Any Childless Couple out there?

march03

New Member
To have or not to have. With choice or without choice. When a couple want to have a baby and yet dont have and yet others dont want will have plenty. Why is life so difficult?
 


blingbride

New Member
Life is not fair.. some things are beyond our comprehension and judgement. What doesnt happen now might happen days, months or years down the road. The only way to overcome the sickly, negative, failed feelings is to feed yourself with hopes and positive thoughts. We would have read this everywhere, that positive thoughts bring positive vibes and good things happen, likewise for negative thoughts and vibes. I know it's difficult in wanting a child and not conceiving when you try so hard but then, everything happens for good and for a reason. Believe in God and keep yourself and your spouse healthy and happy, get into the act of baby-making
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with a positive and stress-free mind and wish you a healthy baby soon...
 

xinxin

New Member
Hi i am in the same situation as you.. and we have been trying for 3 yrs already.

I can understand your plight.. i will be drooling and playing with kids at hawker centres, shopping malls.. etc. Very happy to hear my frens' pregnancy blues and upon their delievering.. However, on the other hand, i will cried till no tears n voice husky at home.. I know i shouldnt act like tat.. but i cannot control.. Sometimes, i do feel envious of the rest having kids.. like wat u mention of couples yearning for.. but no avail yet others dislike it.. yet they have it.. To be on the contatry, i am Jealous.. ~haiz..
 

march03

New Member
Hi,

Im turning 37 this year.......married for 5 years. My hubby and I take nature at its course with no precaution since day 1. For 5 years .. nothing happen. We went for fertity test few months ago, I am perfectly ok but my hubby low sperm count. KKWCH advise us to go for SO-IUI.
But there will be lots of considerations and worries for both of us as I am belongs to high risk group and suffering from chronic illness since teens. Torn apart .....whether to take risk or not.
 

whynot123

New Member
March03:
I've been trying for 3.5 yrs...hv gone for 3x IUI, but didn't succeed...We're still trying now by going to TCM, but I've promised myself not to give myself anymore pressure.

On the first 1.5 years of trying, I felt so terrible that i couldn't conceive as easily as other people. I could cry for the slightest thing & felt that my life was not as good as others'. I hated seeing my sis in laws conceiving one baby after another, effortlessly. I kept the facts that I had to go thru' treatments from my in-laws b/c i was scared they'd mock at me.

But, on the last 1.5 years, I decided to let go & change my mindset. Those who have kids tend to say that without kids, we can't have a happy married life. I've realized this is wrong. We can still a happy life b/c the greatest miracle that we have is that we've found our partner. i also realized that aside from not being able to conceive, i've been blessed by many other good things; I obtained some achievements much more easily than other people. I've also decided to let go myself from my own isolation, by telling my in-laws about our problem & I was surprised that they are quite supportive about it. My mother in law, although she's old in the 60s -- knew about the IUI procedures; she said she watched it on CNA & therefore understood the sufferings that i had to go thru' during treatments. My worries were just my own worries.

I'm now also more open when friends ask why we're still childless. 99% give supports & encourage us to keep trying. 1% mock at me being so lonely without kids (believe me, there're such people on earth...). If it happened to me last time, I'd cry & blamed myself for not being to conceive. But, now, I just laughed it off & wish that the person who mock at me has a better life than i do. If mocking makes them happier then so be it.

So, my advice is keep on trying & keep the hope. In the meantime, take a closer look at your family, your husband & think how blessed you're ALREADY by having them. The child is a bonus to your already-blessed life.
 

idealone

Member
Here's a suggestion. Quite tired for the guy though. Do it every 2 days even if wife is having period.

Wat I see is that this is a numbers game. The more tries, the better odds.
 

simpleman

Active Member
Having children is one of the most wonderful thing that can happen to a couple.. but then again, not having kids does not mean you cannot be happy..
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
"Do it every 2 days even if wife is having period."

Errmmm, have sex during her safe period would be fruitless. Usually, there's only one particular day in a month that a woman ovulates (if she has a monthly cycle; some women's cycle could be 35days, 42days, etc). The couple should have sex two days before ovulation, on the day of ovulation of course, and two days post-ovulation.
 

idealone

Member
Ha ha yes this is true provided that you know the exact timing. Nowadays ladies are also quite stress with work and have irregular periods so difficult to predict and buying ovulation strips are hassle and involve cost.

