Experience with death or old age..

[sgbabydoll]

Felt so small in the face of the departing of my dad. There was nothing I could do for him...I couldn't even articulate my real thoughts to him, that I wished he could just stay around for a little longer. Had to rationalise my emotions and tell him to get going. Yet I find renewed strength to live with his going, despite the fact that I miss him so much whenever my thoughts drift to him.

 

[ms_bubly]

its been almost a year since the last post.. a sudden urge to share what i've gone through this month. I've lost my husband of 6 months to sudden heart attack in apr 2009. The tragedy hit me, so bad till nw i still cant seem to convince myself he's no longer around. The feeling of his presence still seem so clear, so real.... Been living on a roller coaster of different types of emotions since his passing. Quite afew dreamt of him, like as though he didnt knw what happened, like hw he used to be, cheerful and hyper.. i never did have those dreams..
This one month or so, hadnt been easy.. to understand the facts and logics didnt make my journey any easier.. i was living in darkness. No sense of belonging what-so-ever.. Life was colourless. It had never occur to me i would experience death in such a horrifying way.. to witness my husband's last graspe for breath and to see him "go" like that. For some time, i was thinking if i had caused his death indirectly for not immediately recognising the urgency of his discomfort.. he died, 2 hrs after his jog that fateful day.. returning home with usual short for breath. REsted on the declined sofa for almost 2 hrs. Assured me he'll be alright after he catches his breath in awhile's time, but, he never did.
He turned black before he was unconscious.. jus a min or so, he was nt breathing. Paremedics came and did what they could, at home, in the ambulance, in the hospital, but....... he was gone. Been going through a hard time managing the loss of him, so sudden.. life never seem as fragile as this incident. Never see life as precious as now. But everythign's too late, hubby's gone..................................... some friends simply gave up pulling me along, only at a time like this will u knw who are your real friends.. or maybe i shld say, the rest jus dunno how/what to do with me. well, yes life still goes on, the earth will nt stop revolving for anyone's death. time will not return back to where we were a year ago, whatever.............. im gonna look at life on a different angle and with new meanings now...........................

 

[powder]

there's no way to reconcile in such a short period when, for the last couple of years... every one of your dreams and goals was built with him... it'll be a lie to say that everything will be alright when 1 half of your body & spirit is torn from u so suddenly, so shall not attempt...

where i look for strength, is where i find new purpose and meaning... could be a totally new beginning, perhaps what some of us need are new beginnings, a new page or chapter... a totally different story from the stories of the past. who's to say what's right and what's wrong... it's all spiritual anyway. it's what we feel inside that matters, what we still hold inside... many little stories make us.

 

[sgbabydoll]

We won't be able to make sense of everything that's happened to us or around us.....We can definitely find new purpose and meaning in life, and find the strength within us to continue in life's journey.

Be very brave, and be happy, again.

 

[applepie2]

Bubly :

Feel sad to hear ur story...maybe cos it reminds me of a sudden death of a good friend few yrs ago..till now i still feel sad.

I presume u r staying in the matrimony flat. Why not ask ur mum or close sibling or close friend to stay w u for some time ? OR maybe u can move back to stay w ur parents for awhile ? Sometimes we tends to think more when alone,coupled with e fact that by staying in ur own matrimo flat, u will get more sad...

When u r up to it, try to see a counsellor/psychologist to help u work thru the grieve period. They are really experience to help u deal with such emotional pain.

"For some time, i was thinking if i had caused his death indirectly for not immediately recognising the urgency of his discomfort.."

Dun blame yourself,u r not doctor, and if ur hubby all along is healthy type, is not a reflex action for u to call the ambulance..Furthermore, he has assure u that he will be ok. So dun blame urself. U need to love yourself more now, and not blame urself.

Please take good care of yourself.

 

[jaster]

I'm growing up while my parents are aging. My parents are much older than me because they got married in their late 30s.

