Desperately need an advice!!

caron

New Member
Hi,

I have been in relationship with my bf for 2.5yrs, but he has never arrange for me to meet his parents. He has met my family members and relatives though and they are very pleased with him. Somewhere in March, he asked for my particulars and say "Let's apply flat in Bedok" which is near where he is staying right now. He did bring such topics for discussions at times.

I'm a passive yet blur person, I did not ask if he has told his parents about the application of flat issue until quite sometime after he has submitted. I got a shock when he said he never tell his parents at all! I told my parents about it and they gave some suggestions about the flat issue and he accepted it.

I'm fine even if without a proposal, but shouldn't he arrange a meeting for his parents and myself first? This is not being respectful to his parents as well as for me. What would his relatives think if they know about it? I grew up in a 3 generation family, have seen the unhappiness and i don't wish the same thing to happen to myself and my in-laws.

I did post the consequences to him, he simply said his parents are easy-going so no worries. He is the only child and is well brought up, always treating myself and my family members very nice, but this issue makes me think he's selfish. He only thinks for himself but not from my point of view.

Can someone advise what should i do?
 


caelitus

New Member
You should arrange for a meal get-together with the parents from both sides. At this stage, it is good to meet his parents and moderate your expectations.

Are you sure you are ok without a proposal and will not bring it up in a future quarrel?
 
personal experience:
i and my bf tgt for 7yrs. but i din meet his parents once. i feel ok abt it as i hear too much stories on dispute wif in-laws.

it was until when we are discussing marriage den required both the parents to meet to discuss the "ping li" den i first met them. and true to wat he say, his parents are easy going. even when i'm stay tgt wif them after marriage, our relationship are ok.. as in very polite to each other, cos still feel a bit stranger.

personally i think that is also a way to avoid the daughter in law and mum in law issues... cos not close den will be polite to each other.

some ppl prefer to be fren fren and close to mil.. some works... some failed... see which path u wan to take...

i won't say my way is gd, but at least it is a way.

if you really wan to meet his parents, jus voice out, say you wish to know his parents in order to prepare for wedding. else how to prepare for wedding? right?

==> dennis.. most women when they say no need proposal, they will not rake it up during a quarrel at all.. only when u did a proposal not gd enough den they will rake it up...
 

scopefun

New Member
Just ensure you don't overpay your share. Marriage is really between you and him... so meeting or not is NOT an issue.

However, what you are talking about here only reflects your 'selfish' mentality... in which that when you feel strongly about things, you have no logical basis for it. In this case, marriage is more important when it comes to whether he does truly loves you and how you feel about him.

But you feel his family is very important...

So... if his family rejects you, but he loves you like Romeo to Juliet... are you not going to be the Juliet?

The point is very simple... Stay focused.
 

caron

New Member
Dear all, thanks for the advice.

5th princess & Scope guy: Marriage is not only between both of us, it involves two families. He is the one and only son of his old aged parents who are in their late 60s and 70s, his parents gave birth to him at rather old age. His dad is as old as my grandparents.. My grandfather told me at least get to know his family and understand their family culture, I'm also worried his mum might be those possessive type.

If im able to know his parents during this period of time, wont be that bad. however, he don't even answer qns when I ever asked how's his parents like, what kinda stuff his parents like etc. I ever suggested to take them out for meals but he just brushed that aside. All his replies were they are easy going people.

Recently he MIA & uncontactable for a week, i was very worried that something happened to him, as he usually will reply smses or return calls. Wanted to go his plc but dont know where he stays coz he never tells me when i asked. Till few hours ago then he MSG saying that his grandmother passed away, so totally had no time to contact me at all.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Caron, look beyond your emotional attachment in this relationship. Do you see a future together?

He isn't telling you anything about his family and personal life. You sure you want to spend your life with a man that hides a separate life?
 

infojunkie

Active Member
"Marriage is not only between both of us, it involves two families"

not too involved i hope...

some ppl just dun mix well together, for example, the fiercely private type and the super huggy type.

oh btw, the huggers need to know that there r many non-huggy types out there...

and there r subtypes too...

have some respect and quit offending them
happy.gif
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Caron, in your bf's case, marriage doesn't seem to between 2 families. It is more of your context than his.

The communication is non existence and he just avoids the topic. "Wanted to go his plc but dont know where he stays coz he never tells me when i asked"... seriously, marrying someone that doesn't even let you know where he stays all these while? SERIOUS? its a 2.5 yrs relationship not 2.5 days. That's a long time to hide everything about his family from someone he loves and intends to marry & spend a lifetime together.

better listen to clark, he has many good advices (757 to be exact) with his non stop barkings. When all fails, just stalk him and bark like clark do. He is the man (dog). the pet guru.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
wow... another super advice from the pet guru. 758 and counting

Doggy Clark, your puppy friends can call you anything. No one bothers. Your breath still stinks.
 

cococherry

New Member
that's insane. How can one have so much hate for a stranger on forum? Can't imagine what will he do to someone he hates in real life.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
It is indeed quite scary when one thinks of what kind of upbringing could have contributed to such hatred.

but it doesn't really matter. All kind of folks exists. Its sometimes quite entertaining to read and return the humor to the stupid outbursts.

