Ending a Marriage

lonelygal

New Member
Hi pple, I would like to seek advice as to my current situation. I've been married for 2 plus years till in Feb 2010, I've decided to stay at my parents place. I had enough of his verbal/emotional abuse as it has caused the extent of me having stressful headaches after every quarrel and thus affecting my work and emotional health. Till to date, I didn't go back to his place (where he lives with his parents). During these 4 months, there have been no contacts other than him calling/sms me occasionally (2-3 times) to scold me and quarrel/argue. He expects me to be sorry and go back on my own to fulfil his “duties of a wife and daughter-in-lawâ€. He said he will never come and fetch me or beg me to go back.

Anyway, I have given up on the marriage. Can I seek divorce immediately since it’s coming to 3 years? There’s no signing of separation deed or whatsoever. Also, who will have to bear the legal fees and will it be settled without either one of us seeing each other in court? There’s no matrimonial asset involved (No kids, we don’t have any house bought jointly) except for1 pathetic joint a/c. How long will be the process?

Last but not least, may I have some recommendations of a lawyer please?
 


hazehaze

New Member
Broken heart, it seem so sad, but a married should be work on both... i have come across ur suitation before. eventually, i stay at my mum place very often without going back to my in laws place.. and things will always get worst lo.. with quarrelling n etc lo..

u married cause u like him and wanna to stay with him lo...
maybe u can try to move back n try on it again before haven a action lo.. if things does not work well then u can decide on it.. it will be nvr too late to try on things to work on.. rather than u regards on doing it..

i do have a lawyer which is recommed by my friends, but i do hope u can try it on ur married before u decide to make e decision lo...
happy.gif
 

wat_are_dreamz

New Member
I'm always amused y pple try to seek legal advice on tis forum.

Broken heart, u shd seek a lawyer's advice on the separation n divorce procedure. Legal fees wise depends case by case. If u only moved out in Feb 2010, the separation period of 3-4yrs will start from then. If i recall correctly, u need a separation of 4yrs if ur marriage is less than 3yrs. Unless u have a special reason like adultery or abuse.

During the separation period, u shd not have any sexual relations or share a room. No holiday tgr or help each other do things. Joint a/c can easily be closed, regardless of whether u are divorced or married. If ur husband is not willing to co-operate, be prepared tat the divorce can be a lengthy process.

Luckily u have no children. If u dun ask for alimony, then the process may be faster but the separation period is standard.

Sigh. Tats y i feel tat many times pple get married w/out a clear idea of wat is ahead n they dun know each other enough n in-laws etc. It just takes 1 day to get married, but yrs n lots of pain to get a divorce. Be strong, broken hearted.
 

simpleman

Active Member
If there are no exceptional reasons then you have to sit out the separation period - a minimum of 3 years. If you are already bent on divorce then OK.. just live separately with him and file for divorce 3 years later. In the meantime you can do whatever you want if you life except that you cannot get married.

If you file for divorce naturally you pick up the tab. You can ask him to chip in if he is agreeable to it (mostly, he won't care). And no, you two don't have to meet in court if the divorce is uncontested.
 

simpleman

Active Member
evon,


It just takes 1 day to get married, but yrs n lots of pain to get a divorce.


Don't have to dramatize like this. How can you say it takes 1 day to get married. The whole process from courtship to marriage is certainly not a day. If you are talking about the ceremony - yes but even that it take months of preparation. And divorce is not necessary very painful. Yes, it takes time for the separation. The actual divorce hearing is like 5 minutes - faster than the marriage ceremony.

Marriage and divorce - they are just different and opposite of one another.

And divorce need not be so negative. I have a friend who celebrates "divorce anniversary" with ex-wife.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Either file for divorce citing some examples of his unreasonable behaviour once the marriage turns three years or separate for three years (from Feb 2010) before applying for divorce based on separation.

Separation can be backdated but if he is not willing to co-operate, then no point trying to backdate it. Just count it from the actual date of your moving out.
 

scope_guy

New Member
Broken Hearted,

Don't know why I do this but...

Separation doesn't need you to move out; you can even have separation sleeping next to him.

You don't even need to file. LOL~
 

lonelygal

New Member
Wynn Koh: Who doesn't want a marriage with happiness? Who doesn't want to "live happily ever after"? I think everybody wants...

Initially, of 'coz it's 'coz of love that pple marry each other. But when one goes back on his words,when one doesn't even care abt the vows, when one detest u, when one's expectations are not fulfiled (like expecting wife to be the typical traditional wife who serves him and in-laws just like the way ancient wives do), leaving the other in tears and depression with nobody to turn to, then how?
Maybe U think I didn't tried hard enough, as to what all my relatives may have thought so...There's simply NO motivation nor love to keep this relationship going...I spent my days with him in tears and stressed up, I go to work in tears, I spent my birthday in tears. He's not understanding nor give a shit abt how I feel. Despite doing the things that I'm not willing but to suit his wishes, despite trying to please him, all I get was hurtful/crude remarks and verbal abuse. Till today, he still pushes ALL the blame to me including the marriage breakdown. There's no room for compromise as he's a selfish stubborn MCP.

