Am i ROM too early?

[confusegirl]

Hi all,

need your advice.

I and my b/f get know each another for about only 14 months. will ROM on coming months. and one day my bf proposal me. the reason i agree is that i don want to let him down. and of because i love him too..actually i prefer to get ROM only next year. to him, he told me was actually already tired of dating. and meantime want to settle down.

My b/f is a conservative and strong possession guy. i have to spend a lot and lots of time and attentions on him and i really dun know how long can i "tahan" wif him. he done a lot of things for me and i really appreciated.

Do you think am i get ROM too early?
and Will you hubby or b/f also have a strong possession? how do u handle it?


thanks

 

[coven]

hi,
if now u're already 'tahaning' his possessiveness, wat makes u feel or think tat u can tolerate further when he becomes a 'husband'? time isnt really a factor for marrying early. it all depends on WHY u choose to marry him. if its because he has been doing so much for u then u agree, i'll seriously ask u to reconsider. dont marry out of gratitude or just because u appreciate them.

only do it when u're sure tat u really want to and not coz he proposed and u felt compelled to agree.

consider carefully

 

[butterkiss]

Hi confusegal...
My FH is something like your bf... hee hee...
I used to be like u... unsure of myself...
There are positive as well as negative sides for this kind of guys... Just think on the bright side and everything will be fine...

 

[dubdub]

i and my hubby decide to rom after 10mths of dating, is not the time that concern. at that time, i know that he is the one and decide to marry him. I just rom on the 3rd of july. if u dun wan to rom so early, then just tell him, dun beco of gratitude then decide to rom.
there is a lot of things to take care and adapt after rom, is not as easy as pple said just go there and sign ur name.

 

[bibip]

hi confusegal,

if you already having doubts, suggest you postpone the rom.. if you think next year is a better time, just let your bf know..

just ask yourself if he is the one for you... remember, he's your LIFE partner, whether you can be with him for life, only you yourself will know...

 

[confusegirl]

Hi Coven,
I decide to marry him mainly because of love and it's not only gratitude.

Im afraid of marriage since small as i heard of a lots broken marriage stories. besides, im sure my freedom will be limited after married. as He trend to control my acts etc...

I know he is very quick tempered as well, he will gets angry over small issues. but, he will gets over it very fast lo.

Butter,
Thanks. right now, you and your hubby getting well? Are you the one who always give in? whenever there is a quarrel?

Dubdub,
Thanks. at the time he propose any others factors you taken in consideration before decided to marry him?

 

[sharlene]

Confusegirl,
Try talking to ur FH and tell him ho u feel. Of course if you really love him, u must think of whether can both of you walk this life together or not.....marriage is a life time thing.

 

[poshies]

Hi Confusegirl,
I think u really need to sit down n decided on ur self... if need talk to ur FH... think u might want to give urself some time... especially even u might agree to marry him now... u might tell him to give u more time to adjust rite...

Good Luck

 

[dubdub]

confusegirl,

When my hubby propose, the question i ask myself is can i trust my whole life with this guy and will i regret to marry him in future and will i willing to share my woes and happiness with him. my answer for all these is yes. i loved my hubby too much and so do him, we very clear of wat we wan and know each other character very well before willing to commit

 

[confusegirl]

Hi dubdub,
Million thanks to you. i think you olidi make a wise decision by marrying him. shld'nt have any regret in future.

Poshies, sharlene
thanks.

I think i will stay on to marry him. and trust we can communicate with each another much more better especially after married.

 

[cj14]

hi all
i;m new here.

hi confusegal,
juz curious-hve u spoken to him abt your reservation abt getting marry this yr?

 

[zann]

Hi Confusegirl,

i think if you are confused then should consider again. Shouldnt be marrying someone cos you don't wish to decline and have him felt let down. If you have doubts still, then shouldnt hurry into things. There is still time to rom later but once married in unsure state, it may cost both more pain and trouble later.

 

[zann]

I also agree if Coven that now you already need to "tahan" him what makes you think in futre you wont feel totally intolerable and cannot take it anymore so better consider carefully and get to know each other more first before deciding to rom just cos you don't wish to let a person down.

 

[bigfeet]

HI, need some help here..... my gf just stormed off in tears after she complained that we have been looking at HDB showflats, and i have not proposed yet ..... and worse, the vicinity we are looking at happened to have a WIS starting today...

i am planning to propose, and i just have not gotten the ring yet....

She is very disappointed with me now..... how can i restore her confidence in me.. ..?

 

[laluna]

Hi Confusegirl,

I've known my hubby for about 11 years now although we ROMed only last Dec (started off as good friends but ended up as soulmates).

