Annulment but pregnant..

[sighsighsigh]

Dear All,

My husband, ROM less than 3 years, wanted annulment and i have been convincing him but failed, he insisted on the annulment.. Im ready to let go too, however, i don't know if god is playing me or what, im pregnant. should i tell him abt it or just go ahead with abortion without him ever knowing?

SIGH.

 

[hweebs]

shuhui,

why he want annulment? why are you ready to let go too?

got baby how to annul? but a baby is probably not the most important reason to decide to stay on.

 

[shannat]

well, depending the reason he wants an annulment.
but imo, i think u shld speak to him regarding this issue b4 u make any decisions.
decide whats best for the both of u, n the baby.
abortion doesnt solve anything.

 

[sighsighsigh]

we have been dating for 7 yearss, as usual, i had a bad temper and i vent my frustration on him.. we had broke off once back in 2007, on top of 'explosion' on how i treated him, he was cheating behind my back.. But shortly after he came back to me and we got rom. But unfortuately, i cannot forget the incident and thus, treating him badly.. he couldnt tolerate anymore, was only until last week i had a quarrel with him and initiated annulment and he agree to it.. I was regretful but was too late. He's someone who decided wad is good and he will stick to it. I tried my best but still failed.

 

[infojunkie]

"I tried my best but still failed"

dun think u tried ur hardest... not yet.

sigh...

 

[sighsighsigh]

im always too late for saving this relationship.. I asked him to teach me on how to better a better person but he keep saying sorry.. He's set on annulment, is there anything else i can do? Should i him him 1 or 2 weeks to cool down?

 

[thommy]

u guys need to grow up really. venting ur anger on others will solve nothing.

 

[miloice]

Why is it too late over things said in an arguement? Who is so calm and sensible all the time during conflicts?

Have you eaten humble pie and try to savage things? What is your best?

 

[miloice]

It will probably work better to talk things out calmly instead of panicking. Talk about how much you cherish the marriage and hope to give it another chance. Suggest a plan and commitment on how to improve things. See a marriage counselor or something. This way, he can feel more than just tamtrums, throwing temples and saying sorry. Nothing will change this way. If I'm him, I also leave.

 

[sighsighsigh]

I suggested marriage counselling but he said both of us know our problems best so he doesnt feel the need to involve a 3rd party. I ask him to give me a chance, i will learn to be more repectful, be a fren to him etc.. He keep saying too late, he is a bad guy and he wants me to be with someone better.. he's stubborn, based on his horoscope and zodiac, very very stubborn person....

 

[powder]

let's assume u 2 get back together AND have the kid...

look few months down the road...

look few years down the road...

look 10yrs down the road...


OK, if u really look, u would realise u dun see anything there.

of cos, next step is to use the baby as a form of bargaining chip/reason...

 

[miloice]

based on horoscope and zodiac? You really think a person is who they are simply because of that?

And its not giving you one more chance, its giving the marriage a chance. It takes 2 to tango. Its never about you only. The marriage counselor isn't a 3rd party to fix you guys. Its only someone neutral that is trained to guide you guys to your own decisions. Both of you are so much into your own idea and pov. Learn to understand from each other pov instead. The call still ultimately fall in the hands of the couple.

 

[sighsighsigh]

of cos i would like to be together and i willing do anything.. but now is him who doesnt want to sought help, he has decided thats it. He feels that there are no way to save this marriage.. Do i have to resort to forcing him? i really dont wish for that..

I dun want to be together because of the baby too, as a couple, we had problems so if there's another life involving, it might get worse.

 

[chili_padi11]

Hi Shuhui,

Ask yourself:-
Are you/he going to change to salvage the marriage?
Are both of you willing to talk to each other nicely instead of shouting?
If the new life is involved, is it going to be another tough task?
Is better to sit down & have a nice talk. Whenever during an arguement, dont ever use that power word out cause once u use it, tends to use that very often.

 

[sighsighsigh]

Hi Chili Padi11,

Are you/he going to change to salvage the marriage? Yes, im going to become a better person for him.
Are both of you willing to talk to each other nicely instead of shouting? i am willing to talk instead of shoutin like what i've did in the past.
If the new life is involved, is it going to be another tough task? I would love to work it out..
Is better to sit down & have a nice talk. Whenever during an arguement, dont ever use that power word out cause once u use it, tends to use that very often. I'll control myself... really.

But he doesnt wanna look back now.. he knows that im willing to change. What shld i do?
How to convince him?

 

[msdomestic]

tell him u are pregnant and let him decide.. if u abort and he come to know it.. it will be a total game over.. jus my opinion..

 

[miloice]

How to convince him...

Are you/he going to change to salvage the marriage? Yes, im going to become a better person for him.
Are both of you willing to talk to each other nicely instead of shouting? i am willing to talk instead of shoutin like what i've did in the past.

Why would he be convinced? I don't think any one here reading what you wrote would be convinced as well.

You don't change for him. You change because you know you can and want to. And you need to want that so badly to bring up the determination to really become better. Else, its just another one of your spur of moment thing. Even if he leaves you, you should change for yourself. If you don't, anger management will always be an issue for you. You will forever to hurtful things to your loved ones in the spur of anger.

