Any Christian-Buddhist couples out there?? I NEED ADVICE!!!

[snowbell42]

hi cynthia, thanks for ur advice.. so far both me n my FH is gg on fine... in the near future, esp when we have kids then i duno liao haha.. will have to c how it goes step by step...

anyway thanks once again

 

[monkie]

hi snowbell
glad to know things are going fine.
if next time you have kids, i think its fine for him/her to attend christian schools or go church. but let him/her decide her religion when the child gorws up.

step by step gal...

congrats to your new life.

 

[snowbell42]

thanks cynthia

 

[pinkloveang]

actually about the holding joss stick part. i used to think, nevermind lah...ask me to hold i hold lor, not worshipping them in my hearts. Some more to avoid any misunderstanding with my hubby's family. But after that I realised not right leh. If i hold joss sticks to give respect to the dead, i'm fine. But if tell me to hold joss stick to an idol statue then i wouldn't hold lor. Becoz to christians, there is only 1 God and we shouldn't bow to other idols. This is my take lah. But I still think marriages work irregardless of religion.

 

[monkie]

hi peishi
each to their own thinking...
sorry, i dun really agree with some Christians thinking, i find then "fake".

 

[sparkless]

Religion has always been a sensitive issue, though I am not sure why, but probably the passion in the Faith that leads so.

An inter-religion marriage doesnt mean it won't work, neither having the same religion guarantees a blissful marriage. Religion is one part of the many factors to keep the marriage intact. I have witnessed a long lasting marriage between a Christian and a non-believer. The children are free to choose their religion and the wife goes to Church regularly on her own.

As for me, I had dated non-believers in past r/s until current r/s. All very long r/s which ended up no result. Religion was one the many reasons that ended up us brickering. One was passionate in Christ, the other was nonchalent. I found it tough to con't. If your spouse is passionate in his/ her belief while you don't, the only way to work it out is lotsa patience and understanding.

Be open-minded and be sensitive in an inter-religion r/s would help.

For joss sticks and stuff, chinese customs are no offence, taught in my church. but superstition actions are strongly not encouraged. The intention of holding joss sticks makes the difference and not the action.

my opinions...

 

[pinkloveang]

yah, different people, different thinking. so u should focus on working on the marriage, religion is a separate issue. i believe, give and take is the best way out. my hubby isn't a christian but he accompanies me to church every sun. he wun rebute on what pastor said, infact he will discuss the issues raised. I wun force him to convert. It's up to him. As long as he accepts me for my religion and I accept him as his religion can liao.

 

[cherylbtb]

Like twin fairy, I've also seen a number of great interreligion marriages. I think it depends on whether both of you can accept the different religions and to learn to respect each other's religion.

Whenever a friend tries to convert me, I explain to him that my faith in my own religion/belief is as strong as his faith in his God and I then ask him to imagine how difficult it'd be for him to just be a little convinced about my God. That way, they usually stop because with their strong faiths, they know how hard it is to expect them to stop having faith in their own God.

I wouldn't mind doing the actions each religion requires me to do out of respect for my partner and family if they mind. What is more important is your own faith in your heart. Just like weddings, I've attended wakes of various religions in my extended family. I've seen some cousins and aunts who refuse to go through the religion rites for the dead and I've also seen a couple of my devoted Christian cousins who go through the rites, holding joss sticks, reading the chants etc simply out of respect for the dead and doing the best they can for the dead. Ultimately, I think it's the faith and intentions in the heart that is most important. You can do the required actions (I don't think that makes you a person with lesser faith in your religion) but still strongly keep faith in your own God in your heart.

For children-wise, I think I'd prefer to let them expose to different religions so they can decide which religion convinces and makes sense to them the most such that they can believe and have very strong faith. Afterall, no matter which religion you are, what is more important is that you truly have faith in your God.

 

[sapphyr]

Okay here's the Christian's point of view.

In the Bible it says that we can't be unequally yoked, i.e. can't marry someone from another religion and who is unsaved.

And thus, supposedly cannot get married.

Which is a problem for me and my bf too. We've been together for 2 years, seriously contemplating getting married, but this issue is now a huge one in our lives. He's a Buddhist and I'm Christian, from a very conservative church.

To date, we have no idea how to go about dealing with this.

But if I were to continue with this relationship (and I want to) when we raise our kids, we probably will let them choose their own religion. If they want to be Christian, they can follow me to church. If not, then it's okay with me. It doesn't mean that bringing them to church will automatically make them Christians.

Just my thoughts on a very difficult problem.

 

[joenbby]

sapphyr,

The bible says a lot of things that we as human are still trying to understand well. i'll probably offend a lot of Christians out there by saying this. You have to know we are living in a different era as to when the bible was written. A lot of things we do now are different to what they have in the past.

