Don't want gatecrash

[blinko]

Guess I'm kinda of 'abnormal' but I do feel that there's no need to sabo FH or his bros...

Been to quite a few wedding and when i saw the video montage, i do feel that some of grooms get quite humiliated by the jiemeis during the sabo session...

So for my AD i don't intend to have any sabo session BUT

- my good friend (who ASSUME she will sure be my jiemei) insist on doing it. She's someone who's full of ideas and can be very mean! How should i solve this problem? If don't let her be my jiemei, it's like hurting her feeling, but let her be, i'm scare she ruin my AD...

- if there's no gatecrash, any idea wat i can do? at least something for my video montage...

 

[sparkless]

Hello blinko,

you are not the only one out there that feels there is no need to sabo the groom. I also feel the same way.

you can actually tell your good friend what is your expectation and tell her how you feel. If she is your good friend, she will put your feeling as priority.

Otherwise, get a more senior person in the family to blow the whistle if the gatecrashing gets too far.

 

[blinko]

Hey Starry... is your AD over? if not, do u intend to something special to replace the gatecrash?

I've actually use my parents as an excuse to say that they are more old fashion and cannot accept those sabo thing. But that doesnt really help. As i don't intend to have alot of jiemei, she even suggest asking her sister along to help her sabo. *sigh*

Anyway i'm glad there're people out there who tink the same~~

 

[sparkless]

hello blinko,

Nope, my AD is not over yet.

Haven't thought of anything special. At the most, maybe my friends will get him to go neighbours' houses to ask them "for advice on maintaining a good marriage", get him to write on paper and countersign with witnesses. Then I frame up that piece of paper. Haha

Won't subject my bf to eat or drink weird concoction. Dun want him to sweat. Who wants to be near a sweaty groom, rite?

 

[xiaozhunic]

Hi gals,

Hmmmm...i think some sabo do get a bit off hands..but u will definitely have a chance to meet up with ur jie mei before AD...so state out all ur dos and don'ts first before letting them to plan...

Furthermore...u are able to sit in to give ur opinion...coz afterall u know him the best...if u really think tat the idea is no gd...den try finding a way to tell them tat it will not work on him...so ask them to change to something better...or u can come out with something mild to let ur jie mei buys ur idea...

Things can be work out one...in fact...last time only the cantonese will have gate crash...but as years goes by...everyone just wanna have fun on ur big day...just like wat anyone will tell u..."Once in a lifetime ma...y must sao xing.."

 

[rubberducky]

Hi Blinko,

I didn’t have a gate-crash session too – for the same reasons. I feel that there is no need for my hubby to be subjected to humiliation just to ‘prove’ his love for me on that day. If I have any doubts, I shouldn’t be marrying him right?! I also find quite a number of such sabo sessions really too much. Very often, the ‘fun’ gets out of hand – I know of a few sessions that turned sour, spoiling a part of the day for the couple.

Since this is YOUR wedding, I suggest that you speak to your good friend about what you want and expect. If she is indeed a good friend, she will definitely consider your feelings and go with your wishes. I also faced quite a bit of pressure from my best friend – she wanted things done a certain way because of HER expectations… I know it can be quite hard to disappoint or turn down the people close to us!! But no matter what, I believe that open communication still works to resolve such issues best. In my case, talking to my best friend (and bridesmaid) really helped. She wasn't completely satisfied lah, but she was understanding enough to know that this would be MY day.

So, Good luck!

 

[chubby_ting]

I tink so also Blinko. I do agree that HB shd not be subject to all this humilation.

My HB cannot take it if it gets too far one. So I would do something simple and meaningful ma.. My frens are nt those who have crazy ideas also. Mayb I suggest to get your mum to hint to all your jie meis that do not have too much of saboing on your AD. Saying that they dont like etc. So maybe that can stop friend of having some crazy ideas.

It's fun but if it gets overboard then no gd liao. I've seen some sabo thats reli jialat man.. wonder the GTB got LS ma... Haiz... mixing alot of mixture together may cause LS man. Why make ur HB suffer on that special day.. So I am also telling my jie meis wat to do n wat to avoid ma.

I am going do a simple gatecrashing for the sake of doing only.

I felt that there is no special significance.

Gd luck.

 

[blinko]

hahaha guess what suggestion my mum came up with... tell my good friend that her ba zi clash with mine on that day, so cannot be my jiemei =x
anyway i will try to communicate to her and let her know it's MY big day...

anyway i will do away with the gatecrash... now cracking my brain to tink of what to do to make the AD video more interesting... i'm actually thinking of giving my FH a surprise on the AD BUT still dunno what surprise to give lei~
i cannot sing... so this is definitely out... any suggestions?