Thats y I say do every 2 days for 3 months confirm tio tao pio....
 

vey

New Member
A childless fren who is in her 50s told me people still asking her "when are u having children?"
Goodness! i still hv to suffer facing this burning question for many more years...
 

lauramok

New Member
"When r u having children" - this is just a common question for everybody.

No kids also can have a happy married life, sometimes even better than those who have kids. Like me, i'm married for 10years, during the 1st 7years i do not wan to have kid, but my hubby wan, so now we have a little gal. Life change, everything change after u have a kid. I feel we r more happy without kid.
 

daemonkoh

New Member
Hi Laura,

Can share why? I am thinking to conceive. Is it due to loss of freedom, more expenses, less personal time, tired in caring baby, etc?
 

lauramok

New Member
daemonkoh - i feel couples must really co-orperate and share burdens together when having kids. Yes, definitely there's loss of freedom and more expenses, especially during the first 2 yrs is very tiring. Sometimes i do feel very angry, i remember when i'm preggie, my hubby will said he will learn how to bath the baby, learn this, learn that, in the end, he don't really make an effort to do it, ask him to bath my gal, he said he dunno. Maybe both of us r used to no kid life for 7yrs, we enjoy our freedom. just imagine u can't go for movies after u have a kid. Sometimes i think men r selfish, they dun have initiative, i always have to ask my hubby to help out. now my gal is 3yrs old, when i ask him to look after her when i'm doing my things, yes, he'll help whenever i ask, but men r not like women, mommy will play or do activities with our child, daddy always look at the computer or tv or sleep. If u really wan to have kid, u have to ask yourself if u really really love children. coz u r going to give up alot alot of yr free time. Husband must have the initiative to help out, if not the wife sometime will be unbalance. When i'm angry, i always told my hubby if u knw u loves to play computer games or sleep, then dun tell me u wan to have a kid and make my life miserable and give me more burden. Furthermore, nowadays children r very playful and stubborn, educate and discipline them is really very tough. this is just my though to share, i believe others is diff from me. i just wan to tell childless couples, even u have no child, u also can have a happy marriage coz couple tends to argue coz of their kid.
 

lovingyou

New Member
laura: it involves a lot of work and efforts in bringing up a child... are u in some high ranking career, as it appears that you do not seem to fancy children a lot?

I have been reading this post for rather some time. Jus had my customary dinner reception last dec... but due to some health reasons, I won't be able to have any family planning till after recification, which is going to be at least a yr later. Laura, learn to appreciate what you have, the joy in being a mother etc.
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lauramok

New Member
lovingyou: yes, i don't really fancy children alot, of course i do love my child alot. Nothing makes me happier than watching my little gal enjoy something she do. When she has huge grin on her face over anything at all, you'd see a bigger grin on mine. Now she is at a testing stage when she will try to push the limits as far as she can. And my patience is being tested every day, every minute. Is very tiring. And the best part is my hubby loves to give in to her, then we'll argue over these little things again.

Sometimes i do ponder, what kind of a mom am I? And what kind of a mom do I want to be? people seem to be enjoying every minute of their time with their kids, having fun, loving being a mom and feeling honoured and priviledged... I mean, I do enjoy it, in general. Otherwise I won't be doing it for so long. But the everyday's mundanity of life make me feel it was such a huge change in our lives that I started to resent my life sometimes. Anyway, I always constantly remind myself how blessed I am to have my little gal.
 

rofthelper

Member
Hi march03, you should really relax and take things one step at a time. I read that if women is relax and is in good mood, they release some chemicals that are beneficial for conceiving. Try go for a short holiday and maybe you have a "made-in-that country" baby. My sister tried for almost 3years, miscarriage once, and she had a made-in-australia baby when they attended a course in Melbourne.

My wife also had a hard time conceiving, She had 2 miscarriage during our 4 yrs of marriage. She even has a 15cm fibroid after the miscarriage, and miraculously, the fibroid disappear on it's own after taking some antibodies.

