Depressed and just need a vent

[veiled78]

Hi all,

I suspect I am suffering from depression as I seem to have quite a few of the symptoms such as difficulty sleeping at night, tearfulness, loss of interest in what I used to enjoy doing.

I was alarmed when I realised I sometimes felt life isn't worth living. Of course I talked myself out of it but now I need some good contacts for counsellers / psychiatrists as I think I need proper medical treatment for depression.

At the same time, I just need a vent so I hope everyone will just bear with me.

I'll admit that there has been a lot going on in my life for the last 3 years or so (job upheavals, relationship breakdowns, financial etc) and I've been suppressing my emotions all this while.

My marriage is a complete mess as husband and I don't have anything in common anymore. He lives his life and me mine. I live overseas for work and am moving back to SG permanently because my aged parents are not doing so well, healthwise and at the same time, hopefully can give the marriage another go if not then settle the paper work.

My parents and in laws are pressurising me to have kids once I return. Everytime I call home, I get stick for being the irresponsible woman who cares more about career than her family. How do you have kids with someone you don't love or at least have warm feelings for? And if my marriage splits, then I'll probably have to bear the brunt of the fall out from families etc.

My bunch of gfs have all now become mothers and they are joining in the "babies are wonderful" bandwagon. Whenever I went back to SG once in a blue moon and we met up, they'd be talking about their babies. I understand the strength of the maternal instinct, but cannot help feeling left behind.

I love my life where I am now, with several friends I've made which I leave behind when I go home. I've also found someone who is my soulmate, someone I always wanted (and vice versa) but couldn't start a relationship with because I'm married. It is heartbreaking to pack up and leave the life I love behind.

Was previously in debts of about 100K due to business and investment failures a few years ago which I silently endured. As bankruptcy wasnt an option, I single handedly paid off over a number of years. Now that's cleared, so big relief.

I'm stuck in a well paying job which I dislike. I'm 31, so a bit hard to change line without taking a massive pay cut. When u need money like I did cos of my debt situation, u just take whatever can pay u the money. I've just started rebuilding my life savings after working so hard to pay off my debts, so really not sure I want to take a pay cut now that I'm beginning to regain those lost years. But I keep asking if my mental and emotional well being is more impt than that monthly paycheck?

Coming back to SG, I have to look for a new job all over again. Just spoke with a few of my contacts - it's really quiet out there in the job market, not much hiring activity. Whilst I'm still speaking with contacts and friends re: jobs, can't help but feel stressed, especially with having to arrange my own relocation as well.

Sorry to whine!!! But it just feels like nothing is working out at the moment and I just need to let it out as it's all swirling around in my head. Think I need a shrink to sort me out.

 

[powder]

u have climbed from quite a few pits and found your way out of darkness. u are probably one of the stronger ladies i know in terms of paths... i dun see how it's gonna be tough for u to overcome new trials...

i guess 3 things tat i'd like to point out vaguely which u might wanna reflect on...

1. Dun think yourself to depression. For some reason, like that Johnny Walker slogan - "Just Keep Walking". And u did! so my little advice here is - "Just Keep Walking Again!"

2. U can never please everyone. having had your past as a testament to your strength and willpower to get out of certain trials, u just need to Respect and Trust yourself enough. Have faith in yourself... Meaning? - give less regard to pple's preferences for how u should live Your Life.

for sure u can listen and pick what's useful, but what u find depresses u - ignore and disregard.

3. Will u be happier if u weren't in a marriage? if it's just this 1 thing, then cut it off. annul your marriage.

i was burdened by many things when i was climbing out from one of the worst periods of my life. in debt, widowed mother making ends meet selling 4D, no family support whatsoever, biz partners who left me to clear debts incurred from our failed biz... and in that midst, my peers were setting up families, buying homes, cars and moving ahead. i was AT LEAST 10yrs behind... like u, i just focused on clearing my debt. One of the most important thing i did was - i cut off everything that didn't help in my goals... i broke up with my gfren. if i had been married, i would have divorced.

there is No 2 ways abt it. rebuilding life takes sacrifices, seeking happiness might require us to let go of the past - and this includes our past that is still with us in the present. the only thing we dun cut off are our family n childhood buddies. If family pose a problem, i would cut off family too.

sounds harsh, sounds cold. But think abt it - the older generation HAS HAD their life to live, and they have Lived it. we should not be their source of living life all over AGAIN. If we allow others to 'force' us to live a life They WANT, then whose life can we live? our children??? i dun think we wanna be parents who do that to our kids... i think we'd want our kids to live a life of Their choice.

out of the many Actions u can take when u come back, IF Anullment is the single most effective action that can bring u a renewed zest for life and makes u feel refreshed to start all over - then it might be what u have to do.

