Can long distance marriages work? What is your view?

[whitelv]

Do you think a long distance marriage i.e. a couple living apart due to career reasons but see each other twice a mth, will work out?

I've heard of families where the dad travels back home every weekend and then flies off again. How do they function I wonder?!

 

[wat_are_dreamz]

Every marriage needs maintaining. LDR just require more trust, honesty n effort. Twice a month is quite frequent in terms of bonding. Most LDR is when the couple sees each other once in 3-6mths.

Not every couple is able to accept n endure thro a LDR. It has to depend on both parties characters - whether they are secured n independent individuals. Sometimes absence makes the heart fonder n fewer things to quarrel about. Haha.

 

[tomasulu]

It's more common than u think. I travelled almost 50 weeks last year and we've 3 young ones. But my wife is amazingly independent; few women can do what she does taking care of the family. That allows me to do what I do without too much worries.

 

[cococherry]

See each other twice a mth still fine, it might not work for mine if its a few mths.

 

[pantieileen]

i didn't see mine for entire feb...with Skype, msn, whatsapp, bbm there's actually no difference between living together in singapore. But have been travelling every week since Oct. Except the entire Feb when i returned to US.

I make it a point to be home at 10pm to skype, "watch tv" together on the same channel on cable, do a little of cyber porn. There's always something new to discover with LDR...haha..it's nice to see each other once a month and make up all the sex.

I guess if you are doing Asia Pac posting it's ok..if it's California it's a bitch. EU or East Coast USA is still not so bad in terms of timing

Actually i refused to follow despite the pretty handsome spousal allowance. I didn't see why i should give up my career for his and they can't match my annual re numeration package so i decided to try it out for a year. If things doesn't work out, i'll stop working. So far so good. Plenty of time to catch up with friends, walk my dogs, go out shopping with my MIL and spend our spouses' money. (my FIL is also on overseas posting, they see each other once every 3months or more frequently depending on his golf trips!)

 

[ariel84]

I think it can work if the couple is committed to make it work.

My good friend was having a long distance marriage with her hubby for 1 year due to work attachment overseas. It was not easy because the time difference suck. The highlight of her day was waking up and checking MSN for the "offline" messages her hubby left her. They do skype whenever time allows.

All in all, it's about making the effort, communicating their needs and being committed to each other. Now, they are still very happily married after 7 years.

 

[snoopies]

Me & my hubby is an example. He works overseas 90% of his time. Only return home twice a month but only 2 days stay each time. i.e. out of 30 days, we only see each other 4days.

He joined his co 1 mth b4 our wedding and had travelled since. Till now, about 6mths.. I could say we're still surviving.

Only thing is.. not too sure if each other expectation towards each other has grown or more difference has surfaced, recently during his return, we will end up unhappy and argued over small little things. This is quite taxing and depressing as we should be appreciating each other more and treasures every minute together. Felt we have drifted more or less... wonder how we can make our r/s better.

 

[russelwashington]

Hi!

I married one of the lovely Philippine brides and we are on a long distance relationship. It's easy, if you trust each other and knows how to spend quality time together.

 

[eagerbride01]

i think LDR can work out if both parites want it to
but for me i will never do ldr cuz im someone who beliefs in phisical contact
so i need to see him, be around him, hold him to know that he is still there with me

difficult to explain la but because ive had a long term ldr before and it made me feel very lonely even though i have family n friends with me.
i guess ldr is smthg that just isnt for me

 

[carlislesg]

For me.. i don't like Long Distance Relationship,
But if thats the case, then make sure that you already know him and have a solid relationship first. before entering Long Distance Relationship.

 

[whitetiramisu]

even knowing a person well and have solid relationship before LDR isn't easy too.

takes alot of determination and emotional commitment to substain.

 

[tomasulu]

The better question is - can my marriage withstand such a separation? And only you two can answer that question. There's no correlation between the experience of another couple and what you will or can do.

 

[cuclainne]

agree with toma .. i was in a LDR for about 1.5 years before we both agreed that the situation was not ideal and that we needed to be together in one place. but i do know of other couples who are ok with maintaining a LDR even after marriage.

 

[tomasulu]

Snoopies your experience is to be expected because such an arrangement is not easy. It takes adjustments from both when your husband returns after so long. Say one party wanted to make full use of the 2 days together and planned a great number of us-activities. While the other just wants to chill and take it easy. Household routines may be broken because your husband wasn't around and isn't aware or doesn't see the point of having them. Like the first thing I wanted to do when I'm back is to talk to my kids... even if they're asleep. As u can imagine waking them up isn't to the wife's liking. not when she'd just spent half hour trying to get them to bed. Why do older couples quarrel less? Partly because they have gone old and mellowed. Partly because they've learned to live with each other's quirks. With your huaband away most of the time. You have to continually learn and unlearn each other's habits. That made it tough.

 

[eddie77]

I would say the relationship won't be able to sustain in the long run.

 

[mggelimlim58]

my uncle had married a young Thai wife. As he could not get her a PR due to his low income, the wife had to go back to Thailand and could only come to Singapore once every few months. He could only contact his wife through long distance call, however he was not able to track what the wife was doing in Thailand. Recently my mum told us that my uncle had divorced the wife because she had an affair with another man... (i have no idea how he found out later..)

 

[miloice]

what is the relevance?

Last week, my neighbor's dog gave birth to 3 cute puppies. I have no idea what's the relevance here either.

Just shoot only.

 

[powder]

Maggie,

i think the kind of relationships here are more the type we go thru... u know, dating, movies, over the years, actual love types.....

not matchmaking with foreign bride type.