Divorced Parents - How to phrase wordings?

[erin]

Hi,

I am very troubled now regarding the printing of my invitation card. My parents are divorced and my mum insisted that she does not want her name to be linked to my father. However, my parents-in-law wanted the cards to be printed in both english and chinese. How do I go about phrasing the wordings of the cards such that everone will be happy?

 

[solution]

Hi Erin,

I'm in the same situation as you. so wat i did was put my mum's maiden name (Mdm ...) and the chinese one also only her name(i think they will add a nu shi at the end of the name). However, this is only the case when ur father will not be attending the wedding.

 

[linda]

In English can put: "....the daughter of Mr. Lim XX and Mdm Tan XX..."

In Chinese can put: ".....Lin X X xian1 sheng1 and Chen X X nu2 shi4" Just dun put the word "fu1 fu4"....

 

[jolene]

Guess you are better than me.. for my wedding card, only my parents name are in it as my hubby's parents are not attending our wedding due to religious reasons. So its : "Mr and Mrs XXX invite...."

I think Linda has a good way of phrasing the invite.

 

[erin]

Hi All,
Thanks for all your help, I thought of the various ways of putting my parents name which your had also suggested. But then, will it be weird when my FH's parents are in fu1 fu4 and mine are in two separate names? In this way, it will take up a lot of space also right?

 

[mandy]

hi erin,

why dun u check out with your printer? if ur printer is one that bring regular cards, they will know wat to do and give u better advice.

cheers

mandy

 

[missuskoh]

Hi,
My FH's parents are oso divorced. When my FH's brother got married, they printed separate cards for different sides of the family. One type is "Mr So-and-so", the other is "Mdm So-and-so". More costly, but less conflict.

When it's my turn this yr, we'll prob do wat Linda suggests. Save cost and less troublesome.

 

[tigerliliy]

Who's hosting?
If your parents divorced & your parents-in-law are not, you do this:

If you're hosting:

Groom & Bride

Together with our parents,
Mr & Mrs Groom Tan
Mr Bride Father Lim & Ms Bride Mother Tay

Invite

So & So

To their wedding
on date time & venue info

If the parents are hosting:

Mr & Mrs Groom Tan
Mr Bride Father Lim & Ms Bride Mother Tay

invite you to the marriage of their children

Groom & Bride

I don't think you should use Mdm because Mdm sounds like she's still married. Use Ms plus her maiden name.

 

[erin]

Hi Tigerlily,

My FH and I are hosting the wedding. I like your suggestion a lot. Bu then, think my FIL mind very much about face. If I put it this way, it will show everyone that my parents are divorced right? But then, if I use your method, how should I phrase it in chinese? It will take up much space right?

 

[tigerlily]

HI Erin,

Ya, the chinese part is abit tricky. but i'm sure your FIL will understand. i mean, they lose face for what? they're the ones who are still married. i think it'll be even more trouble if you placed your mom & dad together as Mr & Mrs when clearly they are not - both will get upset. better not.

as for the space.. as long as the alignment of words is right (place 1 name below the other or something) it will be OK. ask the printer for help on that one.

 

[tigerlily]

OR.. maybe you can get away with just:

Groom & Bride

Together with our parents,
Invite

So & So

To their wedding
on date time & venue info

So you don't put everyone's names in, but you still mention that both your parents are involved in the wedding. Safe way to get around this. My friend did this for her wedding (her parents were divorced) and it worked out pretty well. The bride & groom were hosting anyway.

 

[erin]

Hi Tigerlily,

How I wish it is a simple matter to settle. My FIL is the very traditional kind who thinks that it is a disgrace that my parents are divorced. He simply does not like his relatives to know that his future DIL has divorced parents, hence he is totally against that idea that my parents' name should be placed as individuals. He insisted that they should be placed as couple. How should I convinced him??? Really troubled. For my friends, I will just put my FH and my name together with our parents........

 

[tigerlily]

HI Erin,

i think you should get your husband to speak to him, after all it's HIS father. Let him know that it is just not appropriate to place 2 people as married when they are not.

 

[axis loh]

Hi Tigerlily,

Mine worse! My parents divorced and I've not been contacting my natural father. Now that my mum is remarried, she insists that my surname on the invitation is reflected as my step-father's but everyone knows me as my present surname!!! How??!!! Any good suggestions???

 

[apple]

axis loh

erm...i dun think its good to 'change' your surname, after all everybody knows you by your surname and all your documents (i/c, birth cert etc) also bears the same, it will be weird if you 'suddenly' change surname on your invitation card. just my thought.