Good weekend cococherry.
 

mum_of_2_girls

New Member
Hi Caron,

My hubby and I dated for 6 yrs and he never suggested to meet his parents and I also didn't know exactly where he stays.

Like you, I was very puzzled but I just choose to respect his decision not to tell. Finally, one day, 2 mths before ROM, I finally met his parents and siblings in their house.

His family were indeed easy going and really nice people. After that we had many happy family gatherings over at his house till this day even.

I then realise why all those dating years why my hubby never bring me to meet his parents nor tell me where he stays.

Anyone can guess the reason?
I just wanted to see from the forum who can guess correctly?
 

watching

Member
Albee,

I didn't quite follow your story but I'll give it a try.

Your man wanted to make sure his woman is wife material before he allowed her to the inner circle (family) Change of heart = change of girlfriend, a showcase of too many girlfriends equates player reputation. Girlfriends can wreak havoc to boot. Most in-law relationships start off nicely but things can get sour, might as well delay the process.
 

scopefun

New Member
Dearie Carol,

I suggest you think twice before you seal your own fate with this law from Women's Charters.

Say, now you have a flat, now if you were married, and now if the parents just don't like your face, then how?

I can totally understand your thinking... but I can't understand your 'feeling'. If you are entering marriage with this sort of thinking, one fine day when something hits your marriage, you'd likely be hit very hard.

If you have not the love for the man you allow to fug you beyond that of any external issues, then don't.

You can't just take the vows which literally demands you to bochap every fug thing other than the love for the man when you can't do so...

Many women make such mistakes, if not the others' families, it's financials, and a whole lot of issues.

Marriage is alot of challenges... if it's not true love, you risk being dumped after you got pregnant becos of TOWs.

Are you serious sure you are ready to take that kinda vow?

Watching,

Protest.

Many gfs doesn't mean he is a player. He could just be looking for that one princess.

No other gf doesn't mean he's good... How many women divorce after marriage when their husbands eat outside?

Too simplistic a definition.
 

watching

Member
Sigh......I didn't say I think many girlfriends equates the man being a player. I was talking about other peoples' perspectives, "player REPUTATION" may deter some people from taking girlfriends home.

Running short on breath.
 

scopefun

New Member
Player reputation is only a factor bothering idiots. LOL~

Say, if a guy had many girls, met you, you been together for a while, and he wants to marry you, then?

Nobody in this world says you can't date a guy without having sex. LOL~

Actually this is a very funny issue...

It's really how women explore men. But not taking girls home is not an issue with the reputation.
 

watching

Member
Forgot another option Albee. If family and girlfriend bond but the relationship between man and woman doesn't work out, got to part. Heartbreaking/too awkward for family and girlfriend to keep contact.(just like keeping children away from girlfriend/boyfriend until the relationship is serious)
 

mum_of_2_girls

New Member
Hi,

The lifestyle gap of both sides of parents is different that other than pleasantries both sets of parents rarely meet.

Maybe it's just his character that he doesn't want to reveal all this till marriage is really confirm.

To the forum :
Do you think Caron could be facing lifestyle income disparity family factor?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Albee, you may not be affected by it in your relationship, it doesn't mean TS is okay with it.

Could be.. maybe... perhaps... You can go on with all the possibilities, watching brought up quite a few to you as well.
one thing is pretty clear, he is avoiding the topic and she is clueless. Something important enough for TS to be affected hence she having doubts and posting in here. Is it in his character to be unaware of the anxiety and confusion he gives his gf? He is pretty selfish about his own reasons and not being honest about it.

Anyway, the man is unlikely to change after marriage. If TS is willing to marry and face a man she cannot understand, then by all means, go ahead. He is likely to continue to be this secretive about things.

"Do you think Caron could be facing lifestyle income disparity family factor?"

Does hiding it help in any way at all?
 

clark

New Member
fat, ugly and like to stalk pple Milo,

If Albee wants to give her comments...LET HER !
Who are you to tell her or to judge someone else bf ???

Just SHUT THE HELL UP ! and cover those armpits...

DAMN STINKO LEH !
 

mum_of_2_girls

New Member
Hi Milo,

I think what you say is true. There are really people who can't cope with the disparity.

Clients are sometime puzzled why I say Thank You to my subordinates for things they should be doing. Friends are puzzled why I greeted the condo cleaning uncle.

Why is there this disparity?
I think a lot people are uncomfortable with disparity.
I think my in-laws will enjoy starcruise more than royal carribean cruise.
 

watching

Member
Sigh, sigh, sigh.