What I can say is marriage is a beautiful thing and I'm sure every woman loves the feeling of being a wife. Marriage of course is a lifetime thing and we all need to make sure that it will be something that we can live with for the rest of our lives. It involves give and take too. My hubby has a bigger temper than me but I too have my moods (especially when I'm tired from work etc). The main thing is that both of you must be able to talk to each other about your true feelings without either one blowing up. Fortunately, my hubby and I are able to communicate very well and we never leave arguments 'overnight', that is, if you do have an argument, always solve it before you both go to bed. Do not just leave it alone to 'dissolve', the problem will still be there and you will still feel sore...worse it might be brought up again next time when you both argue.

There are many courses to prepare couples for marriage (how to make it last a lifetime etc). Maybe you can check it out to give yourself and your hubby a peace of mind, knowing that you both are armed with the right tools for marriage. You can check out:

http://www.reachfsc.com/index1.html

It is a family service centre which runs programmes for everyone from youth to couples. You can always call them to enquire about their Marriage Preparation Workshop.

 

[cj14]

Hi yup,
Have a good talk with her. Alot of gal fres expect a romantic proposal but in reality, it always disappointment. Perphaps she had been expecting one & didn't get it..

Be true & honest about your feeling & reason why, I'm sure she will understand. Give her a long big hug & passionate kiss!

 

[yamiyogurt]

yup, dun worry

jus go cheer her up. tell her u dun want anyhow propose mah. so taking time to plan a nice one....keke...

ask her come to this forum, there are sooooo many brides-to-be here who haven got a proposal yet!!!

i am one of them...hahaha maybe she will feel better (to know that so many gals in the 'same boat' )

 

[babu]

hi confuse,
do u mind i ask how old r u? u sounded young to me.. if u r not ready, mayb u need to sit down and discuss wif him, or mayb u r just like me, post married blue...but mi cured already..kekeke..

 

[dabee]

hi confused gal n all:
i agree with what laluna suggest. go for a marriage preparation workshop. it helps to vision your purpose of marriage better. marriage is a lifetime thing.......
do not do it when u are not sure. is easy to sign on the dotted line to ROM but 3 years of separation before divorce n lawyers fees. this is the first time that i heard that one is sick of courtship then wanted to ROM!!!! courtship is the most happening n exciting part. marriage life maybe not be as exciting as u think. confused gal, only 14mths he is sick of it.. n he is very possessive ctrl over u, can u tahan him for the rest of ur life. be prepared to sacrifice. guy n gal is totally diff creatures.

hey yup:
dun worry, just show her the big diamond ring. she will forgive u instantly. no point to explain without action. just SHOW her the diamond ring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[confusegirl]

Hi

Connie,
yup, i did told him about reservation. after told, i saw a tears of his eye. and i knew i am disappointed him. at 1st, he tot, i reject him because of do not love him anymore. and now he still can't really see the point why i want to postponed. to him, he want to settle down earlier as I am always cause him worry by not listening.

Zann,
I do take ROM in seriously. i am sure so do him.
recently, i try to be myself and notice he is able to accept me in this way. i feel veri happy and this encourage me to get ROM earlier. Frankly say, other than possession, no more factors will cause me need tahan with him. that is the only one that i am going to bear with him.

Laluna,
i just learn today. as i use to leave our arguments overnight and i tot it can be dissolve overnight.

Babu,
I am 20++ before 25 this year. and wat do you mean by "post married blue"? how do you get it cured?

 

[babu]

indeed very young.. it's a life time commitment, really think that u shld discuss wif him and think b4 u make this big decision..

hehehe.. no medical attentioned needed, just that u'll think alot b4 u marry ur fh, like example, is he e one? will he be faithful after married? etc.. imagination run wild, but after when e AD date draw rear, u'll be too busy prepare ur stuff and cured naturely lor..

 

[zann]

Hi confusedgirl,

i dun mean you are not serious. just that i think shouldnt marry cos u don't want the person to feel let down...marry cos u want to marry him

 

[cj14]

Hi Confusedgirl

I think you are being pressured into marriage. What is the harm of waiting slightly longer other than making him unhappy? If he is unhappy that u need more time to think abt it, then I think he is not reeady for marriage.... too immature.

He shd respect your need to think further. He can be sad, but he shd allow u time to be comfortable with marrying him. it is only for the better for both of you.

The reasons u mentioned for him wanting to marry early are to me not valid.

In marrying another person, there shdnt be so many questions. You really shd wait, if for nothing else, just to test him on his so called love for you. If he truly loves you he will wait If not, then I think u might like to reconsider ....

 

[cokelight]

Hi Confusedgirl

I think u have to think carefully as this is a lifelong committment, better to decide carefully than divorce later.

