Am I still a virgin?

adore

New Member
I know that the issue of virginity is not an issue. But the sudden realization that i'm not actually saddens me. I'm in my 30s and recently broken up because of incompatibity in character & also i can't seem to trust him anymore.

U might be wondering why the sudden realization? I was quite inexperienced and didn't know that by engaging in such acts is not considered a Virgin. I also don't know how I can be so stupid. He was my 1st bf. I always stressed that I want my wedding nite to be special and it's meant as a very special gift for my future hubby.

He kept reassuring me that he's respecting me and such intimacy are normal betw couples. Also, I will still be a V and our wedding nite (initially when we are in gd terms) can still be special. He actually "entered" me but only partial as he said he respected me to be V so he also controlled and did not go in "full". I never thought, the slightest contact is considered as losing virginity.

How do you all define Virginity? He still insist that I'm a virgin as he never fully entered me & I never bleed (to him, hymen intact= virgin). We nv had a fulfilling experience so far as i was always worried. After we broke up, i searched online & realised that this might not be the truth .. even a tiny bit of contact between his d*** and my v****** is considered losing it. I'm sooooo disappointed now .. this is not what I plan .. i so wanted to remain a Virgin till my marriage
sad.gif
Why am I so stupid?
 


simpleman

Active Member
What is the big deal about being a virgin. Why so hung up?

You may think it is special to reserve for you future HB, but your future HB may not think much about it.
 
Being a virgin doesn't mean that your next bf will love u more. Why cry over spilt milk? There's nothing you can do about it now. Forgive your ex, forgive yourself, get over it and move on with life.
 

daemonkoh

New Member
Cloudy, i understand how you feel which many ppl can't cos they don't think it's any big deal since it already happened. I had the same thinking as you in the past. I was so ignorant about intimacy and sex and don't even know if i had lost it or not since there's no pain and feel at all. (I stopped him from enter further) This qns mark was with me for very very long.

But later on, i know i had actually lost it long ago. This is one fact i cannot deceive myself. Just blame myself for being ignorant but i am lucky my husband doesn't mind at all. (My husband is a 'V' himself) I was his 1st gf. And he loves me alot.

So cheer up, i always believe as long u open your eyes big big, sure can find a nice guy who cherish you for who you are, and not 'V' or not 'V'.
 

tomasulu

Member
if a guy wants a virgin as a wife, he wants someone who hasn't been sexually intimate with other men. similarly if your goal is to be a 'virgin' to your husband, you want to be someone who hasn't been sexually intimate with another. ask yourself this, are you a virgin if you have an intact hymen but have done anal, oral and everything else with the town folks? and does it really matter even if you are technically considered a virgin?
 

cuclainne

New Member
oh gosh - are you really that simple-minded? if you can post a message here, i'm sure you can google for the answers .. you may be inexperienced but i doubt that you're that dense ..
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Let me answer your question directly - You are NOT a virgin, by what you have described.

You can't undo what has been done. If being untamed is so important a value to you, what you can do is in your future relationship/s, exercise abstinence (though I don't agree with such extreme approach).
 

agag

New Member
I feel that this is not really a big deal... if you future husband really minds and throw a big fuss because of this, I think there might be some problem too...

He should accept you and your past, he loves you and not your virginity!
happy.gif


Don't worry too much!
 

atos_sg

New Member
It's all in your mind....

We are not in the oldies anymore, what matters now is your heart, not your v.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
If u wanted so much to remain a virgin, wouldn't you have read up more instead of believing every word your ex told you? When you are cheated despite being careful, you are bad luck. But if you choose to remain this naive, then you have a big responsibility over it.

Its not the end of the world. Alot things doesn't go according to our plan, but life goes on. Live it to the fullest and not fill it with regrets.
 

thommy

New Member
What's done cannot be undone. No point crying over spilt milk now. Not being a virgin anymore is not the end of the road for you.

If your next bf really loves you, this 'fact' will not matter to him. Hope you find him soon.
 

alkalime

New Member
aiyo.. i type halfway then computer error. must type all over again. haixx

i was saying since you cannot undo what had happened, and you want to make your wedding nite special and memorial enuf, mjust make sure that your next bf/htb don't touch you fro the 1st day till the wedding night. no point blaming yourself now loh.
 

adore

New Member
Thanks pple .. I know I'm very dense for my age. Never cross my mind to doubt some1 so close to me. Agree I gotta bear responsibility for being too naive. Heavy lesson but still have to face it
happy.gif
 

powder

Active Member
virginity is over-rated... mind u, even as a guy i was one of those who kept mine intact despite several opportunities and i mean girls taking their clothes off etc etc in front of me... it wasn't until i spoke to some older ladies abt sexual compatibility that i realise - hey, if i dun share the experience of closeness before marriage, how was i ever gonna be whole-wheartedly promising to be committed to my wife withtout knowing the full extent of my commitment? and that encompasses those moments of togetherness in bed.

and i realised the importance of this when shockingly, i realised some of my married fren have not consummated their marriage, grew frustrated trying to consummate etc etc...

