Can I sue him for rape ?

ashamed

New Member
I have something that pricks me every night. I do not dare to share with anyone....
The nightmare began 3 months ago. I called the chatline and know z. After few exchanges of calls and msn, we met at our void deck. We click very well and went out for meals.
He told me he has been looking for someone like me but I told him there was no way to begin a relationship with him due to the way we know each other.
He did not blame me And we continue to be good friends. One day he came to pick me for a midnight show. Halfway in the journey , he told me he forget to turn off The stove after boiling water. I told him to call home to off it. He called and there was no answer.
We decided to go and turn in off. In the house he became very emotional. He cried and ask me y I cannot accept him? I felt guilty as I didn't know I hurt him that much. Then he started hugging me And told me he has needs And he haven't release for some time.
I told him that I wont have sex. He said no sex, jus hugging. But as we started to have some contact, he was using his body to press against mine!!!! I beg him to stop but he didn't .
After the nightmare, he keep on apologizing. I said I wan to go home and he sent me back. I kept quiet in the car.
When I reach home, the more I think about it, the angrier I felt. I ask myself , was I rape ??!?????!?
The answer is yes
I cry every night.
I told him I will report him. He said we have taken pics and he has posted on his Facebook . Police will not believe it's rape.
What should I do ?
 


infojunkie

Active Member
"He said we have taken pics and he has posted on his Facebook . Police will not believe it's rape"

NOT TRUE at all.


when did it happen?

hopefully u still hv with u physical evidence of the assault... that's impt.

and talk to someone u can trust... pls dun make this tough decision all by urself.
 

ashamed

New Member
No... I will never be able to face my friends if they know this. I'm sorry but can u elaborate what u mean by evidence ? I have his add, HP, car number, name now
 

infojunkie

Active Member
hmm... how abt clothes u wore that nite? i hope u didn't send them to the laundry...

and try talk to a close family member... preferably a female.
 

ashamed

New Member
Unfortunately this is The first time I experienced something like this so I didn't keep the Clothes unwashed as evidence .
I jus want to forget this and move on.
But I feel injustice for myself.
I dun want to talk to anyone that's y I resort to here.
The only person I vent my frustration is on him.
He is stil very apologetic about how this incident has affected me and is willing to go on a relationship as a means to repent.
I really hate him. Really hate.
 

matka

Member
Hi Ashamed,

I could be wrong, but from your description, it sounds more like molest than rape. But as long as it is against your will, you can always make a police report.

It's terrible that there are people who simply cannot respect others. I hope that you will find the strength to get over this unpleasant encounter. If you want to bring him to justice, please do so. Take care...
 

infojunkie

Active Member
"I feel injustice for myself. I dun want to talk to anyone that's y I resort to here."

how can u wanting to sue him without ur family knowing? be more realistic pls. anyway, it doesn't mean u dun hv a case without physical evidence... just less advantageous. anyway, do it only if u're able to handle it. else forget abt it.

"He is stil very apologetic about how this incident has affected me and is willing to go on a relationship as a means to repent"

what a joke...

stop all communication with him if u really wanna forget this and move on. learn ur lesson well and dun make the same mistake again.
 

ashamed

New Member
He used his right hand to press down my tummy , left hand to pull my shorts, and his legs to press my legs. The rest I have already try my best to erase from memory and do not wish to talk about it.
I really wish to report . But i have no evidence and if The police believe him not me, I will not be able to lift my head forever.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
No, its not rape. there was no sex. Molest it is and outrage of your modesty with his sexual advances.
 

infojunkie

Active Member
hope u're still reading this...

go for a thorough check up tmr. u hv to make sure nothing unwanted comes ur way.

take care.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Please do not feel ashamed. You are a victim. This guy is a predator and you are probably not his 1st.

Whether it is his last will depend on whether he is caught and made to answer for his crimes. This is modern 21st century lady.

Its a terrible thing to go through. Do you want others to suffer that same fate because each time, the victims only feel shame on their own and sweep it under the carpet.

And his apology is just trying his luck for free sex for as long as possible with you.
 

ariel84

New Member
Please don't be ashamed and scared. Please report him. Don't let this scum get away with this!

