Difficult to find man?


petite_fraise

New Member
Or we can change the situation. Let men come and find us instead!
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Have a great weekend.
 

sunboi80

Member
i think simplicity is not the same as unambitious, anyway if u aren't easily contented, u will be easily discontented with ur current partner, is this wat woman wans?

There should be some differentiation at some pt.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
for me, a simple mind is one that is not influenced nor corrupted by the knowledge, exposures and experiences they have.

In other words, someone that chooses to remain prue in heart and intend not because of ignorance nor the lack of opportunity to be otherwise. But, rather because of the inner character and integrity. That's the most beautiful.
 

smileguy

Active Member
but i think as age grow our circle of frds will become lesser..married de married attach de attach ....haiz..tats wat happen to me lo..
 

powder

Active Member
i'm 34, married with a kid, and i have to put in More effort trying not to meet new pple and new frens... than effort to meet.

it's who u are, what u are, how u are as a person.

age is not a barrier for sure. it's your mentality.
 

glex

New Member
....after you get the wrong bus whatever your way....like many all of us...we just walk.....and leave the footstep behind as a lesson to live on
 

cheerio

New Member
why is it that sg men who cant find a sg gal to settle down always say that sg gals high standard?? i got a 33 yr old gal fren, aver looking, easy to get along, never been attached before, we always try to introduce guys to her but the guys somehow always not interested, the only reason we can think of is she is aver looking, so can we say that sg men also very high expectation??

in fact, many times i find that sg men are unrealistic and shallow, they are aver looking but they hope to find slim and pretty gals to be their gal fren...
 

sunboi80

Member
Hi cheeri

it's true that many guys would wan to find a slim and pretty galfren (so as to look good in front of their frens). I have frens who think tat way and i am almost giving up trying to tok sense to him.

But i also noe of gals who have unrealistic expectations like they wan the guy to be rich, tall, dark and handsome and of cos now they are still unmarried and unattached...

actually the "high expectation" is both ways... and those who suffer are those with not-so-high attributes who are often sterotyped with those black sheeps.

I feel this is the result of our education sys, always teach us to go for the best and not the most suitable... As we get more educated and richer we also dun wan to lose face right?
 

simpleman

Active Member
cheerio,

I guess it cuts both ways.

There are people who insisted on their "standard" and would not compromise - and they have a right to do so.

Nothing to do with unrealistic and shallow. Would you just get any man to settle down? If you are choosy then you are you unrealistic and shallow? Why should we compromise on what we want? Just to get hitched?
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
One of my male friends told me not to "sell yourself cheap" (not to be taken literally). I think it makes sense. No point lowering your "standard" just to get a bf/gf because if you do that, you may start to hiam this and that about him/her in no time. But I do encourage people to be realistic in their expectation of a partner.
 

cheerio

New Member
of course it cut both ways, but why is it that we always hear SG men say that SG gals very high expectation and not the other way round??

by shallow and unrealistic I mean liking a person is more than skin deep.

i definitely is not for the idea of just anyhow grab someone just for the sake of settling down. but i just wish that more pple will look deeper into a person rather than judge them by face value, literally.
 

powder

Active Member
the idea of match-making is never abt just pairing one single guy with one single girl. and the motivation should not be becos u wanna see them attached.

some pple have no problems being single. some pple whilst desperate to be attached - are not ready for relationships.

never introduce a guy u won't wanna marry, to a girl u won't go into relationship with (if u were a guy).

never introduce a girl u won't wanna marry, to a guy u won't go into relationship with (if u were a girl).

some pple's idea of match-making is a convenience and i'm hardly convinced they are really doing it for their frens. becos if they were... they won't just pick any single n available person.

to be continued...
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
"People form 60 to 70 percent of their initial opinion about a new person in less than four minutes" -- Allan Pease.

This is how human functions. First impression still counts a lot when we meet new people. But thankfully, first impression is how you carry yourself not just about the looks.

I find that people's personality is very subjective. Cheerio, you may find your friend easy to get along because she is your friend. She may not be that easy to get along with with guys? You know some girls seem to like to play hard to catch with men. Easy to get along can also mean that she is so chin-chai as if she doesn't have the personality?

As for never been attached before, well, inexperience can kill sometimes. She may not have realistic expectation of men in general, and of a partner. This may scare the opposite gender away.

Well, just guessing.

There is nothing wrong with being average-looking. You, I and many others are average looking too.
 

cheerio

New Member
i have been out on a double date with this fren and it doesnt seem to me that she plays hard to get or too eager to get to know the other party. just normal talking.

there is nothing wrong with being aver looking, especially not a barrier that stops you from getting to know the other party better.
 

vios

New Member
yoz cheerio (haven't seen you ard)

first thing first, cannot expect the guys whom you've introduced to your gal friend to liken her as a suitable partner... but doesn't mean that they have high expectations. Compatibilty really varies lah...

