Dealing with breast cancer

[aurorin]

My mom has been diagnosed with stage III breast cancer last month. So far, she has started on chemo and as of now, she has already lost her hair and weight after her 5th injection (12 weekly session). Health-wise, doc felt her prognosis is good, with 80-90% recovery. Her tumors had shrunk after the first few chemo. However, emotionally, she has been quite a wreck. Our family is sort of prepared for her insecurities and fears because of that's how she has been before she was diagnosed. She is a hypochrondriac and her greatest fear is of death and losing her looks. So imagine how it was when she finds out that she has cancer.

Frankly, i am feeling terribly helpless whenever i see her. Our whole family has been trying to be as supportive as we can. My two brothers working overseas flew back as often in this last mth and my father has taken off from his business in china to keep her company to the various doc appts. We tried to answer her many questions but she just kept repeating herself (e.g. will she live to see her sons get married? will she have a relapse? etc).

She has a wide network of support from her church friends, some of whom have recovered from breast cancer. But no matter how much support she has, she seems to be sinking deeper into this dark insecurities. In fact, i find, the more that people start to give her those assurance, the more she wants it, every single minute.

I am my mom's only daughter and i think she sort of also expect this endless reassurances from me. However, perhaps it is also my own personality that i am quite bad at that, which my bros seem more equip to provide her with. I am also the 'logical' one and i tried my best to get the medical info, liasing with the doc to make sure her treatment plan goes well, dealing with the nitty gritty 'practical' stuff. Emotionally, i must admit, i am hapless because i dont think it is healthy to keep giving in to her constant need to be reassured.

My whole family, even my mom's frens knew that she just wants to be 'pampered' right now. So they will tell her whatever it is that she wants to hear but its been tough for me. I do feel guilty about it but, it is my way of coping with the whole situation too. If i need to browbeat my mom into going for chemo instead of doing the 'you are okie' routine, that's what i will do. But i have to admit, i am stressed too though i can only destress with my hubby because of what's happen in my own family.

I am 38wks pregnant and due any day now but i am wishing that baby will not come out so soon while we are dealing with this. My mom is upset with me because i keep focusing her back to taking charge of her own emotions. I see my father tired out because of her endless questions (she doesn't sleep much at night) and i would get her to try to be more responsible for her own emotional health. Now she is saying its because i am not a christian (my whole family is) that's why i am not a good daughter to give her what she needs. I don't really care about those comments since i've been dealing with her unhappiness over this religious issues for a long time now. Not that it is easy since she is using her illness as a leveage to get us to convert as a sort of 'death-bed' wish.

Sigh. I think it is all quite a long winding venting sort of post. I am getting it out of my system, pouring it out into cyber space instead of just internalizing it or loading it up on my hubby. If anyone can highlight what it is that i am doing wrong, please, let me know too.

 

[xinxin]

Hi Aurorin,

I am sorry to hear that your mum has breast cancer but fortunately she is recovering presently. To be able to recover is really good news. I have to say, it is all becos she has lost her self-confidence due to the consequences of the treatment, i.e. looks which really dread in. Resulting her in slight depression. Tats replied to why she need so much assurances especially from you cos you are a gal too, gal usually pay more attention to their outlook than guys rite?

Does you mother has any siblings especially sisters? Your aunts will be of great help cos they grow up with her, they will surely find some ways to gain back her self-confidence n hopefully turn out to be more positive.

As for you, i have to say you have tried your best in helping your mother n family out. But you stll have to take good care of urself n ur baby too especially now. Dun worry, i am sure all this is just temporary and your baby will bring some colours to you & your family soon. :>

 

[aurorin]

Thanks sunnyday.

I guess how my mom expects me to be and how i expects her to be differs. Even before the breast cancer. She does have sisters but she is closer to people at church than her siblings. My aunts have been to see her but don't think she is 'listening'.

Perhaps my focus is too much into 'problem-solving' and not enough 'empathizing'. It sort of hurts when she see my rationality as being not placing her in my heart and consequencially "not mind her dying" as compared to people who are christians. Thankfully my dad stepped in to talk to her about saying things like that.

I guess there is no way i can change how my mom deal with things or her personality. I can only change myself and be patient. My mom was so looking forward to the baby coming (she was the one doing confinement for me). Right now, i think i will have to manage on my own. I think she still wants to help and i hope that it will get her mind off things when she has other stuff to occupy her mind.

