Excruciating pain

me n my bf has been together for 7 years... although most of which is LDR. We are close emotionally n connect v well such as we chat abt anything under the sun and we chat almost everyday so the feeling is close and we are so comfortable with other..b4 today, i always tot i had a gd relationship n we are close emotionally although distance separate us due to work

today i know that eventually is all about acting skills n man are just so gifted at it..

I paid him a surprise visit at his home country today and while i was sitting at a bench underneath his apartment, he walked home holding waist to waist with another gal walk right past me..they didnt c me and i didnt know why either, but my initial reaction is to quickly turn my back and avoid let him c me and this i deeply regret now.

i was just sitting there dazed picturing what should i do next with all my luggage with me.. where m i going to stay tonight ?

i didnt talk to him last 3 days as i wanna disappear n appear at his place to surprise him.
he sms me morning 1030am ask what happen to me m i ok? at 1.15PM, he sms me again say he didnt understand why i didnt wana call him back
at 2PM, i saw him walk past me right b4 my eyes with a gal next to him.can u believe that ?
i know he today not working which is why i choose to fly there today.

i was in a daze and sat there. at 4pm, he came out from his condo access door n saw me sit there. i stand up n wave at him (my initial reaction)
..guess what? he turn his head and quickly reverse n go back inside the access door which i cant go in. also w my luggage, i cant chase him that fast... i know he will leave from the other exit door which is some distance away so i didnt go theree cos still in a daze.....

i sms him say i saw everything, even describe the gal outfit, he reply back " i have no gf and i m not lying. I m going away to china now and will not come home n u can wait all you want,

of cos the china trip is a liar so obvious. i didnt have a place to stay as all hotels fully booked. i was desperate n call my fren in sg n she happen to have a classmate here that can house me in.

She is so kind soul. even without knowing or seeing me b4, she was glad to help n assure that i can stay as long as i want to... even a stranger can treat u better than my 7 yrs bf who is not concerned at all what will happen to me. he sms me say he know i will have some place to stay with $$ n worst, just stay at the airport n catch the mornin flight home.......

i dunno if i should just leave for home asap or still should i go his stay place to try hunt him down cos i feel alot of bu gan yuan there if i leave and the reln just end like that making it so easy for him to ask me leave...

what should i do ??


Active Member
u should LEAVE.

u're leaving not becos he asked u to...

u're leaving becos u WANT to...

why buay gum yuan?

at least u still hv ur health...


New Member
HOLY SHIT! Piggy <====^-^====> Hugz!

It's such a pain for you! I understand it, it's as if you're being slained with a knife slowly, there you are seeing the whole process....being killed slowly...you're dying slowly, and the pain is excruciating.

Cry my babe....cry out....cry your heart out....
Then think, think of your future....think of what kind of life you want to have....think of how you want to deal with your situation....

The only thing is: Don't think of revenge. Please think of the future you want to have. With or without him in picture.

If you can't see him in the future you want to have, leave him.
If you still can see him in the future you want to have, stay with him.

Yea, I agree, good acting skills. He simply has no conscience. He doesn't even care about your life/death. You are a gal in a foreign country, goodness, the least he can do out of concern, is to settle you down properly, thereafter talk things out etc.

This epi denotes several things:
He does not love you.
He cares about himself more than you.
He is not the one you can depend or trust on.
He doesn't know how to deal with responsibility in life.

I hope that you are flying back to your hometown soon. Please do not continue to stay in that foreign land to confront him or what. Find your good friends and family. They will give you strength to face the truth and plan your future.

May God Bless You!


New Member
Hi Piggy,you should leave and like what Leibit said, don't think of revenge. Move on with your life and do something for yourself. I know it is difficult as you have been in the relationship for so long but you have to quickly pull yourself up.

It is very fortunate that you are not married to him! I think that you are very lucky to know this early. I'm sure you can be a strong woman and create a name for yourself..
gd morning, manage to sleep few hours last nite
but the pain return when i wake up now....

i realli dunno what to do, the bu gan yuan feeling is very strong, feel like i need to do somethin /scold him /paste poster outside his house etc, many pict come into my mind

b4 yesterday, i realli tot we had a very gd relationship and everythin is going on very smoothly
what a shock !!

i feel i lost everything feeling now, we been through alot these years and i tot now our reln is the best stage already cos he treat me so gd now.he share with me everything (beside his woman of cos),eager to call me for any opinion he needed etc, he trust my advice alot type

i dunno how i can b able to trust any other people man etc in the future when the person u feel closest to can betray u with wide eyes open

how? can i realli carry on my life well if i just quiet leave like that ?

since i m here, i realli shouldnt confront him?

i feel so lost in life now, my future seems bleak
i dunno how long i need to recover
one thing i didnt understand myself either is that i had not shed a single tears since 2 pm yesterday when i witness the scene.....why is that so??

the scene cant shake off my mind

last month, he came to sg and we had a v happi time together, went to cambodia also....just less than a month only......


