Cheating wife. Young Couple. Advice? Divorce FAQ


New Member
Hello all.

Thank you for reading this.
Background: my wife and i are a struggling 20 year old young couple with a 1 year old child.
I know its insane but i love my wife to an endless measure. I feel crazy to admit it but I actually love her more then my child.

She has been supporting us for 1 year or so. I have been schooling to support for us for the "long" run. She fetches about 1.5-2k a mnth and seems to enjoy her work.

She has been cheating on me. I found out during our honeymoon. She kept emailing someone on her blackberry and i snatched it because i wanted to do some random thing with it like take a picture but she acted WILDLY defensive causing me to go through every single bit of her handphone. I found ridiculously explicit emails.. i.e:

Dear ??????babykisskisshughug,
> So basically I had a super intense dream about you which is crazy, no?
> I could feel you in the dream, I was touching your face and ... Well basically it was a dream about us making love :p
> F*cking would probably be a more appropriate word for it since it was not THAT gentle. I think I probably think about it too much. First we were kissing, and you were on top of me, then you were kissing my lips and you moved down to my neck, and you bit it a little and you moved lower down to my ... :p and then you were licking my hip bones and then you went lower.. On me... And I almost passed out.
> Then I pushed you over and it was my turn and we were kissing again and I was biting down on your lips and was super pleasured because at the same time your fingers were inside me....
> And I whisper for you to stop and I move my lips down to your neck and lick and bite you softly till I reached your..........
> And I think you closed your eyes and whispered something dirty at one point, and you had your hands on my head, in my hair, trying to push me deeper... And then pretty suddenly, you pulled me up, and we were kissing and you slid yourself inside me.
> I think we paused for like a min because we finally got to feel each other, and since I was on top... I was teasing you and driving you mad, so you rolled me over and went on top of me and you pretty much f*cked me really hard and I was sooooo high and my nails were softly digging into your back cause it was so good and feeling pretty helpless to how it felt so incredibly good.... Until we both like... Came at the same time. We didn't speak for like 5 mins, you just lay on top of me without coming out first, and we smiled at each other and the night was so loud in silence...
> So... You keep having the same dream about me. What was it?
> Love,
> ????????. <3333 youuuu<3

There are about 50 or so more where this came from. Including "I cant live without you" &amp; "lets run away to somewhere" themes.

I basically... cried till I was totally numb and empty and argued and fought but decided to forgive her. This was on our 2nd day of our honeymoon. (on the first day i woke up and saw her webcamming with sum1, i was like whos that shes like "just a friend" but it was him)

Im a real sucker because this guy is some1 who could in some REAL far fetched way help her "youtube career" or some shit like that. so i told her if she needs to flirt with him that is okay with me just let me know. But am i a f*cking idiot? I mean it totally went out of control. Other emails offered evidence of cybersex and showing body parts on the webcam. etc.

So now what happened was. I found out that she was cheating on me i forgave her blah blah blah. We came back from our honeymoon to singapore. For me i'm so emotionally wounded and insecure i asked her to write a contract saying that if she ever cheated on me again especially with that guy she would let me go and not beg for forgiveness or make it hard or emotionally blackmail me or what but just a clean seperationg. Surely enough she says some crazy "it will NEVER happen again i dont know wat i was thinking" "i will NEVER do that to you. its out of the question". And i even told her stuff like "I'm gonna assume... that this whole thing is my fault for being a lousy husband and im going to be the best i can be for you" and i did. Everything she wanted or needed i gave it to her. i was on top notch behaviour.

Today. I just finished my exams. We were supposed to go out and celebrate... Her boss called and required her to go back to the office to send an urgent email i said i'd tag along because i was trying to be sweet. She didint mind she was pleased.

However when we got to the office she suddenly became WILDLY defensive. the kind that reminded me of how WILDLy defensive she was in phuket for our honeymoon when i was abt to find out. So sure enough i went through her things and found out she has been keeping contact with the man till ytd (1 nov 2010)

Worst is the man has the same name as me and during our honeymoon we got tattoos? mine said her name and hers said mine.