Job should be the last of your worries.

ps: if i were your hubby, i'd understand. in the first place, the man u marry should be someone who would understand if u need to leave him one day

 

[muzik_luver]

Hi Powder
Have seen many of your posts and have always thought they never fail to make a lot of sense.

Sad to read about your rough patch in life...I guess life is never a bed of roses. Even sadder to read about you giving up your gf...guess it must be one of the hardest things for you to do. There are many singles out there...but in life, god has to be really kind for one to find his/her true love.

Do hope everything's going right for you now.

Hi Veiled
Pls speak to a counselor or seek psychiatric treatment soonest possible. Think that should be your 1st priority now.

You are right that the S'pore job market is really quiet now. Have spoken to a headhunter recently and was told that hiring might only start to improve beginning of next year when people start moving around after getting their bonuses. But as you know, 2009 is not expected to be a good year and as such can't pin too much hope that landing a new job will be easy by then.

I know it's easier said than done but try to stay positive. Having some quiet moments alone to straighten out your thoughts should help too.

Hope everything will turn out fine for you.

 

[powder]

tks man, things are going pretty good. i definitely can't complain, decisions made whether sad or difficult at those points of time - contribute to the happiness of today so for that i'm thankful. well i normally dun give myself alot of time for negative indulgences.

 

[kennyg7]

If you think your life isn't worth living, wait till u r in my situation, u will know your life is still not bad afterall. Every day in the middle of the night i keep jump up high of my sleep for no reason, u think that is called depression? My heart keep racing and my tears just drip for no reason, so if u r depress, how abt mine? I have manage to live life with hope, so can you. Sometimes life is about choice, we choose the partner we want and leave that partner that makes us suffer.

 

[glex]

I never look or bring back history of my life to my current life, there is nothing good to remember. I just move forward !

if i can not do anything anymore or beyond my control, i will let the nature take it course. or even don't give a damn about it.

 

[veiled78]

Hi Powder,

Thanks so much for the encouragement.

I am always deeply inspired from your posts. I can definitely identify with the "cutting off" that you did. Cutting off toxic discouraging friends, making new ones.

I've always had to work hard for everything and i think adversity changes a person, for better or worse. On hindsight,I was just feeling exhausted yesterday.

I will Just Keep Walking. Fall down along the way but Get up and Just Keep Walking.

Hi Muzik Luver,

Thanks - in these bad climes, I think I'll just take what's available, job wise.

I was wondering if you have any good counsellor to recommend?

 

[powder]

hmm, i do get into a depressive state from time to time... sometimes when i re-assess my whole life. but it normally lasts 2-3day... mine is more due to things i could have done Better, rather than things i could have done or have not done.

Chin-Up!

 

[countryroad]

Hello veiled

Whine all you want...

Some of us would have gone through some kind of depression to understand what you are going through.

I have probably more sad stories to share but I shall not begin because looking back, thank god for these dark moments that anything else depressing that has/had happened is nothing compared to what I am going through.

Of course, I would be lying if I said that I never ask "why me?", Why are my peers better off, richer, happier etc etc. However, I learn how to snap out of it because it is so exhausting to be depressed, so energy delepting.

Sometimes I dont believe in seeking professional help, the fact that you are writing to this forum and able to assess your situation, probably means you are also capable of getting out of this, am sure you can!

To be honest, there is no such thing as good and bad job market situation. Some get very good jobs in a bad market situation.

Hang in there and as cliche as it might sound and you have probably heard a million times, just be thankful that you are alive and healthy.. Believe me

 

[muzik_luver]

Hi Veiled
Unfortunately, I do not have any particular counselor to recommend.
Is it possible to active your PM?...wanna send u a PM.

 

[veiled78]

Countryroad,

Thanks for your post. Regarding: health, it is really so important to be thankful for one's health. i was hospitalised a few weeks ago because i fainted one fine day on the way to work.

I'd always led a healthy lifestyle so that was a shock when the doctors told me what was wrong with me. I was alone by myself in a hospital bed in a foreign country signing strange paperwork for tests etc.