Please know that it's not your fault that this happened and you do not need to feel ashamed about it. You are a victim and the law needs to get this guy and put him behind bars.
 

powder

Active Member
i think u need to at least reveal if there was any penetration.

also, suing is not a course of action. u dun sue for rape, it is an offence in the eyes of the law.
 

infojunkie

Active Member
justice is a faraway dream when she can't even summon the courage to talk it out.

i think she needs to seek professional help first.
 

tomasulu

Member
I am no expert but I think you've a case legally. But if I were the guy I'd have a very different take on what happened that night.
 

ashamed

New Member
hi junkie.. thanks for the links however, i get quite emotional while reading thru the information. as soon as i get over it, i will read it properly.. thanks for your kindness and effort.

hi powder, unfortunately, the answer is yes.

at this point of time, the qn is no longer can i or can i.

the qn is should i or should i not report against him.

being someone who cares much about mian zhi issue, i really need more time to think and rethink...

i appreciate all the advices from the bottom of my heart.

by the way, tomasulu, i dont understand what u mean by "But if I were the guy I'd have a very different take on what happened that night."

thank you.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Ashamed, I think what toma meant is that that guy would probably lie through his teeth and paint you as a willing party. If he has taken videos, he probably has tones of such incriminating evidence in his home. Make the police report and stop the crime. He will only get bolder everytime.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
btw, change that nick, u should not be ashamed. Don't allow yourself to be a victim of your own mentality.
 

tomasulu

Member
meaning it's gonna be hard to prove.

assuming he wasn't physically violent and you didn't complain to anyone after the fact. you willingly engaged in physical intimacy with the guy and allowed him to send you home... you may call it coercion, he will say it was consentual. if i were the judge, i will be very reluctant to convict someone on the account of what you've just described.
 

eddie77

New Member
Hi! Go and make a police report.
The police will tell you if it is a rape or not and whether there is enough evidence or not.
Don't keep thinking about it. Go and do it before it's too late.
By the way, if you don't do it soon enough. It may be contested that why didn't you report him straight after.
My advice is go and make a police report NOW.
You are protected by the women charter.
 

oneder

New Member
Request for a female office to make you feel more comfortable in reporting the incident. Like what other forummers has said. Go make the police report and stop the crime from happening again.
 

shyanne

New Member
Hey, be brave and report on this bast**d. You are the victim here but you can help others by preventing this from happening to other girls like you.
 

simpleman

Active Member
You can't sue him for rape. However, you can report to the police and let them handle.

Let them advise you if you have a strong case..

You have to be strong to want to report this as you may not get anything out of it..

Firstly, you met him in Chat-line.. Why are you doing in chat-line. It is a favorite hunting ground for sex..

Secondly, it took you a while to report. You even allowed him to send you home. How can you convince that it is non consensual.. and not because you can't get what you want out of him - and that you are now accusing him of rape?

I know you will be made and furious with this suggestion.. but this is what his defense lawyer will be saying to you.

I am just being realistic.. the best is to let the police handle..
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Ashamed, I hope you have kept all the SMS apologies he has sent you, if there were. These are secondary evidence, depending on whether any direct reference has been made about that night's incident. But let the police investigate and prosecutor determine these if he is hurled to the court later.

Like SM has said, you must be mentally strong to want to report this to the authority. But let me tell you that using a chatline and even going out with a person you knew from there DOES NOT mean you give consent to sex. People will challenge you on that but you must be firm and strong in your conviction. It is a fact that you have been violated and it remains a fact even if no one buys your story.
 

ashamed

New Member
Hi....
There are millions of why in my mind as well....
Why did I call the Line ?
Why do I trust him ?
Why am I So useless ?
However there is no answers...

I really do not know how to relate This case to anyone face to face. How would they see me ? Dirty ?

As for the SMS ... I read thru one by one... It all looks like expression of love. He never indicates in his SMS that he forced himself on me....
 

eddie77

New Member
Hi! I have some ideas for you to get some evidence for yourself.
You can sms him now and ask him like saying ...
"When I didn't want to do it, why did you force me?"
"When I told you to stop, when did you continue?"
"You know that I told you I don't want to have sex, right?"
You can think of some others,try to bring across
the idea that you didn't want to and you DID tell him to stop but he continued forcing. Let him indirectly admit by responding to them.
I think this are good evidence.
As far as I know, even if he sent you home or even if you guys are dating, as long as you didn't consent to have sex, that is rape. You can report him. Remember, you are protected by law.
 

ariel84

New Member
Would you at least consider calling the SABS Helpline that Junkie posted? They are trained and can help you with this. If you're uncomfortable to share with people who know you in real life, you should call this hotline. Maybe they can help you be more prepared before you report that scum.

