and care for the children. And very likely, they can be much better parents than when they were married.

I find myself as a good example. I am a much better father now than before. Even my ex-wife is a much much better mother than when we were still married. This is life. We make do with what life has to offer and then we seize the moments.

 

[powder]

kinda irritating sometimes to have pple insist on things they know absolutely nothing abt... just the exclaiming of popularist comments and assumptions.

it's as if u will feel so loved and wholesome with parents who dun talk or dun love each other nor show any form of affection. YA, my father dun love my mother but i feel so blessed they are together to provide me a happy family.

the lack of empathy and initiative to give matters more thought other than that of pointy thoughts... is quite alarming. pple can't see grey in this country... die die must be black or white.

 

[waters]

Hi sm, to quote powder, you have to buffer. Nothing is 100% and you are not your kids... Can't be 100% sure too.. Well... Not trying to flame...

Hi Ant, please try to work on your relationship with your wife.... She probably doesn't even know you are unhappy. I feel so sorry for her.

 

[miloice]

"Hi sm, to quote powder, you have to buffer. Nothing is 100% and you are not your kids... Can't be 100% sure too.. Well... Not trying to flame..."

LOLZ

 

[powder]

troubled,

not sure if u have faced violent harsh women... u tend to see them on the papers reported for maid abuse.

 

[pinktweet]

Anthony, u made a wrong move to bring up your story here. If you are sure of what you are doing regardless of how people see u, just follow your heart and with no regrets. Impt is don ever regret what u do. No need to come forum and let people bash you and give you politically correct advices.

 

[susanna_low]

But we don't have to "sacrifice" our happiness for them. If tomorrow I am settling down with another woman who is not the mother of my children - I am 100% convinced that my children will be happy for me just as I will be happy for them to find their other halves.

Great dad of 3, u summarised of what I m trying to put across and also y not since you r single right now? However I noe tt being a awesome dad, no matter wat u do, u will always put your children interest at first.

 

[annoyed]

I had the same belief "you will get what you give" in life. In some instances i am right but mostly wrong in my marriage. My wife had been treated so well by me that she had become terribly lazy, foul tempered, disrespecful to my parents, take me for granted, shout at the kids over small matters and mentally deranged.

In the past few years she had romantic and sexually explicit exchanges with people in the chatrooms. When confronted she cooked up all kinds of stories and excuses. The last straw was when she went overseas to meet the man and stayed with him for 3 weeks. She gave the excuse of wanting to start a business. Business my foot! My PI reported her sitting on his lap kissing, hugging and laughing for 20 minutes. She even denied she had no feelings for this man.
The shouting of the kids will affect their upbringing as my girl uses the same words the mother uses. And the mother had the cheek to reprimand my girl for using those same words she uses.

Sometimes it is too late to realise that your love will lead to the undoing of the relationship. Now i am letting go and have stop doing things i have done for her for so long. I agree that she takes it as her marital right to receive and i am always in the wrong for any issue in the relationship. And it is also her right to withhold giving.

Argue back? No point anymore. At the end she always say "Yes. I am in the wrong, i am bad so what you want now?" There is no reason or logic to apply when dealing with this type of woman.
Extramarital affairs? I had one but usually prefer to pay as i don't want any long term attachments. Sometimes going to brothels is also to remind myself that i am still a man, i still am able to function and preserve my sanity.
I feel it is alright to start a relationship once your marriage is officially over. So long as you have the best interests of the children at heart. Just open your eyes and DO NOT get married again. There is this saying going around "人生有多少个å年“. You and i and many others here DESERVE and must find OUR happiness.
Remember the saying "男人ä¸å，女人ä¸çˆ±â€œ. Many of us are in our kind of situation. Good, 1st class, expecting a fair return type, want to love wholeheartedly and end up suffering. Is there fairness? I have given up on my wife.

 

[powder]

dude,

it is indeed tough and this is something not many pple will see, butyet, i dun think it is uncommon. especially if wife isn't working.

 

[tomasulu]

begs the question, why are you still with her?

 

[susanna_low]

haha 人生有多少个åå¹´ by"cai jiu ge" u like to watch this HK drama serial too?

 

[magaz]

annoyed is probably still with her because of the all infamous reason - "kids"
also, maybe annoyed does not wish to pay alimony to the wife. Seeing how unreasonable the wife seems to be, she is likely to contest and demand a huge amount. haha

 

[susanna_low]

they already leading separated life, å„有å„的精彩。

 

[ajumma]

PinkTweet,

He came here for advices on how to cheat on his wife, asking people for suggestion of places to go to watch a romantic sunset with the other woman.

I don't think our answers are politically correct. We're just advising, based on our experience, that he should make up his mind and not stay in a loveless marriage but continue to carry out an affair.

The impact on his children and the hurt he will cause is unmeasurable. Not to mention the other woman also has three children of her own.

So that's five children with parents who are having affairs and causing two families to become dysfunctional.

 

[magaz]

Anthony,

"It is very hard for us to turn back, but I wonder if it is naive of us to carry on the relationship, until the day where we fulfill our obligations, bring up the kids, and coming out to the open with the relationship."