We didn't stop trying though, and my wife finally pregnant on the fifth year (2009). But she was hospitalized for severe gastric ulcer when she's 6wks pregnant. I prayed and hoped for the best when the specialist said that the invasive scope does have certain risk that will affect the fetus. Well, she finally endured 5 days of frightening days and was discharged. Finally we had a boy in Oct 09 when she's 38yo.

You should not give up and keep trying. Hope we can hear your good news in the year of tiger.


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Im turning 37 this year.......married for 5 years. My hubby and I take nature at its course with no precaution since day 1. For 5 years .. nothing happen. We went for fertity test few months ago, I am perfectly ok but my hubby low sperm count. KKWCH advise us to go for SO-IUI.
But there will be lots of considerations and worries for both of us as I am belongs to high risk group and suffering from chronic illness since teens. Torn apart .....whether to take risk or not.
 

lovingyou

New Member
Laura: I am sure u are a good mother. Motherly love is always noble...
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Though I am not a mother myself, I can understand how u feel. My little bro came to the world when I was 14 yrs ago... I remember how enjoyable it was to play with him and of coz how much happiness it was jus to see him seating in his little movable chair, asking me to hug him etc...

We can pamper our children but I guess we can't spoil them. Perhaps u shld talk to your HB on the rewards and punishments and most imptly both of you mus be in line, dun let ur little gal feel that daddy is her shield...
happy.gif
 

sunflower_88

New Member
me and hubby married 10 years, without kids too. First few years keep on trying.. then go for test. Hubby having low sperm count. Now give up liao. Everyday out for dinner, walk walk, movie, shopping, go holiday. Quite happy too.
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Think on the positive side, have kids have their pros and cons too. Nowadays kids difficult to discipline, sometimes no kids better than having kids.
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jinnous

Member
We will be married for 4 years this year. A little dread going to CNY visits. Cuz every nosy relatives will ask when we will have bb to get ang pows.....or why haven't give birth etc.

We are pretty happy as we are now, but somehow rather the feeling is like not complete. Not sure if you guys feel it.
 

lovingyou

New Member
Little_poppets: I feel the same way as you; I always feel that a child is the completion of a marriage... a woman is truly a woman after undergoing childbirth...But I guess a lot of things are destined...
 

rodi

New Member
Hi! I am a guy and just wanna share my thoughts of this issue. A child makes a marriage complete but will not necessarily guarantee the marriage will last. Unless both husband and wife love kids then being a childress couple will not necessarily be an unfruitful marriage. Comments from others will make some to realise the importance or possibly the nuisance of having kids, but more importantly is the thought of how much impact will having kids or not be on your marriage life especially when getting old and seeing others with the fruits of their labour.
 

jinnous

Member
Hi Rodi. My bro has 2 boys and my hubby's sis has 2 girls, ages ranging from 8 yrs old to 3 yrs old. Sometimes they really make me wanna tear my hair out...children being children.... and we sometimes joked bout it if we have kids dunno will become like that not.

I know my sis-in-law got very pek che wif my bro cuz he's what you gals describe ur guy, come back watch TV, read newspapers or ask (and I mean ask nia) got homework not? Its a shared responsibility if you wanna have kids, not just a women thingy.... but we never know until we have kids. I see my friends and colleagues Facebook, with their kids. I can't help feeling envious.
 

rodi

New Member
Hi Little poppets!
Kids are seldom very inactive and having more than 1 is already a playmate to the other kid. And when 1 leads the rest normally follow. So when one is naughty the rest will more likely to follow suit. I know some like to see their kids play but do not participate as we adults are normally tired out after working, however, this is all a matter of time allocation for the family which we have started out in the first place. Sad to say, I have failed to practice what I preached and have also fallen into your description of the guy's attitude (meaning kong nia but my wife zo nia). Some are envious with those with kids but there are those who have kids are envious of those who don't. This is indeed an envious cycle.
 

blueberrytea

New Member
i dunno... but i think one reason is the stress level might be too high.
I've colleagues who quit working, then started having kids after trying for 7 yrs while working.

i've been married for 7yrs. I feel too tired to even try, many a times, because i spent so much time in work 7 days a week. Don't even have time to do housework.

asked boss if i could just take a couple of weeks leave, was told shortage of manpower.
sigh.

i just wish i could quite my job, then have energy to try.
 

callmebranded

New Member
i think the most important thing is how u enjoy life and thanks God for it, many ppl have children yet still complain cant do anything..dun have free time etc......so it's how we are living our lives....whether we want to be happy or not....with or without children...we can be happy in both condition....

dun listen to other ppl
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francaisco

New Member
Try Banyan tree. Made in Banyan tree baby get free stay till 7 years old :p

just do it everyday to have a kid, hee. Don't think many man will complain.