 

[hazuki]

blinko: i had the **gatecrash** style for 5mins juz for photo taking... no funny stunts as i strictly do not wan hb to be humiliated to sweaty or tired...
juz ask some simple qns, give angpao then open door liao...

surprise on AD, hmm difficult... i rem my cousin during 2nd march in at the hotel, he stayed in the banquet hall first. then when door opened, the bride walked in, then he went on his knees at the entrance of door to offer her flowers then lead her in... nice...

female surprising males, so far i haven't have any experience. only thing i can think of is during thank you speech ba.. give him something u handmade etc.

 

[monkie]

for my gatecrash,
is to drink the sour, sweet, bitter, spicy..but all are decent food.
like sour is vinegar, sweet is honey, spicy is chill sauce and bitter is one kind of bitter tea. we never add anything extra to the food.

the next game we play is the ping pong ball game. the brothers supposed to thrown ping pong ball into a basket where my hubby is holding it. the ping pong balls had number there and for every ping pong ball drop, the number on it significant a kind of punishment. those punishment is like singing, spread butter on a bread...those very simple things.

i stress to my jie meis, dun be too extreme on gate crash..just go by motion can liao.

 

[bluebearypie]

Hi blinko,
Similarly, I did not want to have any gatecrash cos I always cringe when I see other people wear humiliating stuff and dance around. But then, my hubby wanted cos he felt it makes the event "re nao". Asking for it right?

Anyway, because my jie meis were also good friends of my hubby and the siong dis, I guess that helped it to keep it down. We had the standard sour, sweet, bitter, spicy; a wasabi muffin; groom & bestman had to bite an apple together; say "I love you" in I can't remember how many languages.

But my fav was when the jie meis asked them to serenade, someone actually started singing National Anthem! And because of that, the jie meis asked them to sing 10 National Day songs (since they are so patriotic right?), and at least one in the different languages. Imagine 8 grown men singing National Day songs... never fails to put a smile on my face.

I guess to prevent the situation from being too ugly, you could dictate to your jie meis the kind of games you want during the gatecrash?

 

[blinko]

dear all... thanks for your comment...

the standard sour, sweet, bitter and spicy stuff i think beta not. my FH have weak stomach and i dun wan him to go looking for toilet throughout our AD. Beta be safe then sorry~

As for the singing part, i ever saw frm my frend experience that they got scolded by neighbour! i abit scare also since my neighbour are indian and malay... i'm afraid they're not understanding enough...

Am i worrying too much? hahaha~ anyway partly also becos i wan my wedding to be different... so still cracking my brain on what to do~

 

[kitty_princess]

if can i also want to do away with the gatecrash thing.. no offense but to me very 'wu liao'.. When things get overboard, everyone not happy then spoils the whole thing..and i don't think it's fun to humilate the groom in front of so many people.. i always feel sorry for the grooms whenever i see them being tortured and made fun of..

 

[bluebearypie]

Meow,
If you and your bf don't want gatecrash, nobody can force you right?
Discuss and if both of you don't want, go for it!

 

[kitty_princess]

bbp, it's true nobody can force us.. i'm only afraid by that time nobody wants to listen to us.. do whatever they want..

maybe i shouldn't get any jie meis haa..then i don't need to worry haa.. anway i also don't have any ideas who to ask for my jie mei..

 

[josfoo]

for me.. i oso dun plan to hv any gate crushing..
my mama oso say our dialect do not pratice gate crushing...

i oso dun wan to c my hb being sabotouch by ppl..

 

[sleepycat_2]

me too....I am doing away with gatecrashing, i find it really bo liao. And it is true that at that stage, it is kinda late to have the groom prove how much he loves you?! My HTB is much more relaxed and less stressed when I say I dun want it!

And same with some of you gals here, I have a very enthusiatic gf who always seem to want to impose her sense of fun on others. It can get really out of hand from wat I see at other gfs' wedding. But I use the excuse of my parents and time factor (I have church wedding in late morning) to do away with it. I am also not allowing them to 'nao dong fang'.

At the end of the day, it is our day and we shd be able to say what kind of wedding we want and not what other people expect it to be...

 

[bluebearypie]

Go girls! Spend your day doing what you and your HTB want to do... it's your day.

Yeah, and definitely chase pple out if they want to "nao dong fang". One good excuse is that the families need to count the ang baos and settle the payment asap

 

[blinko]

i'm glad to know i'm not alone cos everyone around me tink gatecrash is a must...

i agree with Meow, on the AD we'll be busy with getting ready and have no control of the situation outside, and some people simply love to be kaypo to start the gatecrash and things will get out of hand.

I even tot of not getting any jiemei, but somehow rather u still need at least 1 to help u around with your gown and changing into another gown etc and your belonging... so have to find 1 trust worthy one i guess...

 

[joenbby]

blinko,

dun worry about what people think..it's ur wedding..you're the boss...if your jiemei are tru frens they'll listen to u and respect what u want...it's ridiculous for them to stick to what they want to do and ignore your feelings...

i'm not having gatecrash as well. hubby not even coming to my place to pick me...we'll meet straight at church so there's no chance for sabotaging...

good luck!

