Do you girls' bf go on holidays without you?

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by missylia, Nov 5, 2018.

  1. missylia

    missylia New Member

    Do you girls' bf go on holidays without you?
    Mine does - multiple times, and I m i n d. I honestly do mind.
    I don't understand why would one want to go overseas on their own - no offense to solo travellers.

    I know some of you would be wondering who is he going with / is he going alone. He say alone, but I can only take his words for what it is, as there is absolutely no way I would or can know if he indeed is going alone, or if there is anyone else. :/

    The next question is if he have ask me along to go for holidays. the answer is yes. but circumstances are such that he goes on holidays on impulse, like next day or next week - granted that this is mainly due to his job nature. but this is too short a notice for me to take leave and go on holidays. and i honestly feel that it is quite unreasonable, irrational and impulse of him. i can't just take leave and go, unlike him.

    We did travel together, but honestly it is all on impulse. like next day is the weekend / public holiday then we go. and i don't really like that it is impulse. want to plan ahead, but job natures is such that it is quite hard to do so.

    Help pls - I honestly don't know if I am posting this to end this relationship, like this is a deal breaker, to confirm how not good of a guy he is (dump him) or to validate that couples travel together (where got bf/gf travel solo one).

  2. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    given that it seems he really does have a habit of going on short trips (whether on impulse or business) what you just wrote is sheer paranoia and insecurity.

    You ask if this is a deal breaker. You also seem to want assurances from other girls if this is normal.

    The second is the wrong question. Whether something is a deal breaker is personal to you. Even if 99% of girls also ok with say X, it doesnt mean you have to be ok too.

    I'm a guy and before I was married I did go on business trips alone. Sure I would have loved for my then gf to go with me (and she did for some) but it just wasn't possible all the time.

    Admittedly I dont have your bf habit of going on impulse but then again I dont do business

    Still, as a guy if my gf at the time acted like you I would be upset she didnt trust me. In fact, I had to go to 2 trips to Australia just before I got married. My wife told me after we married she secretly shed tears because she missed me but she was reasonable enough to know I had to go for work and she couldn't join because she needed save leave for the honeymoon.

    I suspect for you this is going to be a big issue. Have you discussed this before? Chances are he isnt going to change even after marriage. Are you able to accept that?

    If not you better reconsider.

    btw how old are the both of you? how long dating?
  3. arsenal_84

    arsenal_84 Member

    i travel solo sometimes but probably not on an impulse manner due to flight tickets and hotel bookings being more expensive last min.

    well there are some nearby countries that you should probably be cautious about.
  4. mark78

    mark78 Active Member

    I travelled alone for ski trips, overseas backpacking during a rs and also after I got married.

    If you feel so insecure. Then it’s better for you to rethink about your rs.
    miloice and newproject like this.
  5. coldjade

    coldjade Member

    I love travelling solo and my BF does not. He doesn't have many friends and tags along wherever I go. And I took some time to get used to that because I really enjoyed the freedom of travelling solo or just being single. There are also times where I ask my BF if he needs Me-Time, but he doesn't. I do though. So I just tell him honestly I wanna go Gaigai on my own. And he is okay with it too. Sometimes we go on our own ways (different hobbies) then meet up for meals etc.

    So there really is no right or wrong. I'm guessing you and your bf, unfortunately, don't click? What do you like in him? My BF did say that he likes it that I'm independent unlike other women. So to him it's an attractive point, but to you it's a deal breaker. It's really up to personality.
    mark78 likes this.
  6. missylia

    missylia New Member

    Thanks for the reply. Like to correct that he don't travel for business - it is purely for leisure. Yes I know you are right - I'm somewhat feeling paranoid and boil down to insecurity and trust. But like to clarify that when he go on holiday trips, he just goes. No mention of even the dates or where he is going one.. I don't need to know all the details, but at least the basic - like how long and where. I honestly come from the point of view that I worry and am concern of his whereabouts. There was incident before that he went on holiday without informing me - I got to find out that he is overseas only from his friend & incident where he went and came back already - I only know when he came back and maybe accidentally told me of his trip. :/

    I know we are not married yet, and maybe he have the freedom to roam around... But yes you're right, when it comes to marriage, I honestly don't know how when he do stay this way.

    3 years dating, going on 30.
  7. missylia

    missylia New Member

    Thanks for the reply. I presume that so far the rest who have replied seems to be from guy standpoint and you're from the girl standpoint.
    Hoping to hear from girls whose bf travel solo. But is not that I don't wanna travel with him - I really want to. But his impulsive holiday trips (go in less than 3 days' time) make it hard for me to follow suit. I can't just yolo and dump responsibilities and reality (like even taking leave).
  8. coldjade

    coldjade Member

    Have you like, sit down with him and talk about it?
  9. miloice

    miloice Well-Known Member

    How old are you?

    Your comment about job nature conflict with the ability to plan trips. So, you are contradicting yourself. You can choose your job and partner. Both have its options and consequences.
    To dump a guy because he does not do trips with you. Really? Not that he didn't ask you along. But because you cannot take leave. Personally, I prefer spontaneous trips, its just not so practical. For family and work commitments. What is more impt is understand why is he doing all these trips? Is it his passion to travel? Does he go for mission trips, bag packing, cycling or marathon trips? or serial impulsive traveler that grab any deals for discount tickets, You need to understand his motivation to make any rationale decision here.
    newproject likes this.
  10. miloice

    miloice Well-Known Member

    Hi, it is not unreasonable to be unhappy about his disappearance without notice. I recall my first adhoc trip because of biz opportunity ended with a very upset partner that I needed to talk over IDD for more than 30 minutes. You guys need to talk things out. He needs to understand how his actions are making you feel. At the end of the day, maybe he isn't suited to be a in a committed relationship. Rather, a companion, that is able to give him the freedom for his lifestyle. In that case, he isn't even suited to be a father as well. Questions that you need to talk about face to face.
  11. newproject

    newproject Active Member

  12. buddhabar

    buddhabar Active Member

    It seems.this is his nature, thus is not about to change now or future..if you love him accept it. If you very sure you cant live with it then please end the relationship. You should only be with someone you can accept wholeheartedly. It is pointless and stupid to be with someone hoping and trying to mould him into someone he is not.
    It rarely end up that way.

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