Catholic Advice Needed Please

[binbin]

Dear Catholics,

My FH is a Catholic and I am not. He would like our marriage to be blessed in his church and recognised in his faith. My parents, being non-believers, would like my marriage to be solemnised in the ROM, but are agreeable to going to the Church after that for a short service.

I understand from previous postings that it is possible to be solemnized in the ROM, then going to the church for blessing of the marriage, during which a church seal is affixed on the certificate.

I would need your advice on how long is this short church service, what is involved (normal long service involves singing of hymns, reading of scriptures, of marriage vows etc etc), can we choose to exchange rings during this service, can I still choose to walk down the aisle with my father, are there any hymns that we still have to sing or scriptures to be read?
And what is the ceremony like when affixing the seal onto the cert? does the priest do that on the stage or behind?

Any advice is appreciate, thanks so very much.

 

[binbin]

Btw, we have already booked both the ROM time and the church venue (my FH childhood church at St Vincent De Paul).

Thanks so much.

 

[canon]

Hi Binbin,

If I'm not wrong, I remembered you from the Divine thread though I did not post any messages.

In my case, I'm a Catholic wheareas my FH is not. We attended a marriage preparation programme by the church - Engaged Encounter which is a stay-in programme. Go for it. this is a good one. Alot of inter-faith couples so you'll not feel out of place. Must book early though. Either that or you can attend the six-weekend 3-hr session MPC. I think your church would need you to produce the cert before you can marry in church. I might not be right on this. It's best to talk to your solemnising priest.

I believe one of the priests at St Vincent De Paul is Father Ambrose Vas. He is a very funny and lovable guy. Talk to him (or any priest you feel comfortable with) if you need to know more.

As for church, the half-hour service does not include communion. You can choose any hymns, scriptures readings you like or find relevant and yes, you can still walk down the aisle with your own father.

Btw, when's your wedding date?

 

[alhana]

Hi binbin,

I was in the same situation as you. Our service (incl communion) was ard 45-50 min. It may seem long but its really not. In fact the hr passed by really really quickly. We had the singing of hymns, readings, exchanging of vows & rings, as well as communion. The part where the priest affixed the stamp on our marriage cert was done when we signed the church register together with our witnesses. It was done at the altar towards the end of the entire ceremony. You may wish to speak to your priest on choice of hymns and readings. They may have some booklets fr past weddings on hand as a guide for you.

And yes, u can walk down the aisle w ure dad.

 

[binbin]

hi canon.

yes i am from the divine thread.
yes we have booked for the EE already. Our ROM date is 22 March 2003. but our customary is the following yr.

so the half hour service u are referrring to is the one i am asking abt? the one that we attend after our solemnisation in the ROM?

well, the reason why i am posting here is coz the priest we have talked to prefers us to hold our SOLemnisation IN the church. however, he is leaving the church in jan, and another priest my FH knows is taking over. We do not want to ask the current priest abt our preferred procedure coz we know he will try to talk us out of it. and we do not want to wait until Jan to find out from the new priest.

so i really hope someone can help me now.....does anyone knows or can advice on my queries above (first posting)???
appreciate lots. thanks.

 

[binbin]

hi alhana, actually what i am looking for is to have my SOLemnisation AT the ROM, then proceed to the church for Blessing and Affixing of stamp.
Do you know what is involved in the church portion?
coz what u mentioned about the signing of church register with 2 witnesses will not be done IF we already solemnised in the ROM right?
and it wouldn't be 45-50 mins right, since the main part i.e. signing of certificate, is ALREADY done at the ROM.

Pls help, thanks so much.

 

[bellebelle]

binbin, if I'm not wrong, when you go ROM, you take your vows and blah blah blah, you request to have your ROM cert to be brought to church to sign so that means you still solumnise in ROM but your marriage cert will only be signed in church. This is what my cousin told me as she married a non-catholic and have her wedding in church. You take your vows in church for GOD and the solumnistation in ROM/cert is for legalities.

