Cant forget the past.. anyone got good advice?

miloice

Well-Known Member
"guys always think " there's nothing big deal about prostituing" everyone has done that"

ALWAYS???

Completely disagree with that statement. If you read carefully, NO ONE is saying its no big deal. What everyone is saying is, we make mistakes in life. You should be looking at the person now and not his past. This is a simple message. Get it?

If you cannot trust the person now then, breakup. Even if its acceptable for every other person on earth, it aren't going to make a diff. Its about you and him. NOT US.
 


snowhusky

New Member
quote
guess what Jill is uncomfortable is the fact on prostitution and the way that her bf lies to her.. But Jill, he was llike that before he met you and probably he might still remains this way, noone knows, are you able to accept his flaws? Are you able to trust him or perhaps turning a blind eye if history does repeats? I have a friend, her partner sleeps around whenever he is stress, but my friend stand by him all this while, regardless of how hurt she felt and the torturing sleepless nights that she been through and eventually, this action touched the guy and the guy changed for the better. Majority of the people might think that she was being stupid, she admitted to being stupid but at the same time, she admitted to loving the guy and accepting his flaws.
unquote

wow... LITTLE WOMEN, i admire yr fren.. but i must admit, i cant do wad she did...
no matter how much i love my bf...

like wad i said, no one can be perfect.. so i gues i do have to acpt it... or at least try ? -_-
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
"same goes to prostitution, all it takes is 40bucks in the pocket and any man can have a beautiful young thai sitting on their lap.. if he can do it countless times, wont it do it again.. thats my point of asking.."

It is NEVER about ability. Every guy is capable getting hooked up with some prostitute. You seem to think that a person WILL NEVER improve. Despite knowing the person now, u choose to ignore any credit he has shown now but only focus on his past.
 

dramarama

New Member
if you can't move on from his past mistakes, no point trying cos you are just going to make both of you miserable.

but if you are willing to move on, put the past behind & NEVER bring this up again, it worth the try.

my 2 cents worth.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
"it is really quite normal that most guy, i would say 99% of whom ive known well enough to know that they do go geylang."

Not too sure about the stats here. It make me and many of my friends the 1%????
 

cuclainne

New Member
milo, i think you fall into the 99% category also .. my husband too .. because we've been to geylang before to eat frog-leg porridge and eat durian!
 

lovingyou

New Member
Jill: I admire my friend too.. but i guess not many people can do it. I guess that's where I learn alot and understand the term "sacrifical love". But Gal, all of us here aren't saying that you should behave like this, but more to say that if the past doesn't repeat so far in your current r/s, perhaps you might want to let go, it takes time but I guess it lies in your mindset. Ask yourself and assess the r/s, your mentality and if you want to have such a life in the future? Only you have the answer to it.
 

snowhusky

New Member
i havent been talking to him or argueing with him about the prostitution thing anymore since a long time ago. cuz i dont like us to argue over matters in the past. but the think is, deep down inside me, i always feel unconfortable, like a psycological barrier there that prevents me from trusting him 100% .. maybe i should have stated this in the first place.. oops.. but nevertheless, thks for the advice
 

snowhusky

New Member
i know that people do improve and some realises that what happened before was a mistake... but then again, people do change from the better to the worst.. cant judge anything precisely, the world is ever changing...
 

powder

Active Member
99% go geylang i am pretty sure it's untrue... prob your bfren gives u that impression...

but the whole mind already stuck on the bfren, and in order to make yourself feel better, u try to term him with the rest of the 99% guys... i think cannot lah. your guy's prostitution and stuff isn't Very normal, so u should breakup with him.

he swear to u that he never go - 99% of guys dun lie this way either...

he is a unique character, not very smart either... u should breakup.

breakup by tonite ok? u'll sleep better
 

lovingyou

New Member
Hmm.. I guess at times, it is not that easy to have the ability to trust their partners until perhaps after a period of time or a sequence of actions. Dun give up if you think that your r/s is worth it.
 

powder

Active Member
Jill, u should talk abt your bfren, leave the other guys alone... cos it's getting kindof insulting to be associated this way...
 

kiki81

Member
Jill you are correct. That's y I feel there is no happily ever after thing or forever love.. Most impt is think and assess this relationship.
 

snowhusky

New Member
POWDER:
if you seriously feel that you are that 1% den good on ya... i sincerely congratulate you from the bottom of your heart.. if you think that the 99% percent is refering to you.. sorry i dont know, wont know and not interested to know..
And i kindly request you to READ CAREFULLY... 99% of the guys who i know! sry your not in the list...
 