In a marriage, the most important is the two of u, not religion. Religion is a personal choice, personal belief. You can't force it on someone if they are not willing. It will only jeopadise your relationship in the long run. Give each other the space and time to explore.

My htb is Catholic and i was once a Buddhist from home. However I had the intention to convert for him bcos his mum won't allow a non-Catholic daughter-in-law. But i follow him to church just for the sake of being with him all the time and somehow one day i was touched by god. So we are lucky to be able to have the same religion and raise our kids in the same religion as well.

I believe religion can strengthen a family. If you have the same religion, that's good. If not, that's alright too. Just don't step into each other boundary and offend each other in that area. Religion can be a really sensitive topic to talk about at times. But you have to remember we are just human beings, we are not god or saints. There's a way how human being function. But all religions comes down to teaching us to do good and be good. All the other rules in the bibles are all interpreted by churches and pastors in their own way. We still have our own choice and perspective in life. Just follow God and he'll lead you the way. An Irish priest once told me you'll find peace and that's when you know god is talking to u and telling u what to do.

Best of luck with your relationship!

 

[freeascloud]

It seems that the consensus is that one should be allowed to choose the religion that best suits them.

My bf is a christian at heart and I am a buddhist at heart too. He is still unwilling to tell his parents that I will not convert even if we are married. As his mother converted to christianity, I believe he hopes I do the same and the family expects I do the same.

However, I believe my principles and beliefs are deeply rooted in my religion. Once changed, I am no longer myself. I do not expect my bf to change his religion and regardless of what christians' sayings are, I still believe that one should not expect others to change for them.

Anyway, it is a sad topic. I can already foresee that if we have kids and the in-laws wish to take care of them, they will try all means to teach them about christianity. Can't understand why we can't just keep religion to ourselves sometimes. It is a private thing!

 

[ahnetsan]

Well, my bf's parents are buddhist, but my bf doesnt go to temple, so it's like a free thinker in dat sense.

for me, im a catholic, but i've not been to church for a long time.

by right, i should hold a church wedding and my bf should convert to catholic. BUT i've decided im not going to hold in church.

me and my FH will be having our solemnization at the hotel venue (outdoor) and dinner at the hotel.

I dun think i will let my kids to be baptised too. cos im jus like a catholic in name only.

Although my mum would wan me to hold church wedding, as long as i dun think its necessary or dun thk i wan it, i dun care one lor.

i knw church wedding is like a very romantic kinda event but i seriously think it's no point lor. my family are not those super super catholic kinda, i've done smoking and drinking and had pre-marital sex and cohabiting wif bf and now dat im getting married and having done all those before, i dun see a point in marrying in church, cos its not a very pure thing anymore.

jus my thoughts

 

[pekkle]

Many ppl thinks that being a christian is just a religion. The truth is that christianity is all about building a relationship with God. Just like how we ppl build relationship wif our loved ones. Christians dun believe in fate.

N although holding, offering joss sticks may just seem harmless. Although u noe u love God and dun believe the idols or the dead that you offer the joss sticks to, but in actual fact there is a significance. So u must have your stand and continue to honour God in watever u do.

Just wana share from what I noe so that christians here will come across this thread will not get confused of the dos and dont's.

 

[graceyong]

ladies, as Catholic(those who believe in Mother Mary), if one side who is non-catholic, and one is catholic christian, they can still marry in Catholic Church

as Methodist, both party must be methodist christian, then only they can marry in the Methodist church

There is a difference. =)

 

[shell3110]

hi gals, i am a methodist but my HTB's family are buddhist while he's a free thinker. will be getting married in my church. no restrictions that both must be methodist christians.

 

[pasir_ris_beach]

hi gals, what is the difference btw methodists n christians? just curious as i hv know several methodist friends from wesley methodist church but i never step there before.

 

[jadeite]

Methodist/Presbyterian/Lutheran/Baptist etc are just diff denominations.. we are all Christian. Just that it's diff system of church leadership - for example, Presbyterian churches are led by a panel of elected congregation members called elders and deacons. Whereas Methodist are led by a bishop. It's all just semantics la. There is also some difference in the focus of teachings in the denominations... that's all. Same Bible, same God, same belief, same faith

About the marriage issue - a Christian who is strong in the faith and rooted in church is not likely to go ahead with a mixed-religion marriage. If your FH is a laissez-faire Christian in the sense that he doesn't really go to church regularly, doesn't attend BS, and his faith is not an integral part of his life, then of course he would be more likely to be easy-going about your religion as well. But I think anyone who is dedicated to his/her religion would want someone who is also equally dedicated to the religion, because it would be such a basic and important part of their lives that it is very difficult when your spouse does not share these strong, basic beliefs.