It helps you to help your friend, but i think it is better left as a friend-friend group outing for a start. Expecting more than that could be in for disappointments, needlessly.

As for sg guys who feel that sg gals have high expectations, it also varies, eg:
- some cannot be with 'time-keepers';
- some cannot be with sg gals who buy LVs;
- some cannot be with a gal who is average-looking;
- some cannot be with a high-flyer gal..
etc.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
SOMETIMES (Disclaimer : not always), its difficult because of our expectations. Most of my single friends are still looking for :-
1) for guys, intelligent babelious chio bu (but yet submissive to them!).
2) for gals, successful, confident new age sensitive men that goes gaga over them.

But, many don't look enough in the mirror to reflect if they have what it takes to attract and remain in a relationship with the kind of partner they wish for.
I question if they are truly looking at the right quantities in their partners or continue living in their dreams of ideal partner.

Most don't admit it but deep inside, they continue to 'filter' out so many based on their 'citeria' list without even knowing the other party. And some of which eventually go on to marry with this 'criteria' list of expectation.
 

crazy_guy

New Member
i think part of the reason y sg gals are hard to get is cos most gals now are pretty educated n have most of wat sg guys have in common too. hence when choosing a partner, they look for someone who are better than them. tis result in them being more choosy n hence they theory of sg gal hard to get comes about
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
hi bro.... choosy or not.
Boils down to expectation.

I think one has to be choosy. But the difference between a wise shopper and a random mindless one is,

Wise shopper : they know what they really need. They look out for and get their money worthwhile and within their budget. End result, they get exactly what they want.
Mindless shopper : Cannot decide because keep hoping for the branded and up market stuffs but no budget. End result, end up with nothing or a white elephant. Branded stuff on sale that is not suitable for them.
 

alcifertoh

New Member
Well for both guys and ladies, they have their own set of expectations. When they never review on the reality value of their expectations and unable to find a partner who qualifies, naturally it becomes hard to find.

Well the pretext is if such a person does exist also and if they matched up to them or not.

To quote some typical expectations I came by;

For most guys, they want girls who are pleasant to the eye... good bod... (add on yourself) and yet having the submissive culture as the earlier generations.

For most ladies, they want successful... humourous... (add on yourself)and their mentalities have also evolved from the earlier generations to a much independant and self-suffice role.

Unless there's a balance that link the mentality of both genders otherwise it's always tough to look for a partner for both genders.

Hence quite some amount of guys are looking for more submissive partners from vietnam and other countries as apparently it would be easier for them to find a match to their expectations, as the cultural for their ladies have mostly yet to evolve till like so of the locals.

Vice versa for the ladies. I also do know some lady friends who swore local guys off their list with the "Ang mo is more superior" kind of mentality and possess what they are looking for.

Basically I don't think that a partner is that tough to sought for locally. It all depends on what citerias you are looking for and if you are also able to match up to the interest of the other party.

It's like are you looking for a partner to build a simple loving family together, or one that is able to maintain the same comfort level of living together or a trophy wife/husband.

For all these category of personnels, they have different expectations of their own and there's no Tom/Jane that is universal to match up to them.

I would like to quote the blood group theory. All positive blood type can accept O+ and all want O+. But for O+, they can only take O+. And in the field of relationship, O+ is rare. Everyone wants them but not everyone can get them. Most of the time O+ themselves are also looking for O+.

All down to personal expectations. There's cases of mechanics and doctors married to each other and having a blissful marriage. Handicaps matching with a normal person and various other great examples too.

When I look for a partner, I go natural. I don't like to push myself too hard to fit into her expectations, nor do I wanna her to fit into my expectation. We work it out together and balance our expectations in harmony, accepting each other for we are and see the beauty in it.

I'm also getting kinda lost after a sucky lunch and ain't quite coherent here.

Sum it up, Expose yourself, review your citerias, let the flow go naturally and just don't try too hard. It's shouldn't be tough and there's no need to compromise also. Just be realistic.
 

glex

New Member
pretty is ok but not slim

I found many pretty girls in singapore does not have breast and butt.

i have no appetite to look them. most of the them i saw average looking girl usually they are the one fully loaded with the arsenal.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Cheerio, I don't think your gf is doing so badly lah. We don't clique with every person that we meet. She hasn't met someone that has the chemistry with her.
 

powder

Active Member
ok like i said, to be continued...

we should look at ourselves. honestly when i look deeper, i dun think pple are being absolutely honest and truthful with themselves here...

i'm a great observer of pple and minds... perhaps sometimes i read too well so tend to point out some sore points... but what the heck, i dun really give a sh!t.