 

[sarah]

Hi

Appreciate some advice for my case. My father has passed away, so only my Mum would be attending. My FH's parents live overseas and will not attend the Singapore dinner. My FH and I are hosting the dinner, so how to state Bride & Groom, together with ...?? (do I just put Mum's name, Mdm___)

Alternatively, is it ok to just say Bride & Groom invite Mr & Mrs so and so, and leave out "together with ..." Is it considered to be really bad manners ? Cos we are paying for 100% of the wedding ourselves.

 

[dance40]

Hi

Actually I have this problem also.

End up I'm putting 3 name in the card.
And due to the fact that my mum insist that her name must be before my dad, I did it as well.
Does it look strange?

I've got a sample which i could email now for your opinion.

But still, I have to go ahead with it.

Irene

 

[orchid]

Hi, the names on the card is not about whether they attend or not. It's abt acknowledging the parents. and would be good to have their names esp if you're sending invites to their friends so that their friends know who you are. It's either you place all their names for both your sides (even if they're not attending), or none at all.

It is, however, more and more acceptable to leave the parent's names out especially since most weddings are hosted and paid by the wedding couple now. To include the parents but leave out their names, you can do this:

"Together with their parents,
Bride & Groom
invite
So & So ... "

If they have their names you'll need to place all of them in, then you do this:

"Bride & Groom

together with their parents,
Mdm Bride's Mother and
Mr & Mrs Groom's parents

invite
So & So..."

This way, it still shows that the Bride & Groom are hosting and have all the parents in.

 

[sarah]

Thanks so much Orchid!!

 

[complicated]

If,
* both HB and I are hosting the dinner
* We want to include HB and my parents' names
* My father is deceased (but I would like his name included)
* My parents were divorced

in MANDARIN and ENGLISH... how? Sounds very complicated, pls help! I'm thinking of DIY printing (cos I think I can do a better layout and save money). Thanks a million!

 

[mango]

Divorced : Mr xxx and Mdm yyy

Divorced and Deceased : Mr xxx (Deceased) and
Mdm yyy

Deceased but not divorced : Mr (Deceased) and Mrs xxx

 

[complicated]

Does the "program" sound tacky? Trying to encourage earlier attendance. Plus, we have Vegetarian and Muslim friends.
What if HB is only child, how to indicate?
Should indicate my birth ranking since the relatives tend to assume it's my sibling (I only have an elder sis).
Calling my mum "Ms" is abit weird, yet "Mdm" might assume she wasn't divorced from my late dad.
I'm want to be respectful by having the parents' names... but want to lighten it up with that "rolling good times" thing. So that it hopefully sounds more fun to look forward to.
I would like dinner to start at 8pm... does this sound too harsh? We have quite an expensive/ less common first dish so does it sound crass for me to "dangle" that to make them punctual?
Do I put a "deadline" for RSVP (what if they confuse the RSVP date with the wedding date)??? What about mailing them 1 mth before banquet, calling them for confirmation 3 weeks before? Does the chinese model have such thing as RSVP?
The "poem" I put together from some ideas elsewhere, does it sound alright (feel free to use if you think it's fine)? I really do appreciate the thought behind gifts, just that, alot of times, I find the actual items very... objectionable.

Using the hotel card and printing inserts. Open up the card and you'd see...
<CENTER>(Page 1 of INSERT)
Programme
7pm Cocktail
Please register at banquet reception for your dinner seating.
Guest scroll available for signing and wedding photography album
displayed. Beer, non-alcoholic beverages, specially provided hard liquor,
snacks and chocolates at banquet cocktail area.
<FONT COLOR="red">7:30pm SHARP commence</FONT>
Please be seated for banquet will start.
Tea Ceremony to elders.
7:45pm First dish served
Menu of, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
Vegetarian friends who had informed us, menu of, a, b, c...
For our Muslim friends, menu of, one, two, three...

(Page 2 of INSERT)
Hitting the road on a wonderful ride
they'll cruise together, side by side!
Mr Phua Chu Kang,
son of Mr and Mrs Phua X Y
with Ms Tan Ah Lian,
younger daughter of Ms Zeng Ai Swee and the late Mr Tan Ah Beng

warmly invite ____________________________

to let the good times roll at their wedding on
<FONT COLOR="red">Friday, June 20th, 2003</FONT>
2nd Floor, Lucky Marriage Room, <FONT COLOR="red">Bliss Forever Hotel</FONT>
7pm Cocktail free flow beer, non-alcoholic beverages and specially provided snacks
<FONT COLOR="red">7:30pm SHARP Please be seated</FONT> for banquet will commence
7:45pm First dish served

RSVP Mr Phua Chu Kang- T:12345678, M:12345678, Email: [email protected]
Mr and Mrs Phua X Y- T:12345678, M:12345678
Ms Tan Ah Lian- T:12345678, M:12345678, Email:[email protected]
Ms Zeng Ai Swee- T:12345678, M:12345678

Your presence with us is present too!
We really don't need more stuff or such.
If we're honoured by a gift from you,
Cash is one kind that's never too much.
Above what is for you to decide,
Having you a genuine delight.

