Birth of 1st baby - had miscarriage - conceive 2nd child - 2nd BB delivered: All within one year?


mootie

New Member
yep, this MIL has always been an "extra" in this whole situation. main person is actually the husband who nods at everything the mum says.

that's wat made the situation out of control.
 

nolem

New Member
my hb ever told me that he thinks he'll never get married till the day his mum is no long around bcos he knows no other person outside his family can tolerate his mother. He says he is willing to resign to this fate.

My hb is a good man, its a pity i hv to forgo him.. As much as i tried, i just cant let myself be thumbed down by MIL like the way he is. She expects me to be submissive to her as well just like her son. Just like how she pressed my head as she pinned a red flower on my head during my wedding tea ceremony and use the black pin to prick my scalp.
 

bobochacha

New Member
but Nolem babe..wat if ur hubby is really his mum son..hw u going to solve also??

i think temper stuff needs alot of time also..

my mum temper also getting better coz we always bring her out to gai gai..
 

mootie

New Member
nolem: the way she pinned ur head down and pricked ur scalp is a form of a tradition. exactly like wat u said, she wants to pin u down to be submissive to her. scary to an extent, this kind of person might even go the extreme of putting a curse.

by resigning to his fate is a hard fact of life, no matter wat, it's his mother we r toking about. but if he don't even stand up for u, then dun expect him to be able to do anything in the future urself. if u still love him n have no wish of leaving him, be prepared for this war all by urself. else, leave for a better one
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
its also a pity I didn't win 4D and toto. What a waste...

nolem, do u get with I'm driving at. In life, we want many things in life. But, not everything will go our way. Face it, this is life. This is your choice of marriage. He has already resigned to his fate, what kind of future do you see in him?
 

nolem

New Member
sometimes i feel hb is being "2Yu 4Xiao" as can never reject command from MIL. He is far beyond filial, despite that kind of treatment from MIL. He feels he is obligated since she birth to him (brainwashed already?).
 

bobochacha

New Member
nolem are u my bro's wife ah?? coz the way u describe ur MIL like my mum eh..(just joking..no offence ah..)

my bro also a very quiet man..dont dare to talk back..and my mum temper was super bad until she can create stories to sow discorb between our sliblings eh..and she dont talk to us..she shouts until neighbour can hear..and even threatens to go dwnstairs and slp..but she can still cook dinner 4 us ah..

but it was until she was hospitalised for depression..she ran away from hospital..after hitting the nurse..and went to police post herself for us to find her there..it was then we paid more attention to her..

could it be woman reach a certain age is having their metapause(hw to spell ah??)
 

bobochacha

New Member
does ur MIL has hubby bo?? if not why her attention always at ur hubby??

coz my mum dont have her hubby..maybe reach a certain age will demand more and wants to spend time with her children..

my mum still ok..bring her out gai gai and give her $$ she happy..
 

cuclainne

New Member
it is possible to conceive another as soon as one/ two months after delivery. as soon as a woman start menstruating again, the possibility of conceiving is there. i know someone who's expecting a 2nd child when her first child is only 2 months old. i conceived my no.2 when my no.1 was about 6 months old.

and it's not quite right to say that she's treating him like this cos he might be adopted.

my aunt adopted a child when she couldn't conceive after 10 years' marriage. shortly after adopting this boy, she managed to conceive. she treated both of them fairly and when he turned 18, she told him the truth. he didn't want to look for his birth mother - even though my aunt have the details - because he said he's only known one mother and that's my aunt.

don't try to look for things that might not even exist, except in your mind.
 

bobochacha

New Member
Ya..i think we can never win the old ppl..

their "i eat salt more then u do" already overwrite us..

sometimes i wana say my mum back..but my education more then u eh?? but i dont dare..wait she 4am call me up again..hahaha
 

mark78

Active Member
Yes, that it.. Cuc.. she a woman yet she do not understand the basic woman reproductive system. or am i too well informed on this issue. hmm
 

blurblurman

New Member
communication ... communication ....
learn to talk in a nice way ... especially with short fuse person, any little little detail can make them unhappy ... and get upset.
 

nolem

New Member
Milo: maybe i just refuse to face it that i hv married the wrong person. That's why i am seeking to get around resolving MIL issues, hopefully it can make my hb wake up.

I was once admitted to hospital weeks after my wedding. Doc says its some unidentified virual fever. Then someone close to me prompted that it may be some curse-thingy from my MIL, since she had a bad record of resorting to voodoos..... The best part is, she refuse to allow hb to stay over my maiden hse to care for me upon discharge.
 

bobochacha

New Member
i think some woman are just super fertile ba..like my aunt..she has 8 kids..4 gals 4 boys..oldest is 27, youngest is 6..hehe
 

nolem

New Member
chris: my FIL is still around and they operate a business together (see each other 24 hours). SIL stays 3min walk from her house and comes over with her kids v frequently.

