Anyone feels lousy without a PROPOSAL?

gin

New Member
Hi,
I am wondering has anyone felt the same way as me?
When you tell ppl you are getting married, the normal reaction is 'Oh congrats, so how did he propose?'
Anyway as long as both parties are serious about this marriage, with or without proposal really doesn't matter...but somehow I still feels lousy about it...
 


miloice

Well-Known Member
u can feel lousy over many things in life. Again, the half full or empty cup analogy.

Often, its the mindset that is making one feel this way. All the comparison.

The biggest flaws in comparisons are we tend to magnify the negatives in our situation and makes us blind to all the positives.

Rather, I think the point that he didn't propose in some memorable drama fashion should make you realize what to expect from this man. i.e. a practical guy that is not very romantic. So, spend not on the negative emotions but on the much more relevant and important aspect to your relationship and marriage.
 

thommy

New Member
Not getting a proposal is not a big deal gals...I have many lady friends who also did not get a proposal from their hubbys and they are still happily married till now. Doesn't mean they don't love u or anything.

Just for the record, I did propose to my wife haha, but not the 'kneeling on the floor' kind lol
 

vios

New Member
first things first, what is actually the reason for that 'lousy feeling'? common ones are:

- unable to spread it across the envying friends?
- unable to reflect on romantic memories with grand children?
- unable to feel like a 'princess' because you deserve it?
- etc...

come on... you can name more than me.
 

koikoi

New Member
Gin,
one doesn't need a romantic proposal to live thru a marriage... he can give u a romantic proposal but the marriage dun last...

give it a tot...

In a world today, i dun really think proposal is a big deal. Most impt, he treat you nice and you live happily ever after...
happy.gif
 

bellyboy

New Member
Hi,

This is my very first post here. I did a belated proposal to my wife before our ROM on the 14th February this year. The main reason is because I just feel that I owe her this proposal for willing to spend the rest of her life with me. It's only right that a formal proposal be made to her, where i did the "knee down" thingy and of course with some "dao ju". lol.
 

cuclainne

New Member
doll is right .. don't think it's a common reaction from people. most times, they'd asked when is the wedding or they want to see the ring ..
 

gin

New Member
Cuclainne,
hee...doesnt matter as long as got a decent proposal of like 'Would you Marry me?' kind? :p

sm,
Well, just that seems like without a proposal like the girl desperate to marry off ma..SEEMS LIKE ma :p

Milo,
Heee,
happy.gif
just that somehow ppl ask i dunoe how to reply ma...

Thomas,
Hey...lol..at least ladies will feel 'wanted' ma :p Hee...I noe...like me...used to want my wedding grand grand, spent so much but also din last... -.-"

doLL,
Then i suay lor...cos i always kanna wan! :p

Vios,
Just simply - dunoe how to answer them :p

Rin,
Sorry to hear that...tats y I indicated that its ok to go without..but how to react to ppl who asked...

Koikoi,
heee..gif me an idea on how to reply friends who asked? :p

def,
hehehe...tat's sweet...
happy.gif
 

gin

New Member
Thomas,
Orh ok lor -.-
Geez...no one has the same 'experience' as me of being tongue tight...lol...
guess I better stop grumbling here! :p
 

cuclainne

New Member
girl .. the first time the husband proposed, he was sitting next to me and just turned to me and said let's get married. i wasn't sure i heard it right .. hahahah .. the second time he proposed, he made me walked for ages, in the cold, while he searched for the 'perfect' spot - finally decided on a place but he had some problems opening up the ring box, for a moment i had visions of the engagement ring flying out from the box and landing into the water!!! lucky it didn't la .. but he never did the 'on-one-knee' proposal .. didn't expect him to anyways .. i'm still happy
happy.gif
 

koikoi

New Member
just tell your friend that he's not those romantic sort, as long as he loves and treats me well, who cares abt the proposal.

I'm one without proposal and I answered this way when asked before...
happy.gif
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Gin

When people ask about your wedding proposal, it may not necessarily mean they are interested in the details. More often than not, people ask if and when they think they are expected to, for courtesy's sake. It's like how Chinese fancy asking one another "Have you had lunch or dinner?" You think people are truly interested if you have had your meal? No leh. Or just look at how people like to comment on the weather. Just part and parcel of small talk only. Chill!
 

vios

New Member
"..dunoe how to answer them.."

gin, just to let you know that's not a reason.. in fact, it's more like a reaction.
If you search deeper on your Reason, you'll know how to react to that reason liao.
 

octo

New Member
Hi Gin,

Yah, just be natural and truthful. If you feel caught, just reply casually that you both have decided to move the relationship to another phase. I don't think most will probe further and ask why he didn't propose etc..

