Dating with expats... need some advice


Sharing a lil about myself, I just got out from my marriage since last aug and had went thru a bad ideal struggling with all the pain my ex hb had brought to me. I had nv looked back, nor have any feelings for him anymore... whats left behind was bits n pieces of great pain that I doubt I will be able to forget and let go. I still shivers with countless tears flowing whenever I think back on my darkess days.

During these months, I had gone out with few different guys but none of them is able to open up my heart. I tried dating one of them but I backed up shortly after 2 weeks as I realised I couldnt let go of the pain and ended up crying secretly when out with him. I couldnt picture myself with a life with a different man, and simple task like shopping, movies etc was killing me as memories of the past flashes all over me. I felt compressed and suffocating.

But lately, I met this British guy who has made me willing to open up my heart and wanting to be part of his life. We started seeing each other but my emotions has nv leave me with peace. I am feeling a little stressful with the thought that he is just having fun... I am always having doubts about his sincerity and always insecure. I am always thinking he will disappear one day after he had enough of me... just like what my ex did to me.

I had shared my past with him that i was almost killed emotionally, and this is the first time I am opening my heart to someone. And if he wasn't heading the same directions with me, please just leave me alone. He didnt say anything but gave me a hug instead. I still do not know whats in his mind and he's quite conserve. He didnt leave me nor gave me any assurance, which made me stirring up and down within. I am so tensed to the extend I wasnt myself when Im out with him. Im a playful and chatty person by nature, but I became totally quiet when hes ard. I am really feeling very terrible.

At times I really wish to ask him about his thoughts, but am afraid of doing so. I always felt our culture is different and he may be thinking I am too sensitive. This is the first time I am dating a westerner, nor have any close westerner friends. I dont know if it is normal if all messages from him are cheeky ones. Cheeky messages started right after we are together. . And 90% of them are cheeky messages. .. seriously. Our normal conversation messages seem to have missing somewhere. But when we meet... he is still the same serious, mature, humorous and loving man that I know. Is this normal? I cant help it thinking hes a player with those messages. I do not anti them but I think I need a balance.

Anyone dated or dating British/English man or European man? Please do share some tips with me. I am going nuts. And I am also thinking I may need professional help to aid me with my past and insecurity. =(


Another asian toy girl for the expat here....Once he has enough of is down the rubbish chute for you....:D:D:D


I had bad marriage experiences too and still trying to do a closure of what I have been thru, going out dating again is nowhere to heal them. Its just finding someone or something to seal up the wound temporary. Some are lucky to find the medication to heal it totally.

But you need to be ready to start another, if not its no way near any part of being happy.

I have dated a British guy before, My ex before my marriage, we dated almost 10yrs when he visit SG for holiday, Its not a easy relationship to maintain. I cant say all expat are here looking for fun, but some really are here just looking for a company. They are here alone and needed someone to share their life with for the period of time they are alone. One thing u must know is his background. How do we know whether this person working here did not have a family already back in his home town.

For us heart breaker, its easier than anyone else to be feeling "in love" by the other, because we desperately needed attention, care and concern. For what he do... listen to your sorrow, given u a hug and not asking or judging you is what we are looking for. And u have been gg out dating others and found no one u are interested with and suddenly a "prince charming" appear will definately sway u away.

We learn our lesson. Before the whole marriage failed. Remember how we fall in love with the person we married to? The man we love so much yet hurt us the most.

I didnt said that this Prince Charming is not for real. But what I am saying is, dont just listen to your heart. ur heart is broken. Listen to your brain instead. No harm dating this guy but dont treat every guy who treat u nice to be the person U will married again. Just be friend at the start. Keep you option open.

What ever u do, dont get urself hurt again. Dont let ur broken heart overtake rationale thinking. Spend more thing knowing the person first. be cool ok?

For me, I would not stick myself with an expat. Becos 98% of them are here looking mostly for company. 2% are for real maybe but will require alot of sacrific to be with them (including moving back with them to their country)

Please just get along with him first and know him better. To trust him or not its up to you. But cant suspect everyone who is real as well. trust ur judgement, dont be blind again. I wish u all the best...

Good luck!!!



Thanks for replying. Yeah, I do agree with you that its definitely not easy to be with an expat. And its even difficult when I know nothing about his background. I want to know him deeper for sure and I wanna do it slow as do not wish to make him feel that I am interrogating him. I do not know why am I so attracted to him. Those few guys I dated recently were local n expats but its only him that I am stepping forward to. Attraction was there way ahead before we had our first formal meeting. Anyway.. thats not important here.

Will a guy continue seeing you if you already shared your pitiful past in hoping he will go away? I am currently not looking for another marriage, and didnt think much that he will be the guy I will marry next.. at least not for now. All I want is to keep this relationship alive... and if he is or not looking for long term. I just wanna know where we are leading to, and not keeping hopes otherwise. Time spent together quite kept to minimal for both of us coz he keeps his schedule packed n tight with his passion and work. Its been this way for 3 years when he moved over... and I dont plan to stop whatever he is doing. He does make efforts to meet me at my workplace or after his activities regardless how tired he is. I dont feel touched but appreciated his effort. He seem nice but I am always having doubts even when he text, "I miss you'. Im just feeling cranky over everything as I believe good things will never happen to me. Never.

Why did you and your British ex end? Its 10yrs and super long. I know brits are less romantic and their way of doing things may be different. PM me and share your views with me.


New Member
You have to extremely careful with expats as they are always on the road and who know what disease they had been exposed to knowingly or unknowing. I had my share of pain and living with it...Thank God I see through him when a prostitute dropped a note with telephone nbr to his hotel rm ...that trigger my bells ringing. So, gal ...we don't know their background truthfully and no man will confess to every woman they took to bed. Just beware the dangers... God bless