New Member
piggy, u must be still stunned knowing the truth. it is still fresh and it has not register in your head.

but now you just got that bu gan yuan feeling and wanna do something to him. what do you really want to do then? it does not serve any purpose. and it will give him the satisfaction because you show that you care.

and after it all, you will be even sadder and will mourn for this relationship.7 years relationship is not easy to let go. i hope you are back in sg with ur friends and family to support you.


Active Member
"i realli dunno what to do, the bu gan yuan feeling is very strong, feel like i need to do somethin /scold him /paste poster outside his house etc, many pict come into my mind"

ä¸ç”˜æ„¿åˆèƒ½æ€Žæ ·? 太阳ä¾æ—§è¥¿æ²‰å¤ä¸œå‡ï¼Œä»–人还是会完好无缺地存在于世上。。。而你也是

那你ç»å¯¹ä¼šæ˜¯ä¸ªè¾“家, 而且还会惨败。。。



New Member
Be strong. You deserve better. At least you'd seen the real him before any further serious progression.

Look on the brighter side.


New Member
Piggy: Its sad to hear tat u took the efforts to surprise ur bf, only to c such a scene. But truly, its better tat u saw the real him now than in future. 7yrs is a long time but u have a much longer path ahead of u. I agree w flyingstar tat u are probably still in shock, feeling hurt yet trying to believe wat u saw n ur mind is reeling as to how to handle the matter, thus the real pain n tears are contained for now.

Though I dun encourage revenge cos it will only prolong the time u take to let go, if u really feel the strong need to slap him or do smthg or show ur face to the gal n expose his cheating ways, then go ahead. But. Only if it will really make u feel better n u will be ready to let go of him n nva allow him into ur life to make u sad again. If ur taking revenge or confronting him will only bring u more pain n insult or confusion, then i urge u to head back home n celebrate ur new-found freedom n maturity. He is not worthy of u. Rem tat. Wateva his reasons may be, he betrayed ur trust. Thus, there is no need to waste any more of ur time on such a person.

There may have been gd times but for a man to leave u in a foreign land alone is truly ungentlemanly. Even a fren wld care n be worried. Be strong.


New Member
Dear Piggy,

I think the main reason why you can't shed a tear for now, is not because you don't love him. But because, you are in a state of shock that you've loved someone who is a total fake here. Imagine the years that he was with you, before today. Those years with him in picture would be reflected as non-existential, because he was never here...don't you see? It's just a fake past you've been given, from him. Hence, your brain and your heart need time to recover from this shocking bubble. Hence in the meanwhile, it's damn difficult for you to shed a tear. How to shed a tear when the past is just a fake? If the relationship was real and somehow had died, it's not so bad, you'll cry. But when the relationship was just a fake, a front, how to cry about that???


"Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities, because it is the quality that guarantees all others" W Churchill.

you need courage to overcome the pain. and courage to carry on with dignity.


New Member
don't get sad, get mad.

i know some people may disagree with me, but if it makes u feel better, take some form of revenge on him. within legal means of course. wait for the girl that he was with at his place and tell her he has STD.

he wasted seven years of ur life and was a liar to the end. he deserves that much.


Active Member

Sorry to hear your story. You had wasted enough time on someone who doesn't deserve your time and love. Let's not waste more time on hating him, feeling sad over him...easier said than done of course but I don't advocate seeking revenge too..you'll end up feeling even more miserable. Simply work on moving on in your life. Think of your family and friends who care for you.
thanks for all e encouraging words that all of you shared....

i realli need courage now, and it is realli hard to gather sometime...
i m afraid that i may soften..

this bastard sms me today and say it is still a misunderstanding n deny all the way of cos that he has a wife/gf. he say i wouldnt roam the street if i had booked a hotel room first

why would i need to book a hotel room when my bf stay alone in his apartment (which i tot)??
he just not talking any senses....make him appear so stupid ....

in short, he deny all e way...


New Member
He is such a liar... running away n leaving you alone outside his apartment has definitely shown what kind of Coward and Loser he is.

Enough of his nonsense, you should head back to ur comfort home, pick up urself and move on...

There's no need any revenge coz this doesnt help you feeling any better. You will need time to let this go. You have wasted enough 7yrs on such bastard, so waste no more. He do not deserve your love.

