Don't know what to do

[happy_daze_ahead]

DJ:

I'm so sorry to hear all this... Sometimes its common for the relationship to stagnate, especially when you get used to a routine. Married life seems to be all about adjusting from being two single people to a single two-person entity. There will always be conflicting emotions, thoughts and feelings on any issue.

If I may say, you must try to relive the romance a bit. There was a reason why you and your husband fell in love and remind each other of that reason! Like the others have mentioned, don't take things for granted and don't let him take things for granted either. It will take work on both sides, a little love note here, a warm hug and/or kiss there to make the relationship a fufilling one for both of you.

I totally understand that your husband may be very caught up in his work and being the provider, but what good is that if he is not providing you happiness? I'm not saying you should look to Mr Cat-eyes for attention, but let your husband know that you desire him and his attention, and if you really have to, let him know that there are other guys who know you are attractive too. Jealousy is not a nice card to play but it can be useful in reminding us that we care and want our partner's affections.

Communication and trust are very important to any relationship, and even more so in a marriage. You are both committed to this, so go the next step and really open up. Don't let the relationship be a mundane, common kind of thing; its YOUR marriage, HIS marriage, and you both love and feel and care for each other... a marriage is a celebration of that love, remember why that is so, and then remind him why he loves you.

I really wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart

 

[lovingyou]

Oh.. I am sure that you went through a lot alot.. Kanbatei Doll!!

 

[sgbabydoll]

Mmmm, I don't see myself as having gone through a lot; just taking things in stride when they come.

 

[djected]

received a flower today from mr. cat as a prank, pretending to be another secret admirer.

really don't know what is going on...does he even know what he's doing? do i know what i'm doing?

i'd be in denial if i didn't recognize that we are both attracted to each other. i can sense his hesitation in our conversations, he's always saying "but you're married" etc.

anyway, we're not going to start anything. have you guys ever wondered whether your other half is indeed your soulmate?

i married mr. practical and i'm ms. whimsical, and often we clash. now that i meet mr. whimsical, sometimes i wonder...what if?

 

[infojunkie]

be careful.
mr whimsical could be a wolf in sheep's clothing...

 

[sgbabydoll]

DJ, you may be subtly giving the vibes that you are not happy in the marriage.....some men are able to tell and make a quick move on you. I am speaking of experience.

 

[lovingyou]

I agree with Doll.. moroever, DJ: a little sign can mean a lot to the other party if the other party is keen to pursue you.. I guess it is better to keep status quo clear.. else, friendship might even be lost due to misunderstandings..

 

[sgbabydoll]

Was it a bouquet of flowers or one stalk of flower?

 

[sgbabydoll]

Agree with Little Woman, never, ever shit at the place that you eat no matter how urgently you need to shit. Your professionalism is far more important than such attention.

DJ, just pretend that you catch no ball.

 

[infojunkie]

DJ, read this thread: http://www.singaporebrides.com/forumboard/messages/5/1160050.html?1250514681

 

[cheng_tngz]

Hey DJ, don't do anything you'll regret! Marriage is for a lifetime

 

[cheng_tngz]

You may feel attracted to Mr. Cat but stop it there.

 

[lovingyou]

Doll: no differences made be it one stalk or one bouquet, attractions can make one blind towards a lot of things.. keke..

I like the way you put it and I agree too, esp it might cause some embarressment to the working relationship.

DJ: it is okay to feel attracted to someone else, so long it is not fatal... To prevent yourself from falling deeper, it might be wise to pull out/back off.

 

[djected]

I've Been transferred to another dept, so I won't see mr whimsical cat again.

Sigh. Better stop and not start. So much for soul mates!

 

[lovingyou]

It might be a blessing in diguise DJ.. and it is true that fires is dangerous, better don't play with it.

 

[djected]

Read the post from lovingher...very sad. Can imagine my husband feeling that way.

I'm just really tired.. With the hb, it's always all serious and agitated...like if I didn't prepare his breakfast or put his socks by the door, he'll get agitated and spend the rest of the day irritated and speaking to me harshly. He thinks it's my fault for forgetting and I should never forget.

Mr cat, well, he's definitely just flirt material, but just the premise of what's associated with him...fun, laughter...knowing smiles and glances across the hall...

You know how sometimes you feel a connection with someone? Something deep...that I didn't even feel with the hb in the start. It just makes me wonder if I made a wrong decision to marry. Coz all along, I knew we were very different people. We think differently, want different things. Just been together for too long, so we got married....at a very young age too.

Think the hb has noticed my distance...I must really forget mr cat..but it's hard, I keep wondering if he's true...if he meant anything at all...

 

[lovingyou]

DJ: your HB will feel it, this is for definite, he might not have said it openly but he can sense it somehow or rather... You feel connected coz the guy is after you and who wun feel this way at the starting of "something"? Deep inside, you know who is the one you can depend on and who loves you the most... Don't do something jus coz of a fresh and new feeling..

 

[infojunkie]

DJ,

is mr cat so gd to be true? i certainly dun think so...

there r 2 reasons that makes this whole thing so enticing...

