Baby Woes

[victoria_ching088]

Hi ladies..i need advises..and maybe someone to just hear me out...

I actually longed for a baby for a long time. Me and hubby married in 2005.But we are not so well to do..and hubby is still doing his part time degree..so we do not dare to have a baby now. Then being my health wasn’t so well and I am on TCM for about a year already. Health getting better already but still I am quite scare of preganancy too. Cos I understand if mum’s body is weak..baby will be affected too. I try to maintain a good health now…but olso worried that as my age is catching up (30 years old this year)…and I heard many stories of couples trying for years but unable to conceive successfully. I do not have many years to try already...
This worry of whether i can conceive successfully in near future?(1-2 years time after my hubby complete his degree program)
My hubby is the only son and I am really worried that I can’t bear him a child ……a lot of stress & worries in me. But whenever I told my hubby why not we go for a body check up for check if we are normal? He will always brush it off say no time to do it when we have plans for baby.He don't wish to talk about all these now.
Now I see my own younger brother become a father. See all friend around me already become parents..making me even more vexed. I just can’t fit into their topics anymore. I feel lonely as they are too busy for their family…and my hubby is busy with his studies and work..all of the sudden..i feel I am so alone!! I understand my hubby reason for not keen at all for a child now. Too much things for him to worried of and I do not want him to be stress too. I always bottled all these problems to myself…cos I do not want to make him feel I am giving him the stress.
Age is catching up for me....i am olso worried for my chance of conceiving being my body condition. Then whenever during Chinese new year or festival season when we have family gathering…..it will make me very sad. My relatives will keep asking me when to hear my good news! How to go about explaining to them. Every time I just brush and laugh it off..but inside me..its really painful & hurts. Especially relatives making remarks like..”aiyo..ur brother already become father..you as elder sister still not giving birth?u still want to wait until when?”
My hubby always dun seem to care..maybe he is too occupied to think about this. I just keep bottling and bottling it up.and I don’t know how long I can hang on………….

I just wish i can have a method to bring it up to my hubby about my concerns without making him feel that I am stressing him? I feel like going for a check up on my own…or do you gals feels that going with hubby is better alternative.I feel so alone and no support.We can only have babies in 1-2years later, will it be too early to see gynae now??

 

[sane]

Since you are planning for a bb next year, u can start to prepare your body for TTC now (at least 6mths in advance).
Glad that you have seen a sinseh, I think it's best for your sinseh to advise on hw to prepare your body for TTC.
It's better to go for a prenatal checkup before TTC. Take folic acid at least 2 months before u conceive.
You can join the TTC thread for 2009-2010 and find out more about parenthood in SMH
http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/2052338/2232721.html?1239679524

The mummies there are very helpful in sharing their experiences.

 

[victoria_ching088]

Thank you so much Inn.

 

[findingnemo]

Dear Rose,

1. 30 yrs old is not considered old for having babies. Many of my friends and myself have healthy babies after 30.

2. Do not worry unduly. There is little need to see doc to check for fertility at this point of time, unless there is already some existing health condition which u are concerned about. Try first and if no news after 6 months, both you and hb can see doctor for check-up.

3. Your diet and level of stress affect fertility to some extent. Even if you check now and there is no problem, this does not mean 2 yrs later you will succeed the moment you try for baby.

4. As what Inn said, take folic acid and pre-natal vitamins in advance. TCM will also helped alot. Eat a healthy diet and exercise regularly.

5. Most importantly, take it easy and do not be so stressed up. Sometimes, just by being stressed will make it difficult to conceive.

I wish you all the best.

 

[lilisg]

You have to relax. I had a friend who tried for 10 years, at the end she had given up (she was 32 at the time). Then she stopped fertility treatments and all of that. Later she went on a holiday. And guess what, a month later, she was pregnant.

Sometimes, ovethinking can be negative.