 

[cheval]

hi binbin,

same like u my hubby is a Catholic and I am not, we went to EE on Sept01, solumnistation Oct01 in ROM (marriage vows, xchg rings & sign cert) and have our wedding in church June02 (about 45mins: service, marriage vows, xchg rings & sign not on the cert but on a big log book of the church hubby+me & 2 witness(my dad & his mon).

hope the above will help.

cheval

 

[binbin]

hi blush blush, is that true? so my cert is signed in church??? do you think you could ask you cousin and confirm for me?? would really appreciate it, thanks so beri much!
and can u also ask her how long was her church service, and what is the difference betw her service and the actual full service?

btw, u are the same from the 2004 thread right?

 

[alhana]

Hi binbin,

Like I mentioned, i did exactly what ure planning to do. We held our ROM a yr b4 our church ceremony (well, in ure case its the same day, but ROM still precedes the church ceremony).

The church ceremony is essentially a religious ceremony (whereas the ROM is a legal one). In the eyes of God, the 2 of you are not considered married unless you go through the church ceremony. We didn't sign the marriage cert at the church since we already did that during the ROM. However the priest affixed the stamp to confirm that our marriage has been blessed by the church & God. The register is also a church thing..nothing to do with what you did at the ROM.

Think of the 2 as wholly separate events. Its not like Part I ROM, Part II Church. 45-50 min is just the hymns, reciting verses and exchanging of vows. We did not sign the cert in church so that did not come to play at all.

 

[canon]

Hi all,

Can anyone explain to me why inter-faith couples can only have service (with communion) and not the full mass? My church secy said that the marriage is not sacramental that's why....I'm blur on this.

 

[binbin]

hi cheval, so you exchange vows and wedding rings twice huh? we were actually considering exchanging of rings in the church instead of ROM.

alhana, i see i see. thanks for the clarification.

think i see it more clearly now.
u mentioned that "that did not come to play at all". what does the "that" refers to? is it the signing of the cert, or u referring to the exchange of vows?
also, do you think it's alright if we exchange our vows twice in a day? once in the ROM and once in the church? coz i understand from u that we will exchange our vows in the church too right?

thanks so much! Muaks.!

 

[shimmeringdream]

hi canon, let me try. i'm catholic but quite a half-past-six kind. the full mass is like one of those held for the public, on sundays and special dates in the church calendar e.g. christmas, easter etc.

couples who choose to celebrate their marriage can choose either a service with or without communion. while it is a special and happy occasion for those involved, it doesn't really involve the entire church congregation. so nobody can 'choose' to have a full mass in that sense

i hope i got that right ... i sure don't hope to stir up any religious fights!!!!

 

[jojok]

Hi Canon,

To the catholics, a marriage is only considered Sacramental when both couples r catholics. This means the couple could receive communion. However, in the event that at the point of time when u married one may be a catholic while the other is not, though it is not considered sacremental but once the non-catholic at later stage in life decides to convert to be a catholic, the marriage is then considered sacremental. Fm another pt of view, you shldn't be bothered much as to if it is sacramental unless ur FH thinks so. To me, though as a catholic, I wld definitely want it to be sacramental, but so long as u hve a happy, blessed marriage, it is just as good. Enter the faith only when u r comfortable. U cld try attending the church RCIA classes just to understand more abt the catholic faith & the sacramental issue.

To what I know, usually if one party is a catholic, the church wld give u a choice if you want just a service or a full mass. u may like to get your hubby to talk to the secretariat again.

 

[bellebelle]

binbin,
I've actually just spoke to my cousin yesterday regarding this as I'm a catholic and my FH is not and that was what she told me, request to bring the cert to the church then sign it in church. If you're still worried, call ROM and confirm this. The service is only about 30min and the full mass is 45min - 1hr. From what I gathered, since my FH is a non-catholic, we're only allowed to have the service whereas for your case since the bride is a non-catholic and the groom is a catholic, your're given a choice btw a full mass or just a service. The exchange of the wedding bands is optional in ROM. I know of wedding couples who did not exchange their rings in ROM.