It felt awful and I didn't tell my anyone back home. I'd be lying if I say I didn't ask "why me?" but I just focused on getting well enough to be discharged.

I guess for life situations, it is the same, ya? We all have the inner strength and resources to do it. Just have to focus on the goal at hand. We will get there.

If you'd like to share your experiences, I would like to draw inspiration from what you've gone through. Send me a PM.

Dear Muzik Luver,

I have activated my PM. Feel free to send me PMs, thanks.

 

[simpleman]

veiled,

there are always moments of weakness in us when we may feel life is not worth living.. it happens to most people at some point in the lives.

But truth be told. It is a wonderful thing to be alive and be able to do the things that we want to do. True, there are things in this world that are not ideal and not to our liking but still, whether we are happy or depressed we still need to pass the day. Why not choose to be happy.

for a start, make a list of things that you would like to do.. and then start off doing them one by one. It is actually very easy.

Sometimes look around you. Learn to appreciate the things around you. And you may then begin to appreciate why you are here on earth.

 

[awakened]

I enjoyed reading the posts here. Very inspirational and some I drew great strength from, knowing that you people have all survived the darker periods and are living a better life now.

Veiled - "I will Just Keep Walking. Fall down along the way but Get up and Just Keep Walking."

I know what you mean by that. Many a times, I find myself walking 3 steps and falling back 2. It is a very conscious effort (and painfully tiring sometimes) to think positive that hey, at least I'm 1 step ahead.

I'm married - in a short marriage. But, in a span of months, this man whom I've known for years has cheated and betrayed my trust in him on different occasions with different girls from his workplace. There are days I get so angry with myself for ignoring all the warning signs that this man was not right from day 1. For thinking with my heart and not mind. This time round, all his begging and crying just do not work anymore. I have started to believe that his tears are not for putting me through the pain, but for himself.

The time has come for me to live for myself. I have wasted enough time on an unworthy man and on self-pity.

Powder - "if i were your hubby, i'd understand. in the first place, the man u marry should be someone who would understand if u need to leave him one day"

The man I married would never understand why I decide to leave him and I guess, at the end of the day, it does not matter to me anymore whether he understands or not. I married a man who challenged me on the marriage vows I took although he failed me. He countered that having said 'I do', I have to stand by him through EVERYTHING and I guess that encompasses whatever he does out of the marriage.

I apologise if my post sounds totally random and incoherent. I am not exactly in the best of moments. but thank you all for sharing here.

 

[simpleman]

lyn,

A broken marriage is not the worst of things to happen to a person. From a broken marriage we can always build a new future.

And sometimes when a marriage breaks down - there could be no clear-cut reasons. The other party may be at fault but really we can't change the other party. the only thing we can learn is to reflect on ourselves to see if we could do something differently. Or at least it would make us open our eyes more clearly the next time round when we decide to get committed again.

 

[powder]

wedding vows and marriage vows are only useful if they are being kept.

pple who always try to hold another person to a vow or promise - obviously dun have the beauty in character in convincing pple, thus need to use words or prints.

i believe in pple doing things for us becos they Want to. and not becos they promised... it loses value if someone needs to promise me to do something - to do something.

to be totally honest, i have never made anyone promise me Anything since i came of age at 21. NEVER. grasping on to words is like clutching straws... somehow it's like a trend... pple needing to promise this promise that, do this do that.

promises are useless if it does not come from the heart. and if something comes from the heart, u dun need promises... just Faith & Trust.

 

[glex]

just broken marriage, it is not a big deal. it is not the matter of life and dead.

earn more money, spend it on yourself, go to travel with friend.

life is beautiful and sexy.

one down, thousands to go.

 

[awakened]

Yes, a broken marriage is not the worst of things to happen to a person, SM. With that in mind coupled with many other things, I have actually found the strength to snap out and continue building that 'new future' you speak of. I have definitely learnt alot from this episode and it has been an entire process of self-discovery and rediscovery.

 

[m28]

is it very expensive to see a psychiatrist?

depression is the thing you feel when you cry and cry uncontrollably, feel like there's nothing else to live for in this world and you're all alone and the world is against you, u hate all women thinking did your husband sleep with this one or tat or someone tat looks like tat?? ..