Don't ask yourself too many "whys" now. Stop blaming yourself for what happened. Nobody asks to be raped. He is the scum that needs to be caught! Now the important thing is to report him, and prepare yourself to face whatever questions that may come.
 

eddie77

New Member
Be strong. Don't blame yourself.
All of us make mistakes. You can see many in this forum.
Don't think negatively. It's not going to help.
Just do what you should do now.
 

ashamed

New Member
Hi Eddie .... In fact i have sent him many SMS similar like yours....

But he always twists and reply irrelevantly, like hurting me is The last thing he would do , he can use his life to prove all we went thru is worthwhile ...
 

ah_o

New Member
While u r questioning and wondering if u should report him or not, he could be plotting a new story to bring his next victim to his home.
 

lovingyou

New Member
Ashamed: Was protection used? If not, am jus wondering if you heed for medical checkup thereafter, the medical records could be a helpful evidence in one way or another... Another point, care to elaborate on what you mean by he has taken some photos? Some photos over what happened that night or is he referring to the photos that you guys took during your other dates?
 

icesugar

New Member
Hi,

Please go make a police report, but don't go to those small neighbourhood police posts, go to the bigger police stations and request for a female officer, think that will be easier for you.

Don't let this guy prey on other women causing more victims....
 

adesmond2

New Member
Hi,
Dun be ashamed of yourself.
"I told him I will report him. He said we have taken pics and he has posted on his Facebook . Police will not believe it's rape. "
based on this statement, this guy clearly is using threats, i meant if you like this person or love this person, threats is always the last choice, isn't it?
 
Hi TS,

Do you know that even husband can be charged for raping wife? Even if the woman who is willing in the first place, but changed her mind right before the entry and the guy still proceed to force himself on the the woman, the guy can still be charged for rape?

It's obvious that this bastard have got everything plotted.. He's probably 'experienced' and have done similar deeds to other victims before you. What's worse is after the deed, he's still getting a hold on you, manipulating you especially emotionally, to prevent you from reporting to the police. By not reporting to the police, he get to go scot-free and continue to look for more victims.

Don't let him get his way, REPORT to police!
 

ashamed

New Member
Hi I'm thankful for all your advice and sharing ...

Little woman, he didn't use any protection .... N the pics are jus randomly taken in his car. Nothing indecent ones.

Thank you.
 

eddie77

New Member
Don't worry about the pictures.
Even with those pictures that you guys took together, you still have a valid case against him.

Do you know that even for boyfriend and girlfriend together, the girl can still report her boyfriend for raping if it is against her will?
Don't be scared by him. You have a valid case.
 

ashamed

New Member
Thanks for the advices..

While it seems very clear to many people here that making a report against him is the only logical thing to do, there's alot of emotional turmoil to handle ..

I feel sorry to all The girls, for not making z get his punishment .

I feel very selfish and guilty. To protect my image, I still have not taken any action. I also need to take care of my family feelings. I don't wan them to feel sorry for me..

Theres too many too many issues relating to my nightmare .

I hope I can walk out soon.
 

autumntime

New Member
I believe most if not all rape victims go through this same emotional turmoil and struggle. I'm sorry, it must be very tough on you.

Please do call AWARE's helpline and speak to someone (the decision to report or not is entirely up to you):

A rape victim may also contact AWARE to arrange for a Befriender to accompany her to the police or court. Contact AWARE’s Helpline (1800 774 5955) between 3 pm and 9.30 pm to request for a Befriender.

Will the victim’s name be publicised?

A victim can request for her name not to be publicised if the case should go to court. The Court will usually accommodate this request. The victim may also request to testify in camera (in private).

All calls and cases will be kept confidential.

For more information, please go to: http://www.aware.org.sg/resources/information/help-for-rape-victim/

Don't go through this alone, best to confide in a very close friend/ sibling or mother. If it is not possible and you wish to keep it from them, at least talk to someone from AWARE.

Most importantly, know this:
It is not your fault.
 

matka

Member
Ashamed, I wish you strength. If you do not wish to report him, at least make a first step to heal yourself first. Do speak to someone in Aware or a professional counsellor who can guide you through your emotional journey.

If you haven't already found it, you might also find this forum useful. http://pandys.org/forums/

Take care
 


nikeplus

New Member
Ashamed, I understand your concerns for not reporting him. However by not reporting him, how many more girls will fall victim to him?

You can report him but not press charges against him so at least you can still keep your identity unknown??? Can someone confirm this? At least your case will be on the police records and if any victim like to press charges against him, it's all there.

You mentioned that no protection was used. You should see a doctor, test yourself for any STDs, HIV and pregnancy.

Find a female friend, colleague, mother, sister, church friend to confide in. Please do not walk this path alone. Nobody will judge you. Help yourself.
 

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