We just got married 1 month ago despite having a lot of communication problems.
We're complete opposites. He likes to keep things to himself. He gets angry & raises his voice easily triggered by just a simple question from me. He's defensive (when i suggested a marriage preparation course, he said i should be the one to attend since i'm the one with the problems), inarticulate and blunt to the extent he offends a lot of people who doesnt know him well. He has a very bo-chup attitude and doesnt show much concern for me. He has very few friends but A LOT of gay admirers.
I am more vocal & prefers to discuss & talk it out whenever I have something on my mind. When I find out that he has done something behind my back, I dont keep it bottled inside. Instead I prefer to ask him about it as I want to be reassured whenever I feel insecure. That annoys him a lot. I have A LOT of friends (but funnily, most of them are divorced).
My husband has some past with gay men before. He had many gay admirers but I only know of one incident where sex was involved. Apparently, he went on holiday and shared a hotel room with a gay man and was trapped into oral sex but all this happened before we met. He says he's never been interested in gay men.
During our relationship, there was a married gay guy L who kept calling & visiting my husband everyday. This went on for several months. As my husband has very few friends he can click with, he treasured this friendship a lot despite I felt uneasy about it. L even CONSOLED my husband in front of me when he found out we were getting married and patted my husband on the back telling him he will be OK.
Recently I found out my husband had been visiting L's house twice or three times a week late at night when L's family was not in. He would lie to me that he was at home when in fact he was at L's home.
My husband says it's for coffee, and that I'm making a fuss over nothing. He said since he knew I disliked L, he didnt ask me to join him when he visited L. To him, it is just a normal friendship between men.
Finally, just last night, i discovered that my husband has been surfing gay forums. It was on his Google search history. In it there were gay men posting personals blatantly looking for sex partners etc. When I mentioned that forum name to him, he just asked me what it was about..
I dont know what to make of it anymore. All this while, I have a horrible suspicion he might be a closet gay. Our sex life is low, once a week and its usually over before it began. When I bring up the "gay" subject, he would get agitated and start raising his voice and we would end up in a shouting match. We never have a calm discussion.
Its only 1 month since we got married, but I am already tired. My mom asks me to close 1 eye. My friends tell me its a mistake to get married in the first place. The silent "we told you so". Maybe the are right but its too early for me to give up. I just dont know what to do next. I cant talk to him. And yet I cant keep it all bottled inside.
We're complete opposites. He likes to keep things to himself. He gets angry & raises his voice easily triggered by just a simple question from me. He's defensive (when i suggested a marriage preparation course, he said i should be the one to attend since i'm the one with the problems), inarticulate and blunt to the extent he offends a lot of people who doesnt know him well. He has a very bo-chup attitude and doesnt show much concern for me. He has very few friends but A LOT of gay admirers.
I am more vocal & prefers to discuss & talk it out whenever I have something on my mind. When I find out that he has done something behind my back, I dont keep it bottled inside. Instead I prefer to ask him about it as I want to be reassured whenever I feel insecure. That annoys him a lot. I have A LOT of friends (but funnily, most of them are divorced).
My husband has some past with gay men before. He had many gay admirers but I only know of one incident where sex was involved. Apparently, he went on holiday and shared a hotel room with a gay man and was trapped into oral sex but all this happened before we met. He says he's never been interested in gay men.
During our relationship, there was a married gay guy L who kept calling & visiting my husband everyday. This went on for several months. As my husband has very few friends he can click with, he treasured this friendship a lot despite I felt uneasy about it. L even CONSOLED my husband in front of me when he found out we were getting married and patted my husband on the back telling him he will be OK.
Recently I found out my husband had been visiting L's house twice or three times a week late at night when L's family was not in. He would lie to me that he was at home when in fact he was at L's home.
My husband says it's for coffee, and that I'm making a fuss over nothing. He said since he knew I disliked L, he didnt ask me to join him when he visited L. To him, it is just a normal friendship between men.
Finally, just last night, i discovered that my husband has been surfing gay forums. It was on his Google search history. In it there were gay men posting personals blatantly looking for sex partners etc. When I mentioned that forum name to him, he just asked me what it was about..
I dont know what to make of it anymore. All this while, I have a horrible suspicion he might be a closet gay. Our sex life is low, once a week and its usually over before it began. When I bring up the "gay" subject, he would get agitated and start raising his voice and we would end up in a shouting match. We never have a calm discussion.
Its only 1 month since we got married, but I am already tired. My mom asks me to close 1 eye. My friends tell me its a mistake to get married in the first place. The silent "we told you so". Maybe the are right but its too early for me to give up. I just dont know what to do next. I cant talk to him. And yet I cant keep it all bottled inside.