Albee: Didn't know where boyfriend lived until nearly ROM. "Anyone can guess the reason? I just wanted to see from the forum who can guess correctly?"
Watching: "I didn't quite follow your story but I'll give it a try." Guessing, guessing.

Albee: Goes on to talk about TS.
Milo: Includes Watching in bringing up a few possibilities.
-What the heck ??
 

mum_of_2_girls

New Member
Hi,

My maid have this thinking too. She feels that slim people should be slim ones and fat people with fat ones.

Once, my maid targeted a slim malay man in a book store and ask me handsome or not.

The man is indeed above average looking and has gorgeous eyes. I say very handsome and my maid was very happy and giggling away, trying to get close to the man.

All of a sudden, a fat malay woman, twice my maid's size came near the man, with 2 jumping toddlers calling Daddy, Daddy to the mam.
And my maid's face fell and ask me why, why, why?
And I just say to my maid What to do? Some men just like fat women.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
"If Albee wants to give her comments...LET HER !
Who are you to tell her or to judge someone else bf ??? "

practice what you preach hypocrite doggy clark.

Scream, shout, all u can... nothing mask it.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Albee, everyone have different comfort level over different matters. But, they are already in the stage of applying for flat. Kind of weird that one isn't sure that she is wife material yet go ahead to get the flat still.

There could be so many reasons behind a person's action. What is the point of guessing instead of working things out? Your interpretation and your husband's explanation of his reasons might not be completely the truth either.

If Caron and her bf cannot trust each other still, is the relationship even in the ready for marriage? You are right about people having concerns and fears of disparity. Often the fears make people do things that are counter productive. When they finally deal with their fears, they realize they are scaring themselves too much, their actions have been irrational all these while.
 

watching

Member
It's amazing how some people repeat certain words to bridge one scenario to another in order to hide their lack of comprehension.
 

watching

Member
It is funny how rEtArDs initiate contact, mentioning my nick without understanding how the conversation went. When shown where they went wrong, they proceed to cover up by bridging scenarios, as if the wrongs can go unnoticed.

The vocabulary of mentally challenged people is undeniably, limited, they only know words like "shit". Before the rEtArD uses the mirror technique for the umpteenth time, imagine for a second what a knee-jerk reaction does.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
wah so chim. the soap drama princess is on her stage AGAIN. Let puppy clark join in with his barking. Mentally very stimulating for your vocabulary masturbation needs.

Point of discussion was about the TS but the usual habit to pick on sHiT. No one is going to waste time with your crap. You are a more faithful stalker than dear clark.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Anyway, rEtArDs initiate contact like in the iphone user thread lor... someone with selective dementia needing reminders? "How about cracking email passwords ? I don't know how leh...."

your nick isn't so golden. don't be so thick skin to think I'm trying to initiate ANYTHING with you. Doesn't your favorite mirror reflect the resemblance with horses? It actually does, but animals don't know better.
 

clark

New Member
fat, ugly and like to stalk pple Milo,

i am SUPERMAN to you !

Why must u bring in mastubation into the discussion ?? Is that what u were doing so early in the morning ??

WHAT A STINKO PERVERT !
 
I would love to come here all day if i get pay. i can tell many of you got nothing important in life that's why you guys spent a lot of time to mumble to each other on the net.

did you guys are very lonely in your real life ? got no purpose,no meaning and boredom ? so you unleash your frustration from your chest to one another ?

many therapist in Singapore you can get help from...
 

clark

New Member
On the contrary, i have a lot of time cos i have direct reports doing the work for me.

As long as STINKO PERVERT is ard, Superman will be here to protect.
 

watching

Member
Milo,

Discussion derails. When it derails, it becomes "shit" to you when you don't catch how it came about. By the way, simi horse, simi masturbation, simi sai ah ? I thought you knew shit.

You included me when it wasn't I who "brought up a few possibilities". It didn't elude me you were using the mirror to repel by sneaking in what I said to you long ago. The mirror technique is one of the oldest tricks in the book, really, it's getting stale. Why don't you lengthen the existence of the forum and draw crowds to the forum on your own merit ? No need to repeat after "shit".

Again, you are including the avatar Clark to send the message we are one. It goes without saying that you want others to come after me. You have an inherent need to belong to a group to attain a sense of security when you hit. Staying in the safe zone is so deeply entrenched in your ways.

My line at the iphone thread wasn't triggered because of you. Before you open your dumb sledgehammer mouth again, comprehend ! There are many things that could be directly used against you there, I didn't need to be sneaky, dear Mr. rEtArd if I wanted to engage you.
 

clark

New Member
watching, u can call me Clark.

You know what that means right ?

Btw, you are right....this forum has declined because of STINKO PERVERT and Doggy Powder Poo. The gang of 2 that leave no room for exceptions.
 

clark

New Member
fat, ugly and like to stalk Milo needs to masterbate.

He is a STINKO PERVERT ! tt's what i am driving at.

Superman.
 

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