Does He Really Care??

sgbabydoll

Active Member
"But on the other hand, if there is a quarrel, woman also expect the man to give in.. in this instance to swallow his pride and look high & low for her. If he did not do that.. then he don't love her. It is this kind of expectation. And if the guy cannot meet this type of expectation, that do they do? Do they break-up or continue to expect and be frustrated."

SM, SK's bf had purposely lose her at MBK, so this "to swallow his pride and look high & low for her" does not apply.

Like I had suspected, this BKK disappearance was not an isolated case of being not caring. Look at his behaviour even on a normal day, it's pretty obvious what kind of person he is and bf he makes.
 


maerceci

New Member
I think your relationship is still unstable. I believe a relationship will reach a stage when the couple will try to synchronize with each other in terms of habits, values and etc. You should resolved your problems with him first. If both of you can understand each other's thinking, adjust and compromise, your relationship should be stable. Otherwise, you should consider if you can accept the way he treats you now. He probably won't change after ROM.
 

vios

New Member
hi SK39

you can't keep giving in, like a record goes round and round and round...

getting indulged in the roles as a nanny, a saleperson, a part-time maid and an errand-runner ain't gonna lead to Appreciation on his part - given his sort of character.

it seems to me that you are too busy taking care of the various aspects in his life but you are losing sight of the relationship, at least that's what i'm seeing.
 

simpleman

Active Member
Doll,

How would we know his behaviour on a normal day with the initial post?

As for "to swallow his pride and look high & low for her"

I am talking about the expectation. The gf was definitely expecting bf to look for her.. or at least told her he was looking for her. Not looking for her = not caring and loving her enough.

What I was saying, looking at the incident in Bangkok alone, we cannot say for sure.

Anyway, the line is for her to draw herself. Different people has different threshold. Some girls will complain and complain but still stick to the same guy..

Obviously my opinion is quite useless for her. But if I am her, I would firstly reflect on myself first. And after that, communicate that expectation. If there is no common ground then obviously, it will be problematic in the future.
 

sk39

New Member
Irene, can you tell me more about this marriage preparation course? I have heard about it but have always thought it is mostly conducted by church for Christians?

Am grateful so many forumers take the time to analyze and give their opinions. Makes me see things from various perspective.
 

babystorm

Member
Milo, that's a sweet gesture! Are you saying that you will kiss and hug your wife in a midst of a conflict? I'm quite sure that will appease her.
happy.gif


My bf says he will kiss me if I quarrel with him. I told him depends what he does to upset me lor. But it's not successful everytime lah. He tells me I'm like a 'baby'.

I think most girls are like that. If their bfs try to pacify them
despite both feeling pissed, their hearts will melt. I'm one of them. Not sure about the other forumers.

Errr I can smell gunpowder.. Chill lah guys.
happy.gif
Everyone has their own opinions, based on many many factors!
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Miyako, yes. I do that probably when I still have the sanity to. And each time, I'm glad I did so.

But I'm also human, there are times, its really too much and I'm too pissed. I would just tell her I'm too mad or emotion to talk normally and wonder off till I have completely cool off. If she is to talk to me at that moment, probably, the next thing, she would be in tears and me regretting for losing it.

There have been a few times that I'm under too much emotional stress to take it. Literally in tears, I just cry and tell her it isn't the time. I have no energy to pamper her in anyway. I need time out and alone. I know she is mad but I cannot take it too. This only happened a few times... that's why roles are swapped. I needed her understanding and support emotionally.
 

vios

New Member
sm/milo, i solely agree on the specific in her expectation - that she expects the bf to know her well enough, such that he would also look for her - when she should know that he wouldn't, given his profile.

so SK39, there are a few areas to explore.... on top of my previous post.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
SM, with the initial post we could only assume it was an isolated incident. But as the discussion evolves we now know what kind of bf he is.

Can't expect an uncaring person to become caring overnight, or a super caring person to "loosen the grip" a little. Not a matter of right or wrong but it's part of the personality of the person, and we have to ask ourselves if we can accept each other that way.

For example, my ex-bf was super caring type and I actually couldn't tahan. When I fell sick he visited me at home after knocking off. There were a few times I had to do OT he actually dropped by my office after knocking off, to spend 10-15 minutes with me as he missed me and assumed that I missed him too.

But this wasn't the kind of care I wanted. When I am sick I want to be left alone to sleep and recuperate. An SMS or phone call to express concern would suffice. When I do OT I just want to be left alone to finish my work ASAP. No time to feel lovey dovey; maybe a phone call after I knock off would make my day.

No doubt a woman instinctively looks for a man who cares, different women need/want different degree of care.
 

thommy

New Member
sk39, if u cannot accept him for what he is, I think u shld seriously relook into ur relationship. he's not likely to change his character if all along he has been like that. And it doesn't help that u are the sensitive type as well, its like pitting an egg vs a rock.

basically the way I look at it, he's taking u for granted. free labour, who don't want? u are really spoiling him girl.
 

babystorm

Member
Milo, I understand. I think my bf feels that way at times. When he is really pissed, I would try to stop talking. Sometimes he would also initiate like you to cool off first. However, I don't know if it's in a lady as I cannot bear him not wanting to continue talking. So I just continue until he bth lor. I'm impatient generally, wanting to get answers or solutions on the spot.

We are still trying to work around the sore spots of the rs. I'm hoping the rs will get better each day.
happy.gif
 

verluv

Member
Hi SK39,

You should start reading Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars.

I realise something very interesting.. if you have read the book, you will realise why men and women analyse this issue differently.

After you have read the book, pass it to your HTB to read and it will definately bring you to another level of your relationship....

BTW, i am not advertising this book...
 

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