it might be a safe assumption that everyone is gonna enjoy lovemaking, but as it is, some girls have never experienced orgasm thru lovemaking, whilst some guys have problems getting it up or sustaining... when u've kept it for so long and look to the wedding nite like an Examination, u'll feel as nervous as u were during your o'levels paper which u did not study for...

end of the day, it's all personal choices. i just hope that if u hold virginity with such high regard, that u know the true importance of it... it was never meant to be just physical, but also a spiritual thing...

good luck!
 

kennyg7

New Member
Ya I think it's all personal choice too. As long as the girl i wanted is not those type who can jump into bed with any guys can already. I mean some although do it with bfs only but the number of bfs they have shocks me.
 

pink_sapphire

New Member
Cloudy
dun worry too much as long as u r not sleeping around with many guy u r a gal with gd morals and usually guys value that a lot in this new age many guys r not virgins on their wedding night too
 

pink_sapphire

New Member
was wondering if it matters to the guy if your wife is not a virgin on wedding night ..

or would u prefer a wife with some love making experience
 

powder

Active Member
phrasing is rather impt to the subconscious mind...

makes alot of difference when u describe it as "a wife with some love making experience"
 

zolyn

New Member
Most important is not just the virgin or not, is whether you like that person or not.... If you really like that person, you will not care whether he/she is a virgin. Dont tell me, if he/she not a virgin, you will break-off with he/she..

Since it has already happened, it's all the past. No one will point out the past, most important is the future.
 

simpleman

Active Member
On a wedding night, the wife should not be a virgin because we would have done it many times already before marriage and we are very happy with our sex.

On our wedding night.. then we can just go to sleep because it would be too tired to do it.
 

claudiakey

New Member
lolliepop, hehe, u very bad lah, Cloudy is oready very vexed, then u still teased.

Cloudy
If the man truly love u, he wouldn't mind ur past deeds, unless he also virgin lah, hehe, just kidding. Dun worry abt it
 

tan33a

New Member
no laaa.. i mean, come on, it's 21st century.. i'm also not a virgin when i married my hubby.. but so what?? virginity is all that matters meh? definitely NO.. hehe..
 

pink_sapphire

New Member
Cloudy

as evident in the reply posts to your thread most ppl also think that being virgin not so important. Most important is that guy really loves u for who you are so dun worry la
 

onegoal

New Member
Cloudy,
Oh my goodness see what u and your bf have done is a big big sin! u better to church and confess to the paster on your sin. Better announce in speaker on what you have done to the whole church. U MUST be a virgin if u r single! Else u are a trouble!!!

I suggest u marry ur BF immdeiately or u stay single for the rest of your entire life! Never touch any other guys again! I repeat,
Never touch any other guys again!

Cloudy, you are a big big let down. haiz.....
STUPID!
 

thommy

New Member
Green, ignore him...probably he's an attention freak or a narcissist. Doesn't know he's making himself look even more stupid with the posts he makes
 

onegoal

New Member
U think she cloud is very saint??
CB itchy just say itchy lah.

after doing it, come here and ask.
i am very disgusted with her!
 

tan33a

New Member
Hunky,

there's nothing wrong with people asking what.. not happy? get on to the next thread. don't read this one lah.. you want to scroll down and read everything from top to bottom and you ge so damn agitated. so big fuss for what? you lack of attention now that people are talking to Cloudy ah? and seriously, is there a need to get so excited meh? need to talk in that kind of language here meh? so childish. come on lah.. u're the ex-bf and u're angry that Cloudy exposed what u'd done to her here ah? if not, why get so agitated? and what is so disgusting about her?

well, i'm more disgusted at you. =)
 

tan33a

New Member
and one more thing,

i think you're the stupid one. not Cloudy. not defending, but i think what you're doing here, and what you've said, it's just plain stupidity. you just can't understand what the problem, anyhow shoot. STUPID.
 

astroting

New Member
Hunky,
u comment until u are very clean & decent but your words just match at all!

cloudy,
no worries, guys nowadays are more open to know u not beng a V. unless that guy thinking is very old fashion.. dun get affected by hunky nonsense comments. cheer up!
 

claudiakey

New Member
Hunky
Pls dun be rude, she just feelin hurt by the failed relationship, u dun have to add sait to her wound. She's at a loss now, pls be more understanding
 

zolyn

New Member
Cloudy,
Whatever past is past. Be courage to face your future.. Try to join outdoor activities, you will be more cheerful.
 

pink_sapphire

New Member
and Cloudy

when u meet a new nice guy in future. personally i feel dun need to tell him u not V cos this is a personal thing ,

tell only your husband to be if u must. also your future in a laws or wat so ever dun need to know if u feel uncomfortable with e issue cos some old ppl might be old fashion
 

shirleypoise

New Member
I would think it will depend on how close you are with your future in-laws ba.

If you r close and you know they can accept it then tell them better. This will prevent any unhappiness should the beans be split one day.

Whichever the case, MUST tell your husband-to-be. Let him decide if it should be reveal to his parents. If you din reveal n beans be split, at least he can say that's his decision. Parents are more forgiving toward their own son.
 


flyingstar

New Member
i think i will never tell..virgin or not.

actually from your actions, very easy to tell whether is it the first time or the x time...

and of course this has totally nothing to do with the in-laws too...
 

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