Sometime its just a conversation opener, like the usual, how's your day, how's dinner etc.
 

purplesky379

New Member
Maybe a short and sweet answer will do, "we decided to get married". That was what my friend did cos her HB did not proposed to her.
 

dodolet

New Member
I only had my knee down proposal type (without the words) during a photoshoot and it was the pg's idea to have it as we were doing a series of quirky shots.

When I was commenting one day about him not going on one knee, and his reply was "look at the ps photos."

I had the common question, "eh.. wanna buy hdb" type of question and the next min I was preparing for a wedding.

For me, I feel that the proposal is not the important, but how he had helped or support you during the preparation (including honouring your parents when they start giving us angst), the care and concern and respect to you as his wife.

I dunno about the part happily ever after, but in times of worse, if would rather have a practical and responsible man who honours his words.
 

livialw

New Member
Hi Gin,

I had the same experience like you.My husband didn't propose to me either.When my frez asked...I just said that:Nope,he just gave me the ring and thats all.No knee down,no pop the question...I feel kind of dissapointed too...till today i still can't let go of it(I keep blame him for that but is like in a kidding way lah of coz)...But what done cannot be undone,just have to accept it...
 

soontobe

Member
Ha....I'm surprised that this question pop up again.

My hubby in a way did proposed; knee down and pop the question, but after i said yes, he jus "throw" the ring onto my hand....

I have been teasing him and laughing at this incident after 2 years in marriage. I told him this will be the best joke to share with our kids and grandkids and grand grandkids in the future...
 

grace011280

New Member
Hihi.. me too.. becuz its sort of like wanna apply for HDB. And so we discussed this marriage thingy.. But in the end, he still proposed. Tho its like not a surprised thing already that since we discussed marriage but im still happy and surprised with this tots. Maybe he is trying to do something and u have yet to know?

And i do understand wat u mean by feeling lousy becuz at first i have the same feeling too..
 

gin

New Member
cuclainne,
tat's sweet~!
happy.gif
At least u got some sweet memory back then!
happy.gif


koikoi,
Yeah i like ur reply...will do that too! :p

doLL,
LOL I am fine...
happy.gif


vios,
Wa..cheem...koi's reply is good!
happy.gif


shir,
Hee...like wat doLL mentioned...hehhee..anyway will take it more 'casually'
happy.gif


rinn,
Hee...thanks for sharing

sotonglet,
LOL, I dun even have 'wanna buy HDB' qns..hee..anyway once a while i do grumble to him...but I also told him that 'Marrying you is the best choice I made in my life' LOL

livia,
WOW..finally someone has the same sentiments as me!
happy.gif

Heee...I think we shld learn to appreciate the things they done for us...hehee..I also kidd over the fact that i got no proposal but still thank him for wanting to marry me..LOLL

soon-to-be,
at least this is a good memory for you ma...:p imagine during 20th anniversary, then u tell him the same thing...awwww...sweet...lol..

Gracie,
Heee...I know my bf will do whatever within his means de...hee...sometimes I juz grumble in a fun way. :p

Thanks all for sharing!
happy.gif
 

powder

Active Member
maybe should try kneeling down to someone to get a feel of what it's like to kneel down... then u might know why kneeling down isn't the easiest thing to do... if not wrong, it originated from the movies where the main lead was prob kneeling down and asking for forgiveness... and incidentally proposed... and thru the years, it became an expectation with a notion of romance...

when i'm down on my knees, it's becos i did something wrong, and i want forgiveness... kneeling down - i dun feel romantic at all. Dun believe, try kneeling down to your partner and tell me if u feel romantic, or u feel like u did something wrong...

so that's my conclusion on kneeling down...

Proposals are nice, unfortunately have seen it turn into bragging rights... and the listeners going imaginative with Oohs and Aahhs...

if a nice proposal makes one agree to marry, then it's kinda flawed... any idiot, scumbag with ability to act - can put up a grand proposal... what happens after the marriage is another story... but it's just so typical for some pple to hold on to the sweet memories... and thus hold on to empty marriages... that's life, that's the irrational behaviour of humans...

can't help wifey feel good abt a past proposal, but can work hard enough to give her the occasional splurge to remind her that marriage goes beyond a proposal... Words are cheap. the best actors, the most desperate man can come up with the good one-liners... whether or not a guy is gonna be the one who puts those words into action thruout his daily life is another matter for discussion...

u can be the girl who goes around with the most romantic proposal involving huge signboards and 999 roses... but with no Home nor Love beyond the 1st year...

ps: u should feel lousy if your guy is Lousy... not becos he didn't come up with a superb proposal... so the feelings might be misplaced...
 

laundry_woes

New Member
Actually, I got problems saying the 3 words tat every gal likes to hear. & I majorly cringed hearing James Bond's words of love on TV last nite. Hair literally stood man.
 

daemonkoh

New Member
Haha, powder, your post made me laugh. Quite true..