Oh yes, I'm from the 2004 thread

 

[bellebelle]

binbin,
forgot to add, parents also only signed their ROM cert when they got married in church some 20 odd years ago

 

[mint]

Hi canon,

I just got married in Nov. I'm catholic and my hubby is not. We had a full mass for my wedding in church. The only time you are NOT allowed to have a full mass for your wedding is on a Sunday. Other than that, you should be able to have a full mass wedding even if it's an inter-religious marriage.

binbin,

For me, we took our vows twice and exchanged rings twice. (once at ROM and another at church a year later). The feeling is different cos at the ROM, everything happens so fast that you don't even remember your vows when you step out of the room. For church, you have to memorise your vows before the ceremony. Just take it as renewing your vows again. Taking the vows in church is also more meaningful as you are taking it in front of God and Him as a witness to your marriage. At the church, you only need to sign the church registry and you'll be given another cert. (not marriage cert but a cert to prove that you got married in church).

 

[alhana]

Hi binbin,

Yes u can do both twice. Like I mentioned, both ceremonies have different significance, so its okay to do it 2 times. Yes 'that' meant that we did not sign the ROM cert in the church. Of coz we exchanged vows again...that's the most important part of the whole service! (well to me anyway)

 

[decbride]

Hi canon,

I just got married last week in Church.
Hubby is catholic while I'm not. We had a full mass, about an hour.
Marriage itself is a sacrament.

The reason why they allow the option of having a service or mass is basically for the family who is non-catholic.

The mass is basically like any sunday mass except that we dun have the gloria and have the exchange of vows and statement of intention, etc.

At the end of the mass, we signed on the church register together with the witness and we were given another marriage cert given by the church.

 

[ilyena]

hi decbride

may i know which church and priest you had for your wedding? from my understanding not all father are willing to give a full mass with eucharist if one party is a non-catholic. Would appreciate your help greatly in this matter. Thanks.

 

[binbin]

Thank you so much blush blush, mint, alhana, decbride, ilyena.

I am much much clearer now...

thanks thanks!

any recommendations for wedding hymns to be sang by the choir during my walk in with my dad? me blur on this....would look thru the songs with my FH, but would be great if u ladies could share your ideas.....

 

[canon]

Many thanks to Shimmeringdream, Jojok, Mint and DecBride....kam siah very much

In my case, I'm the Catholic but not my FH. So my church said that only service is allowed. I felt a bit sad at first cos I really see marriage as a sacrament and hope to have the full mass.

Now I'm trying to get hold of the programme booklet for service.

 

[lilac]

Hi Canon,

looks like we are in the same situation. I got baptised at about 13 years old while my hubby is a free thinker. I do not want to force him to convert but he has agreed to do a church wedding for my sake. I was told that after we attend EE, a married couple will be assigned to us to advise us on the preparation and procedures.

 

[ilyena]

Hi

anyone has any idea why is there a discriminatory practice of Catholic Groom Vs Catholic Bride as highlighted by blushblush:

"From what I gathered, since my FH is a non-catholic, we're only allowed to have the service whereas for your case since the bride is a non-catholic and the groom is a catholic, your're given a choice btw a full mass or just a service."

 

[kel]

Dear all
My FH & me wanted a mass instead of a service for our wedding, but as our church wedding will be on a Sun, the church said that we can only have a service and not a mass. From what I understand from a priest, the catholics whom attend your wedding mass need not go for another mass any more for that week, but a service cannot replace a mass, meaning you will still need to go church mass.

 

[jojok]

Hi,

I dun think there is a discriminatory practice of Catholic Groom Vs Catholic Bride. My friend is a catholic but her FH is not & she is given a choice of either a service or full mass. Check out Christ the King at Ang Mo Kio.