Take Quan Yifeng as an example, she never learn her lesson. She can have the most patient husband but it will still not work. She will still be upset because she doesn't change.

 

[ellentg]

sorry side-track a bit... i thought one cannot annul a marriage once it's been consummated?

 

[crystal_cloud]

perhaps you can read some of these and see if they helps

http://ezinearticles.com/?cat=Relationships:Marriage

 

[chili_padi11]

Ms Sigh,

I think is best that you tell him that u r pregnant, cos he is the baby's father. (Just to be fair to him).

convince him - is not just talk & no action! You must show him that u had changed, not alot but at least better than the old you. JiaYou!

 

[amulet]

even if you decide on abortion, you should let your hubby know.. this is not only your baby, it is his own flesh and blood also.. be fair..

 

[scope_guy]

Shuhui,

You are not too late in savaging relationship...
I read your case... your responses...

You are just blind. Don't worry, you belong to the majority.

Btw...

You are already prepared to let go... What do you think of shot-gun marriage, Shuhui? I mean, people happily have sex, then "Oh! Fvcking baby, let take the bloody vow and be a happy family..."

Ahem... ...

What was there to savage? If you are married because of money, chances are you'd be happier than to be stuck together with a baby. LOL~

Funny women...

 

[hweebs]

shuhui,

let him know you are pregnant. Then work it out. Stubborn as you say he is, it's definitely over if you dun tell him and abort. You tell him about pregnancy, still got chance to try it out.

 

[clipperjunk]

you should leave the pregnancy out of the equation and ask if the marriage will work...if he stays only for the baby, he will only regard the marriage as a trap...you say you can change, but the fact that he's ready to leave means he's seen you through and through and isn't convinced of your intent?...

 

[deborahng]

shuhui, first and foremost,you shld let him know abt the baby cos he is the father. It is unfair to make any decision without his knowledge. 2ndly is to decide if u wanna stay in this marriage.

 

[simpleman]

Letting hb knows about pregnancy may not be the best thing.. it really depends..

There is no such thing as fair nor not..

What if he decides to continue to get continue the marriage because of the baby..

It means it is a good ending?

Or he decides to ask TS to give birth and he wants the baby only?

so it is better for TS to think first before she decides what to do

 

[sighsighsigh]

Have decided to abort the baby with no one knowing. I know its a very idiotic move but even if he stays, it will be for the baby.

Thanks all.. Really appreciate the replies..

 

[karvna]

Shuhui:

Do you know that you can only qualify for annulment for reasons like refusal to consummate the marriage or the spouse has a terminal illness or sexually transmitted disease like AIDS?

In your case, you probably have to file for divorce. Please speak to your lawyers about it.

And lying to get an annulment will get you into trouble with the law.

 

[oneder]

If you fix your temper, you fix everything. It might or might not be for this relationship but for the future relationship. Since you have already admitted that the marriage fails because of the bad temper, try going for anger management courses or counselling. Do it for yourself and prove to yourself that you really want to first before convincing others.

 

[xylon]

ms sigh - the baby is innocent, he/she deserves to live.

you should tell your hubby about it, what if he stays for the baby now? is it not possible that the baby brings harmony to the family?

 

[oneder]

'you should tell your hubby about it, what if he stays for the baby now? is it not possible that the baby brings harmony to the family?'

The baby will magnify the status of the relationship. It will most likely worsen the unstable relationship if you are just depending on the baby to make things work.

 

[xylon]

The baby deserves to live.

"worsen the unstable relationship" vs divorce, the former seems like a better choice.

We don't have the rights to take away baby's life.

 

[shannat]

a baby will change many things.
perhaps in the beginning, he might be staying on for the baby..
but somehow, i believe, with the baby, TS might change for the better, n her hubby might once again accept her...

 

[judyeng]

for one i think ur hubby has the right to knw about the baby bcos
1) he is the legal and flesh and blood father of the baby
2) it is only fair. u are the 'carrier' but the BOT of u are the maker

putting the emotional trauma aside, abortion bring a long physical repercussions which could be problematic for u in future. so many people have failed to conceive or have problems with their bodies after the forceful purging of a foetus. let alone the guilt that comes a long.

also, a baby may be the catalyst to tighten the gap between ur hubby and u. it will be a risk of cos, and u may fall into the category of marryingor the baby, so its something that has to be carefully thought tru.. however, it might be a push factor to get u and ur hubby to pull ur socks up and be more responsible/better anger management.

or else u may go tru this as seperate issues. touch on the pregnancy and tell ur hubby ur stand and why u want to do that. then talk about ur rship with ur hubby and why it has come to this stage. i doubt u do much h2h talks with ur hubby, always bursting in flames.. u need to curb ur temper.. bad temper lead to frustrations which leads to disappointment and an air of negativity in the rship..

make ur choice wisely../

 

[msdomestic]

aiyo.. conclusion.. tell him abt the baby.. i mean.. u want to change for him didnt u say? so by aborting u are back to ur childish and irresponsible way? duh?! baby is his too.. and baby is innocent..