1. u're hving issues connecting to ur husband.
2. it's tempting forbidden fruit...

rite, mr cat's charming and he makes u happy. BUT, this is just one side of him u r seeing... what abt his UNSEEN flaws?
the truth is, mr cat is Vronsky and i dun mean ur husband is Mr Karenin... ur husband is probably as charming as mr cat to other women who dun know him intimately like u do... well, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence

so if u r serious abt guarding ur marriage, let ur husband know abt this "affair", let him hold u accountable for it, and let urself hold him accountable for it... it will help u guys get ur focus back on ur marriage, and help u guard ur heart.

work together wif ur husband to fight this urge... if u r counting on ur own sense of propriety to try to make ur way out of this maze, there will be a higher chance of u getting lost and fallen into the trap...

 

[lovingyou]

Agree, but will knowing makes her HB getting into more fits and being angrier? Not sure if the HB might take it in the wrong way?

 

[infojunkie]

nothing really happened rite? not asking her to come clean wif her husband... just that her husband needs to know what's going thru her mind lately... this might serve to wake him up a bit...

 

[lovingyou]

True but she has to talk to her HB in a tactful manner, dun be too emotional ya.

 

[djected]

Had a terrible dream last night. Dreamt that my husband had a physical affair with his colleague. Our subconscious is funny like that, isn't it?

Woke up, heart beating very fast, kicking and punching because I was so mad. Then I felt vulnerable cox it all seemed so real. My hb got angry with me, saying that he did no wrong and insisted that I apologize and give him tlc.

All I wanted was a hug and for him to tell me that it was a nightmare and that it wasn't true. Instead, he's now angry with me and I have to adore and caress him.

This is what happens when mr practical meets ms whimsical, and both are stubborn in their ways.

I know I have to say goodbye to mr cat. But well..seems like I'm resigned to being stuck in this dead relationship.

 

[ariesta]

haha... i had that dream once b4 too. totally understand how u felt then... how did you tell your hb regarding the dream? i tried to ignore the dream wo telling my hb first... but it was too upsetting and painful.. such tat at nite when he picked mi up after work, i punched him and burst out in tears...like tat he had to comfort mi....
sometimes, its not abt practical vs whimsical...its abt how we bring across the idea... e.g if u woke up in anger, kicking and punching him while he was sleeping. tink for him its veri irritating and not practical... its a bloody dream in his mind...
however, if you tink abt it... its a dream reflecting our insecurities. telling him abt ur insecurities, but not confronting him. he will understand and will comfort you. but if u confront him, he will be defensive and its a case of mars crashing into earth incident.

 

[miloice]

what is tlc?

 

[infojunkie]

tender loving care...

 

[miloice]

haha... i was thinking some erotic sex act or something of that sort.

 

[infojunkie]

DJ,

brace urself for the weather ahead... it's a winter of discontent for u...

 

[sgbabydoll]

DJ

You simply have a lot of discontentment in you. There are adjustments to be made within yourself and your husband, I believe.

But to be fair to your husband, if I were being kicked and punched at in the middle of my sleep, I would be very mad too. Anyway, if you want some soothing words or a hug, can ask nicely mah but whatever it is, it has to suit your husband's timing also.

 

[lovingyou]

DJ: You seems to be rather unhappy in your current marriage, which I personally think that it isn't healthy. You seems to be doing some comparsions, which in fact I think it is not practical and real as well. At times, it is better to leave fantasy as it is and you shld try not to let your mind wander further off to a fantasy island. Your HB didn't given you tlc as wat you hope to have but again, I am sure he mus have love you in some other ways? I used to / am still having dreams at times that my HB and I broke off, he fallen in love with another party etc, I dun tell him on the same night, instead, I choose to reveal it to him the next day, when I am more alert, I guess noone likes to be realli disturbed at the night, esp with your kicking and punching, it might have worries him as well?

 

[sgbabydoll]

Little Woman, how come dream about breaking up with husband?

 

[lovingyou]

Haha.. I dunno.. I guess perhaps subconsciously, I fear for that to happen? Perhaps insecurity as well?

 

[simpleman]

If I interpret DJ dream.. it could be that she is fearing that she is the one having an affair .. but somehow she translated it to her HB having an affair in the dream.. and woke up kicking..

She should be doing self-reflection instead ...

Ha ha just my interpretation..

 

[sgbabydoll]

I hardly dream as there already isn't much time for sleep in the first place hehe

Little Woman, as long as we are in a relationship, we need to accept that there is a chance it may not work. If we can't accept that, then it's better not to be in a relationship at all.

 

[lovingyou]

haha.. Doll, why not much time for sleep?

That I agree, thus, I always used "we hope" and not "we confirm" now.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Little Woman, there are always things to be done at night. Anyway, I ain't complaining about dreaming little during sleep haha

 

[lovingyou]

That is of course.. Having dreams always makes one more tired..

 

[sgbabydoll]

Maybe I am too tired to dream? Not a bad thing. I am also a deep sleeper.

 

[miloice]

Actually, we do dream when in deep sleep but mostly, we cannot remember them.

For me, I remember the erotic dreams.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Milo, the case being that, guess you don't need your dosage of porn haha