Please dun go soft on him nor give him another chance. Unless he is able to promise and come back to SG to work, otherwise will you ever gonna trust him again in this LDR? Even if he is staying with you in SG, can you guarantee he will be faithful to you?


New Member
He does not even dare to admit his wrongdoings now nor even dare to face you for any explanation... how sure is he gonna handle bigger problem together with you in the future?

This is LDR, its very different a couple will behave when they are together or apart. This probably a good time to let you see him in such an irresponsible act. He is not even Man enough to face the entire music. Forget him... move on. Years down, when you think back, you might have a good laugh on his 'Stunned Reaction' on him turning his back after seeing you. And you will be happy that you are living better off without him.
hahaha now i remember one of his sms say that he would rather spend money to stay hotel in china than to meet me cos i m unstable and too scary now..
he say he wouldnt come home (haha so scare that i will catch him when he come back for any confrontation) only dare sms

why would any sensible or normal human being in this world when at 1.15pm send the gf sms to care for her asking anything happen, then at 2pm hug another woman home then at 4pm c his gf appear with luggage from singapore and immediately turn his head and walk back home, pack up to run and hide in china....hahhaha

he still can deny his action and blame that i too scary come n spot check him.is my fault now hahahhaha

i sms him back say he has sickness and need to c a doctor for split personality and habitual liar and womanising habit..

so scary when the man who sleep next to you had another life when he return to his home..

he is realli sick and i m sick too to had him for 7 years... he is a oscar winning actor definately


New Member
Piggy, yes, listen to Junkie and leave. Bck to sg where your family and friends are

your ex almost like my ex, msg and do different things. when u start to confront, he run away and just disappear and only just sms... even sms, he avoid answering the question...

Don waste yr time, he is so irresponsible. if i remember correctly, you did post yr problems, that is once time, he ask you to sleep in the hotel right, when u therre


New Member
Sister TS,

I don't know why your LDR lasted 7 yrs and yet no marriage. For LDR, such a long time without commitment is a problem.

Be that as it may, it's over. The circumstances leading to your discover of unfaithfulness is no longer important at this point. What's done is done. Bo kam guan also bo pian, know what i mean?

Time will heal.

Best wishes.
my heart just feel like knife piercing through and the pain never seems able to lighten...
till today, he never appear , only sms (0f cos hoping i go back asap.)

although we in LDR, we realli been through alot of ups n downs (hard to elaborate) but i stick by him through n keep encourage him to achieve his dreams...

i tink for most woman, is hard to accept the fact that he does not love u afterall n everything is build on his lies. I feel like dying now

for man, is it possible to love many people at the same time? i mean when u hot with someone, definately your attitude with another one is colder not so onzz type, which is why most woman can smell that their bf has changed or cheated cos diff attitude.

for his case,he can still treat me much better than b4 even he hide a woman at home..

that is so scary....

i need courage and does time always heal?
i m sick and feel v lost now... e feeling is v terrible..


New Member
I agree with Johnny ... 7 years in a LDR without commitment is a looooong time to be stringing someone along.

Did you ever wonder why?


Hi, piggy

How old are you now? 7 years is a very long period to commit one's youth to a relationship without any commitment from the other party and worst is most part of it is LDR...didn't you guys ever talk about marriage or family...does it not worry you or ever thought that it may come to nothing for you after 7 years? Oh mind, how many 7 years we gals have...I kind of understand your feeling of wanting revenge and empathise with you....

Your story remind me of a gal I know who supported her bf financially for oversea study while she work and maintain a LDR. After finishing his degree, he wanted to continue his master, she supported him. After finishing his studies, he told her he had found someone and is not coming back. In total, she has been with him for 8 yrs..she nearly collapse and committed suicide...however she manage to pick herself up and is now blissfully married to a guy who love her very much...please don't give up and sad...you find your true love again one day...

Moral of the story...we should not drag too long in a relationship..people and feeling will change..prepare to leave when the other party is unwilling to commit after 4 yrs?hmm...everything is gamble...just hope we bet on the right guy...


New Member
me and the husband were in a LDR for 1.5 years but during that time he was here thrice (a month each time) and i spent two months with him there. during that time, he decided that there was no way that we could continue like that and someone would have to uproot and move in order to be together.


New Member
it's a blessing in disguise, TS. at least now u know. pls take of urself during this time.

from an objective point of view, LDR is really very difficult for both parties. it requires a lot of commitment. most of the LDR that i know of among my friends don't end well.

bcoz they're so used to being apart for so long, it's hard to be connected and committed. u really need to be very, very committed and in love with each other for the LDR to work.
yes,i m damn stupid to think that we are both v committed and connected to this LDR.
Hard to explain in details, but some v unexpected turn of events along the years that caused this to drag,,

in short, i m just stupid

if i ever had another relationship, i wouldnt have anymore energy to drag ...

i feel alot of pain now, the only thing i gotta think that time will heal n i can only be better...

god bless me courage....

