Cant forget the past.. anyone got good advice?

snowhusky

New Member
i just seemt o mind my bf's past, with his ex gf of four years. thou he tells me he doesnt really like her, but i guess they've been thru alot.. isit normal for a woman to sometime mind his present bf's past? we've argued about it coutless times, ive been trying to not talk about his ex but sometimes.. it just blurts out..
after i was with him, i also realised that he lied to me about him prostitution.. starting he swore to me that he's never prostituted before, but after wards due to my persistent questioning, he admitted that he has, not once.. but several times during his army days when he's in an on/off rltnshp with his gf of four years at that time..

He told me he went prostitution cuz his under "peer pressure" from his camp mates, which sounds ridiculous. But im just wondering if he's just that type of guys who loves to visit prostitute and might do that behind my back one day.. i just cant really acpt a guy who's like that.if ive known earlier before i fell in love with him, i would have NEVER been with him in the first place. Is it part of being curious or plainly just loves the thrill with prostitues.. i dont know... all these things weighs down alot on our relationship.. should i just give up? i know ther's no perfect man in this world, so as women. Isit acceptable?
 


miloice

Well-Known Member
No one can tell u its acceptable and then u go on worry free and happy.

Its within you. You have to sort it out yourself. Think about it, its totally ridiculous to demand to know his past and then resent him because of it. All these happens way back. We all make mistakes in life. What is more important is to see the real him NOW. Is he the one you can trust?

Whether you like it or not, we are what we are today because of the history. This is simple fact of life. We grow from mistakes and experiences and not from textbooks or living a perfect life.

"He told me he went prostitution cuz his under 'peer pressure' from his camp mates, which sounds ridiculous".
It really isn't ridiculous at all. A young guy with raging hormones but probably won't and dare not. But under peer pressure, one is more likely to give in. This isn't rocket science.
 

simpleman

Active Member
If you want an answer.. yes, it is unreasonable of you to hold your bf to his past and his ex and to argue about it.

it is the past.. why bother argue about it.

If I am your bf, I would ditch you right away..
 

its_fate

Active Member
Do U have a BF(s) previously?? If yes, did U have sex with him/them then?? Guess most can knw where I am coming from......

If your BF dun mind your past, why can't U?? It's U who want the truth and then "dwell" over it... it's senseless......
 

kiki81

Member
Everyone has its own history like what Milo mentioned. It is up to you if you willing to accept his past or just simply forget it. To rake up the past is a bad rule in a relationship. I believe you do make mistakes in your life. You are not a saint at all so does everyone. Ask yourself do you really love him or not. Accept as what he is. Most important thing is does he loves you or not and you are happy togther with him and love him or not. In a relationship,both should be happy. Be happy in growing together and learning from each other. Just give sometime to yourself. Think it over if you are ready to accpet his history and move on with him... Perhaps think about it for awhile youself before deciding whether to stay on or leave this relationship. Remember in a relationship, it take 2 hands to clap...
 

cherriez

New Member
I think visiting prostitutes on his part might be a sort of rite-of-passage thing, from the way you described it. Men do need some 'face' among their peers, especially in their youth? Of course he's reluctant to admit it to you! Who would proudly admit to doing such a deed? If he really wanted to hide it from you, you would never be able to force it out of him.

He probably guessed your reaction already, in the end he still caved in. Whether it was because he feels bad about hiding it or whatever reason, I don't know. But I'm sure he knew/suspected you would be upset, and I'm sure he trusted, maybe hoped that you would be able to handle the truth. So on your side, prove that you are able to do so, and chances are he will stop hiding things from you in future. Give him a chance to move on from his past and build a new future that belongs solely to the both of you
happy.gif
 

skylar

New Member
Exactly..

u wanted to know and now that he had told u the truth.. u cannot accept it & treat it as an act of unfaithfulness etc.. but all these things happen way before he was with you...

the most impt thing now is when he is with u now is he still doing it or not? As u see, he can chose to just lie thru his teeth & not tell u a thing abt his past & then u go worry-free & happy as a flea but when one day u were to find out the truth (let's say) from his frds rather than from he himself, ...

then how would u have reacted then?
 

vios

New Member
awwwwwwwwwwww! that is sad... i feel soooooooo bad for you.
sad.gif


he should have first waited for your holy appearance so that u wouldn't probe on his ex-gf.... would be accurately perfected by his parents if he was sent to the boys' school all his life, and perhaps shld avoid women like a plague altogether (maybe, with exception of his mum lah) - all for the huge sake of your impending arrival.

oh ya oh ya.... why didn't he remain a freaking virgin to experience first-hand with you? it is bad enuff that he lost it before you will take it away from him... and what the blardy f? he actually also had it with prostitutes as well?

peer pressure... my farking arse. in that kind of ns environment and at that age, there is no excuse that he shld not behave like a soldier when he had booked out for the weekend. he shld have stopped his buddies from proceeding further, and lecture them with the "we shall remain loyal to our country and FUTURE wife" theories.

what the heck.... u really meant, he didn't do all the above, did he?
awwwwwwww, what a shame. i hope ur next bf is clean, friendless and importantly, a virgin (masturbation included)

*heaves a 100kg sigh*
 

alcifertoh

New Member
Come up with an application form first. Like still a virgin and any past relationships got kiss or not and etc before the screening session.