powder

Active Member
u dun get it, do u?

it's not even a 99% thing... and it's hard to believe that 99% of the guys u know go geylang... cos as a guy who prob have really met 100 guys who would tell me the truth, i'd put the number of pple who go geylang to call chicken at abt 27-30... Definitely not 99 out of 100.

u must be Damnnnnn suay to know 99% of guys who go geyland for pros...

what's there to congratulate for not going to prostitute? not everyone visits mah... your world must be full of ultra horny guys who die die need to go for paid-sex isit?

your guy is a minority who call chicken In The Past. he is the minority to Swear he didn't do it, Lie to u, Bluff u into thinking he is innocent when he is not.

u NEED to see him as 99% becos u need to stick to this relationship By Convincing yourself that All guys are like that. u Need to believe that he's normal, and thus u Need 99% of guys to be visiting prostitutes... but the truth is that's Not true.
 

snowhusky

New Member
cucclaine
i dont judge my frens neither do i condemn them if they've visited prostitutes same goes to any one else out there. (unless they prostitue whilst being in a rltshp or married) its just my personal perfernce that i do not wish my partner to "enjoy frequening prostitues"
 

snowhusky

New Member
lols.. you'd even bother to calculate? its based on rough figures and sry unlike you, i dont have the time and energy to calculate exactly how many percentage of my guy frens prostitute.. even if they do not go geylang, they still go nightclub n hook girls there, which i regard as still prostituting in my own opinion.

i said 99% of the guy whom i know, and i guess its true... or not.... wait... maybe its somewhere 97.99851654- 99.5646545645% does that satisfy you?
 

yuene

Member
Jill,

Okay, 2 months ago you came here posting that you didn't want to lose your bf, although you had been by your own admission a crap gf and he'd just about given up, after umpteen chances. Apparently he's given you another chance and you've gotten back together (unless you've found a new bf). And now, because of his past, things that he didn't do to you, you're getting negative again and harping on it? In your previous thread you lamented that "i tot love can conquer everything"; you mean it doesn't apply to you? If it's someone else's, then ZOMG it's unforgivable etc etc. What I don't understand is this: if he's the same bf (and from what it looks like, he is the same guy), and he told you so many months ago and it'd been bugging you for ages, and if he broke up with you two months ago, why, oh why did you want to have him back sooooooo desperately? And now you drag it up...

I smell something, and it's called 'double standards'.
 

snowhusky

New Member
yes indeed... i do..... and i must say you are so free to dig up my past post to post it here.. lols.. so whats with it now? flamming? or trying to prove that your personality/character is better than mine, thus your posting makes more sense? what has MY past gotta go with YOU and this thread here?
 

snowhusky

New Member
and look to those flammers out there.. this whole post is based on wholly my own opinion... and whatever language i used EG por lock guay is my perferred term and definition for girls who randomly sleeps around( many ppl uses this term). if you think you're too sophisticated enough and beg to difer, fine... but im a women too and i dont find it insulting unless its directed to me..

IRIS.. am i directing to you? unless your the "kind" of women that im refering you and it offends you.. well.. i apologise for that...
 

snowhusky

New Member
its just an unhappiness deep inside my heart and nothing is affecting my bf.. just me.. wads wrong with that... i want to have a normal rltshp 2
 

kiki81

Member
wah Jill you should consider luckily as your bf accepts your past and your son.. Not all guys willing to be with a divorcee that has kids...
 

salsa_babe

New Member
here you are...another classic forumer who cant take posts that are not pleasing to the ears.

This is a forum...everyone has the right to post. If you wanna post here, be prepared to receive views and advices from the other forumers.
 

its_fate

Active Member
jill - U dun have to apologise to me.. Likewise U say, I belong to this sophisticated category... I don't have a CB mouth...

Juz in case U dun u/stand what is the meaning of CB... it means chicken backside.. that shit non-stop
happy.gif
 

yuene

Member
I think your reaction shows that your previous thread's got quite a lot to do with it. Iris found your post and you immediately get upset about it. Since you don't like people dragging up your past, why are you doing it to someone else? And worse yet, to someone you profess to love? How does your bf feel whenever, by your own admission, 'it blurts out'? You think it doesn't affect him? He is not a cold creature that can't get hurt by words and your lack of trust.