 

[bubble_min]

aurorin,

I would like to share 1 experience with u. My mom also diagnosed with stage II breast cancer in year 2006 (ard nov). She had an operation in dec 06. She also had Chemo and radiotherapy for the past 1 yr n a half yr. She is now doing great and only need to go on regular check-up at TTSH.

At that time, she really cannot accept the truth and keep thinking abt it. She really need a lot of attention n care for family members. My family also spend a lot of time talking or counselling her as in not to think so much n u will get well, etc. Tat time we also accompany her for any check ups or appt. I know the process is very tough as i had gone thru b4.

I sure u can do it as well. Just remember that ur own health must b also in good condition as u r giving birth real soon.

So Jia You Jia You.. Believe in urself.

Cheers!!

 

[aurorin]

Thanks Bubble_min for sharing. Happy to know that your mom is doing great now. Hope that my mom will reach that stage soon.

I am doing okie but baby is no where in sight even though tomorrow is the EDD. I think as of all things, everything takes time.

Just wanted to know, during your mom's chemo, did she get a lot of advice on what to eat and what not to eat? My mom has been bombarded by well-meaning friends regarding what to do etc but i think it confuses her more. The doctor just said no full-cream milk and avoid red meat. Everything else can eat in moderation.

But i think she is confuse when others tell her must eat egg white, tomatoes and only organic food. Everyday that's what she is eating and frankly, even i will lost my appetite just looking at the same stuff she eats. We cant really convince her to eat more of other stuff. Doesnt help also that some of these friends are trying to sell her some MLM health food things like bread and pills. It is stressful managing my mom's emotions triggered by all these 'advices' and then having to 'beat' off these MLM pple with a stick.

Anyway 6 more injections to go and hopefully she will be more positive then.

 

[bubble_min]

Hi aurorin

my mom did watched her own diet. During that time, she avoid a lot of things. She kept herself away from all seafoods, chix, duck, all red meat( she said is poisonious). So she just eat veg, fish, egg, pork. mainly r all these few. if ur mom is hungry at times, can eat some biscuits n normal bread. dont really have to be MLM bread.

Maybe she can buy the oaks or cereal to eat for breakfast. My mom cook oaks with a bit of sugar or she will eat bread with jam.

Sometimes, need to brew some herbal tea to drink to reduce the body heat. Is also best not to listen too much from other peoples cos will affect the mood. Eg, this 1 can , that 1 cannot.. will make ur mom even more work-out.

So is best to control ur mama emotions n mood swings. cos my mom also the same..

Dont worry, the 6 injections will pass very fast. just dont stress urself n live normally..

If anything u need my help, do feel free to PM or email me [email protected]

I can ask my mom for help too..

Cheers..

 

[bigbellz]

Hi aurorin

i personally know 2 very close friends who have been through breast cancer survived, relapse and now clear for life.

one - her name is sherry lim i think you can google her and see what she did

the other i can't mention - but she essentially did 2 things; one is a detox diet i think you can google and find out. if you are interested i cant send you the cleansing plan. it is not a diet plan but what is does is based on fruit juice and enema, with other health supplements it helps you eliminate toxins.

i have personally tried this cleansing plan when i have stomach ulcers and stones in my gall bladder. i did not go through treatment or operation but i was declared clean. and my hair, nails, skin, digestive etc all improved as well. i won't lie to say it is easy but i believe it is worth the effort.

if you are interested i can scan the book for you and mail you. i am not sure if you can buy the tool kit in sg but if you need to, i can ask her where and how to get it.

 

[Sabrina Nasir]

Hi, we are a group of Temasek Polytechnic students doing a project for Singapore Cancer Society. If there are any female cancer patients in this group who underwent chemotherapy and are willing to share some of your experiences with us, feel free to direct message us or contact us at 8333 9094. All information will be kept confidential. What we are hoping to achieve is to create a more supportive and positive community for cancer survivors.

 

[miloice]

you can research about diet changes. Juicing carrot and other anti oxident fruits and vegs for her. We cannot overcome our genes but we can make diet changes to build up the immunity. My family is also dealing with difficult cancer. Its a painful journey for everyone. Take care. There are several new drugs and development on the fight on cancer, such as immunotherapy and molecular target treatments.

 

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