Then send for blood test, medical check up and character reference before shortlisting for the final round of interview to be sitted for trial boyfriend.

Then give it a period of 6 months to evaluate before slapping a contract across binded with penalty.

An easier way is to abduct some primary school kids by the school gate and lock him up in a cage till he's of rightful age to start a relationship. This will ensure the purity of your partner without any histories and stains.... but wait. Kids are losing their virginity in primary schools. Even in kindergarden they are exchanging innocent kisses...
 

its_fate

Active Member
Ermmm.. Perharps this guy is her FIRST BF and she is still a V*rgin..... So that is why she cannot accept this FACTS!!!

Sex will Pros and Make Love with GF, the different is one has to pay and the other don't.....

U may not know Pros can be "cleaner" than any of us coz they got to make sure their clients wear "umbrella"...

I cannot accept if my hubby were to go look for one now.... BUT if it's PAST, why should I dwell over it??? Everyone has a PAST!!!
 

alcifertoh

New Member
No leh.... I lost my first kiss to my neighbour who was a year older than me when I was 5. She just grabbed and stuck her tongue into my mouth and I spit like made thereafter. She then compensated me with some plasticine which was my favourite toy back then haha.
 

vios

New Member
well, then don't confess to wifey, no matter what.....

i lied to my wife on the elaborative column in my application form that i've never seen porn and i've never purchased condoms... after ticking 'No' to pre-marital sex.
Shhh....
 

its_fate

Active Member
HBH - Wahahaha... U sure traumatise over this... Still can remember what she did to U.. So what is the colour of that plasticine??

U mean your papa/mama never kiss U b4?? wahahahah
 

margret

Member
iris, i beg to differ what u say, fyi u may not know many prostitutes don't use condoms if the customers pay them extra not to use and they are definitely not cleaner than many of us cos they have sex with many different partners everyday.

can i ask u if ur husband went to look for a prostitutes and didn't tell u before marriage and he contracted aids, few years later when the symptoms appeared and you also have aids from him, will you dwell on it that he didn't tell you?
 

alcifertoh

New Member
It was some pink colour ones which you buy at bookshop kind. With the strange smell and sticky hands after you play with them. Not the Utas playdoh which has a fragrance to it.

No lah my parents kissed me on the cheeks one. Of course traumatise lah wah lan... when I was young I was abused with kisses... my maternal uncles and aunties all bian tai one. They like to grab and french my cheeks till leaving it all wet...

But I also vividly remember that in kindergarden, 2 girls fought just to hold my hand when lining up hahaha.
 

alcifertoh

New Member
"can i ask u if ur husband went to look for a prostitutes and didn't tell u before marriage and he contracted aids, few years later when the symptoms appeared and you also have aids from him, will you dwell on it that he didn't tell you?"

That's why people go for premarriage body check up margret
happy.gif
It includes blood test for sexually transmitted dieases and various other tests.
 

its_fate

Active Member
margret - Exactly. That's why my post have "leeway" for more input...

Pros does not equal to AIDS.. If any party is a "public toilet aka any rider" who dun practise safe sex, there is oso high chance for one to contract AIDS... Blood Transfer can oso be one possibility.... Correct me if I'm wrong.....
 

skylar

New Member
nabz.. HBH... 2 girls fought to hold ur hands when lining up?? were u blindfolded when u go to sch?? whahahahah....

Like all others here, everyone has a Past, if u keep dwelling on the past then u can nv ever step forward for sure.. keep marching on the spot?? buay sian meh?

Vios..
u liar!! nv see porn, nv buy condoms??????
Ahmitofu!
 

yongqin

Member
Sinc ur aldy with him and if u feel that u cant leave him. U may like to let him know yr concerns, its gd. That u luv him but u somehow will think of the past, ask to give u some time.

But ppl tend to compare present with past as there is a history and possibility of happening agn.
 

its_fate

Active Member
KNS!! He is boosting his EGO lah.. He is not blindfolded... it's both the gals are blind wanting to hold him... wahahhaha..

