Do you give money to parents in laws?

[galileo_girl]

My pil are the mercenary type, one of my bil gave pil more money and they concluded that his wife is very filial to old people, every now and then sang praises of her in we dil presence, triggering jealousy feelings. But in actual fact insinuating to us dils we are no good.

 

[kittenpie]

why do you care?

is this important?

you may keep on saying that you are just ranting.

it reflects that you actually do care.

 

[kittenpie]

aim to care less everyday.

until one day you wont even be bothered to talk about it anymore.

 

[cuclainne]

that didn't answer my question ...

 

[leibit]

I used to give my ex-MIL $300, including looking after the bb. I paid for utilities of our house. My ex-hb also gave her money. In the end, what happened? Ex-hb complained and whined that I didn't contribute enough to his parents. I gathered that if your hb is a wise man, he would know how to deal with finances relating to his parents and you.

Better, if you stay not with in-laws. One of your in-laws may be good, and the other might not be. In the end, it's still not a good situation to be caught in between.

 

[wat_are_dreamz]

hmm, i think of it in a simpler way. i give my parents allowance. my bf gives his parents allowance. after marriage, we will take funds from our joint a/c. there is no need to calculate the amt given to parents.

we probably plan to stay w his parents for a few mths to take care of them n build a stronger bond. i do know it wont be easy but i am willing to put in the effort n sincerity. during tat time, i trust tat my bf will give them more allowance as a filial gesture. chances are i will do my own laundry, but not sure on tat point at the moment.

when we do get our own place, my bf will c if he can c sustain the increased allowance or revert back to the original amt. wateva it is, he will handle his family n i will handle mine.

 

[little_ms_naughty]

no.. i don't give my MIL..

Both HB & myself give only to our own parents, because we don't really earn alot & we're saving up for our new flat.

But every month, HB gives my mom $50 jiak kueh money, (for her to buy whatever she wants) & as & when he remembers anything that needs replenishments..

He does not give my dad anything, but he bought him an iphone for Father's Day, (my dad's phone ko yak already) & dad was on cloud 9 for a week!

I also buys his mum little somethings as & when i see something she likes..

So, there is no need for you to worry about giving inlaws $$ after marriage..

If there is a need, sit your hb down & discuss this issue, to avoid any uncalled for dispute in due course.

All the best!

 

[audkit]

Hello! I'm quite new here. My first post, I was wondering about the same problem. I wish to give my mil som money as we'll be staying with her but I don't wish to ask her to wash my clothes for me! But as she is a housewife and washes clothes everyday and I'm working full time and can only afford to wash once per week? How to hide my dirty clothes from her?!

 

[cuclainne]

Just tell her nicely that while you appreciate the kind gesture, you don't want her to tax herself doing your laundry too and that you can take care of it on weekend. but if she insist, then let her be la.

I work full-time too and by the weekend, i have to do at least 7 rounds of laundry to take care of husband's and children's clothes too. Sometimes my mom comes over and also 'meddle' around .. this week, i had her come over for a few hours to let the maintenance guys in and she ended up doing my laundry, even though she didn't have to!

 

[wat_are_dreamz]

Audrey: U mentioned in another post tat u are ready to settle down but ur bf is not ready yet cos he is having a career change? Doesnt sound congruent w ur post here.

About the $ part, u shd discuss it w ur bf. Clothes-wise, u can always buy a laundry basket n put ur clothes in till the wkend when u have time to wash them.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Cuc, I think you need a bigger washing machine!

 

[cuclainne]

doll, i think people in the house should be using less clothes!! lol .. imagine kids using 1 towel, 2 changes of clothes, 1 uniform each in school Mon - Fri. at home, they use a different pyjama each night. That's not including my clothes or the husband's. Since i wash once a week, it works out to a lot of clothes plus my husband is fussy with whites being washed separately from colours - must check the temperature, etc so that's why must do many rounds. Lol.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Cuc, maybe it will make more sense to outsource your laundry?

 

[cuclainne]

doll, perhaps but the husband frowns if i outsource too much.

 

[powder]

cucl, 7 rounds in 1 day sounds tough on the machine... better to spread out over 7days dun u think? n if u happen to be tired that day... Wah! just thinking of the backlog is daunting...

 

[cuclainne]

powder, yes i suffered back pain from doing laundry ... lol .. no choice, i hang my clothes outdoors so they will dry only during the day. if i leave them overnight, they get damp from the moisture. since i work full time, i can really only do laundry on the weekends because by the time we come back from work, have other things to settle. so saturday, i spend a few hours doing laundry and sunday i fold them. such is my life! yah, i can only pray for no rain on weekends otherwise .... faint la!

 

[sgbabydoll]

You need a powerful dryer.

 

[powder]

sounds tough... i'll opt for a dryer anytime... lifespan of clothes may be shorter, but then it's a good excuse to change wardrobe... hehe

 

[cuclainne]

will the dryer withstand the outdoor elements? even my washing machine is outside ..

 

[powder]

yeah why not? if the washing machine can... no reason the dryer cannot... no harm checking at best denki or harvey norman.

the dryer is good for other purposes like wet shoes and stuff... i've been on dryers for 2 decades cos last time HDB, mum grew older n weaker... didn't wanna take chances with her having to use gala poles, or for neighbours throwing things down... so the dryer was like - an impt equipment for us.

 

[sgbabydoll]

No flash floods at your area?

 

[cuclainne]

powder, thanks for the suggestion - will look into it

heard it's high energy consumption though ..

doll, so far no - thank goodness. but when it rains, it really pours! that's why my washing machine is on a platform, not directly on the floor.

 

[powder]

high energy consumption - i dun think so leh... dun rem it hurting our energy bills, tat was when i was on 1.5k/mth many years back... well i didn't get to choose cos back then, my dryer was given to our family by a nice expatriate family heading back home. have been on dryers since... my bills hasn't been notably high tho i can't pinpoint the dryer's consumption.

 

[watching]

They ought to make washing machine and dryer in one. Save space !

 

[powder]

oh yes they do have

 

[watching]

O, googled it and indeed they do have those washer dryers. Likewise, it would save a lot of space if kitchen appliances function as all-in-one too, like the microwave oven, wish it could steam and deep fry as well.

 

[maple_egreen]

Its very true that whatever amount we give to PILs or even our own parents now, its very hard to lessen the amount or withdraw next time should there be one day we are financially tight. No matter how understanding they are, will still feel something if we lessen or stop giving, just like our pay, we dont expect cuts but only increments.

So maybe 1 win-win solution is dont give PILs allowance but take over certain bills instead?

By paying some bills for them, it frees up some money which they can spend on themselves or save thats equal allowance in a indirect way too. Also the gesture to take over bills will show PILs that you are aware of your moving in will add to their livelihood expenses and you care to share the burden, not simply offloading on them. And another good point is since not giving allowance directly, no worries about lessening or stopping next time. And should one day you have your own house etc, you simply continue paying for your own house's bills, marketing etc which is only right of you.