Affected - Guys opinions very much welcomed

karma

New Member
To keep my story short, I did wrong once by 2-timing my bf. He forgave me and all and we are now happily together. I am totally grateful and all. Knowing that the harsh lesson made me very committed to be a better person and not repeating my mistakes.

However, I learnt that during the period where we were apart (we broke up for a while after my straying incident), he visited prostitutes. I calmly confronted him about it and he admitted.
He said he was feeling so low and hurt by my actions and plus he was so highly stressed, that he did that. To put it in another way "he thought he could also stoop to my level" to even out things.

I guess I just knew of the matter, so right now I am somehow feeling really mixed and affected. A long train of tots keep going through my mind.

So many questions are coming up:
1) Will he visit them again when we go through other downs?
2) Should I be bothered about it since he did it when he was single?
3) If he can do it once, he probably can do it more?
4) If I had not made a mistake in the first place, I would not have brought out the worst in him.
5) Am I being okay about this just because I've erred before and am telling myself that I should accept it?

Given if I had not erred in the first place, I would have really been really sad and totally find it unacceptable.

I really don't know what I'm feeling right now. I just cannot understand why a guy can visit commercial places for sex. If it was with someone he has feelings for, maybe I can understand better.
For me, it wun happen with someone I have no feelings for.

I really can't blame him.. He has promised that he will not visit them anymore. Am I able to overcome my own insecurities after this? Haiz... Am I thinking too much??
 


infojunkie

Active Member
not taking ur 2-timing him as a factor,
men hv urges u know?

taking ur 2-timing him as a factor,
its fair game u know?
 

daemonkoh

New Member
Think TS did forgave her bf, just that a lot of qns running thru her mind.

1) Will he visit them again when we go through other downs?
2) Should I be bothered about it since he did it when he was single?
3) If he can do it once, he probably can do it more?
4) If I had not made a mistake in the first place, I would not have brought out the worst in him.
5) Am I being okay about this just because I've erred before and am telling myself that I should accept it?
 

infojunkie

Active Member
she is not the only one thinking u know... wanna read the bf's mind?

1) Will she 2-time me again in future?
2) Should i be bothered about it since she did it when she was single?
3) If she can do it once, she probably will do it again.
4) If she had not 2-time me, i would not have known her better. is this the worst i'll ever get from her?
5) I should try to forget that she'd erred before and am telling myself that I should forgive her COMPLETETLY...
 

powder

Active Member
karma,

the likelihood of guys Enjoying sex, Enjoying orgasm - is High. u will find most guys enjoying an orgasm... go ask around (the honest guys).

now 1 step further, when single - guys have orgasm thru masturbation, else some visit someone to give a hand-job, blow-job, screw-job, ONS etc.

it's all in the mind... Unless u enjjoy sex/orgasms, u will not understand how someone will do it. In your mind u keep thinking of how it should be with someone he loves, and u think it's only with u. Pls know something - he wanted an orgasm and great sex whilst he was single - he has the right to do watever he wants. he chose a prostitute instead of Zouk

why did u 2-time him?

anyway this is Your major problem...
"I just cannot understand why a guy can visit commercial places for sex. If it was with someone he has feelings for, maybe I can understand better."

- whenever i hear women say such things, i cringe. If something so basic & human - u cannot understand, most times it's becos u're typically more aware of your own feelings only, and not bothered to learn more abt others.

u have a long way to go before your relationship problems will go away.
 
Karma,
If you seriously value your relationship, you should be spending the time thinking on how to mend the relationship instead of your bf's past.
happy.gif


Hey please be clear that this guy wasn't your bf when he visited the prostitutes. His status was "SINGLE". There's nothing wrong for a single, unattached guy to visit prostitutes, date other ladies, go for ONS.

Similarly, your bf went through the hurt and insecurities feelings when he realised that you had emotionally and physically betrayed him. If he visited the prostitutes when he was attached to a gal, it would be at most be considered a physical betrayal but not an emotional betrayal (he didn't fall for them). Who had sinned more?

Forget the past and move on. Focus on the present and future with your bf.
 

karma

New Member
I wrote here because I only learnt of the matter just then and needed an outlet to vent out my own worries.

Deep inside, I know I can forgive and forget because I realise I love him enough to do so. If he can forgo my past, I definitely can do so for him too.

It's just that the worries just came and I wonder if these thoughts are normal to be going through one's mind.

We have talked through things for today. We are both still very much like before. I told him I do have insecurities but I will try my best not to let them get to me.