Also of course the problem with bringing up children - do you bring them to church? Do you bring them to temple? Will your kids grow up religion-indifferent or unable to differentiate between diff religions? OR confused because their parents/grandparents will be pulling them in diff directions? Easy to say that you will let your kids choose but often you or your parents or PIL will try and influence their choice.

For me, my dad's a pastor. I was brought up Christian but I left the church in Sec 3. Until I reached uni I was quite anti-Christian and angry at Christianity. Then I made my own choice and my parents, wonderful people that they are, stayed quiet that I might make my own decision without any pressure. Finally when I turned 21 I came back to church by myself. I have friends who have converted from Hinduism to Christianity, some converted from Christianity to Buddhism, some from Buddhism to Islam. It is a personal choice you have to make but if you intend for your children to make that choice, then you have to be very clear with your spouse beforehand, and with your parents-in-law too. If you have no objection that your kids go to church, then let them go...I agree that it is good to instill discipline and morals in them. Doesn't mean that they will turn out Christian...you can request that your children NOT be baptized.

 

[alde]

hi all,

i'm new in this forum..i'm a christian and my FH is free thinker while his parent is Tao. We're planning to get married this December. I understand that religion is a very personal and sensitive matter therefore I dont require my FH to convert (eventhough I hope that someday God will touch him). I really hope that we can hold holy matrimony however, my church is really strict on this and doesnt allow holy matrimony between christian and non christian (even for the MPC, the chuch doesnt allow). I really need help, do anyone know any pastor who willing to carry out holy matrimony between christian and non christian?

many thanks

 

[sella]

I am a Catholic and my HTB is a Christian. You would think that there is no problem with us.. Well.. no.. we have a big problem.. crying incident happened.. Cause my mother wants me to get married in a Catholic Church my HTB wants in Christian church. I am in the middle. But anyway, thank God that HTB willing to compromise and get married in Catholic church.

For those couple Christian and Buddhist. If you are not getting married in a temple, You might want to consider compromising with your partner who is a Christian. Of course remember this, nobody has the right to force you to convert! But for Christians, it is very important to have Church wedding, because for us, ROM does not make us husband and wife, but getting married in front of God is. So, for Christians/ Catholics, if we are not married in a Church, we have not marry at all. But in the Church, the Buddhist partner no need to participate in taking Sacrament (for Catholic wedding). The pastor will just bless you. And getting married in a Church does not make u suddenly a Christian, you will still hold your religion.

I hope this advice helps.

 

[sella]

Hi alde,

I am very surprised to hear that the Church does not allow wedding for couple who is of different religion. Have you talked to your pastor?

And for the MPC, MPC organised by your church? or by Catholic organization? My MPC starting next Sunday, and it says that they accept couples who are not Catholics also. My MPC is by Catholic organization.

Catholic Church will marry couples who are of different religion but the procedure will be a little different. Hope you will find a way to solve this

 

[phantazia]

Hmmm.......looking thru this tread i shld say i m actually quite lucky that my HTB is willing to solemize in a CAtholic Church. We agree that i will nt make him turn into a Catholic as he's a beliver in buddist teachings. Glad his parents r free thinker too. However, my HTB says he doesn't wan kids as he doesn't like the idea that our kids will nt be able to hv the freedom to choose a religion. Dunno how...wen i try to tok to him, den he will say tok abt it in the future. Bt one thing for sure, my religion states that its a must that our kids be brought up in catholic faith. Hai......

 

[ilovechocolate]

hi mel,
i'm the same as you - catholic and HTB is buddhist. we discussed a lot about this. not easy!

as for introducing the kids to the catholic faith, the logic i have is that the religion also contributed to my values, so its letting the kids understand the values. one idea we had is home cathechism programme which some churches offer? can be a good compromise for catholic parent to fulfill duty without making the non-catholic parent feel uneasy about the organised program?

as for chosing religion, in the end kid gets to make a final choice at confirmation.

 

[longtimemarried]

i'm a catholic and my wife a christian.. there are a slight diff in it.. but not to worry and pray for each other and be a good christian or catholic..

 

[korisuisho]

Came across this thread.. very interesting, though not really affecting me

I just thought to let you all know that I've got a friend.

She is a Christian..
Her mother prays to Hindu god..
Her father goes to the Guan Yin temple (he is also indian)
Her brother is Catholic..
And another sibling is a free thinker..

And they all live under the same roof..

 

[yannah123]

Actually ive been looking for a forum like this for a really long time! im a buddhist, and my FH is a christian. he converted when he was young and his parents are buddhist, hsi sibling christian. my family are very strong buddhists. my mum doesnt mind me being w him, but doesnt wish i convert. i dont wish to too, cos i believe in my religion and hold strong faith for it. but so does he. we brought this up a few times and i always end up feeling really upset and close to tears. i dont mind him being christian. but he still hopes i would convert despite our talks abt it. he doesnt want to force it on me, but i can tell he wishes that i convert from what he says in our talks. he keep saying that he wants to save me. but i think im already save in my own religion. i dont know what to do and am really lost. should i still stay in this relationship? please help me. it isnt pressure from family, but from him.