Time and again, I will think of how I will react when it is time for my parents to leave this world. Can't help it but I think i'll feel very very very very depressed..

 

[miloice]

bubly,

I'm very sorry to hear about your lost. But be assured, you can get over it with time. You are still very much in the grieving stage. You cannot fight that, but live through it. Only then, u will be able to move on. Weep all u need, one day, the tears will just dry up. Deep down, u will still miss him but, u will know u have recovered and is able to cope with it better.

Go on a vocation with your family, it could help lighten the spirit making u more refresh to face the future.

 

[awakened]

Reading this thread brought back memories of my father when I was a child. Memories that I still hang on to, pathetically. Memories that are quickly fading with time and I would so love to create new ones with him before it is too late when death takes him away.

I've tried for so long to make sense of how a father-daughter relationship could come to this. Related by blood, but complete strangers. Each time I dial his number, I lose the courage to wait until he answers. The words he said to me still ring clear and cuts although it's been years.

I've learnt alot about forgiveness in the last year, but perhaps not enough to get out of this particular entanglement. One day, before it's too late, I will talk to him again. Even if reconciliation is only my one-sided wish, at least I tried for the very last time.

Apologies guys, just a sudden need to rant after reading this thread.

 

[miloice]

It will be his 2nd anniversary this weekend. Once again, I will be overseas. Took out all the old photos to revisit memories of my father.

I miss him still.

 

[cottonball]

When my dad was around, I kept telling myself I should find a chance to bring him for a holiday. However, this never happened and this will not going to happen anymore.

I do not understand why some family members will argue so agressively and want each other to die like that.. Afterall we are one family.. we should cherish each other.

 

[ms_bubly]

a year has passed...
im back, jus read what i shared a year back.try very hard to pick up frm where i had stopped...

after needing to cope with the passing of my late husband.. im smacked with other problems. His companies' issues, which, effortlessly would get me all affected and down. Each time i receive a call frm them, its like bringing me back to hell. He's had afew companies to his name, some have afew shareholders which include family members. Had a talk with his cousin and uncle who are working together with hubby few months after he left. It didnt have any solution how to shut the newly operated company. So it dragged on... many complications added into my already frustrated soul.. they werent at all compassionate to me. Wanting me to be his estate, to take over the dealing of the companies which i thought totally absurd! Rejecting that offer, i suggest to wind the newest. It took them a year to get all the necessary accounts done and audited. Yesterday a call frm hell came.
Jus when i thought i found peace... they came calling me again. To have a shareholder meeting..
Cant deny, and i wont deny- i hate to see them.
I see this as endless problem...

Is there any protection for women to NOT BE liable to late husband's debts(if any)How and when will all these frustrations end?Am i actually liable to pay off any debts or loans which he might have?We have no house under our names, the one we applied for has been returned to HDB. We do have a bank account with not much money after the wedding preps earlier..

smtimes i wonder, if gOd really exist..

 

[powder]

does your hubby have any buddies who is savvy and can help? or your frens?

is it all debts or could there be profit... yes i believe it's tedious, but it's something u might have to sit up and look into, just to be sure that if there's any profits - it is not turned into losses and dumped on u, u know wat i mean?

 

[simpleman]

Are you a director of the company you husband set up? What sort of company is that.. I presumed it is a partnership with other partners.. And NO, I don't think you are responsible at all.

Even if your husband was the majority partner who started and owned the business. Yes, his personal asset may be seize if the company is not doing well. But since you got nothing from your hb, there should be nothing to worry about. At the very most, you can wind up the company. I guess the best is to engage a lawyer on this process.

However, the other partners (since family) may put undue pressure on you. It is just a psychological pressure. As I said, the best is to engage a lawyer and handle this matter.

 

[yoongf]

Ms_bubly,

turn on ur PM.

Edit Profile,... Preference.... uncheck the box " Do not send me "Private Message" e-mails from other board users"

 

[milk_powder]

birth, old age, sickness and death are natural cycles of life.

here's my recent recollection.
I was sweating it out at the gym and merry making and luffing with fellow users on a nice evening.