Vios - I really find it hard to believe U!!! tsk tsk tsk... why can't U practise safe sex?? wahahahahah.................... "chio si wa"...
 

lovingyou

New Member
Jill: I believe everyone has a past and it is also the past that forms/shapes the person for who he or she is today. What has passed has passed, there is no point in dwelling over it as it simply remains the status quo and nothing will be changed. May I know how long are you with your bf? What you have asked is rather practical, since he was able to visit prostitutes while in a r/s, there is no guarantee that he won't do the same to you as well. However, people will/can change as they grows up, he might be more mature in his thinkings that he won't do such thing to hurt the r/s that you are sharing with him now? Hmm.. has he done anything so far to hurt you and/or the r/s? Personal opinion, just for safety precaution, it is advisable to ask your bf to do a body-checkup. It is not about trust, it is a matter of self-protection.
happy.gif
 

alcifertoh

New Member
Why? You both also jealous on knowing that girls fought to hold my hands issit? I know it... but that's the past and can't you'll just let it slide? Tsk Tsk Tsk...

My wife was so gracious about it... Thats why she's my wife ^_^
 

skylar

New Member
HBH....
F u lor.. lol...that is the past.. ya but we must RMB it.. u know?!! cannot just forget abt it like that..

that perhaps was ur life's most glorious moment..
pls take a moment to relive it.. hahahaha..

talking abt ur wife, the instant thot of ur TWIN BRUDDER comes to my mind.. hmm... no doubt.. that is why she is ur wife..
 

skylar

New Member
Eh Vivo!!

U bet u did the right thing at the right time that is why u got urself a wife! whaahahahahahaha
 

alcifertoh

New Member
Skylar,

U and salsa can share the guy who wannabe me since u'll just cnt get over him -_-

I'll just inform him and u'll be having free flow of tom yam.
 

snowhusky

New Member
"Exactly..

u wanted to know and now that he had told u the truth.. u cannot accept it & treat it as an act of unfaithfulness etc.. but all these things happen way before he was with you..."

yes, it is true i wanted to know the truth about his prostitution and i shouldnt be angry once he admits.. but the thing is.. before he admits. he actually lied about it and swore " if i lied to you that i ever visited a prostitute, i will get banged by a car" when he admitted to it, i was shocked as his "swearing" cant be trusted! if he can lie and swear to me about it, i dont know what else can be trusted, get wad i mean?

if all the way from the start he admitted and didnt " swear " anything, it wouldnt be so bad.. and before he admitted he always like to say " don understand why those guys like to visst prositute, pure waste of money" when he actually done that!!! its practically using his own words to slap himself back. but on the whole from wad i can see now, he's still considered "averagly honest" i dono if such person can be trusted...
scary...
 

snowhusky

New Member
i dont think there's anything good about visiting a prostitute.. if say once or twice out of curiosity, its accpetable.. but countless times... tell me who can accpt. for guys that dont understand wad i mean, just imagine if your present gf used to be a "por lok guay" or "any rider", you never know when she'll do it again... same goes to prostitution, all it takes is 40bucks in the pocket and any man can have a beautiful young thai sitting on their lap.. if he can do it countless times, wont it do it again.. thats my point of asking..
 

snowhusky

New Member
certain things i dont trust, but certain things i do trust.. when i was with him, we argued once and the next thing i know, he's at a nightclub that has vietnamese "freelancer" he claims he didnt do anything.. i dont know... but sometimes, he is honest to me... so i dont know.. but the wounds caused by previous lies are deep inside... its weighin down on our relationship, or to say on me...
 

rubbishcow

New Member
are you here to persuade yourself to end the relationship?

sorry for being blunt but this is the feeling i felt from your posts.
 

snowhusky

New Member
guys always think " there's nothing big deal about prostituing" everyone has done that. As same goes to women who say " it doesnt matter as its all due in the past" it could be because women who said that doesnt have experience with bf/exs that has been prostituting. but in actual fact, the guy could jolly well lie.. but then again, it is really quite normal that most guy, i would say 99% of whom ive known well enough to know that they do go geylang. i cant demand that my bf is "clean/virgin" but what i meant is that... Will they ever repeat.. sex is a beautiful thing, with the one you love ( i believe).. but wen such a natural act is being exploited into money making or pleasure seeking people, the meaning is no longer dere...

it is true that the present are all bits and pieces of the past that are put together. Without gaining experiences/ happenings/ wrongdoings wad so ever, there wont been the you/ me today.

And that's why, no one can garantee it wont happen again.. i know its very bad for a rltnshp when one party talks about the past consistently.. but are there anyone out there, seriously speaking, that doesnt mind at all about yr partner's past even if he/she has had like example 100 sex partners?
 

alcifertoh

New Member
Seriously speaking if all these are bothering you that much, and it's within your citeria of having someone with a clean past and does not visit prostituition, strike this guy off your list.

I never asked about my ex-gfs or wife's past. Because I do not want to know. Neither has mine been asked. What for dig up a shit hole and find it smelly when you can't handle?

