Dowry money & 4-pcs Gold pay and buy ourself

[jeslyn_ong]

Anyone buy and pay the money yourself for your wed. To what I noe, PIL are suppose to pay the dowry money and buy the gold. In fact, my MIL say all this we have to buy ourself and pay ourself she only buy 1pce of jewellery for me. I feel like buying and selling myself off. Feel so upset.just want to call off everything

 

[cuclainne]

my pov is that you're liking yourself to a piece of jewellery .. you're not happy that you have to buy it yourself (buying and selling yourself off) but if your MIL does it, doesn't it also symbolises her buying you for her son .. but that is ok, is it? just curious - don't really know much about chinese wedding customs.

 

[jeslyn_ong]

i feel sad becos i feel like she dont care. cos its all abt tradition way of practice but why mine is diff.. if that the case no point going thru the customary..since the customs are not practice

 

[sgbabydoll]

Jeslyn, I also feel you should CALL OFF the wedding.

 

[gracelourdes]

hahahaha....eh, dun take it until tat sense lah...tik of it tis way....if u get 'tat favour' frm ur MIL, then next time u have to 'pay' back to her in another way...better dun lah...

yes, i'm one of them who has to pay for the dowry n si dian jin but so wat? it's cos we dun want to burden his parents who r alrd retired...they so old liao we still want to take their $$ meh? take alrd also dun feel good...

 

[jeslyn_ong]

i dun mind to give them $$ back..the way my mil say..sound is so hard care..

doll, i cant call off..i already got a 10mths girl with my bf.tats why..i feel worthless

 

[violac]

so.... if they buy you gold jewellery..you will wear is it? or are you gonna store it away 'cos nobody wears gold jewellery nowadays?

 

[gracelourdes]

now hearing u say tis abt u having a 10 mths old gal with ur bf then u start toking abt comparing urself to the value of $$ vs worthiness...

hallo....now is new era liao...not 10kg goods = ???

 

[sgbabydoll]

Jeslyn, why you so misleading one???

 

[jeslyn_ong]

its not abt gold or $$ matter..

she tell me..you Must buy the gold for yourself to keep for memory. I dont wear gold personally...

 

[gracelourdes]

yaloh, i also damn confused now...

firstly, u say not abt gold or $$ matter...then now u say u dun wear gold??

so wat u want actually ar? *scratch head*

 

[cuclainne]

if you don't wear gold, then why the insistence that she should buy it for you just because custom dictate so? you can use the money for your girl instead ..

 

[jeslyn_ong]

thanks every1 for the feedback Which I did not expect to be so great. I'm not good in words so believe i should handle my own emotion myself..thanks.

 

[jeslyn_ong]

btw, i never insist she should buy for me..im only checking..and she insist i must buy for myself.. i think i make everyone lost what i want..its ok..thanks.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Let me try to second guess at what Jeslyn has been trying to tell us. She has been ordered to buy herself three pieces of gold jewellry because her MIL said she has to. So, she is upset because:
1. She feels worthless to have to buy herself gifts that are supposed to be from the MIL traditionally; and
2. She feels trapped because she cannot call of wedding over the jewellries since she already has a 10-month old daughter.

 

[jeslyn_ong]

Doll, thanks for summarizing out. But i think I just need to sort our my own emotion will do...Thanks...

 

[gracelourdes]

but then, self-worth is not = cash value rite? or m i wrong ar?

 

[sgbabydoll]

Jeslyn, no one can help you get a grip on your emotions. So, yes, you have to manage your own emotions. Since you don't need advice, I guess, that's it. Good luck!

 

[innocentwar]

hmm..... i paid for my own dowry... so i sold and bought myself???

 

[sgbabydoll]

Why did you have to pay for your own dowry?

 

[innocentwar]

PIL no money.... so fork out myself lor...

 

[sgbabydoll]

Meanless to be buying your own dowry, right? Why cannot forgo dowry then?

 

[innocentwar]

to make my mum happy...

main thing is i dun bother about the so called tradition of who's suppose to do this and who suppose to do that... as long at the end of the day, it fits the budget and everyone happy can oredi...

 

[sgbabydoll]

Lagi more meaningless...But I hope you have bought yourself pieces to your own fancy.