 

[cherry_chripy]

Hey yannah ! Well I'm a Buddhist n my fiancé is a Christian too

so we are in the same shoes ! I used to face the same difficult situations as u . I believe my own religion n super comfortable with it n my fiancé is a strong believer of Jesus, we used to quarrel over this religion issue frequently during the first 2 years of our relationship. This is the only arguement we had in our relationship , the only difference . My fiancé used to try to persuade n try to change me n super hope that I will convert for him. But I have no interest in christianty , I am very comfortable with Buddhism . But I always told him
That I respect all religions n I hope that he respect my religion too . I find that religion is choice n really depend on your fate with god. To me religion is religion , relationship is relationship , it should not b always in the topic of r/s . My fiance's family is a strong believer of christianty , so initally they hope that I can become a Christian . But I guess as years goes by they accept who I'm n they don't force me to become 1 . To them , they realize that a non christian gf with a good personality is better than Christian gf who has bad manners ? I suggest that just be who u r n sincerity might
Touch them one day

for me , my fiancé also has cone to terms that I m a Buddhist n he never try to convert me anymore . In fact , we made agreement that sometime I acc him to church n some time he accompany me to temple . We just treat each other's religion with respect . Most importantly , we are happy together

don't worry Buddhist n Christian still can be together , u will face some hipcups along the way in the relationship , but with true love nothing is impossible

 

[yannah123]

hey cherry chirpy! thank you. reading what you said really made me feel much better. im planning to talk to him about it again, and i hope he really understands where i am coming from. like you, i respect his religion and hope he respects mine. and i feel that religion and relationship is two diff things and it shldnt affect us. i hope he can accept it too thankyou!

 

[cherry_chripy]

No prob yannah ! I know exactly how u feel

cos I gone through that phase too

that time I was also pinning all my
Hopes that he will understand my point n where I coming from

I'm glad that all work up

jia you ! U can do it too ! Just need lots of patience, preservence , n love to overcome ! U two must work together to overcome it yah .

 

[evaflowne]

Hi all, I happened to chance upon this forum, and was wondering if any kind soul could offer me some suggestions please. I am the eldest son in my family, and my parents are Taoists. I love my FW (gf for 7 years and counting, and love her much) is a Presbyterian Christian, as well as her family. My FW of course very much hopes that I can convert and be baptised so that we can get married in the church, where she can get the blessings from God, but somehow I am not yet at that stage. Also, I am concerned with how my parents will take me converting as they are pretty devout Taoists to some extent. We had considered a normal ROM, but my FW and her family is almost fully against it. I have to clarify that my FW is not forcing me to convert immediately without the proper understanding and genuine acceptance, but this dilemma of wedding ceremony is really stressing us up. We had tried asking around if there are any Presbyterian pastors willing to hold the ceremony for us, but are yet to find one. Would anyone have any comments for us, and maybe any idea how we may find a pastor/solution...?

 

[jeannieho]

Seems like this is a pretty requent problem. I am a buddhist and groom is a christian. We had no problem getting his pastor to help with the ceremony. Only issue was that my fiance was uncomfortable to go through a christian wedding when I am not converted. Thankfully his family didn't give me any problems. I would say do what you are both comfortable with. At the end it is your own wedding. Don't worry about the parents.

 

[peawea]

Hi!
I really need advice here, I'm a Christian and my FH's family is Buddhist. I'm attending a charismatic church for a few years now and my FH is attending with me as well and we put Jesus between us.
The problem now is, I really hope to have a church wedding but because his family is Buddhist and does not know that he is attending church yet but I would really so want us to have the blessings of God and have the covenant with God on our big day and because I have not attended my family church for so many years it would be weird too to ask my family church members to attend and celebrate and give me their blessings too? And I don't see my future parents in law being happy to attend our church wedding too..?
Is there any couples whom has a very small intimate church wedding with just a pastor to bless the couple and with like less than 10ppl after all the gatecrashing and stuffs maybe like 1pm? Or how should the itinerary be like?
Is it do-able? If yes, how and where? Would greatly appreciate if anyone can email me about it [email protected] My AD will be on 20 12 2012 so there is still time! 
Trusting God for this precious info from anyone out there to help us out on this very important detail thanks in advance!

 

[NT24]

Hi anyone can advise, is that joining Singapore church group and the mindset also being influenced that need to have a separation between couple of not same religion...?
I noticed after actively joined on groups chat... it turns out other way
I always thought all religions are equally benefits to individuals.. not bias of one another..... having dilemmas in r/s now...