Aiya, with children then do things with wife and children lor....

If go out to restaurant is too ex now with children, then pack sandwiches and go to the park...

If go cinema is too ex now with children, then go rent a movie and watch at home...

If you feel that there is no private time anymore, take time off. Drop your children at your in laws or parent place and go for a night out.

Anyway, be happy with what you have. Don't be sad if you don't have yet cause as long as you aren't dead, there will always be hope
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Cheers!
 

joyan

New Member
March03, a friend of mine has low sperm count too, after few years of hardwork, he has a child and his wife is now expecting the second child. Don't give up!
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At least you guys are lucky that you've the chance to work hard for children, I really want to have a baby, we're basically healthy but it's impossible as I'm in a sexless marriage. We're married for 7 years but only have sex for 3 times. His family and relatives think it's me who refuse to give birth, he'll blame me whenever I explain to them it's him who doesn't want to have children. For that 3 times, he checked the condom after using, to ensure no "accident" would happen. It hurts me a lot.
 

kline

New Member
You are not alone.

Mine too. 10 years of marriage. At the 3rd year when I brought up the topic of having kids, everything stopped.

Just recently, when I brought up the kids topic again, he said he wants to release me to fulfill my desire to have kids by divorce!!!

I feel that kids is something very special in a marriage. It is unlike the home we created together. But it is something created by both.
 

m3im3i

New Member
darn interesting this thread... i came in to SBrides looking for advice as I want kids but partner does not and then i realise there are similar out there... sian...

1 side want children other just 6 mths into marriage say dun want kids. Sheeez
 

lovingyou

New Member
Joyan / Care: that must have hurts a lot... One of my ex colleague have this issue with her HB too... Her HB simply doesn't fancy children... Is it the same case with both your HBs? Hmm... are there specific reasons of why ur HBs doesn't want children? Could it also be due to the standard of living in SG?
 

joyan

New Member
Hi littlewoman, people were very surprised when I told them it's my husband who doesn't want a kid, because my husband has been giving people the impression that he loves kids a lot. Sometimes I can't help but to wonder if it's because it's about having kids with me? My family asked me if he has health issue? No, not at all. He loves looking at sexy women and watching porn....... just sudden change right after we married, although I didn't talk about having children during that period.

My husband knows I want to have my own kids before we went into the relationship, this is why I hate him for choosing me to be his gf/wife, without putting my dream to have my own kids into consideration. I can't talk to him about this issue, he thinks I'm trying to find fault in our happy life (to him only), although I've already made it clear to him that I just would like to understand his reasons. What worse is I'm no longer young to wait for another few more years before he changes his mind.
 

sparkless

New Member
My hubby likes and wants to have children while I'm just lukewarm to the whole idea. Sure, I love my little nephew and niece. I enjoy interacting and playing with them. But put that aside, the responsibility of waking up in the nite to feed the baby, changing their soiled diapers, taking leaves to look after them when they fall sick.. i don't think I'm at that level yet.

Loving children is one thing. The responsibility to raise up the children well is another.

Also, the need to change your lifestyle to suit your children is something that holds me back too. I guess that's why people said the greatest is the mother, which I totally agreed.

I can't say for sure this is why some partners don't like the notion of having their own child. But perhaps, this is one of the many reasons why some couples chose to remain childless.
 

lovingyou

New Member
Joyan: I can understand the feeling... Probably he doesn't want that kind of commitment. Is he of a high flyer?

He love kids doesn't mean he is okay with raising them. The kind of efforts, love etc that one requires to spend on the children are rather time consuming and perhaps he prefers to be enjoying a private life with you?

It is not healthy to assumptions and grudges in a marriage, why not have a good discussion with him? It is better to boil everything in ur heart and it is always better to resolve the issues before it "explodes"...
 

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