Hi Gin,

I dun have it too. No proposal and no proposal ring. Just wedding ring and cost only $100+. But all these doesn't matter much to me cos even after 5 years of marriage, my husband is still as loving as ever which matter most to me.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
During the weekend, happened to drop by TTS hospital. That place brings alot of memories and a bit of strange feeling as we used to lunch there often I was dating my wife in the early yrs. All the 'little dears anyhow dash' feelings. Funnie how we don't have that anymore. It is grown into something so much more comfortable and contented. Less intense but in no way less loving.
 

powder

Active Member
ya quite true... it isn't fair to expect that same level of carefree jumping into the car, driving to malacca or going for movies... romance moves on to the next level...
 

gin

New Member
Hie Powder kor! :p
Lol...hahaha...the 'drama' spoils the whole proposal thingy! LOLL

Hi Bluemoon,
AWWWW tat's sweet...actually I told my bf the same thing...I dun need solitaire ring...heee..and juz one ring to combine proposal and wedding ring? :p U r right that this person shld take care of u...rather than a big proposal...like the guy who did his proposal during national day using the big board...ABUSE SIA! :p I wonder how is the marriage now...anyone noes?

Hi milo,
Are you a doctor and ur wifey nurse? :p
 

powder

Active Member
welcome back
happy.gif


well the drama not my style, obviously i have lost out to guys who appear with a bunch of ballons, flowers, chocolates and expensive dinners for special occasions...

i've seen my fair share if it as well... it's just for those 3-4 occasions a year... perhaps the romantic die-hards fall for it. but not my style lah... i'm the non-occasion type...
 

vios

New Member
Hi gin,

personally, i've heard from my circle of female frens who like you - would want to have a decent proposal - and when i question them why.. they could come out with all sorts of stuffs......
"how relevant is that? " i asked them. They'd back up with more reasons. So ohhhhhh, i see... it's basically for 'feeling good' so that it won't come back and bite them in future.

I tell them to go and explore this 'lousy feeling' deeply and question its importance and the impact on their marriage. After a few more rounds of discussion, eventually they say the same things like some of the ladies here.... that it's a good Marriage that counts, not a good Proposal, nor their Reason for a proposal.

Based on your posts, i deduce that you seem to be accountable to your friends - a good Report on your proposal - soon, it'll be a good Report on your wedding preps, then a good Report on your marriage, and etc...

why make it so tough on yourself?
 

gin

New Member
Powder Kor,
LOL..I know...
happy.gif


Who? Me?,
Eh...???

Vios,
Heee...i agree la!
happy.gif

Nah...its just the 'sudden' feeling when people ask you that qns that's all..
happy.gif
 

sheezh

New Member
Gin,

Don't mind my asking.. but would you feel lousy if your friends start comparing what your husband work as, how much he earn, what he did for you on "special" occasions..?? etc etc.. You really can't stop ppl from asking all these questions, some asked because they want to "feel above" others, others just want to compare, some are curious, some asked for the sake of asking. So I think if you are happy to accept his "proposal" without having a actual one. Then, keep that happiness, that's the thing that is more important.

I grew up in the environment when relatives compare which district we stayed in, which elite school we go to, what are our scores, and I felt suffocated. Then my boyfriend starts to compare his pay to mine/his friends, his bonus to mine/his friends, I understand that he wants to do well in his career, but I started to resent him for these comparisions, and everything went downhill..
 

powder

Active Member
ya this compare thing can get on u sometimes... impt is to let it be a Spur, a Motivation, and not a face-issue thing...

this spore face-issue thing is reeeeeeally irritating.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Gin,
we are doc and nurse ONLY in our bedrooms lah.

Both of us were working nearby and hence lunch there often.
 

agag

New Member
i'm waiting for my proposal too... always imagining the romantic proposal, blar, blar, blar but seriously, if my bf don't purpose, I will still marry him lar. Although might still think why no... and if he did, how would it be like, is it like those tv shows, etc, etc

Despite my mouth saying that 'if he don't propose, i wouldn't marry him' :p Just a wish that he would but frankly, this is not the reason why 2 people get married.
happy.gif
 

gin

New Member
Sheezh,
Thanks...and no worries, I already understand the point since I know Powder kor! :p (An old man with lots of experiences...*runz*)

Powder kor,
LOL...y u so eng here chit chat? :p

Thomas,
So many KS KS?

Milo,
HAHHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHA Dun make me imagine la! :p
Funny u....

Anticipate,
I guess we are almost the same la...but eventually still appreciate the things our darlings done for us!
happy.gif
 

gin

New Member
Thomas, hahaha...Kia Su, Kia See and Yao Kwee...LOL..thanks for the clarification.
happy.gif


Kor, u got no time eat lunch with me...but chit chat in 1 particular thread...erm....which thread ah? :p Oh...I forgot you are my Mr. Agony ma! :p
 


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