<<hugzzz>>,u must b feeling so terrible now ya. i understand what u gone through as the acceptance of reality that this man whom u once tot to be so closed to you turn out to be such a liar....

v unbelievable!!

i can understand when some people wanna fling, when reached a moment that they need to choose, they will choose the person that they realli wan.thats e norm in most cases

I realli cant understand your bf way of behaviour can be so extreme..n he looked like he dun wannalose either one of them... in short " COward tortoise"
especially when b4 you went, everything is so ok on surface, is not like you going at a stage when your relationship is rocky or such...haizzzz

forget him, he dun deserve your love...if u cant tahan the pain and wanna hang on to him from your past 7 yrs of wonderful memories, then you will be inviting for yourself the next 30 years of misery... do you want that to happen?....

this painful process is necessary,bo bian,,u just have to go through in order to invite a better person into your life that will treat you with sincere love and honesty..dun doubt! It will happen only if you hold enuf faith and beliefs..

whenever u feel weak...just ask yourself one qn "can u spend the rest of your life with this man"

cheating in his blood, doesnt matter if he marry u or stay together with you or not, he will have his ways..
even if he come to sg, he will find other sg gal for fling....just change nationality only..

dun keep feeling u lost everything when u didnt..
i believe that u had real wonderful times right? saying goes " better to have been loved n lost then never had b4"

I assume u had a job and these years while apart u would have saved $ i hope, is unlike u do nothing except to go n serve, take care him then in e end u have nothing n he still cheat/.....

really god blessing to you that you find out now. His karma has already surfaced when he lose a wonderful gal like u....


New Member
hihi TS

so sorry to hear this happen..so r u feeling much better now?

i ever did some studies on human behaviour b4 and his action already show his character is those of a escapist, someone that will only choose to run away from problem rather than to face it bravely.

why he so scare?u cant kill him right? at most is just few tight slaps which he should feel he deserve afterall is him that did wrong....

TS, He is someone very afraid to face failures in life. Letting u c is already a kindda "failure" to him cos initially he thought he had managed and maintain this relationship with you so well....letting u c him in a surprise visit on a day when happen the woman is there is a kindda "failure" cos there is a risk of losing this relationship already

u see the point?
beside this incident, did u want to think carefully if this type of man is who u can live together for your entire life?someone that is like an elementary kid, cant shoulder responsibility in life....

true, u may think u had ended this relationship in the most painful way.. alot of what if must have come into your mind now ...

but believe me, u are an extremely calm person that can dealt with life happenings n unexpected situation much better n stronger than your man..
you poccess the inner strength which u never imagined that u had.....

walk through this pain bravely.....insert ONLY positive thoughts ..no matter what, life has to move on, he is not worth it!

DUn regret what u did to end this reln....i strongly believe this is the best most worthful trip in your life....

no secrets in this world can b kept forever, is better that u know it now ....


New Member
A guy like him is indeed a coward. It may be a painful truth that comes 7 yrs later but at least you know it before it is realli too late. Hope you are feeling much better now.
thanks for your words n support
deeply appreciated !

some days i feel i m ok, some days i feel extremely painful. last nite i still had a dream that he ask me to pack up n leave cos he is bringing another woman home..

through a gf recommendation, i went to c a clinical practistioner for hypnosis/....hopefully will help rid the pain n scar in my heart and i will emerge stronger n start to love myself again.....

so far my life has been pretty smooth and now i c this is as one of my major setback and challenges

god bless me strength....


New Member
Hi Ms. Piggy,

Leave him there are a lot of better men out there than him. Surely he didn't trasure you or your feeling towards him. All I can say he is one bastard son of a bitch. I am a man and as far as I remember I never two time any of my GFs. I would make sure we are over before I'll start courting another lady...

Consider your self lucky you discover his true color before you get married. It'll be much worst if you only find out after marriage and you had kids already...


New Member
Hi ms piggy,

You should leave him he is not worth it, there are lots of guys there better than him and for sure will love you truly.

Dont waste your time and love for a person like him. Someday in gods time someone will come your way.


New Member
Focus your energy on work, spend time with friends and do things that makes you happy. Indulge in things you usually wouldnt. Go on, finish that tub of Ben and Jerrys..cry out loud.. go for a spa... do whatever makes you feel good.

Give yourself time, as much time as you need to heal. Then pick yourself up and make your life better.

All will be well. Take care dear!