Stressed at work, cry in toilet then return to work as if nothing has happened..able behave normally in front of all friends and colls..

if you're seriously thinkg of ways to hurt the one who hurt you, shame or injure the adulterous pair.. or you think of hurting yourself so bad so this pain feels nothing in comparison..

i don't know if im depressed, it comes and goes sometimes i draw strength from imagining how i will hurt them and have the last laugh.. then feel ashamed of why i hv become like this..no more kind, no more compassionate.. i want to be lovable, to love myself.. but when i was being nice, ppl just takes advantage of your niceness..

mostly i just want to be able to sleep at night, resorting to any types of drowsy medicine, drinking (but the more u drink, the more u cant get drunk).. is it possible to just see a normal doctor for sleeping pills??

 

[pirate]

>(but the more u drink, the more u cant get drunk)

ah.. thats when you need to get stronger alcohol

ever thought of start smoking too? works well with alcohol.

 

[m28]

don't laugh at me, i drink neat and mix Alot... if drinking works, i wont hv to mix in medicine.. tried smoking too and when smoking fails, burnt myself with it...

no but i don't think im depressed bec i will always remind myself that i cannot die..and i can still laugh

.. ppl who can laugh at themselves wont be depressed right.. its just pangs of emotion and weakness i guess..

 

[pirate]

wow! i havent get to that stage yet. too bad we are too far to be drinking buddies. keke

hmmm.. i dont understand, so what are you depressed about exactly?

 

[pirate]

ah, ok, i'm sorry i wasnt reading... now i know.

well.. i dont know what to say. but i really hope things will get better for you. ya maybe keep smiling, the sky will smile back.

 

[kyotoxpress]

veiled, when stressed think opposite...dessert!

 

[veiled78]

dolp,

I can certainly identify with this

"Stressed at work, cry in toilet then return to work as if nothing has happened..able behave normally in front of all friends and colls.. "

Ha, I used to drink every night. But I realised it was making me fat - vain so cut down on the drink!

Ever tried doing lots of exercise? The sort that is so tough that it wears you out completely? I found it tired me out and so I slept more easily at night. Still can't get past the teariness in the small hours of the morning sometimes though. Working on that

 

[aquapouty]

Hi Vieled,

Your message caught my attention as my sister underwent depression before. It was a tough period for all of us. And sad to say, it turns out her condition isn't just pure simple depression as what we thought. It took quite some time to diagnose this and the fortunate thing is, good thing we discover what went wrong and after taking medication, she's improving. The unfotunate thing is, if its discovered earlier, maybe she would have a less tiring time as she suffered both emotionally & physically for quite a long time.

You have went through a lot so I can understand how tiring and stressful it must be, when you think of the changes & the mounting barriers that you have to face & conquer all over again due to circumstances you cannot control. It doesn't help that all the pressures facing you are major events - marriage, career, taking care of parents etc.

Reading your message and seeing how far you have got since 3 years ago, I admire you for being able to single-handly clear off such a big debt and even manage to live alone in foreign land!

But we are only mere human. Sometimes we fall ill from exhaustion, not physically but mentally as I've seen in my sister's case. I would like to share this experience as I have seen my sister feeling better after a hypnosis session. However it does not work for my sister as we subsequently discovered that her's is a mental disorder & to recover from it, she need mediation.

I have to clarify I'm not advertising for this centre but this is the one that I bring my sister to http://www.hypnosistraining.com.sg/nancyho/index.htm

I didn't undergo the hypnosis session, so I can't really comment on what happen. But you might consider setting aside some alcohol expense on this therapy. Perhaps it would enable you to get a good night sleep and lighten the burden on your soul. But if it didn't, please don't stop trying to look for professional help. The mind is an amazing organ and our science still have a long way to go.

 

[ftotti]

I am not a doctor, just sharing my personal experience as I have had depressions and anxiety for sometime. The best way to get over anxiety and depression is to take a break from your regular schedule, go out, and take good sleep. This helps in clearing the mind and try consulting a specialist who can suggest you as how you can get over your problem. You can have all necessary information about this on http://www.xanax-effects.com Xanax is one of those medicines which help in relieving anxiety and depression, but this medicine should only be used for small duration as this is habit forming drug and sometimes the withdrawal symptoms can be more depressing. The withdrawal from this medicine is a slow and gradual process rather than abrupt. Xanax works by slowing down the nervous system and hence relieves anxiety.

 

[lovingyou]

What about taking a short break or vacation? Spend some time away from your usual routine and re-assess your goals and objectives in life?