She sent the picture of her tattoo of my name to the guy saying I will always love you or something along that lines. "i mean it when i say i love you"

I lost control. I hit her in her office. probably got a million cameras there. I knew what i was thinking. It was probably stupid but somehow in that slap i wished that it would make everything better. I wished it was just an imaginary flash or i went crazy and i was imagining this. I slapped her, more than once. It wasnt anything like BEAT HER UP or BRUISE HER INTERNAL organs that kind of slap. it was just a slap "you dissapoint me" those u see in tv dramas.

i toook her dairy and her phone as evidence and left (i paid for the fone). She is a very succesful carreer wise for a 20 year old. on top of salary fetching passive income of up to 5k etc Super successful with tons of opportunities... that were mostly because of my ideas that i helpd her.

family background is that my family *my mom* is very well to do. hers are not poor but not like my mom who owns many many properties those kind. We dont live bungalow or wat just a tiny 4 room private apartment we bought 20 years ago. we're just okay but we dont even have a car or whatever.

I dont want to use my mom's money anymore. I certainly dont want my mom to get financially involved.

Is there any cheap decent way to handle this which includes a divorce? and wat are the chances of me having providing maintainence ( i have 0 income ) and wats the chances of her getting her hands on my mom's money? whats the chances of me going to jail for hitting her?

I totally regret hitting her but thinking back i wouldnt know how else to react? cant give her a hi-5 or start jumping for joy...

If you know who i am or who we are. please keep this information private.

SORRY if this is confusing its confusing to me too but basically
a) Wife cheats
b) Husband forgives
c) Wife cheats again
d) Husband slaps
e) Divorce?


New Member
Dear TS,

Understand how you feel. Let me share with you some areas. Firstly, regardless of what happens, how frustrated and upset you are, I believe you should not hit your wife in anyway. Reason being is simple. If you are fighting custody of your child, and if the court is aware of the abuse you have done, there is 0% chance of having the kid.

My advice is to sit down with your wife when she is at home, and talk calmly. Breaking down or having a screaming session will not help at all. From your post, I believed one reason on what she is doing is because of her status. Why I say so, is because you mentioned she is currently having a very successful career, earning an income of 5K. TO be honest, a woman at that age earning that figure is something to be proud of. Naturally, she will try to be with the people "in that level". Not to pour cold water on you due to your age, the best solution is to talk it out.

Divorce will only be the last measure and should not be in the content of conversation with her during that chat session.


New Member

She wanted to come to my house to collect her belongings. I left the house because i could not bare to deal with her in person.

When i came back i found the physical evidence of her 2nd episode with the aassosciated party missing. i confronted her (well i asked her politely) and she said she thrashed it...



New Member
also regarding abuse.

This is a sad case in singapore. is 1 slap considered abuse? after the wife is having repeated infidelity issues?


New Member
Brother, I think you need to brush up on your skills. Hehehe.

But seriously, that's kind of a shocker what your wife did. But hey, this is a big city. That kind of things do happen.

"it will NEVER happen again i dont know wat i was thinking" --- oo iah bo?


New Member
Her income of 5k is because she is working logistics and i gave her the contact to close a coal deal... and she got 10% commision. its also because of me.

is any1 grateful to thier love ones anymore.


Active Member
"I slapped her, more than once. It wasnt anything like BEAT HER UP or BRUISE HER INTERNAL organs that kind of slap. it was just a slap "you dissapoint me" those u see in tv dramas."

she can use that against u... that's a sad thing.


New Member
Keep your cool, TS. What you need now is a cool head to think what you want for your life, with/without her, with/without your kid with you. Seek proper legal advice, and work from there after. I'm not too sure about whether she can lay hands on your mom's wealth, but as a matter of precaution, I don't think that your wife is any angel, who knows what kind of tactics her other friends/bfs might teach her, to lay hands on money. So please do seek proper legal advice.


Surely you didn't write this encyclopedia of a love story just to solicit legal advice? Leave her and start over again.


New Member
hi ts,

its not the end of the world, be sensible. what is important now is dont let her hurt you further. safeguard your interest before she ruin you completely! u have made one mistake by letting her thrash your only evidence. from now on, be very careful...


New Member
So sure enough i went through her things and found out she has been keeping contact with the man till ytd (1 nov 2010)

It's really amazing. What thing that u went through? U are so lucky to be able to do that in the office. Some cranky hb couldn't even get past our office's door.


New Member
She fetches about 1.5-2k a mnth and seems to enjoy her work. = How much is your wife earning?? I am confused, a kid and a honeymoon? You guys have a child before marriage?