Thanks for all your input. I'm glad that we talked it out and decided that we can still move on and continue to be happy.
 

infojunkie

Active Member
well, learn to see things from different perspectives, and u will gain more clarity and self-confidence which leads to wiser decision making that increase ur chances of happiness throughout life...

all the best
happy.gif
 

altiora

Member
as long as he didnt get any STDs/AIDs from them during that period, i think you shd just let the past be gone =)
 

karma

New Member
I am someone who is slow at interpreting my emotions la.
I realized that I was initially upset cos I had started off cheekily asking him if he visited commercial places before when he said he was waiting for me. If he did, did he wear protection. I did not expect to detect his hesitation hence that got me probing. Only through a few probes that I got my answer. Was a little unexpected for me.

Anyway, it's all past. The first step of cos is for both of us to go for checks. =)
 

powder

Active Member
a very good advice i can give u is...

Never ask questions - which answers u are ill-prepared to accept.

and for those who happen to be are narrow-minded, sheltered, unexposed, never travelled - i normally suggest they open their minds first.

if some of us went back to live in the 50s, perhaps we would be hanged or jailed by now. not becos we are Wrong, but becos back then - pple consider our actions as wrong... that's why being more well-travelled and exposed is Very Impt.
 

karma

New Member
The questions started when we were both turning in to radio and the topic was along this line. So it wasn't meant to grill him in the first place. Just a cheeky impulse to disturb him.

But you are right powder. Ive been a frog in the well.
 

lovingyou

New Member
Karma: Humans do make mistakes and most of the times, they do deserve a second chance. It is good to hear that you are able to let go and like what you have mentioned as well; go for a checkup with your bf and forget about the past since it is over. We have to look forward instead of backward since what we are doing now will not affects and changes the past but the present and future.
happy.gif
 

dsoo

New Member
yes karma, and nvr ask questions (and in your subject inviting for opinion), and then say you are only ranting. so you are not expecting replies? then don't rant in a forum. go rant on a microsoft word doc then delete away.
 

powder

Active Member
it wasn't personal to u... i'm being very generic... it's very Tough when u put an exposed person with a rather sheltered one... and the less-exposed person Likes to ask alot of questions where he/she is unlikely to accept, or worse - intolerant.
 

karma

New Member
dsoo, there's nothing wrong in seeking opinions since I know that I'm a frog in the well.

I was just wondering if those thoughts in my mind are what people usually have in cases like this.

Just like I realized that my bf must have been handling all these tots for my case. How is it that he could do it. In actual fact, I'm amazed by how he could do it.
 

lookingback

New Member
Guys doesn't like to be grilled and will always felt that since its in the past, no point bringing it up. For some, its just for the experience and when the interest dies off, they tend to realise how stupid they were to visit commercial sex places. Thereafter, only to live in fear until the result is negative. I am not sure if ur bf is which type but at the end of the day, believe he will cherish this chance that u have given.
 

lovingyou

New Member
I think guys always have a way to handle their thots and emotions if they seriously want to.. and most of the times, in general, when they want to forget about certain incidents, they make sure they do what they said as well.
 

dsoo

New Member
oh absolutely karma - nothing wrong with seeking opinion at all, if that is what you truly seek.

glad u work things out, and all the best going forward
 

karma

New Member
Anthony, he din think of going for a check that is why I had my insistence that we do it. Whether positive or negative, I hope we can both work it through.
 

karma

New Member
littlewoman, thanks. I guess I have to really stop all those internal insecurities and really try to forget everything that has past.

I'm grateful that he has been very accommodating these 2 days when I put through my insecurities.

Will stop bringing up this topic to him.
 

lovingyou

New Member
In a way it is.. coz i am sure you won't hope to see your bf feeling insecure over your past mistakes too ya? Of course it takes time but if we don't even try, it can / will never be done.
happy.gif
 

lookingback

New Member
If he love u, he will have the gulit and go for the check. I believe it is simpler nowadays as there are clinics around the island for checks; unlike last time, the only place are Polyclinics and it took one week for the result.
However, we may think that we are prepare for the worst but seriously, are we able to face it?
The paid sex he went to are those in Geylang that are registered with government agencies rite? Have a friend who work for a Ministry and he said that one of his orientation program is to visit this places with CID on how to check for the licence.
 

zenposg

New Member
its hard for a girl to accept that her bf has visited paid sex, however it is equally hard for a bf to forget that green hat
 

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