Kel, your church cld only entertain service on Sun perhaps its bec they have several church masses on Sun. Due to this constraint, I choose a Sat church wedding instead.

 

[canon]

Hi Lilac,

Hey, you case is exactly the same as mine. I'm a convert during my teenage years and my FH is a free-thinker. He only agreed to a church ceremony cos of me!

And I'm still waiting for our buddy couple to advise us on the church issues. Aiyoh this whole church thingy is more complicated than I first thought.

Hi Jojok,

My church will be Christ The King. The last I checked with them, they dont allow inter-faith couples to have full mass. They used to allow previously (My sis has the same case as mine, was married with full mass 6 years ago)but seemed to have imposed strict regulations now.

 

[ilyena]

hi canon

Me too. I am a catholic but my FH is not. Sigh it seems that churches are getting really strict. Are you having just the service too?

 

[jojok]

Hi Canon,

Not sure abt that. My friend also w Christ the King & is getting married Nov 03, she was offered either full mass or service. Perhaps they have indeed changed their rules.

Both my FH & I r catholics & we r w Our Lady of Perpetual Succour.

 

[mint]

hi binbin,

My bridal march was "Pachelbel:Canon in D" and the Entrance Hymn was "Gather Your People".

lilac,

EE is really good and it's an eye-opener. My hubby was sceptical about going at first (cos non-catholic) but after the EE, he was full of praise of it. I was shocked when he told his friends how wonderful it was.

 

[rhs]

Hi all,

I'm a catholic but FH is not. On average, is it difficult to get married in a church which is not our parish? I lived in Clementi for 3 years and moved to Pasir Ris last year. But I still like Holy Cross better than Holy Trinity in Tampines. Should I ask the priest directly or talk to parish secretary?? Thank's

 

[mint]

Hi rhs,

I think it's ok to be married in Holy Cross...in fact as long as it's in a catholic church, it doesn't matter where... the priest told me that once you get married in a catholic church, the rest of the churches in Singapore would be informed of your marriage. You should speak to a priest directly about your upcoming wedding.

 

[clyne]

Hi Canon,

I'll be getting married in Christ the King. They did offer me the option of full mass or service.I chose service cos I thot it may bore my FH and his family members if it gets too long..

If u really want to have a full mass, why dun u speak to the priest(both of u go together)?

 

[canon]

Hi ilyena,

Yes, I'll be getting the service since it's not possible to get full mass. Actually I think the church can go easy on this but nevertheless, whatever the church says, I'll follow cos the most important thing is to get the church's blessings and endorsement.

Hi Clyne,

Christ the King initially offered me the option too but recently, the parish Secy told me about the new regulation. I'll check with the priest again.

Hi RHS,

I attended AMK Christ the King for nearly 10 years before moving to Yishun where it's Our Lady Star of the Sea. When I indicated my interest to marry in AMK, both churches required me to be interviewed by the parish priest in OLSOTS, get a letter from him and submit to Christ The King. Quite a draggy procedure I must say but guess it's necessary. You can ask your parish priest if this is the usual procedure .

 

[rhs]

Thank's Mint! I'll go there this Sunday to ask

Canon,
There's an interview??

Care to tell me what questions they ask?? Wah, now quite scared leh ...

 

[canon]

Hi rhs,

Oops! I dont mean to scare you! It's basically just an informal chit chat session with the priest. He asked me questions like why I'm not holding my ceremony there, was it because I am not comfortable with the community. Somehting like that. No fixed questions but then your church may not even require you to go through this.

 

[lilac]

Hi Canon,Clyne,

guess what? I am also getting married in Christ The King!! My wedding's in Aug, so what about you girls. I have just sent out the confirmation note for my EE which will be in March.

I was also asked to chose between the mass the service and I ticked "service" in my form when I booked the church hall.

 

[clyne]

Lilac,

I also going for the EE in March!! I will be going to the mid March session. U? My wedding's in Nov..Din book the church hall cos got to rush to tea ceremony after that..

