Confusion over lack of Sex in Marriage

[Max21]

Hi, I am 36 years old male married for last 3 years. I have married my wife after a dating of 4 years which is kind of a long distance relationship . However , after marriage I found that I am unable to have intercourse with my wife. It shocked me. I have done medical test and it is found to be ok. It appears gradually to me that I am not sexually compatible with my wife. I feel generally no sexual desire to her. The same thing I was ignored while on dating. As, My wife was also not so sexually active ,she also could not apprehend the fact. What I feel and also pointed by a therapist that while in relationship I really wanted to settle down due to my previous experience in relationship, that is why I ignore some basic issue. What I thought that these will resolve after marriage. My wife is a caring, supportive and sweet women. However I now began to realise that deep inside I yet to accept her fully. And that's the reason for our lack of intimacy in the relationship. It's not like that we never become intimate. We have passionate outercourse or oral sex once in a month. My anxiety and depressive nature making the matter complicated. I wish to love her. But certain inner mechanism or thinking pattern prohibited me from doing this. Now, my wife wanted to get pregnant by IUI. She said whatever kind of sexual intimacy happeing between us is ok and enough for her. However, I have in a dilemma. Is it ok if we could not have intercourse. Should we go for IUI ? Plz advice ....

 

[Whygetmarried]

following key points in your msg:

- I feel generally no sexual desire to her.
- However I now began to realise that deep inside I yet to accept her fully. And that's the reason for our lack of intimacy in the relationship.
- But certain inner mechanism or thinking pattern prohibited me from doing this.

For sexual desire towards your wife, is there anything your wife can help? Like dress differently or do something to make you have desire for her?

For yourself, I am not sure why you have not accepted her fully. Would be good for you to work on accepting and loving her fully.

Not sure what are the inner mechanisms or thinking patterns affecting you. But maybe can try to see therapist to overcome or change the inner mechanism or thinking patterns.

I am not too sure about the part on IUI so I can’t share much. Hope it helps.

 

[felicat]

Isn't sexual desire a part of the love too?

 

[arnoldchen]

im in the same situation as u. never expect to be in a sexless marriage. We cannot have sex (she finds it super pain) and im sexually frustrated. We dun have third parties but it just doesnt seem complete. but emotionally we are always there for each other . sucky situation for me

 

[newproject]

If she is in pain during sex is a physical thing should go see doctor.

The way you describe is not physical is you don't feel like doing right?

That's super unnaturall, most man normal physical reaction if see a relatively decently attractive woman will be involuntary turned on and you describe your wife as quite pretty.

Something seriously wrong with you.

im in the same situation as u. never expect to be in a sexless marriage. We cannot have sex (she finds it super pain) and im sexually frustrated. We dun have third parties but it just doesnt seem complete. but emotionally we are always there for each other . sucky situation for me

 

[newproject]

Sounds simple to me.

Yeah some woman okay with minimal sex. But are you ok?

If yes and you want to spend your life with her, go ahead do IUI.

If not don't. Children complicate matters if you want divorce.

Hi, I am 36 years old male married for last 3 years. I have married my wife after a dating of 4 years which is kind of a long distance relationship . However , after marriage I found that I am unable to have intercourse with my wife. It shocked me. I have done medical test and it is found to be ok. It appears gradually to me that I am not sexually compatible with my wife. I feel generally no sexual desire to her. The same thing I was ignored while on dating. As, My wife was also not so sexually active ,she also could not apprehend the fact. What I feel and also pointed by a therapist that while in relationship I really wanted to settle down due to my previous experience in relationship, that is why I ignore some basic issue. What I thought that these will resolve after marriage. My wife is a caring, supportive and sweet women. However I now began to realise that deep inside I yet to accept her fully. And that's the reason for our lack of intimacy in the relationship. It's not like that we never become intimate. We have passionate outercourse or oral sex once in a month. My anxiety and depressive nature making the matter complicated. I wish to love her. But certain inner mechanism or thinking pattern prohibited me from doing this. Now, my wife wanted to get pregnant by IUI. She said whatever kind of sexual intimacy happeing between us is ok and enough for her. However, I have in a dilemma. Is it ok if we could not have intercourse. Should we go for IUI ? Plz advice ....

 

[arnoldchen]

If she is in pain during sex is a physical thing should go see doctor.

The way you describe is not physical is you don't feel like doing right?

That's super unnaturall, most man normal physical reaction if see a relatively decently attractive woman will be involuntary turned on and you describe your wife as quite pretty.

Something seriously wrong with you.

when ur pretty gf or wife is super Guai Lan, im sure u dun feel turn on also

 

[dorisK]

this is so strange. Should talk to your wife more about it.