If it's affecting you so badly, and you can't find it in you to let go of something he did in his past (and hasn't done to you) then maybe you should end this relationship. He doesn't deserve this, either.
 

snowhusky

New Member
no salsa, you are wrong... im fine to receive bad comments..wad i dont like is, im talking about wad i need to do and how can i forget and acpt my bf's past. yet some ppl are just pin pointing at certain things that i say and not based on the whole. i suspect if their even here to read to provide ppl with honest advice. or... just to flame ppl and prove that their character is much more superior than the others...
 
"he never fails to sacrifice anything for me and the prob is, i have a very bad temper and i always mistrust him and suspect him. always wuarrel with him over the slightest details. "

Jill,
How do u define a "normal relationship"? A perfect relationship that's better than other people's relationships, or in love movies?

U will need to overcome your own insecurity that's eating u up first before u will find all your relationships "normal".
 

kiki81

Member
Hey Iris and Jill, stop arguing on defining por lock kuay... I believe Jill doesnt mean to all woman in the world.. Iris dont take it to heart. She is trying to find a word to describe "lose woman"..
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
"i know that people do improve and some realises that what happened before was a mistake... but then again, people do change from the better to the worst.. cant judge anything precisely, the world is ever changing..."

So?? Do u expect your bf to break up with u simply because things can change for the worse? This reason is as good as no reason. Simply put it, u are just not happy. Its never about judging precisely. So far u haven't bring up a logical reasoning to insist on your mindset actually.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Wow... after reading your reaction over sylphide's posts. Somehow, it becomes a flaming? Go figure that out. Are you victimising yourself or are you really here to seek opinions??
 

yuene

Member
No la, Milo... she's not reacting to my posts... at least I don't think she is (if she is, well, I couldn't care less). I do object to the remark she made about Iris, though.

Jill, since you want us to help you find ways to accept your bf's past, why don't you try this. You think about how you would hurt you would feel when someone keeps raking up your past mistakes, and insists that you are likely to do it again. Then, you remind yourself every time you feel tempted to drag it up that that's how your bf is going to feel when you do that. Learn how to exercise your self-control, and empathy.

Don't judge him on his past actions and say that hey, that's what he's going to do in future. Especially since he hasn't done it up till now. If he's visiting prostitutes while he's with you, then you know what, fine, ditch the fellow, whatever. But otherwise, it's like someone saying 'oh, that Jill? She's a divorcee. Don't marry her, cuz she might divorce again. After all she did it the first time round, obviously she doesn't hold marriage sacred'. It's like, HUH???? you get what I mean? It's not fair to say that. Likewise, it's not fair to him. And Green is right, your insecurity is causing the problems. You need to deal with that.

God, what the hell am I doing in the office at this hour...
 

its_fate

Active Member
Baobei187 - No worries.. I'm not affected by her comments.. It's her mouth and her life... She takes the leads...
 

vios

New Member
jill,

ur bf shld carry on where he left off since u couldn't help but keep suspecting that he would pay for sex behind ur back... it's rather tiring for both, isn't it?
maybe, he shld thank ur persistence questioning on 'the further truth' as he has a 'free-pass' to that path now.

if i were him, i might as well elaborated that i was a porn actor to get you totally off my back....
well, that goes to say for other niggling stuffs.

btw, don't try to conveniently push the idea of the women who've had countless sex partners to the guys, it wouldn't attract Empathy and Agreement from others because the circumstances are not comparatively similar and likely to differ from one to another - and for me, it's very straightforward - just leave, or stay on minus Ms Whining.
 
Vios,
Your post reminds me of this theory which I came across in a book..

The perfect relationship is between a deaf male and a blind female.

I see some truth in it LOL
 

lovingyou

New Member
Everyone has a past, be it good/not so good.. Take it as a learning process and it is important not to keep harping on it.
 

simpleman

Active Member
If I am the bf.. I would ask her to go fxxk spider.. to be a bit crude..

Then don't have to accept the past already
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
jill,

going back to my very 1st response, if you really want to cope with it, you have to sort it yourself because the issue is really within. It is pointless that every advise given, you are so ready to give yourself reasons to continue insisting on your mindset and beliefs. I don't see how you can learn to accept your bf for who he is if you continue to insist on your need and right to condemn him.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Jill, you need a brain damage to lose your memory of your bf's past, I think, but the risk is that you may lose all memories, including happy ones.

What is "por lock kuay"? Some kind of cake?
 

skylar

New Member
Por lock kuay means direct translation of broken, slut chicken..

also means freaking ultimately loose, ultimately slut pros
 


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