- some pple just wanna play matchmaker. it's THEIR problem they trying to solve... not the pple the trying to matchmake. they have a NEED to see pple attached, or they see 1 boy 1 girl and an idea strikes them - to bring the 2 together. i've had pple try to pair me up for the longest time... all i can say is - some of these pple who try to pair me up, pair me up with girls they think are good for me. BUT, that's their wrong perception.

- some pple are just bored. they are attached and have nothing better to do... they see an interesting guy and to 'legalise' going out, they do it on pretext of matchmaking. and they pick that plain uninteresting fren and steal the whole show. It's basically abt themselves.

in my experience, it's always the ladies who are very into this matchmaking thing. and when they get older, they WILL BE the same aunties who ask the next generation of young adults - those questions we often hear during Chinese New Year. ie 'when u getting married' etc...

sometimes just go out, intro frens and leave it there... if the group cliques, it cliques. ppls will pair off from there without any intervention from us. sometimes we're so bent on matching A with B tat we forget that B & C are actually dating liao... most times things happen beyond our comprehension. it's love, not maths.

and let's not be biased. just cos we like our frens does not make him a freaking eligible hunk. if he's a slob, he's a slob... i'll still love him to death as a fren but why the hell do i need to matchmake?
 

wow_wow

New Member
lex romnov,

Why look at breast and butt. no appetite to look them?

Maybe they think u are worst, not fit, no chiseled chin, NO CHARACTER and worst - no money to buy mirror or do some introspection

They don need to lose appetite looking at you. thinking of you spoil one day.
 

janie_wawa

New Member
well well....lex perhaps b4 u comment..take a look at yrself 1st...make sure u have the looks..the height...the weight...the built...the charisma...the character....the $$$...the car...the house...the c**k...etc etc...

u r so shallow....a hooker might be able to fit into yr bill...
 

powder

Active Member
well although i dun like the guy... it's not a fair exchange leh...

girl just looks n body n perhaps some brains...

then the guy must have built, charisma, character, money, car, house etc etc...

actually in some cases just use the money u can get the girl liao.

ya not politically correct, but it's Real.
 

alcifertoh

New Member
Neither do I like the guy. Always with one liner off the track.

Yeah it's real I agree, but under this context, it's more like buying liao lor. Then it's more to the sense of like hmmm lost the point liao?

Got money got the person. No money the person just go. Quite tough to stand up to any test leh. Doesn't quite go deeper than that... one day the boobs and the ass wrinkled and sack liao then game over? I understand that that could be the first impression citeria for some but to emphasis on it, then well the novelty of it wears off soon too with time.
 

janie_wawa

New Member
"actually in some cases just use the money u can get the girl liao."

yes i noe its real but not in line with wat i wanna bring across to lex..basicall wat im driving at is tat b4 he hiam ppl...take alook at himself 1st.....he hiam those ladies small t*ts, no butt? sekali he is fat & balding ppl dun even hiam him yet he hiam ppl?? & pls lor..y shld he even hiam those ladies that he see on the streets?? Not as if they are even interested in him or wat lor..DUH!!!

dont b surprise oso tat there r some men who could be gd looking pairing up with a fat lady juz becoz she is rich.....its Real too...
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
I would prefer to just make the introduction for friends and leave them to figure out if they clique or even develop into a couple later. It is their responsibility to take care of their love lives, not me.

Cheerio, you seem to have the same problem as Not Auntie in SB -- over worried for your single friends. Not Auntie has lamented that despite her encouragement to join SDU, her single gf just "couldn't bring herself to go to such activities, very scary to her".

We should just relax and stop expecting single friends to pair up (not in one or two dates and not after attending one or two SDU activities), it doesn't mean you don't care about them or you don't wish them the best mah.
 

powder

Active Member
what i'm pointing out is the subconscious Imbalance of wat's needed in men n women, in terms of certain 'desirable' qualities mentioned.

for some reason, the requirements for men far exceeds tat of ladies... i just wanna point it out for pple to notice.

beside looks, men have more prerequisites to fulfill... it's a social expectation and norm.
 

alcifertoh

New Member
Hmmm my friends and I call that the "primitive instincts" when we talk about that haha.. Just like some woman gives off the fertile vibes while some don't. I believe this also should happen to ladies as a healthy and successful man tends to attract more then the average joe if presented together with similar other qualities.

Just like male animals, to look for a mate that is fertile to bear healthy offsprings. And female animals to look for a strong male to protect the group and depend on.

But of course as humans with the intelligence to think and differentiate emotions, many other layers add on to that and such ain't always a heavy percentage to benchmark on the choices although it does influence too. But if that's to be used as the main deciding citeria, it would be abit more of superficial.

Well it's never been fair haha as much as were expected from the male "protector" we can't quite herd a group to produce our offsprings :p
 

powder

Active Member
1. type properly, is the word supposed to be 'dun' instead of 'don'?
2. share your point
3. or at least attempt to make a point
4. dun end with a comma
5. HUH?
 


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