Crushed and confused

[Agedchocolate]

I am 30 years old. Dated a guy for almost a decade and we are moving into marriage plans now
My parents and close friends have advised me to
Suck in my sorrows on the much confused arrangements of my marriage.

Here's what's taking my smile away apart from marrying a hardworking and doting husband. He wants me to stay with his parents, grandmother, maid, sister in law and her husband along with two nephews.
I have never met them sadly my husband is very private about his personal life, somewhat shy and hates that his folks probe into his personal matters. We have quarelled and were devasted on this issue many times until I gave up thinking that he is disrespectful and has decided to move on as I see marriage more like having a companion now than to seek 100%.

However, his sister has moved back home after having kids to laze back. She doesn't work and according to my husband to be, his brother in law has settled in so comfortably into the home that he has increased his lifestyle t
Status from saving costs as the in laws are paying much.

I could not have a smile whenever I am reminded that I have to live with a kampong of people and much to digest is the sorrow of staying in the home with another man. It makes me uneasy when I think of privacy issues of laundry and our sexual life.

People around me said I should tolerate because my husband cannot move out but the extra man in the house just send chills down my back.

I am independent and has always embraced freedom. I somehow cannot figure out a way to digest it and is on the verge of blowing up.
On the other hand, I thought I have to think of how my husband would lose his rights to the property to the shameless brother in law who has caused us much discomfort.

Advice anyone?

 

[Phua Poh Sim]

not sure how you can date someone for over a decade and yet not have met his family.

but chin up! i live with my parent-in-laws and his cousin... and so far, things have been quite good.

i also had the same worries about laundry (not the sex life part tho)... and struggled a little about not being able to cook and bake at will (both of which i really like to do). but hey! as you worry and dread living with a group of people you dont know, the same group of people probably also worry about having to live with someone new, someone they dont know too! =)

what i do is to try not to disrupt their lives too much too. after all, its not fair to them to have to adjust to my quirks as well. i plan my laundry day so that i wont clash with my mother-in-law and i dry my laundry in my room (with the aircon on) over night. i iron my clothes only when i know they do not need the iron and the ironing board and i make sure i turn the volume down in my room (got a tv) once they turn in and go to bed.

my MIL is a very nice lady. when she cleans the house, she cleans our room too. so far i have no problems living with them and i think they have no problems with me too! =)

i think living together takes a little adapting. i am blessed with good in laws and i am sure you will be too.

dont think too much and try to adjust as much as possible. it isnt really that bad living with a new set of people. =)

if it worries you about the other men in the house, lock the door to your room. or be home only when your husband is at home too.

all the best!

 

[tomasulu]

Why not just walk away? Both of you want very different things in life.

 

[xellos]

You could talk nicely to him in a way and let him know that you are not comfortable with living in another place. Maybe you are rude to him or something? How about apply sales of bal flat? My friend got it in less than a year