Then suddenly the hp rang n i picked it up.
"Po po juz passed away peacefully mins ago"
At that moment, the whole scene stood still, n i literally froze for a minute. The people ard me sort of felt the aura and all laughter died down.

I slowly but steadily, holding back my emotions, walked to my car n drove to where i should be.
The drive seemed long, n tears involuntarily burst thr the eye layers. Nothing can stop the tears, not even thick inches of biceps, chest muscles nor back muscles (was pumping at gym).

Was the first tears to shed in almost a decade.
In fact the most unstoppable tears filled scene was at the cremation, where we see the body slowly being escorted into the chamber. (youtube has examples on it, surprisingly)

 

[miloice]

milk powder, I'm sorry about your lost.

Our memories will help us move on as they continue to live in our hearts. The sudden stoneness within as the seem to stop the clock. It is really so true. It took me some 30 mins to find my car as I was lost and confused in the carpark with all the memories of my dad flooding and overwhelming me completely.

Its fathers' day last Sunday. Every year, my dad would voluntarily look us up to spend time with. We know how lonely he is alone in KL and at the same time frustrated with the 'harrassments'. Thoughts about him overwhelmed me once again.

The real grieving happened after we had identified his body and went around 'shopping' for his final clothes while waiting for the hospital to complete the post mortem and release of the body to the family. Thoughts of how little he would spend on himself, getting the best budget stuffs for himself everytime. We got him the best clothes, too late for him to really see them. We were trying the best to hold back our tears and the sales person asked if we would like to try it out. What an ironic joke that was.

 

[bedokboy]

milk, for me is when they nail the panel over the glass of the coffin.

the realisation that you'll never see this person again...

 

[powder]

definitely the part they push the coffin into the incinerator... it's always that point where the women faint and the men cry...

 

[odie24]

I lost my grand dad at the strike of midnight during this year's CNY. It's extremly painful as it was CNY and everyone was busy visiting enjoying the festive season but he was in hospital all alone... It was the end of the 1st day of CNY that i received a call from my aunt saying "hospital called, ah gong may not make it pass tonight"

I rushed to the hospital to see everyone so solemn and the curtains to his hos bed drawn. At 1st i did not have the courage to go in cos I thought he left us. But when my aunt say "go talk to ah gong, go call him, ask him to hang on not everyone is here yet" The painful moment came when the doc certified the time of death..

My granddad suffered for alomst 6 yrs. He manage to pass on with everyone by his bedside i guess he should have left in peace.

I do agree that the most painful part is when they nail the panel over the glass of the coffin and when they push the coffin into the incinerator.

But for me one more painful part was to scatter his ashes into the sea... This was his wish but it meant that when we feel sad we won't have a place to find comfort or talk to him ...

CNY will be his death anniversary... Like that we will never ever forget him bah... He made us remember him on such a happy day...

 

[the_giving_tree]

My maternal uncle, who was mentally retarded, died a very tragic death.

My late mum was a Malaysian. When she got married and came over to Singapore, she left her two brothers and father behind in Malaysia. The younger brother was mentally retarded.

Years later, the older brother died, leaving their father and the younger brother behind. Then the old man died, leaving my mentally retarded uncle all alone (he survived by doing odd jobs as a fishmonger's assistant; often sleeping in the market).

One day, some thugs robbed him, strangled him and dumped his body in an old well. My late mum was wrecked with guilt. For years, before my uncle was murdered, she had tried to bring him over to Singapore to live with us but was unsuccessful.

The only time my late uncle came over to Singapore for a short holiday was the one and only time that my siblings and I saw him. Months later, news came from my cousins in Malaysia that he was murdered.

I remember my eldest sister accompanying my grief-stricken mum to Malaysia to arrange for his funeral. This took place in the early 80s and till this day, the murderers were never caught.