(Page 3 of INSERT)
Chinese version
HELP, something du2zhi3? you4nu3?
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
************ Map *************
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

(Page 4 of INSERT is spray-glued onto invit card)</CENTER>

 

[complicated]

Sorry, trying to bounce ideas.

 

[complicated]

I think guests might run to wrong room so,
<CENTER>Programme
(2nd Floor, Lucky Marriage Room, Bliss Forever Hotel)
7pm Cocktail
Please register at reception counter in Lucky Marriage Room for your dinner seating.
Guest scroll available for signing and wedding photography album displayed.
Beer, non-alcoholic beverages, specially provided hard liquor, snacks and
chocolates at cocktail counter in Lucky Marriage Room. </CENTER>

 

[complicated]

Oops, way too much rubbish. Scrap Page 1. Keep It Short and Sweet! Print directly on hotel invit cards.

<CENTER>(LEFT)
Hitting the road on a wonderful ride
they'll cruise together, side by side!
Mr Phua Chu Kang,
son of Mr and Mrs Phua X Y
with Ms Tan Ah Lian,
younger daughter of Ms Zeng Ai Swee and the late Mr Tan Ah Beng

warmly invite ____________________________

to let the good times roll at their wedding on
<FONT COLOR="red">Friday, June 20th, 2003</FONT>
2nd Floor, Lucky Marriage Room, <FONT COLOR="red">Bliss Forever Hotel.</FONT>
7pm Cocktail free flow beer, non-alcoholic beverages and specially provided snacks.
<FONT COLOR="red">7:30pm SHARP</FONT> Please be seated to commence. Tea ceremony to elders on stage.
7:45pm First dish of whole roast suckling pig served.

RSVP <FONT SIZE="-2">Mr Phua Chu Kang- T:12345678, M:12345678, Email: [email protected]
Mr and Mrs Phua X Y- T:12345678, M:12345678
Ms Tan Ah Lian- T:12345678, M:12345678, Email:[email protected]
Ms Zeng Ai Swee- T:12345678, M:12345678</FONT>

Your presence with us is present too!
We really don't need more stuff or such.
If we're honoured by a gift from you,
Cash is one kind that's never too much.
Above what is for you to decide,
Having you a genuine delight.

(RIGHT)
Chinese version
HELP, something du2zhi3? you4nu3?
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
************ Map *************
*
*
*
*
*
*
* </CENTER>

 

[confused]

Dear all,

i need your advise!! as my case problem is with my MIL, my FIL has passed away, now my MIL has been was cohabiting with one of the uncle many years ago and the uncle is married man.

so now the problem is my MIL want us to print the invitation card is me and my hubby name only without parent name, but my parents was very unhappy with this, bcos my parent since i am their daughter and they r still alive so i must put their name in the invitation card to respect them.

so now what should i do??

 

[little_foot]

Hi Confused,

You can print 2 versions. One is:

Mr and Mrs XXX (your parents) warmly invite
Ms ABC (guest)
on the occasion of the marriage of their youngest daughter
(Your name) &amp; (Your hubby's name)

The other one can just put:

Your name &amp; your hubby warmly invite
Ms ABC...

Hope you know what I mean.

 

[confused]

Thanks little foot,

As the problem is all my relative saw MIL and the uncle when we are ROM so all of them don know about their relationship , i tel them he is my FIL.

If i jus put my patents name in the invitation card all my relative will wonder how cum i dun put my in law name ?????? thats why i very confused.

 

[lc]

Confused,

That's your MIL's life. You do not need to be punished for what she has done. Why don't you just tell her you'll just put her name down as Mdm.XXX.

My husband's mother is cohabitating with a man too and when she was fighting her way to get us to have her lover invited, we put our foot down and told her we would not invite him at all costs. She has no right to impose her views on us or embarrass us.

 

[starduzz]

For Chinese writing, as my parents are divorced and my father is not attending the banquet, do I need to include my chinese surname and if so how and where to include?

 

[jezzicaz789]

Hi all!
I've just visited this forum. Happy to get acquainted with you. Thanks.
__________________
http://moviesonlinefree.biz

 

[june_june]

any 1 put

Mr... first name &amp; Mdm ... First name (groom)
and
Mr... first name &amp; Mdm .... first name (bride)
warmly invite

does it sound weird?