 

[jacqueline_han]

Hi Gals,

my HTB oso hate gatecrash. But without it i feel is lit very plain. Meaning is nt a need to have jiemeis liao rite? Can teach me ways to feel is fun when HTB cum and fetch me?

Tks

 

[blinko]

hi jac... i'm also tinking of a fun way when my HTB come fetch me lei... cos if not, the video will be quite boring... i'm still cracking my brain on tis...
Btw, no gatecrash doesn't mean no jiemeis... to me i feel tat jiemeis is to help me on my big day like take care of my gowns etc, my hp and help me with some coordination... therefore i think u'll still need a few jiemeis...

 

[ongfion]

Hi gals,

I'm also in the same delimma.. my hubby to be do not like the idea of gate crash because he don't think he should be acting like a fool in front of my friends which i do agree he should not be. But i thought it will be pretty boring for the video.. Later i discover that his perception of gate crash involves all those silly acts grooms usually do. Perhaps that's why some grooms hates gate crash..
hi blinko, I am also thinking of fun but not silly ideas for the fetching..
On the jie mei part... i probably will just settle with 2 jie meis who are there to help me with the gowns and remember to bring things which i need when leaving the place..

 

[blinko]

hi fifi... tot of any fun plans yet?
so when is ur AD?

 

[ongfion]

Hi Blinko,

Mine is on 21 Jun 08.. you leh?

I'm just pondering the idea if wanna ask my HTB to pump lot's of balloons and tie each with string to make a bunch and give to me when he comes into the house.. i like the thought of letting go balloons in the open area and it should be quite nice to take photo with it.. haha! Maybe you can think something which you like and ask your hubby to do for you..

Will think of more ideas along the way and we can exchange notes..

 

[blinko]

Hi Fifi,

mine is on 16th Jan 09 (still a long way to go) Haha~!

hey yours is a good idea... tink of things i like and ask my hubby to do it... i shall go crack my brain... Hahaha~

 

[monkie]

how about getting hubby to write 10 things he love about you?
10 commandments etc?
or ask him sing u a lobe song?
i dun think these make him look like a fool.

 

[blinko]

hahahaha i did tot before... but he paisay... say his singing not good plus wait all my neighbour get to hear... hahaha~

maybe shld give him an "assignment" and he shall "hand in" on the big day and whether to open the door anot depends on his result... =x

 

[berie]

my FH don't want to do gatecrash as well ..

but will it be "boring" if there is no gate crashing?

AD VG is required even if there is no gatecrashing? Seems like nothin much to video.

 

[blinko]

i'm so pissed off by my colleagues when i told them i'm not gonna have any gate crash.
they say why am i so 'cheapo' and let the groom come in so easily!!! they say might as well i wait downstair since it seem like i cant wait to get marry!!!!

 

[bluebearypie]

Hi blinko,
Don't you just hate people like that? Totally insensitive. I bet some relatives will think that way, but who cares? Most important is that both of you are happy.
Mine was inclusive of a church wedding, so I actually thought of just meeting him at the church. Is that an example of can't wait to get married?
Tell them "yah, I want to help open the groom's car door too, then I can get the ang bao money." See what they say to that

Hi berie,
I don't think AD VG is a necessity. I didn't have one even though I eventually had a gate crash.

 

[blinko]

continue with my nagging...

tat colleague who comment on me being cheapo continue telling me during her wedding (yearssss ago), her husband even have to go under her bro pant just because she as a younger sis got married before her bro...

it will be such an insult if my husband were to go through things like tat!!!

bbp... u so funny! i like the idea of telling them i wan to open groom car door & earn AP!!!

 

[supergal]

blinko, just ignore this kind of pple..if she continues to blabber on how she used to do things during her AD many many many years ago, just tell her that you won't want to play such childish games that totally doesn't show respect for your other half..

 

[baby_eng]

I can read from this thread that I'm not the only bride who doesn't want a gatecrash on my wedding day. Can you gals believe it? My fiance actually wants it because he thinks it'll be fun to watch on the video. I told him no. I want him to see first me first in church. We have a church wedding in the morning. What's the point of me walking down the aisle if he's already seen me earlier?

 

[monkie]

how can say "cheepo"? those colelagues so insensitive.
my gatecrash is just to play some games to "entertain" the brothers, i dun want to make them tired either... those games even kids can play. my idea of gatecrash is not to sabo them, but its really for the sake of fun..kind of ice-breaking for the day.

anyway, my SIL also not having gatecrash because they already staying together and they are thinking of not fetching the bride but the couple go hotel straigh away from their house..i think..this is a good idea also.

wedding is special..no one wedding can be exactly ..dun compare!