Before we move on to prostituition and behaving promiscously against moral codes and behaviour. You choose this guy. And if you felt that you had been lied into it, just leave him. It'll be better for all than blaming on the act of prostituition, ex-gfs and such. Ain't got anything to do with all this. It's the guy whom you choose to be with.
 

rubbishcow

New Member
honestly, having multiple sex partners now is very common. if you really mind it so much, ask your bf to go for a full check up and make sure that he is clean enough.

i am saying this because my ex sleep around even when he is with me. i will never ask and never knew how many people he had slept with since i enjoyed sex with him. who knows he may be prostituting himself and i wont know. well, there were once he asked me what's my view of male escort and told me it can really bring alot of money. well, i did not probe further into his question.

fortunately for me, i went for thorough health check after i broke off with him and i did not get STD.
 

cuclainne

New Member
jill, the husband was even married to someone else (common-law marriage) before he met me .. i didn't care cos that was his past. likewise he's never asked me about my 'dating' history because frankly how relevant is that information to your current relationship?

it's hard to find someone, whether it's a guy or girl, who's never been with someone before .. if you want someone with a really clean slate, i suggest you get them when they're young .. like before puberty or something. that way, you can ensure that you're the only one in his life and there was no one before you ..
 

rubbishcow

New Member
then start as a child lor... like those ancient people whereby they started to matchmake their children at super duper young age..
 

alcifertoh

New Member
"Come up with an application form first. Like still a virgin and any past relationships got kiss or not and etc before the screening session.

Then send for blood test, medical check up and character reference before shortlisting for the final round of interview to be sitted for trial boyfriend.

Then give it a period of 6 months to evaluate before slapping a contract across binded with penalty.

An easier way is to abduct some primary school kids by the school gate and lock him up in a cage till he's of rightful age to start a relationship. This will ensure the purity of your partner without any histories and stains.... but wait. Kids are losing their virginity in primary schools. Even in kindergarden they are exchanging innocent kisses..."

Quoted from my earlier post. I think have to book when the baby is still in the mum's womb.
 

lovingyou

New Member
I guess what Jill is uncomfortable is the fact on prostitution and the way that her bf lies to her.. But Jill, he was llike that before he met you and probably he might still remains this way, noone knows, are you able to accept his flaws? Are you able to trust him or perhaps turning a blind eye if history does repeats? I have a friend, her partner sleeps around whenever he is stress, but my friend stand by him all this while, regardless of how hurt she felt and the torturing sleepless nights that she been through and eventually, this action touched the guy and the guy changed for the better. Majority of the people might think that she was being stupid, she admitted to being stupid but at the same time, she admitted to loving the guy and accepting his flaws.
 

its_fate

Active Member
jill - Excuse me. Pardon me for my poor English.. So U are saying gals who have sex with other guys b4 this present BF will be labelled as "Pok Lok Guay" or "Any Rider"????

quote: "just imagine if your present gf used to be a "por lok guay" or "any rider", you never know when she'll do it again..." unquote

Are U consider as one too???????????
 

kiki81

Member
Jill if you cant accept the fact as what he has done. So be it and then just break off this relationship. Trust is one of the criteria in a relationship. If a quarrel happens, I believe you will use this up in the quarrel. Most important to be together is be happy not everyday quarrel or suspects this or that while he is not in your vision. Honestly tell youself, do you want to be always suspectious on such things and dont you feel tired in this relationship?
 

dramarama

New Member
Jill, what is acceptable to us may not be acceptable to you. If you can't handle his past & continues to harp on it, its gonna piss him off.

I know if my b/f continues to bring up my past everytime we have an argument, its a matter of time that i'll dump him. Cos i know for sure i don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who cannot look beyond my past mistakes.
 

lovingyou

New Member
Baobei, there is a higher possibility that you can find someone if the r/s starts young.. Esp those who are still schooling.. keke..
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Now they start having bf/gf really young. My cousin's son has a gf at 13.....looks like need to look at the sub-13 group.
 

kiki81

Member
Wah I know too old for it leh.. hahhaha.. perhaps in my next life...

Jill remember in this era, there is no cat who dont eat fishes loh....
 


snowhusky

New Member
IRIS,

pls read
quote
for guys that dont understand wad i mean, just imagine if your present gf used to be a "por lok guay" or "any rider",
unquote

or maybe you should pardon ME for my bad english.
pls read the sentence in front, im not labelling every single girl who sleeps with their ex is a por lock guay. im merely making a comparison over the similarities of what prostituting is like to a women to what it is like when a man's gf/ wife is an ex por lock kuay (at least in my own views)

some men dont understand why most girls dislike guys who prostitute, so i just said: imagine if your gf is a (or ex) por lock kuay who sleeps around.
 

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