Check the below out, maybe you might be interested for de-stressing.

http://aichsingapore.blogspot.com/2009/04/natural-fertility-management-hypno.html

 

[greyarea]

victoria,
you're not too old lah...look at zoe tay... let nature take its course.. are you guys taking precaution? see if your hubby is willing not to take precaution? tell him, if strike, just take it as god blessing, if not, just let it be..

i was the complete opposite of you..whenever people will ask us, my hubby will tell them jokingly, yeah lor, when are you going to lay egg for me?? you know indirectly blaming me..well, i can't deny the fact cos i was the one holding back then haha..but hey, now i'm a mother of 1 and another coming along. and i'm also in the my earlier 30s.. so, next time may be if people ask you, just tell to them ask your hubby and laugh it off.. then you dun feel so stress for at least they know it's not you who is holding back...

 

[babywanqi]

hi Victoria, I am a mom of 2. My advice to u is tat having babies may not take away yr sadness n loneliness. It can make u worst. better to enjoy yr freedom while u r young dan worrying about baby health n financial problem. If yr hubby is the type tat doesn't help u with the chores n baby care, u will even more frustrated. Leave it to fate, no need to worry about having babies. When it comes, it comes. If u r stressed up, it affect yr fertility. Better to relax.

 

[soontobe]

Errr...I'm 33 and am still trying for my 1st one!

You are not alone....

 

[jinnous]

I'm gonna be 30 this year and still trying for 1st one too!

I guess there are a lot of "us" out there....

Jia you gals!

 

[derlee]

Hi,

I am 31 this year, still hesitating to have a baby. I am worried that I cant cope mentally, physically and financially. I am currently staying with my parents in law and they started asking since 3 weeks after our marriage. I feel frustrated at times when they talk about this every now and then. Even at family gatherings, his relatives cant stop asking. I dont know what to tell them at times. Its just too soon (we got married in Jan 09) and there are so many considerations. When I told my mil that giving birth is expensive now and she said my friends are lying. She said during her time, visiting doc and delivery is free!

 

[flyingstar]

huh...but now really it is not free what!! now must pay your way through...every visit to the doctor, every supplement you take, every scan you do...

i always don't think it's good to give in to the pressures of your in-laws/parents and have a baby just because of them. you may end up resenting your child post-natal.

but do keep an open mind, having a baby is a wonderful thing, instead of worrying how to cope, think of solutions on how to cope. you have your husband, so work it out together.

 

[jinnous]

I always smile smile say trying still....

But it helps as my hubby will try to deflect the questions.

And my MIL dun ask me, but she got ask my hubby.

Try discussing wif your hubby?

Dun give in just because everybody else says so.

 

[derlee]

I cant decide whether to have a baby. My hubby thinks we should for old age security reason but I dont agree with his thinking. My hubby works shift and studies part-time, so its quite tough for him to help to look after baby.
My hubby keeps quiet when his relatives ask. He said he doesnt know what to say, which really annoys me. I told my hubby that I dont like his parents to ask so he told them not to ask but after a while, they start asking again. I feel stressed and irritated. I told his mum that I feel v tired travelling fm Woodlands to Tampines for work on the bus. Sometimes, I dont get a seat until I reach Tampines. His mum told me to stay at my mum's place during pregnancy as its nearer to my office. She said she will info my hubby to stay with 1/2 times per week but I dont like the idea of gg thr the pregnancy by myself. I know its also tough for my hubby to accompany me at my mum's place, as he studies and works in the west.

 

[jinnous]

How old are u guys? Can't wait till his studies are over? Talk to your hubby if money is your concern. Starting a family is a 2-person thing, not the whole extended family.

Start only if you are ready and feel comfortable, not cuz everybody elses say so.

Of course there's the biological thingy. I'm gonna be 30 this year and we are still trying. Naturally I'll feel a little anxious. But I'll just take it in my stride lor. My hubby is even more chin chai. To him, have or dun have doesn't matter. So long we are happy with our life lor.

 

[derlee]

We are both turning 31 this year so I think latest is next year or never. His grandma always says I am not young anymore, tough to give birth when I get older, etc..
His studies only ends in 2011.

 

[tomasulu]

i'd go with the old folks on this. why wait if you want a child eventually? it is not like things will automatically get better after your husband completes his studies. yes, pregnancy can be stressful but things will only get more difficult *after* the pregnancy. how long can you wait?