I could be wrong but i somehow feel MIL is trying to secure a son for old age to depend on, so she will bite and not let go.
 

bobochacha

New Member
my mum also depend alot of my bro..tot tat he will bring her over to stay also...but end up she's going to stay with my sis..

i think parents must know all children plays a part ah..cannot just rely on the sons..all old thinkings..

but i think our new generation of parents will be better ba..
 

nolem

New Member
My fren told me the red flower thing is a voodoo thing. After that, i overheard her telling my hb to tell me that the red flower only symbolise luck, no special intention.... that she accidently pressed my head bocs she lao hua and cant see clearly. In the first place, i kept quiet abt this incident and swallowed it down. Is she trying to cover herself and clarify things before anyone confronts her abt it?
 

cuclainne

New Member
my maternal grandmother had 14 kids .. and three husbands .. well, not all at the same time la. the first one passed away, the second one - well, they divorced and my grandpa was her third husband. but all my aunts and uncles get along together despite having different dads.
 

cuclainne

New Member
to me, it just sounds like you're using her as an excuse to not blame yourself for making the decision to marry your 'weak' husband.
 

cuclainne

New Member
oh, i also want to educate you that a normal pregnancy lasts 9 months, not 10 .. though some women might be overdue a few days or even weeks. but then again, there's also such thing called premature deliveries where the babies might be delivered as young as 6 months into the pregnancy.
 

bobochacha

New Member
i also heard alot of stuff during wedding..wat ur shoes must be on top of ur hubby..etc etc..

i'm ok with filial sons but not mummy's boy..

my PIL also super traditional ppl..also pins hopes on my hubby..even want to give him their lifetime $$ instead to his sis..but my hubby rejected..said must be equal..my MIL always go temple pray..i scare she prayed for a grandson..i super stressed eh..on and off if my hubby find their request unreasonable..he will shoot them back..

but sometimes he's ok to give in..although i might fuss abt it..but he said parents also dont have much time with us..
 

blurblurman

New Member
I never understand why MIL can be in the picture of ur marriage. It should be between u and ur hubby.

If MIL is a problem, stay away from MIL.
If ur hubby is the problem, things become tricky..
If the problem lies with u, u need to learn to sort it out urself
 

nolem

New Member
Blur :I think its a combination of all

If MIL is a problem, stay away from MIL >> She is too controlling

If ur hubby is the problem, things become tricky.. >> He is too obliging towards MIL

If the problem lies with u, u need to learn to sort it out urself >> I cant take it anymore and do not allow MIL to attempt to dictate me or my marraige

chris : many pple wld think my MIL is traditional and that's why she behave in this manner. But fact is, she will buy expensive fish to give to SIL bring home and my hb only brings back oranges.
 

blurblurman

New Member
as u can see, u don't want to take it anymore...
So the solution is to ask ur hubby not to be too obliging to ur MIL...this may be the root of ur ur problem.

As for ur MIL, she will always be what she is ...
 

mootie

New Member
nolem: so either u fight back on ur own or juz leave it as it is and get urself out of it. coz i believe neither of them will change.
 

blurblurman

New Member
to me, it is an easy solution, go out and leave ur MIL out of ur life ....

1. move out and have ur own life
2. go overseas etc ....

Do not take this issue of own son or adopted son issue as an excuse...afterall ur MIL bring up ur hubby
 

its_fate

Active Member
So..... Be it the hubby is adopted or genuine childbirth, the MIL will still bite and not let go.... Is there really a NEED to find out the TRUTH??

Juz let the MIL "chew" the hubby to bone since the hubby refused to stand up on his own....????
 

nolem

New Member
Blur: I know i hv to get hub not to be so obliging towards MIL, but no matter what i say, he can never. Bcos he says MIL has such terrible temper that anyone who goes against her wishes, she will create havoc in the family. So in order to hv peace at home, they all submit to her. If he makes MIL angry, she will vent her anger on FIL too and he doesnt want him to suffer. I dunno what to do.....
 

blurblurman

New Member
OK ... sound familiar to me...
once ur MIL get angry, she will vent anger on anyone beside her ... that is because she can't control her temper ...( just like my wife :) hee hee). So how to resolve it, stay away from ur MIL....and only happen to see them once a while ... (just treat this as a stupid suggestion)
 

nolem

New Member
often, hb will even admit that its his own wishes and not due to command of MIL. But i knew he claimed this way to make me less upset and hv no grounds to persuade him since it is his own decision. I knew it bcos things were ok till he receives calls from MIL.