If u feel he is possessive etc and feel rushed maybe u should tell him clearly wat yr tots and clarify that u still ready to settle down now but still luv him etc.

Personally i feel that time is not a factor but it is whether your mind is ready to settle down, and whether the person is what u want to settle down with. I have 4 rs before (all short ones) but with my FH i feel different cos really feel at ease with him and i can visualise with him for the rest of my life.

So if u can't visualise with him for rest of life then someting is not rite lor tats wat i tink.

 

[cokelight]

Hi yup

My FH also haven't propose with a ring yet but we have tok about plans to get married even after 3 mths of pa-tor and more concrete ones after 6mths. We also go to see flats etc. I dun see why your gf will be angry, but maybe just like my girlfren complain, she feel like it is not a formal proposal lor.

Get a bouquet of roses, a nice dinner and a ring to propose.. If can't afford a diamond ring now, maybe tell her directly? I am sure your gf will forgive u when she see yr sincerity.

 

[guy]

Hi confusegal, there really isn't a "correct" time frame for couple to ROM.... is 1 month too short? how about 3 months or 6months or 3years???
When the couple ROM does not depend on the time frame but whether both of them are ready to go on to the new phase of their life.....

I have a good fren who know his ex for 9 years and preparing for marriage but end up breaking up (it is mutual.... it take them 9 years to realise that they are not suitable).... and he got to know another gal for about 1 over years and they tie the knot and now a happy couple...

For me, I know my gf for nearly 1 year now and I am preparing for my proposal soon.... having sleepless night thinking of ways to surprise her... and after which will go for ROM end of 1st quarter next year.... we just feel that we are happy together and we are prepare to start a new chapter together.... maybe we are both over 30's...

So you have to ask yourself whether you are ready.... don't juz ROM because he ask you too... just like you don't eat lunch for the sake of eating lunch,but because you are hungry....

 

[mngo]

hi confused gal,
sometimes guys are possessive , cos they cant trust their partners, and is very sad to know that. make the decision carefully. i hate possessive people , so they will not expect me to live with them forever

 

[gin]

Hi everyone,
Juz happen to come across this thread 'lately' Kinda interesting. I am with my FH for only less than half a year and he didn't propose to me at all and we are going ROM this Dec. I had been asking myself again and again why do I want to go ROM with him for such a short period. To me, the duration of pa-toring is not the factor to decide whether to get married or not...rather, do u tink he can provide u wat u need in future and also does he work hard with you to reach the desire goal that both of you plant. Lastly, he must be hardworking to give you happiness. If you felt it..guess it's the correct decision. Although we cant make sure that 10 yrs down the road, he may or may not change his heart, who knows. Future lies in your hand. If you want the marriage to work, both parties have to learn to say 'Sorry' and also 'forgive and forget'. I learn it thru my past 4 yrs relationship.

 

[gireen10]

hihi,i oso kn my bf 4 1yr plus n we planning 4 rom liao...hwever i oni 17 dis yr...i called e rom n they told mi tt rom below 18 veri troublesome...they suggest i wait till i 18,which is nx yr may...k lor gota wait...

 

[zann]

Wong See Shan,

you getting married so young...

 

[gin]

Hi Wong See Shan,
Juz reply your queries on the other thread.
Is your hubby much older than you? Else y u married so early? And below 18 you need parental consent and furthermore i feel that ppl will change after 18 and it will stretch until ard 24 or 25 yrs old b4 ur mentality stables down leh...

 

[gireen10]

@1st he said 'let's gt marry',i tot he joking so i play along...as times goes by,he reali treat mi veri well & he's e 1 whonv gif up hope on mi n make mi change:i owaez failed my maths...he encouraged mi lorz...i hate study n cz of him i willing 2 keep in my best 4 my o level...tt's y i reali wan marry him n i dun wish 2 lose a gd guy lyke him...yep,my hubby older than mi by 6 yrs bt no generation gap in between...below 18 besides need parents' consent still need 2 go counsel n pay $250 lorz...aniwae i reali make up my mind 2 marry him n i will nt change my mind...thks 4 ur concern,gin...

 

[gireen10]

paiseh gt spelling n some grammatical errors...

 

[gin]

Hi Wong See Shan,
I think I would only have to congrats you!

 

[gireen10]

hey gin,tks again...

 

[gin]

Np

 

[gireen10]

hehe nw my ROM gt change liao...nt so early liao lorz cz gotta save 4 housing 1st....heard tt soon after ROM gota live wif each other...den ROM liao i m my hubby's wife so paiseh ask mama gif mi $$$...so we intend spend 34 yrs 2 save lorz...@ e 3rd yr den ROM...