Anyway, there are too many issues between us.

Also, thanx to the rest who have given me valuable advice. Actually, I also don't know whether to sit out the separation period - a minimum of 3 years as I do not want to wait till then to file for divorce or to file immediately. ('coz I'm coming to the end of 3 years of our marriage) Reason is I can buy a resale flat next year and I may consider buying one for myself. If I'm still tied down by the status, I can't buy. Also, may I know if there are any assets that I will be buying during this period of time be claimable by him?

Of coz, if the seperation could be backdated, that would be better but I doubt he will co-operate. Also, I think it's going to be uncontested.
 

simpleman

Active Member
Broken Hearted,

As much as you wanted to end the marriage, you have to set your expectation right. You cannot just end it as you wish. You can file immediately but you still need to wait for the separation of 3 years - unless there are valid grounds like adultery or unreasonable behaviour (not easy).

So no matter how angry and sad you are, the main thing is to start to have a separate life. The divorce will come in time. You can't force it and make yourself miserable.
 

hazehaze

New Member
broken hearted seem like we have the same type of partners.
my partners same as yours as i endure for 6yrs lo. jus cause we have the kids.
PM me to chat ?
 

karvna

New Member
Broken Heart:

You need to be separated for at least three years before you can filed for divorce meaning that you have to wait till 2013 to do so...
 

lonelygal

New Member
Hi Wynn Koh, I couldn't PM you as your PM is not activated. Would like to chat with you too, pls PM me...thanx...

I do understand that I have to have a seperation of 3 years but I do not want to be ended up being sued for 2 years of desertion. I am also not sure whether is there any difference or any implications whether I'm being sued or not? Also, can I sue him for unreasonable behaviour/verbal abuse?
 

lonelygal

New Member
Hi Wynn Koh, I couldn't PM you as your PM is not activated. Would like to chat with you too, pls PM me...thanx...

I do understand that I have to have a seperation of 3 years but I do not want to be ended up being sued for 2 years of desertion. I am also not sure whether is there any difference or any implications whether I'm being sued or not? Also, can I sue him for unreasonable behaviour/verbal abuse?
 

vintageclasp

New Member
Dear Broken Hearted, I face similar issues as yours that's why I opened your thread. No one starts a relationship/ marriage to fail at it. It's really not easy to build and sustain a loving relationship; it's not enough to just want it, one also needs to learn many things like conflict management, compromise and so on. Unfortunately, things don't always turn out the way we wanted. I also worked on my relationship with my guy, and one of the biggest concerns we face is that he keeps blowing up at me over minor things. And the tension escalates quickly because of his verbal abuse (whether he is aware of it or not). And verbal abuse is not limited to swear words, it can be making personal attacks, harsh words, etc. Although he apologises to me after that, the emotional damage is done because it happened too many times. It is very draining, and you wonder if he really loves/ understands/ respects you, why hurt you like that?

In your situation, I dun think you can sue him for verbal abuse. AFter all, its very long to get a divorce in Spore (3 years, compared to Japan or China, which are immediate). Time will heal...
 

lonelygal

New Member
Hi, everybody (as in relatives and parents) wants me to settle quickly as they keep saying I'm the one who lose out. I really really tried to talk to him but besides being scolded and reprimanded by him and quarrels, he doesn't want to solve the issues at all!!! What can I do?? Maybe they think I'm the one who drag this marriage on and on without doing anything. I have tried to call the lawyers and they keep saying "wait for 3 years". I believe they meant when the marriage is 3 years, so there's nothing I can do now right?

My father is going to kick me out of the house soon 'coz he's retiring and he says he cannot afford to keep 1 rm for me. (My mother and father are seperated under 1 roof) And I cannot buy any house yet...Condo is too expensive now and I can't afford it. Is there anyway to get a HDB flat alone?

I'm very depressed. What should I do now? Basically, I have no friends or parents'/relatives' suppport.
 

pinktweet

New Member
More details on divorce procedures can be found here: Procedure: http://www.lawsociety.org.sg/public/you_and_the_law/divorce.aspx

If you are married for at least 3yrs, you can file for divorce under grounds of "Unreasonable Behavior", defined as "The Defendant has behaved in such a way that the Plaintiff cannot reasonably be expected to live with him/her". FOr marriages <3yrs, unless u have really special reasons (eg. violence, etc) and judge will consider on case by case basis.
 

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