 

[jolinr]

HI,

when i announced to my best friends that i won't be having gate crashing for my wedding on next year during our dinner last week, one also commented that how come i am so "easy", so eager to marry off? I was like, huh? I am actually married (ROM) and staying with hubby already. The chinese customary is jus a "reply action" to the request of our parents and "society".

No gate crashing = cheap, easy, eager to marry off?

 

[lottestarz]

think gatecrashing is just a matter of preferences... no right or wrong

if really people think they are following traditions then i'd say that modern weddings and marriages nowadays have missed out lots of traditions already.

not mothers, aunties, grandma can knw... coz thousands of years of history all cut short until today.

 

[coffeekohi]

Mine is also a church wedding, and our plan is for my FH to meet me at the church, that is he wnt see me till i enter the sanctuary. That will be the first time he see me fully dress..haha.


how many helper do you think i need?

For those having church wedding, how many bridesmaid you have? I have trouble deciding between 2 cousins......

 

[coffeekohi]

i feel it is simply childish and superficial for a person to say no gatecrashing = eager to marry off....

 

[ene]

This is an interesting thread. I agree to a certain extent that the gatecrashing bits do add to the "qi fen" of a wedding but I don't see the point in silly games like making the groom and brothers wear underwear over their pants and dance around. What is the significance of that?!?!

I am going to keep it simple as well and also, I know that the jie meis I'm getting are not the over-the-top type. In fact, I don't even need them to do the sweet-sour-bitter-spicy thing. It's so done-to-death.

Of course, I won't just let them in lah. Have to also let the jie-meis earn some angpao money. Hehe. But I will tell them WHAT to make the groom do. And I know it will not involve anything physically draining cos my fiance perspires v easily. Imagine him in a suit, in the hot sun melting away. Hehe.

 

[piupiugoh]

I don't want the gatecrashing either though my supposedly gd friends say I'm (or we'r) very weird/old-fashioned coz we don't behave like "young people" who likes gate-crashing because it's so fun and you can go wild and crazy...but the IMPT thing is I don't like it. then think again..whoever said that we must have this-and-that in a particular wedding...We decided! if he/she says I'm weird..why not think that I'm special??haaaa...I won't do something that I don't like for someone who doesn't care abt my feelings..
I think they are weird, it's my wedding..who are they to comment..so strange..hmm...

 

[piupiugoh]

if people like gate-crashing, then they can do whatever they like..since they are the ones who are getting married, I will respect them.

Some just play for the sake of entertaining others, then in the end everyone else is happy except for the bride and groom..I don't think it's very right.

 

[piupiugoh]

anyway...just side-track abit..
does anyone, by anychance, knows where can I buy a cravat??

I think some shop at Suntec has it rite?? I forgot the namee...

 

[jadeite]

not having gatecrashing! think it's silly... and anyway i don't see what's wrong with people saying "can't wait to get married is it?"

of course i can't wait to get married!! i'm very happy to finally be able to walk down the aisle with my FH.. haha!

 

[dankell]

I think its depending on how its done bah. I dun encourage the extreme. But I would like playing some guessing games (eg riddles or answering some how much you know the bride Q) before letting the groom enter. Lol. No stupid tekkan actions.

 

[peaberry]

I don't fancy the idea of gatecrashing too, always found it extremely silly and frankly it doesn't make for very flattering photos or videos... Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels the same way!

Am a bit bothered by some of the threads I've read about jie meis though... I read somewhere that the bride will be regarded as a loner if she turns up at the groom's residence without an entourage of bridesmaids. And as mentioned by some of the previous posters, some regard lack of gatecrashing as the brides' parents marrying her off too easily...

This is quite upsetting to read as I'm doing without bridesmaids, simply because my three best female friends are all butches and are they supposed to show up in suits? It's not that I mind their appearance, and neither do they, but I don't want my good friends working on my wedding when I want to play host to them! :/

 

[justzinc]

I've an interesting article at http://woyaojiehunle.blogspot.com/2008/11/welcome-groom.html on some of the interesting and fun things to do at gate-crash !! Don't humiliate your husband and his brothers with bras and red underwears !! YUCKS !!

 

[hyqc]

haha you're not alone... i don't like the idea of gatecrashing either! if i give the guys something really yucky to eat, what if they kena diarrhoea or something? on your AD, that's the last thing u want - a sick groom. I would rather have him be able to sleep in so that he'll be refreshed.

 

[kidnomore]

hahaa.. so glad to see this thread, coz i'm all for "NO GATECRASH!". i dun see any point in making the groom & xiong di drink or eat anything funny, or worse, make them wear undies and do frog jump.. -_-"

now, aren't our future husband lucky! heh heh

 

[edazz]

Really enjoying this thread! i cringe at all the humilating games when i see them on those videos! Am thinking of more meaningful things..any ideas?