Lilac and Canon,
Do we know each other??

 

[rhs]

To Canon:
*whew* I thot they will ask difficult questions

Do you choose a church because it's your parish, the ambience, or the priest? Actually there's a priest in Holy Cross that I hope can solemnize our wedding. But not sure if he's still there or even still in Singapore.

Anyway, thank's for all of you. I'll go check on Sunday and post the result. Have a nice weekend!

 

[canon]

Hi Lilac, Clyne,

Hurray!! Mine will be in Sep which means, Lilac first, me second and Clyne third right?! I've done my EE 2 weeks ago.. Hahaha, I dont think I know you two cos I attend mass at Our Lady Star of the Sea now but I was baptised in Christ The King and attended church there for abt 10 years.

Yes! that's what the form offered.

Hi rhs,

I chose Christ the King cos I like the church alot since I took classes and was baptized there too..guessed the place means alot to me spiritually. I also need to go check things out with my priest...'see' ya

 

[lilac]

Hi Clyne,

mine's 28 to 30 March. Think not the same as you right? Dun think I know you girls lar, dun have much friend from the church. I attended RCIY at Risen Christ (Toa Payoh)

 

[rhs]

Hi all! Hope u had great weekends

I went to Holy Cross yesterday and talked to the priest. Basically he said that priority will be given to couples from his parish. So we can register, but must wait until 6 months from our wedding. If no one book the church then we can use it. Otherwise cannot.

*long sigh* I can understand the reason but can't help feeling sad. What if we can't use the church? Dunno how to say it, but I dun feel 'belong' to my current parish church ...

 

[clyne]

Hi Lilac n Canon,
I was baptized in Risen Christ but now go to Christ the King..

Do u know when the buddy couple will contact us?

 

[binbin]

dear mint, thanks so much for the recommendation.

wah, some of u seems to be going to the same church. that's nice.

mine is St Vincent De Paul, and we will be attending our EE on 14 Feb, Valentines Day. So qiao.... hehhehee....

do u girls have more suggestions for choir hymns for march in please?

 

[ava]

Hello Ladies,

Happy New Year!

I was just reading the past postings and hope to clarify the reason for Mass or Service. To the best of my knowledge this info is just my sharing.

The Sacrament of Marriage is a celebration of a binding union, which cannot be broken.

The celebration in church is a visual commitment of this decision. From the beginning of the celebration to the end of the celebration, the couple will be going through the different parts of the celebration together.

This is why there are 2 types of celebration: Mass or Service. Essentially it is both the same: Declaration of Consent and Blessing & Exchange of Rings

There are certain parts of a Mass where a non-catholic cannot participate which is why it is taken out and so the celebration is a Service.

The reason for this is to emphasise the binding union in this sacrament.
The couple will do everything together and none is left behind. So there is no dis-unity in the celebration.

Here’s a gd link for more information but it is always better to check with your Parish Priest:

www.tomrichstatter.org/g29prepa.htm


Take care!

 

[canon]

Hi Lilac, Clyne,

Wow! guessed we are all 'migrants' in Christ The King.hahahaaa.

I heard from the parish secy that it would not be so soon. Probably a couple of months before our wedding!!

Hey Ava,

Thanks so much! I'll try to access the website.

 

[ava]

Canon,

welcome!

 

[sept03]

Does anyone had their wedding in St Theresa's church before? Do they allow inter faith couples to have full mass for church wedding at St.Theresa?

 

[seraphim1970]

Hi sept03, different priests got different ways of doing things, you have to approach them. Fr Cary Chan is really nice, make an appointment to talk to him, he won't bite.

He was our celebrant at our wedding last year at Christ the King.

Cools that there are lots of Christ the King church-goers here!!!

 

[sept03]

Hi Seraphim1970,

Did u have your wedding at the chapel or the main church? Did you engage their choir groups? Did u take their florists?
Do u have a photo of your wedding in the church? Can email me? Thanks. [email protected]