Just like when he was too busy to go back for dinner due to work, MIL kept calling non-stop to pester him, he finally had to go. Being a gal i dun even visit my mum's place every week like he does. My parents even tell me no need to come back bcos they know i am busy with household chores and need personal couple times on weekends. When i asked why he need to go home every week, he will tell me is his own wish. But obviously he informs me only after receiving calls from MIL. My hb doesnot make plans to go back, its only after MIL calls then he bobian have to. He is not those sort who is close to his mum nor home-bound type, i know for sure he doesnt 'miss' his family etc etc and i find it crappy. I'm struggling to manage household chores while he spends unecessary time going back for dinner, only to get naggings and comes home unhappy. What's the point?
 

mootie

New Member
一哭,二闹,三上åŠï¼

let her go create lo. since FIL can marry ur MIL and live with her for so long, he sure got tactic against her. like, turn a deaf ear..
 

mootie

New Member
i guess, if it's a once a wk thingy, then should be fine. she only get to see him once a week to ahve dinner mah.

and since u r not living together with her, then leave it lo. ur MIL is happy commanding ur husband, ur husband is happy to conform to her requirements, then happy family lo.
 

blurblurman

New Member
so u are just frustrated with house hold chores because ur hubby goes back to MIL for dinner ... then u should free urself out of the tire chores e.g. outsource to part time maid ...( if u don't hv financial issues).

letting ur hubby goes back once a week is not unreasonable ...
 

nolem

New Member
Blur : On yr suggestion to go overseas, i am glad that i was recently offered a delegation to work overseas for 2 years. I somehow cant wait to go. Although to many other newly weds, some might even give up this opportunity just to be with their spouse. Am i abnormal to feel this way?

I hoped, wished, prayed my hb will go with me bcos this is the only way we can get out of her clutches. But sad to say, he will never bcos MIL will never agree to it. I am saddened that such decisions which supposedly to concern the couple only, final decision is made after considering whether MIL will be happy or not.

I can predict she will demand hb to move back after i leave SG and influence him to sell our house so i hv no choice buy to move in after i return. She will be gloating over my absence... just like how she told my hb not to get married if it means to move out as it is modern to remain bachelor nowadays.

I know my marriage will break sooner or later cos i am all negative towards MIL after experiencing 2 years of nasty things she done to create trouble and obstacles to prevent us from moving out. I can never ever accept her again and i know a marriage cant work bcos it encompass more than 2 persons...
 

blurblurman

New Member
if i am ur hubby shoes ... i will just got an air-ticket and fly out with u ..... why bother abt ur MIL.

So u see, the issue is ur hubby ... ur MIL can request it, but ur hubby don't hv to listen to whatever she demand.
 

nolem

New Member
thing is, hb have to work late at home jus bcos he spent the time to go back for dinner. I find it somewhat redundant. We stay far apart as well and its inconvenient.

I am not so much concerned with the household chores, rather, I cant understand why he is so busy with work but yet cannot reject MIL to go back e following week? MIL still demanding him to go back so often. Why cant she be considereate like how my parents are? My parents wun measure concern and filial by the frequency i go home. I just hoped his time could be used for more 'constructive' workl like helping me with chores rather than going abck to see her black face. He always says he just go for quick dinner then come back, i dun understand why the need for his formality to 'take attendance' and waste the time which he could had used to work and get a early sleep. I dun understand why is it such a difficult thing to tell MIL that he is busy and why MIL will falre up over it.
 

blurblurman

New Member
ask urself ... at ur presend situation ...
if u ignore (pretend it does not happen) this espisode of hubby recall back to MIL home once a week ... will u feel that u hv a good marriage?
 

nolem

New Member
"ur MIL can request it, but ur hubby don't hv to listen to whatever she demand."


He is listening bcos MIL keep ranting she is his mother and he is indebted to her and has to listen to her. So maybe that's what drove me to find loop-holes and possibilities that they are not biological, then i can tell hb that he doesnt have to oblige to everything she wants or says since she is not her true mother afterall.

True that foster-mum may hv more credit than bio-mum, but if the foster mum never treat the children equally and there is obvious favourtism, i dun see why hb still blindly listen to her... jus bcos he was brainwaashed since young that he owes his life to her.
 

mootie

New Member
i dun see an issue for him to go back for dinner once a week. and when did household chores became something that is consider as 'constructive work'?????

come on lady, let him have a breather. it's juz a dinner.. not to stay over night at ur MIL place and do 'constructive work'. if u r saying that he does all the household chores at ur MIL place and never came home to help u, fair enough. but seems like u r making a fuss now
 

blurblurman

New Member
>> He is listening bcos MIL keep ranting "she is his mother and he is indebted to her and has to listen to her".

FYI ... when people nag, they always bring up the past or thing they are proud of ... they will bring it up again and again, and u hv to live with it ...
 


blurblurman

New Member
agree with blissful... to me ... it is just a dinner once a week, nothing to fuss about. further more,,, u don't hv to tag along
 

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