 

[powderful07]

What a poor thing...having to fork out money to buy her own jewellery...





http://www.asiaone.com/News/Education/Story/A1Story20081123-102739.html

 

[two_piece]

Alot of times, all those traditions n custom things are to make the folks happy ma, so just do it and everyone gets happy loh

 

[innocentwar]

actually my mil got buy the si dian jin for me... but other than that, me and hubby fork out ourselves for everything, incl. the pin jin to my mum... i just dun tell her tat pin jin coming from my own pocket... know how to zuo ren and everybody happy can oredi...

 

[sgbabydoll]

Two Pieces, I don't believe in making everyone else happy leaving myself miserable. In the same situation, I would most probably use my persuasion skills to the max to persuade the older folks to drop the demand on me or at least to compromise.

 

[two_piece]

Oh yeh, of cos not till the stage to make myself miserable lah... My case similar to Innocent war, PIL bought some jewelry for me, but the pin jin is fr my hb n my own pocket, and didnt tell my mum abt it.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Girls, downry is "Jia Zhuang", gifts from your parents to your husband. It is not "Pin Jin" or "Bride Price". Are we talking about the same thing?

 

[two_piece]

Wait, I Jia Zhuang is supposed to be given by brides parents to the bride or groom? I think shld be the bride rite?

And ya, think TS is referring to pin jin instead of dowry ba...

 

[jinnous]

Hmmmm.....

Jia zhuang is given by the groom's parents.

Pin jin is also given by the groom's parents.

My mum gave me the jewellery on the day of the wedding, when I'm serving tea. And I wore the jewellery my MIL bought for me when I went back to my mum's place for tea-serving.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Jia Zhuang are gifts given by bride's parents to the groom and/or the newly-weds. By tradition, it usually commensurates with the value of Pin Jin. I am not saying these should be practised, merely talking about traditions and meanings behind.

 

[innocentwar]

I din had any jia zhuang at all... my family very blur about all these traditions... so my mum din prepare the jiazhuang...doesn't matter to me and hubby anyway...

 

[jinnous]

Wait, I tot jia zhuang is those items like towels, potty, bb bathtub, toothbrushes, sewing stuffs etc??? Those daily neccessities?

 

[clipperjunk]

what matters is what the bride and groom....these days tradition are worthless if they are deemed so..since your mil isn't into it, then you also need not do any traditional stuff, get the wedding over with and start living the married life....especially since you already have a child...honestly, in your state, i would just do away with the wedding, not to spite but is it even necessary?

 

[kahlen]

Jeslyn,

Traditionally she is suppose to give u 4 pieces of jewelleries or dragon pheonix bangle but maybe. But well since she doesn't want to buy it just let it be then. It's pointless getting upset over 3 pieces of gold >,< At least she will be buying 1 for u.

Jinnous
jia zhuang are the towels etc, the brides mother can buy the 4golds as jia zhuang for her daughter as well.

 

[binmao]

Hi gal, I experienced the same thing and felt really angry with my hubby, his parents and also had the impulse to call off the wedding. Thinking that why should I pressed on with the wedding when my PIL obviously didn't like me.

The devil me also let pride and ego take over and really wanted to sabotage them and their son's wedding and call it off.

Later, after loads and loads aof crying, I realised I would have sabotage myself and my happiness.

So gal, don't let impulse, anger or pride take over.

 

[saggitarian]

Precisely ... 4 pieces of non-living things makes ppl wan to call off the marriage.

it just makes me think how fragile your marriage will be......

gd that thread starter has sort out her own tots and only take it as a ranting.

 

[nutty_nutella]

si dian jin was traditionally given out/by the teochews but these days the non teochews also started wanting them. so tell me is that greed or the so called traditions?

 

[sgbabydoll]

Gifts are privileges, not entitlements.

 

[otelle]

Thats not 4pcgold tradition supposed to be. Its should be your inlaws who should be buying the 4pcgold for you. My MIL was quite nice, we actually go together to the gold shop and i choose the designs i like. I wanted to have it 4pcdiamond because i dont wear gold but she say it must be gold? So i take her words and choose a set of 4 pcs, i think it cost 4k. After the wedding, all the gold gifts are kept in the safe deposit box.. think about it, quite wasted for not wearing it.