 

[gin]

Hi Wong See Shan,
?? Ah....spend 34 yrs 2 save? Heehee..i think typo la...u meant 3 to 4 yrs ijjit? Heehee...Actually housing can get government loan ma..so downpayment can be settle by the loan provided the house is not so expensive ma.

 

[cecilia_fzr]

Hi ladies, I'm new to this forum (exploring),and happen to come aross this thread. I believe that trust & understanding makes the whole marriage works.

Hi See Shan, maybe you can think of getting a flat near parents,so that u can get HDB Grant(40K),not a bad deal ya.

 

[rinachew]

Hi all,

I just come across this forum today cos I am getting rom on 5 Sep 05.. so looking around for some tips... not sure whether tis tread is still active but... just wanna tell u all... me and my bf plans to get rom during our 10 mths of pa-toring... my sis and her hubby thot we are juz kidding given the fact that we only mit up once for twice a week...

i guess its doesn't matter how long u are together but how much you love and enjoy each other companionship and of cos how willing you are in committing yourself to a lasting relationship.. ;P

Cheers..

 

[onzz]

Your last sentence has been used way too often... why we need time? To expose the uglier side of a relationship.

If you are rushing to have 3 or 4 babies, no choice lor... if not, it is really too early.

 

[vince_ccy]

Hi I'm new here, just got to see this message board.

Well I'm goin to get ROM with my gf whom i know for around 1yr plus. I had arguements with my gf recently over certain issues and make her realise the question why would we want to get ROM so early since our wedding ceremony is held 1-2yrs from now. I'm a passive person, i dun noe how to express the words and the feelings to expalin to her. Of course the more i explain the more unlogical n unpractical she thinks. If you were me, wat would u ans to you gf? Need advise on this but i noe that's bcos we wan to go to the next phase of life that is being 2gether. Need advise, thks

 

[dorinaloh]

Hi, I new in here too...

Vincent, I guess your girlfriend is like me. Wish to get married while she is still young. I've been together with my bf for 3 years b4 he proposed on our 3rd anniversary. Somehow I felt he had been pressured into it cos I had told him that it has always been my dream to get married b4 26 years old (I'm 24 this year). That leaves us abt 1-2 years to prepare for Wedding.

Just tell your girlfriend the truth abt how you feel abt all this ROM and wedding thingy. And also try to see it from her point of view. Sometimes what seems umimportant to you might signify something really important to her.
I also feel that it's perfectly alright to ROM first and then have wedding ceremony 1-2 years later what.

But ultimately, both of you must compromise and come to a decision based on your financial stability, and level of maturity mentally/emotionally.

For my bf and I, it's a case of, we're getting too comfy with each other and there's not much excitement in our relationship anymore. We're like a married couple who doesn't stay together that's all. So I'm hoping this preparation for our wedding will bring some excitment to our relationship again.

 

[red_red_wine]

Hi anyone.....
to help me.... cos i am confused too. cos i been dating with my bf for only 8 months. And i am not sure if he is the one for me. and he did't even proposed to me.
I agreed cos aft dating for 2 days, he voiced out if this relation works out, then lets do some planning. so i agreed.
Aft dat i find dat everything is gg too fast but we aldy booked the rom date.. any advice? greatly appreacited..

 

[annabelle]

Hi emily, wow 8mths is very fast leh... althou some ppl. will say time is not e factor but to me time can tell if both can withstand tests of all shorts before committing to be together for e rest of ur lifes...

and u said u agreed after dating for jus 2 days to marry him??? this guy looks quite desperate to get married thou... if u really dun feel comfy in getting tied down so fast than think u could consider postponing ur rom??? most of all this will be e partner whom u will spend ur whole life with so u have to be 200% sure that its him u wan to accompany u on life's journey... pls think carefully... God bless u...

 

[red_red_wine]

Hi annabelle. thanks for ur advice. But we aldy book the rom now's just waiting for the day to come. He's a nice guy except he is sometimes a dump block. He promise me to get me a nice proposal ring. But i like it at least 0.5 carat. then i think he can't really afford it. That's the problem then i can't really get myself comitted. Pls help..

 

[red_red_wine]

Hi all.. its me again.. At last he got wat i wanted. o.5 carat. Just gave a proper perposal yesterday. So i was so happy now.. Its a nice one with international cert..

 

[annabelle]

hi emily, good so happy for u... relax and be a happy bride...

 

[red_red_wine]

thanks a lot annabelle..

 

[towed]

Quote: At last he got wat i wanted. o.5 carat. Congrats. How much a 0.5 carat diamond with cert cost pls?