Anthony, it seems like you are not very sure yet of this 'relationship', otherwise, why would you be wondering if it is naive or not? If you ask in a forum, and decide based on forumers' advice, it's not gonna do you any good. All sorts of people are in a forum and what do you expect them to tell you when you ask them if it's naive? There are people who have never experienced what you did, there are people who are very moral and self righteous, and there are also people who may *seem* to be "immoral", as how society deems. So yeah, it's your life. You need to be sure of yourself first and of this 'relationship'. Are you sure you are done with your wife? No hope of making up or no wish to make up? Also, have you thought of the consequences and is it something you can bear? i.e. divorce, alimony, maintenance. Divorce is emotionally draining, are you prepared to face it? If you have thought of all these, and you are sure you want to go ahead with it, then by all means, you have got your answer!


"Until then, I also find it a struggle, as we cannot openly show our affection in public, and had to do everything without public attention. It is very tough emotionally.
Lastly, if there is a place where we can go off together to enjoy each other's company, not the sexual nature, but the romantic type.."

Do you seriously believe in this? Maybe for now, you think this is enough, but I tell you, the natural progression is that as you get more emotionally involved with each other, you will start to want more too. And you mentioned to wait till the kids are older right, how many more years would that be? So in all these years, do you think you will be satisfied with just being companions to each other in this way? Even if you are, is she?

it's a messy affair fren, cos so far we only hear your side of the story. Her side is pretty complicated too, with 3 kids and marriage. SO it's whatever you are going through times two. But if it's true love you have got, then pls settle all the mess before you guys even get involved with each other. It's the only way to go..
All the best.

 

[susanna_low]

And we do not want to get started wth the "dun shit where u eat"thingy...

 

[ajumma]

According to a relationships book I read, of all people who remarried in America, 60% get divorced again the second time. That is the majority, my friend. There is a higher chance of getting divorced again when there are children involved.

Everyone who are in the early stage of relationship and everyone who is having an affair will say that they are in love and it is the real thing. But this kind of exciting puppy love feeling won't last forever. You may regret one day if you believe that you can sustain this type of feelings.

Love is when you love each other despite the flaws. It's not loving the person who gives you the least trouble. Meeting up once in a while is very different from seeing the person every day and living with that person.

The odds and statistics are against you, but if you are so sure that what you have now is true love, go ahead and see what happens. I hope you don't get disappointed.

 

[infojunkie]

adam ant, hopefully u're still following this thread...

dun get discouraged.

as long as u guys still get to touch each other as u need each other... that's gd enuf.

u just need to know that love need not be legitimized...

å·æ¥çš„爱，或许ä¸å ªï¼Œæˆ–许没有未æ¥
但，终究是爱
有爱过，已足矣。。。

so what makes ur life worth living for? u decide...

and be happy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwWIEXAM8Q0
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/neworder/thieveslikeus.html

 

[simpleman]

Troubled

"Hi sm, to quote powder, you have to buffer. Nothing is 100% and you are not your kids... Can't be 100% sure too.. Well... Not trying to flame... "

Powder used the word "buffer" which I don't agree "100%" - there could be better words but you have to under the context. We are talking about love between a man and woman, a romantic relationship - which we all know is not 100% forever.. nothing is certain in romantic love as much as we think it is 100% forever.

But between parents and children - yes, it may not be 100% certain that the relationship is going to be 100% forever, it is a much stronger relationship, a relationship by blood and DNA, a relationship that you cannot "divorced" as easily as you can divorce a wife or hb.

And I used, "100% convince" that is 100% my conviction - which I can say for certainty there won't be much of a variation from 100%.

Well, not to digress too much here but when we go into discussion and debate we have to understand the context.

 

[simpleman]

I guess TS is not posting anymore?

 

[powder]

hard to post here leh...

accusations come before understanding...

i'm amazed some pple still believe in resurrecting the dead. i dun know how many pple actually try to love someone they no longer love nor respect... but i'm certainly surprised how often this prescription is dished out like panadol. do pple even try their own fcuking advice?

sometimes u've gotta do a "mental-run", or a "heart-run" for the emotionally-charged ladies... u ask yourself in all honesty and truthfulness, uncut... can u really love a person whom u no longer love n respect? THEN u talk... who the hell doesn't know what's 'right' in eyes of society? own kids so easily forgotten too? (pple who have affairs are Not as evil as u might think, in fact some may be more full n true to themselves)

forget the kids and what's right for abit... Get that clarity settled first, know what it's about first... before u apply the 'laws' and 'rules' society is so quick to embrace.

end of the day, nobody fcuking gives a shit if u dies, u're dead, u lived happy when u were alive... they just want u to live their way without even asking themselves IF they are truly happy living with their own fcuked-up rules.

 

[simpleman]

Ya, people don't look at what he was posting.. only dishing out what they think is "right or wrong"..

 

[sgbabydoll]

"Everyone who are in the early stage of relationship and everyone who is having an affair will say that they are in love and it is the real thing. But this kind of exciting puppy love feeling won't last forever. You may regret one day if you believe that you can sustain this type of feelings."

ajumma, Ant has been with his gf for six years. Won't call it an "early stage of relationship". This is what Powder meant by "accusation comes without understanding".

Sometimes I wonder where you guys get the idea that only puppylove is exciting?! You mean there must not be excitement in legitimate relationships and you think this is normal, and any exciting relationship is deemed abnormal?

 

[ajumma]

doll,

They have known each other for six years. He never said that they have been romantically involved for six years.

Like I said, meeting each other once in a while in a secretive way is different from living together.

When they have lived together in the same house for six years, and if they can still tahan each other, then I will say it's true love. ;-)